All Pagans Eat Apples II
Oh noes! Another Paganicon post! How could a 2 1/2-day event still be causing this much stuff to spew from my brain? It was just that awesome, I guess.
So. leorathesane and I co-hosted, with two other people, a roundtable discussion on naturalistic/non-deistic Paganism. Yay! It was well-attended! Huzzah! Several attendees did not identify as naturalistic or non-deistic or any other clever words we use to describe ourselves. Gulp.
I hadn't much anticipated this. We'd welcomed deists/theists in our panel description, but I hadn't expected them to show up, because I wasn't sure what the draw would be for them.
It turns out that a lot of Paganistanians want intrafaith dialogue and want to understand how we as Pagans can better communicate with each other. We had several wonderful theists asking astute and hard-hitting questions about practice, belief, and history (What do we "connect" to? Would we have chosen this path if we'd had a feeling of deities loving us unconditionally [or at all]?) I was glad they were there, offering me an opportunity to express my spirituality.
Also, they freaked me the frick out.
It was like thinking I was going to hang out in my best friend's basement with a bunch of pals, only to discover that my best friend's mom was there, too--and, oh yeah, she wanted to interview me for a job in the awesome organization she runs.
Suddenly, I couldn't just talk about my spiritual practice. I had to represent my spiritual practice. And every Pagan who practices anything like it.
Some of you might remember that I've been in a similar situation before. Several years later, I still wonder sometimes if I flubbed that encounter. I wonder if I flubbed this one, too. Self-doubt is in my nature.
I feel like I talked too much about what I don't believe in, rather than what I do. I feel like I didn't emphasize how much joy my spirituality brings me, what amazing connection to life, the Earth, and the Cosmos it brings me. I feel like I just plain didn't make my point (probably because I didn't know going in that I had a point to make. I thought I was just hanging out in the basement).
Thank goodness for my co-panelists. They spoke with passion and eloquence. They more than carried every ball I feel I dropped. They might disagree with this assessment of myself. But I worry, as is my wont. For someone who works with words for a living, I sure fight with them a lot. As always, I'll have to hope for another opportunity to make my case, and let my actions speak for me in the meanwhile.