Lost fic: By the Time I Get to Phoenix, Part Eight - Same Mistake
Title: By the Time I Get to Phoenix, Part 8: Same Mistake
Pairing: Sawyer/Sayid, Sawyer/OC
Rating: NC-17 for violence and semi-consensual sexual activity.
Word Count: 5138 this part
Beta: My good friend gregoria44, who continues to help me with some very basic things.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, nor do I make any money from my wild imaginings.
Warnings: As above; consent maybe considered dodgy.
Summary: This is an AU set slightly before S4, and assuming the survivors were all rescued long before Capt. Gault and Keamy, et al, showed up.
Author's Notes: This sequel follows something I wrote for nomango some time ago, a three-part story called After the Ball wherein Sawyer and Sayid were a couple after leaving the island, but Jack came back into their lives and complicated things. This is a completed story, and will be eleven parts in all.
In this part: Sayid and Sawyer are in trouble at Noel's establishment. Jack, meanwhile, manages to get the police involved.
Banner made with love by lozateazer. Thank you darling!
Previous Parts: 1. Substitute | 2. Crazy for You | 3. We Belong | 4. Over My Head | 5. The Reason | 6. So Close |
7. Slipping Away
I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night
Said he'd seen my enemy
Said he looked just like me
So I set out to cut myself and here I go
I'm not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason but don't give me choice
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again
'Same Mistake' James Blunt
Sawyer was still kneeling by the time Noel descended the stairs, his two thugs immediately behind him. Sayid moved back and tried to get Sawyer off his knees, but all Sawyer did was rip his arm out of Sayid's grip and give him the most hostile look Sayid had ever seen. He didn't speak, but if looks could kill, Sayid would have been severely injured. Stunned, he backed off.
"So you don't want to play after all? What a pity, Mr Jarrah. I so enjoyed your little show with James yesterday." Noel's lip curled upward with the same evil smile from earlier, but his eyes were like flint. He looked down at Sawyer. "Not nearly good enough, James."
Without warning, he struck Sawyer across the face with an open hand, and then rapidly back-handed him. Sawyer grunted at each smack and after the second, fell to the floor. He lay there, shivering and panting. Sayid went to help him, but the bouncers had circled to his sides, and a large hand grabbed his arm from behind, twisting it painfully up his back. Joe's free hand gripped Sayid's other wrist, holding him still. Sayid twisted ineffectually, but realising he wouldn't be able to escape so easily, stopped moving.
"Get up," Noel told Sawyer, nudging him with a foot. "On your knees, at least. Let's show Sayid exactly what you will do when you have to, shall we?"
"Please," Sawyer begged, wiping at his bloody cheek and struggling to the position Noel wanted. "Anything; I just need my fix. Please?"
Noel nodded and Sawyer shifted closer to him, unzipping his fly and reaching inside to pull Noel's already erect cock out. Sayid looked away, but the second bouncer gripped his chin, forcing his gaze back towards the sickening sight.
"And don't look away." The leer in the man's eyes made Sayid feel ill. "Watch this; it's good."
Sawyer flicked a look at Sayid, desperation painting his expression. Sayid told himself that under normal circumstances, Sawyer would never do this. Noel and his henchmen would pay for it if it was the last thing Sayid did.
"Come on, James; show the man how good you can be," Noel said throatily, touching Sawyer's hair softly.
Sayid swallowed the bile in his throat as Sawyer's lips eased over the head of the man's cock, his hands going to Noel's hips to steady himself. Noel half-closed his eyes, his fingers tightening in Sawyer's hair as he tongued the swollen glans. Sawyer took his time, licking and sucking as if he was enjoying the experience more than the man he was attending to, not that Noel wasn't.
"Good," he told Sawyer, "Oh, that's it."
Abruptly, Noel gripped Sawyer's head harshly between his hands and began thrusting down Sawyer's throat. A strange noise erupted from Sawyer, but to Sayid's surprise, he tightened his grip on Noel's hips and shifted his body to allow Noel's actions.
