(no subject)

[halvesof1]

i've been thinking, and here's the deal: if i change, all I will get is laughs, or scowls, or noses turned high. because i'm fake. i'm the fakest person i know. so many fake smiles, so many pseudo laughs, and i've gotten so deep in my persona that if i change it, i'm screwed. eeveryone that "know me" doesn't. not really. i mean, of course there are the select few. who doesn't have the select few? they're the ones that you relate to, or the ones you confide in. but with me, it's the ones that have figured me out. that have found me out. i'm so lucky to have those few, cause honestly, i wouldnt expect them to want to continue even caring for me. because i lie to them. every day. white lies, maybe, but lies all the same. so, i guess i'm sorry. no. i'm not sorry. well, i am. but only because theyve found me out. i'm sorry they've figured me out and that they see me differently and that everytime they seem me smile they have to question it. it's art appreciation week. that makes school a little little tiny bit better. my art teacher, being the crazy lady she is, thought it would be hilarious to stick little "people" made of pom poms a googly eyes with an art quote on them to people. but my quote was sort of rude, and i've been thinking about it all day. it said "abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprinciped, to the utterly bewildered." the part that bothers me is how they (anon.) said that art was a product of the untalented. everyone is talented in art, whether they make an amazing oil painting, or simply paint a red dot on a grey sheet of paper, something prompted them to do it and by no means should artists every be defined as "untalented" i don't know why i'm so bothered by it, but i am. and most of the other quotes had an author, but this one didn't. which led me to believe they knew what they were saying was wrong. and that's the other part the bothers me. eh whatever.
i won't be updating or using AIM for a whole week. (crazy, i know)

better things that i'll be occupying my day with:

• homework
• reading
• sleeping
• taking pictures
• spending time with the fam. haha

yea i don't know i just think that i am on too much and why waste my life sitting on the internet. honestly. but yea, i am not going to my brothers soccer game today after all, and i'm in the mood to but on a wool sweater, a hat and mittens, go outside, and use a role or two of film. if anyone is bored call meee ok thats all, talk to you later. <3