;_;
I don't know what is up with me at the moment. I just feel like everything is caving in on me at once, all these stupid little things that usually wouldn't bother me, but all together I just can't handle.
My Daddy went away yesterday. I know this probably sounds pathetic to all of you, but he is gonna be away for 6 weeks. I have never not seen anyone in my family for more than 2 weeks before. I dont always get on with him all that well, but I really hope nothign happens to him, or I dont know what I will do. So many boats and stuff go missing that are never reported cos it's not deemed worthy enough, and yeah. I cant speak to him like at all the whole time, except by email. Pffft. And selfish as this sounds, I know Charlotte is gonna be hell while he is away, cos she always messes Mum about when Dad is gone. And I really can't handle being pacifist to a hormonal teenager right now.
Exam stress is really getting to me now. After coming back from Oxford, I really know that I won't be able to get over not getting in. But it seems the harder I try, the harder the subjects actually become. I look at Maths papers and I actually can;t do any of it. Not just like little bits, I have NO IDEA how to even begin most of the papers, and they take me twice the time they are meant to. And then, just when you thought you had done really well on a paper, you go and mark it, and realise you onyl got 65%. It's really hard to handle. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll even get the AAB I need for Bristol.
Things with everyone else is pretty fucked up as well. It seems that since Easter, everything I say is being taken the wrong way deliberately. Like, it's totally fine for Josh to say Greg's 'whole life is a lie' but if I say to Katie I dont like her icons so much anymore, it's enough to get me forked out of town. Maybe I am being snarky at the moment, but I just dont think that they realise how often I have bitten my tongue in the past. And I felt awful today cos Tanith was really upset, and I really didnt help her as much as I should have done. Gah.
And to top it all, I just put on my prom dress to take a picture to show Kat, and to my horror, it doesnt fit me anymore. Seriously, on my birthday it was kinda of big. I know I'm not skinny anymore, but I really didnt think I was getting that fat. This is gonna sound so shallow to most people, but I have such an image problem. Like yesterday, Kat told me how much she weighed, and for the first time since like year 10, I weigh more than her. I;m not saying Kat is fat or anything, cos woah she isnt, But she is taller than me, and her breats alone must weigh a stone each. And I really cant stop eating at all. And I need to, cos I know that if I'm not happy wiht the way I look by the summer I will hate every second of it. And WOAHMYGODZ I look so much like my mother ;_;
And yay, my crappy computer just had a major hissy fit and froze for like 20 minutes. Joy of joys. So yeah, I wasnt ignoring any of you. I was kicked my keyboard.
My Daddy went away yesterday. I know this probably sounds pathetic to all of you, but he is gonna be away for 6 weeks. I have never not seen anyone in my family for more than 2 weeks before. I dont always get on with him all that well, but I really hope nothign happens to him, or I dont know what I will do. So many boats and stuff go missing that are never reported cos it's not deemed worthy enough, and yeah. I cant speak to him like at all the whole time, except by email. Pffft. And selfish as this sounds, I know Charlotte is gonna be hell while he is away, cos she always messes Mum about when Dad is gone. And I really can't handle being pacifist to a hormonal teenager right now.
Exam stress is really getting to me now. After coming back from Oxford, I really know that I won't be able to get over not getting in. But it seems the harder I try, the harder the subjects actually become. I look at Maths papers and I actually can;t do any of it. Not just like little bits, I have NO IDEA how to even begin most of the papers, and they take me twice the time they are meant to. And then, just when you thought you had done really well on a paper, you go and mark it, and realise you onyl got 65%. It's really hard to handle. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll even get the AAB I need for Bristol.
Things with everyone else is pretty fucked up as well. It seems that since Easter, everything I say is being taken the wrong way deliberately. Like, it's totally fine for Josh to say Greg's 'whole life is a lie' but if I say to Katie I dont like her icons so much anymore, it's enough to get me forked out of town. Maybe I am being snarky at the moment, but I just dont think that they realise how often I have bitten my tongue in the past. And I felt awful today cos Tanith was really upset, and I really didnt help her as much as I should have done. Gah.
And to top it all, I just put on my prom dress to take a picture to show Kat, and to my horror, it doesnt fit me anymore. Seriously, on my birthday it was kinda of big. I know I'm not skinny anymore, but I really didnt think I was getting that fat. This is gonna sound so shallow to most people, but I have such an image problem. Like yesterday, Kat told me how much she weighed, and for the first time since like year 10, I weigh more than her. I;m not saying Kat is fat or anything, cos woah she isnt, But she is taller than me, and her breats alone must weigh a stone each. And I really cant stop eating at all. And I need to, cos I know that if I'm not happy wiht the way I look by the summer I will hate every second of it. And WOAHMYGODZ I look so much like my mother ;_;
And yay, my crappy computer just had a major hissy fit and froze for like 20 minutes. Joy of joys. So yeah, I wasnt ignoring any of you. I was kicked my keyboard.