"Yes, take it, I know you like it," Noel said, lifting his eyes to stare into Sayid's. "So close, oh yes, my beauty!"
One final jerk and he was coming down Sawyer's throat. As Sawyer swallowed, Sayid went to move, his body already as tense as it could get. The bouncer holding him tightened his grip, causing a ripple of pain up Sayid's arm, making him grit his teeth as he shifted. As he did so, he came into contact with the groin of the man behind him, the hardness there evident.
"Bastards!" he let out, unable to stop himself, and there was a low throaty chuckle from behind as the man pushed more firmly into his ass.
Sawyer still had Noel's cock down his throat, but then Noel was pulling away from him and tidying himself up. He patted Sawyer on the cheek as Sawyer sank down to sit at his feet.
"Joe, William; you need anything?" Noel offered, and Sayid tensed again as the bouncer who had made him watch stepped forward.
Behind Sayid, Joe ground forward again and whispered harshly, "He was so good this morning. He really is Noel's best. You should let him suck you. He even came back for more when he had to be hurting like a bitch. Noel's bitch." He laughed throatily.
"Fuck you," Sayid hissed back, keeping his eyes on Sawyer as William moved in front of him.
"Come to me, baby." William grinned, undoing his fly and gripping Sawyer's hair.
Noel-looking sated and very pleased with himself-moved to the bar and casually poured a drink. Dropping some ice into the glass, he moved closer to where Sayid was still firmly within Joe's grasp.
"Would you like a drink too, Mr Jarrah? Or do you prefer to watch this sober?"
Sayid couldn't say anything. By now William had his cock where Noel's had just been. Sawyer wasn't making as much effort, but he barely needed to. The bouncer grabbed him roughly and used him much as his boss had done, thrusting in with little regard to whether Sawyer could handle it. Sawyer's hands fluttered uncertainly against the big man's thighs and he made a choking sound. William's face tensed and he pulled his cock out, sperm splattering all over Sawyer's face and down his shirt.
"Bitch!" the big man spat, twisting Sawyer's hair in his fist and tossing his head away as he backed off. "Fuck, he's so… Christ, he lets you go deep," he panted at Sayid, grin wide.
The bile in Sayid's throat rose once again and his muscles were tight where they tensed against the man holding him.
Noel laughed. "He certainly does. I don't think I've had anyone with quite his ability before. We could remake 'Deep Throat' with James as the star. Come to think of it, we probably have enough footage already."
The bouncers laughed, but Sayid could only growl. Joe loosened his grip as if he was about to have his own turn with the broken man on the floor in front of them, and Sayid took advantage of the movement, twisting out of his grip and spinning to deliver the punishment the man so richly deserved. Joe went down, his strangled cry causing Sayid to smile at last.
Noel, meanwhile, calmly put down his drink and crossed to Sawyer.
"William," he stated, and before Sayid could shift to attack the second man, he heard the click of a gun's safety going off. "That was very foolish, Mr Jarrah."
As William moved closer, Sayid turned to see where Noel's gun was aimed. Sawyer knelt at Noel's feet, panting and filthy, looking down with hands on thighs as Noel pointed the weapon at his head.
Joe, recovering, made an angry noise as he rose to stand at Sayid's side.
"James wants something, and unless you stop this brave, but very stupid attempt to… escape, save his honour… or something else?" Noel lifted an eyebrow in query, "I will give him what he needs instead. Did you see him refuse any of that? He was perfectly willing; is that not so, James?"
"Yes," Sawyer managed, although it was clearly a struggle.
"I have one more job for you, James, and then you will get what you so crave."
Sayid furrowed his brow, his eyes flicking from the sorry state of Sawyer to Noel's lust-filled and excited eyes.
"Mr Jarrah, I know you've probably already tasted much of what 'Sawyer' had to offer, but you've seen so very little of what James can do. And I, for one, would very much like to see far he'll go for you… or should I say, for his fix." The evil smile widened once more and Noel looked down at Sawyer. "Make him come," he instructed, gesturing at Sayid.
