(no subject)
Skipped the doctors yesterday.
Cycled up to the surgery...had a panic attack and couldn't get past the door.
so....hopped back on the bike and cycled home quick as a flash. where i promptly cried and revelled in my own uselessness, whereby wishing i had gone in.
Then caught the bus into town (telling housemates i was going to the library) and i sat down by the docks (going via asda first) and smoked and binged and smoked and binged and...yeah i think you get the idea. I have a perfect spot down there on a bench. tis a bin right near me for all the food wrappers and a fag butt bin the other side. and i can be alone....which is what i need at the moment.
2 of my housemates have tried the whole "sit down, and tell us whats wrong...." "we're really worried about you..." - so they now know i am supposed to be taking anti-depressants, because of *duh* depression but that is it. They made me promise to tell them when i was having a bad day, or whatever...but i cannot infect anyone else with this sadness... tis mine, and mine alone, whoch is why it is better that i am left alone.
after binge, i wandered round several public toilets, and then sat in starbucks till closing.
binged twice more before i got home, to find the housemate i usually get on best with is being pissy and distant with me (?) and so have a bath and cut until i am calm.
Note to self: never ever try to puke fizzy apple laces again.
Binged and puked again at home....smeared germolene (gotta love the smell) all over my leg and dressed it to stop it pussing all over my pjs and watched the double bill of ugly betty, in the dark. pissy housemate came down to make sure i was ok, but i pretended to be asleep as not to have to speak to her. gah.
this morning....i am hungry...i am in need of coffee fairly quickly...i am still debating whether or not to take my new "happy pills".
k thnx
Cycled up to the surgery...had a panic attack and couldn't get past the door.
so....hopped back on the bike and cycled home quick as a flash. where i promptly cried and revelled in my own uselessness, whereby wishing i had gone in.
Then caught the bus into town (telling housemates i was going to the library) and i sat down by the docks (going via asda first) and smoked and binged and smoked and binged and...yeah i think you get the idea. I have a perfect spot down there on a bench. tis a bin right near me for all the food wrappers and a fag butt bin the other side. and i can be alone....which is what i need at the moment.
2 of my housemates have tried the whole "sit down, and tell us whats wrong...." "we're really worried about you..." - so they now know i am supposed to be taking anti-depressants, because of *duh* depression but that is it. They made me promise to tell them when i was having a bad day, or whatever...but i cannot infect anyone else with this sadness... tis mine, and mine alone, whoch is why it is better that i am left alone.
after binge, i wandered round several public toilets, and then sat in starbucks till closing.
binged twice more before i got home, to find the housemate i usually get on best with is being pissy and distant with me (?) and so have a bath and cut until i am calm.
Note to self: never ever try to puke fizzy apple laces again.
Binged and puked again at home....smeared germolene (gotta love the smell) all over my leg and dressed it to stop it pussing all over my pjs and watched the double bill of ugly betty, in the dark. pissy housemate came down to make sure i was ok, but i pretended to be asleep as not to have to speak to her. gah.
this morning....i am hungry...i am in need of coffee fairly quickly...i am still debating whether or not to take my new "happy pills".
k thnx