looking out the door i see the rain fall apon the funeral mourners...
[[parading in the wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water.. maybe i am too young.. to keep good love from going wrong.. but tonight you're on my mind.. so you'll never know. i'm broken down and hungry for your love]]
[[too young to hold on, too old to break free and run]]
-lover you should have come over :: jamie cullum
so.
casey was put to sleep earlier.
ya know that old cat i talked about?
her.
i was holding her when they put the drugs in her..
and it wouldn't have been so bad if i haden't have held her body.. and then looked into her eyes when the vet took her away..
it killed me.
killed me
i seriously am having the worst day ever.
i mean i know it was what was best for her... but im going to miss her..
so bad
and today sucked.
it rained ALL day..
strangely perfect.
and now.. sleep is not coming easily.
the only time i've smiled today was at work.
when my boss tried to make me happy..
and it worked for a while..
he's such a grat guy.. really.
he's like the father i wish i never had.
but..
the whole thing is..today really really sucked.. and even though its 2:00am again.. and im still not asleep.. its still saturday to me..
and i'm so not looking forward to studying for my act's and doing homework and facing my mom again..
she's just trying to help but.. its pissing me off..
and with all the emotions running around my head.. and my discreetness in letting them out.. i'm bound to blow up at her..
i wonder how long i can hold this facade? and if i'll start crying at school.
wouldn't that be a trip.
\anyway.. i'm going to try to sllep or do homework.. or watch meet the parents.. because today in the office they asked if we'd like to keep the ashes.. and i just got this.. visual at the most inopportune time.. of the urn in MTP where jack is reading the poem.. about 'selfishly trying to keep his mother while the cancer ate away her organs..'
and i laughed.
i couldn't help it.. the gravity of my situation had not yet hit me.. and it still hasn't..
i'm just waiting for the time when i realize she's gone.. for real.
i hope it's somewhere i can hide it.
and thank god i'm not on the air next week.
.. but its funny right? i mean.. she was just a cat.. right?
and somehow.. it feels as if she were a person.. and i feel a bit foolish, but whatever.. she was my baby.. i raised her from when i was like 2 1/2.. so i have a right to be sad as hell
anyway this train wreck is going to bed..
night
[[too young to hold on, too old to break free and run]]
-lover you should have come over :: jamie cullum
so.
casey was put to sleep earlier.
ya know that old cat i talked about?
her.
i was holding her when they put the drugs in her..
and it wouldn't have been so bad if i haden't have held her body.. and then looked into her eyes when the vet took her away..
it killed me.
killed me
i seriously am having the worst day ever.
i mean i know it was what was best for her... but im going to miss her..
so bad
and today sucked.
it rained ALL day..
strangely perfect.
and now.. sleep is not coming easily.
the only time i've smiled today was at work.
when my boss tried to make me happy..
and it worked for a while..
he's such a grat guy.. really.
he's like the father i wish i never had.
but..
the whole thing is..today really really sucked.. and even though its 2:00am again.. and im still not asleep.. its still saturday to me..
and i'm so not looking forward to studying for my act's and doing homework and facing my mom again..
she's just trying to help but.. its pissing me off..
and with all the emotions running around my head.. and my discreetness in letting them out.. i'm bound to blow up at her..
i wonder how long i can hold this facade? and if i'll start crying at school.
wouldn't that be a trip.
\anyway.. i'm going to try to sllep or do homework.. or watch meet the parents.. because today in the office they asked if we'd like to keep the ashes.. and i just got this.. visual at the most inopportune time.. of the urn in MTP where jack is reading the poem.. about 'selfishly trying to keep his mother while the cancer ate away her organs..'
and i laughed.
i couldn't help it.. the gravity of my situation had not yet hit me.. and it still hasn't..
i'm just waiting for the time when i realize she's gone.. for real.
i hope it's somewhere i can hide it.
and thank god i'm not on the air next week.
.. but its funny right? i mean.. she was just a cat.. right?
and somehow.. it feels as if she were a person.. and i feel a bit foolish, but whatever.. she was my baby.. i raised her from when i was like 2 1/2.. so i have a right to be sad as hell
anyway this train wreck is going to bed..
night