~//~//~
Jack was beside himself as he sat in the police car. He'd been instructed to stay put, and while he wanted desperately to follow the men inside the building, they'd left a rather large officer with him to ensure he didn't move, and he didn't feel like arguing any more. It had taken long enough to get them to take him seriously.
He'd been forced to seek a witness himself in the end, and his long conversation with the receptionist at Noel's establishment had been a risk at best, knowing the man's strong-armed thugs could return to the door at any time. Expecting that the receptionist, Janet, would actually leave the desk and accompany him to the police station right then and there was probably too much to believe, but he'd finally convinced her that Sayid and Sawyer were in imminent danger and her help was the only chance they had. He had resorted to giving the subtle hint that she could be charged as an accomplice-after the men were found hurt, or worse-if it came out that she knew they had been there.
Another thing that came to light when he was talking with her was that Noel had underage boys 'working' in the place. Some of them were on the premises in sessions with older men right at that moment. She'd been in tears by the time she admitted this was part of her reluctance to leave. If she didn't stay to watch out for them, Noel might take them down to his dungeon too. She'd seen it happen before.
Jack, horrified, asked her how many were underage and she'd admitted most of them were. Sawyer, it seemed, was a special case. No longer hesitating, Jack simply leaned over the desk and used her phone, telephoning the officer he'd spoken to earlier. It seemed that the Arizona police took underage prostitution seriously-well, all prostitution, but that even more so-and the first squad cars were there within minutes.
So far, boys and older men had been led out, the men in handcuffs and the half-dozen or so boys being herded towards what appeared to be some form of state children's authority vehicle, but there was no sign of Sayid or Sawyer. Jack craned his neck, watching the officer who was still talking with Janet in front of the building. She was obviously telling him whatever he needed to know, going by the way she pointed and nodded.
Minutes kept ticking by and Jack still didn't see either man he was hoping for. He couldn't stand it any more, and got out of the car just as an ambulance pulled up, siren blaring.
"Who's that for?" he asked the officer with him, his heart thudding. "What's going on? Have they found them?"
"Sir, I can't tell you anything at this stage; just that they are bringing someone up for the ambulance. Please stay in the car. We're going to need you at the station too."
"I can't stay in there! I need to know what's happening! My… friends are in there! What's going on? Please?"
"I'm sorry, sir…" the officer shook his head, taking Jack's arm and trying to move him back into the vehicle.
The EMT crew disappeared inside the building and some more people appeared, including a man who looked strangely familiar, even though Jack was sure he'd never seen him before. Taking a few steps forward despite the hand on his arm, Jack did a double-take. It was like looking in a mirror for a moment, except the other man's hair was slightly longer.
Noel.
Sayid wasn't wrong when he'd said Sawyer's pimp was like him. No wonder Janet had seemed a little confused when he first approached her, and had kept darting him odd looks throughout the whole conversation.
He and the man who had caused Sawyer so much grief eyed each other for a few moments, and then Noel laughed, allowing the cop who had handcuffed him to lead him away as the deep rumble continued.
Confusion swirled inside Jack's head and he turned back to the door of the building as the paramedics led a stretcher out. Sawyer, eyes closed and looking pale and bloody, was strapped to it, and Jack couldn't stop himself: he lurched out of the cop's reach and crossed the few feet between him and the unconscious man.
"Sawyer! I'm his doctor; let me see him. What's wrong? What happened? Where's Sayid?"
The two paramedics exchanged a look, making Jack's fear increase, and then one of them spoke. "He's been given something. He's been beaten and… there are other signs of abuse, but... with luck, he'll be okay. According to his… well, according to the man who drugged him, it's only up a little from his usual dose, and from what we can see, his stats are normal; he's just asleep. You do know he's an addict, sir?"
Jack nodded, running a hand over his face. "You'll take him to the hospital; have him checked over fully, right?"
"Of course. Don't worry; we'll take care of him. Did you want to come along?"
Jack looked around but Sayid still hadn't appeared. He couldn't in all good conscience leave without knowing how or where Sayid was, especially since Sawyer seemed to be all right at this point. Besides, the police still wanted to speak to him.
"Did you see the other man? A Middle Eastern man about so high." He indicated with a hand. "He has a beard and longish curly hair."
The EMT nodded as they loaded Sawyer into the ambulance. "He's still down there with the cops. We checked him out; seems to be okay. Didn't look too happy when we took this one away, but…" he trailed off, and Jack got the impression there was something he wasn't saying about what he'd seen.
"Okay, thanks. I'll be coming to the hospital as soon as I can. Please let them know; I'm Sawyer's… this man… James Ford's doctor. My name's Jack Shephard."
One of the paramedics nodded and smiled reassuringly as they settled Sawyer into the ambulance, and Jack moved away. As he headed for the door-the cop having given up on keeping him away-an extremely pretty youth approached him, the look on his face incredulous.
"You're not related to Mr Noel, are you? You look so like him!"
Jack shook his head, an unamused smile on his face. "No, I'm…" he looked over his shoulder at the ambulance where the EMT crew were still busy with Sawyer.
"You know James?" the boy asked, following his gaze and offering a look of sympathy.
"Uh… yes. We used to be…" He paused, unsure.
"Lovers?" the boy offered.
Jack nodded awkwardly, and rubbed a hand over his hair.
"Is he gonna be all right?" The boy paused while Jack nodded, then went on, "He didn't deserve any of the shit Noel threw at him. Bastard did all kinds of things to him, you know? James… if it wasn't for him, the rest of the boys would be doing most of that instead."
"What's your name? How old are you?" Jack asked, surprised by the boy's candid manner and apparent concern for Sawyer.
"I'm Billy. I know I look younger, but I'm twenty, honest. I showed the cops my ID. Most of the boys here are younger. The men Noel has coming here… that's what they want. Teenagers. They're mostly runaways, but you probably guessed that. Not me, but…" He shrugged as he spoke. "There's not much a kid like me can do. I dropped out of school and my parents won't have me back. Fuckin' rednecks; can't handle a gay son." His voice went harsh on the last part, his eyes glazed with some rough memory.
"I'm sorry," Jack said with genuine feeling. He couldn't imagine living how these kids were.
"Anyway, I'm glad the came police in. It wasn't right. And James… he's… I hope everything goes okay for him. I owe him. We all owe him, man. He looked out for us; made sure he got all the worst jobs, you know?"
Jack nodded again. He looked over towards the group of teenagers sitting and standing around the area, some of them looking more lost than he felt. A few were shivering so badly in the heat of the day that Jack knew they had to be on something. He studied the boy in front of him, but he seemed clear-headed.
"What will all of you do now?"
"I don't know." He looked towards the boys. "The authorities'll find out where the other boys are from if they can I s'pose-if their parents will take 'em back. Some of them will go into homes, I guess. Or rehab." He shrugged, eyeing one fragile-looking boy as he shivered harder than the others. "Youngest one, there…" He lifted his chin to indicate the boy he was watching. "Toby's only fifteen. Fuckin' hooked already. Noel feeds it out like candy. Half of them are stoned most of the time. Couldn't keep doin' this if they weren't. Some of 'em aren't even queer."
Jack felt sick. Sawyer had only been the tip of Noel's iceberg. He gave the boys one more look, and then turned back to Billy.
"Have you got somewhere to go?"
"Yeah, I’m okay. One of my clients… he's been wanting me to go with him, but I couldn't because of Noel. He…" He looked at Jack like he'd worked out his thoughts. "He's okay, really. Garry doesn't do anything… y'know... like Noel. He's pretty straight… for a gay guy! I've been out with him before; been to his house and everything. Oh shit; Noel didn't know, don't worry! I'd have been pounded for working for free by now if he did. Garry's cool. He says he can help me and since I didn't get hooked on stuff, I've got a head start over some of the others."
"You're sure?" Jack asked. "Anyone else here who won't go to child services?"
"Just Ty, and he lives with Janet, so he's okay. Oh, and maybe…" He bit his lip and turned back to seek out another boy. "Winston. He's eighteen soon. But they'll get him help, won't they? His habit's pretty bad. He gets the shakes."
Jack looked towards the boy Billy was studying. He was a slim black kid with pretty almond-shaped eyes and short dreadlocks. He was wearing a tight white tank top and loose jeans slung so low on his hips they looked about ready to drop off. His hands held his own arms in a loose hug, and as Jack watched, a shudder racked his body.
"Shit, I'd take him with me, but Garry won't have a druggie," Billy said, his blue eyes filled with sadness. "Winston's beautiful, man. Sweetest guy. Fuckin' Noel. Fuckin' bastard deserves to have the key thrown away, y'know?" He turned back to Jack, tears clearly visible now.
"Hey, Billy," Jack said, putting a hand in the kid's arm, "Look… if the state won't pay, maybe we can work something out. My friend and I… we have some connections. If Winston needs help and they throw him back onto the streets? Look, here's my number. You call me if… you need help, okay?"
Jack scrawled his cell phone number carefully on an old receipt from his wallet and wrote his name next to it, handing it to Billy.
"You mean it, man? Seriously? Just 'cause we've been here, doin' this with James? You know James and I…" He stopped then, flushing lightly, and turned to wave at Winston. "Why was James even here if he had you?" he asked, turning back as Winston offered him a shy smile and then he and some of the other boys piled into the van across the road.
"It's complicated," Jack offered, although he knew that was the easy answer. "Did you…" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but something in him made him complete the question. "Did you have sex with James?"
Billy looked about as unsure about answering as Jack had felt asking, but he nodded, blush deepening. "He didn't go with the younger boys; said he couldn't do that, but sometimes he just needed… something that wasn't so rough. He was…" Billy gave him a careful smile. "He's pretty awesome, actually."
"I know." Jack smiled back. "It's okay, Billy. He doesn't belong to me. I wish he did, but I… it's my fault he ended up here, in some ways. I'm just trying to help get him away from it. You guys too, once I heard."
"Yeah, I know. I saw you talking to Janet. You didn't have to include us in the rescue mission. Thanks, though; I'm glad you did.
"You know, I was pretty pissed when I found out Noel was drugging James. He didn't seem like the type to turn to that, y'know? I haven't been with him much since. Noel kept him pretty high when he wasn't working. Had his own place somewhere, but I never went there."
"Noel gave him the drugs first? Sawyer… James didn't choose it? Are you sure?"
Billy nodded, fear filling his eyes. "Heard Noel telling Big William about it one day. Laughing about how much more obedient James was when he was desperate for his fix. Fuckin' saw him inject him a couple of times too-between his toes, of all places. Bastard. Surprising he never got me, but I wasn't his best fuck-toy, obviously. Do what I have to without the extra help." He smiled wryly and looked away, embarrassed. "Never could understand why James was here in the first place; he's not the usual type for Noel's customers, although… more his own type, I think."
"Noel didn't play with the boys?"
"Mostly not, no, 'cept Ty, but he's older too. He and Janet are only working here 'til they can pay for her sex-change. Noel lets him work here as a favour to Janet. He has to pay his dues though; that's why he's got to do the sessions with the boss. Don't know if he ever did half of what James did. But Noel watches the boys; gets off more on that, I think. He has cameras in most of the rooms; hooked up to monitors in a room out back. Live sex shows with a bit of… violence to spice it up, plus plenty of DVDs recorded from them."
"Shit!" Jack couldn't help letting out. "You know you might have to be a witness, Billy? You think you'd be up for that?"
Billy shrugged and before Jack could say more about it, there was a commotion in the doorway. Several policemen came out and finally, Sayid. Jack gave Billy an encouraging smile as he stepped towards his lover, too caught up in relief that Sayid seemed unhurt to say anything further to the boy.
"Sayid!"
"Jack! Thank goodness you’re here! They've taken Sawyer away?"
Jack hadn't noticed the ambulance leave; he'd been too engrossed in his conversation with Billy, but now when he looked around, he couldn't see it.
He nodded to Sayid. "Hospital. I told them I'd be there as soon as I could. Sayid, what happened in there?"
"Mr Jarrah, we'll need you to accompany us to the police station." An officer standing next to Sayid spoke, and then turned to Jack. "You too, Dr Shephard. You'll both need to make statements."
Sayid eyed Jack sadly, and nodded at the policeman. Jack narrowed his eyes at Sayid's beaten expression and told the cop they were ready. He looked to where Billy had been, but the boy had slipped away.
~//~//~
The visit to the police station was harrowing for both Jack and Sayid. It was three hours before they were let go. They'd been taken to separate interview rooms, so Jack had no idea what had happened with Sayid, but Jack had been asked all sorts of questions, some of them seemingly irrelevant. Eventually he'd made his statement, including the information Billy had. He could only assume it had been a similar process for Sayid-if not worse-as he still had to wait another half hour or so after his own interview concluded before Sayid finally appeared, looking bone-weary and forlorn in a way that made Jack worry even more than he already had been.
From there, he'd insisted on seeing Sayid back to their hotel room, forcing him into a hot shower and practically bathing the man himself. He'd dried him off and tucked him between crisp hotel sheets where Sayid had immediately fallen asleep. Jack was amazed at how easily Sayid had let himself be manhandled and how little he'd said during the process. This was unlike him, and Jack, reluctant to push matters, had simply kept his mouth shut-despite the numerous questions he had-and allowed Sayid the relative peace he hoped sleeping would bring. There was time enough for Sayid to share his story later.
Jack had kissed Sayid softly and then headed for the hospital. Sawyer's welfare was his next concern.
For some reason, people accepted easily that Jack was Sawyer's doctor, and the hospital staff told him everything he needed to know about his condition. Feeling helpless at finding out what further damage had been done to Sawyer, Jack sat next to his bed as he slept, one fragile-looking hand held in his own as he waited for him to wake.
Angry at himself for a reason that he knew didn't even make sense, Jack turned their last encounter over in his mind, wondering fruitlessly how he could have handled things differently had he realised sooner how ill and abused Sawyer was.
Hours seemed to have passed and still Sawyer didn't wake. The doctors assured Jack that although his system was full of heroin and the other drugs his so-called employer had forced on him, there was no reason why Sawyer shouldn't wake up soon. Besides, he was an addict and his next fix would be calling soon enough. They'd agreed to put him on methadone, but as Jack knew well enough, if Sawyer chose to hit the streets when he left the hospital, there was no guarantee that he would continue the treatment of his own free will, no matter how much money Jack and Sayid were willing to pay.
Sighing for what seemed like the millionth time, Jack rubbed at his eyes, tiredness hitting him again. The fingers in his twitched, and Jack lowered his own hand and gripped Sawyer's more tightly as he looked into blinking green eyes.
"Hey, doc," Sawyer rasped gruffly. "Where'm I?"
Jack couldn't stop his relieved smile, and without warning, his eyes filled with tears.
"Hey," Sawyer managed, his voice still sleep-roughened. "No crying." A lop-sided smile tried to form on his sallow face, but he seemed to appreciate Jack's concern. He held onto Jack's hand tighter and said nothing further as Jack blinked the wetness away.
"You're in hospital. It's all over. They've arrested Noel and you don't ever have to go back there."
Sawyer's eyes shifted around the room blearily. "Where's Sayid?"
"Sleeping. Back at our hotel. He… he needed to rest. Like you. You've both been through a lot."
Sawyer shifted a little, nodding slightly as he looked away from Jack. He seemed embarrassed somehow; awkward about something Jack didn't understand.
"You're going to be okay," Jack said, ignoring his manner for now. "I hope you'll agree… well, I want-we want-you to come back to LA with us. I can get you into rehab. And of course…" He licked his lips, holding onto his composure with difficulty. "We'll help you in any other way we can."
"Jack…" Sawyer whispered, and tried to clear his throat, a flush appearing across his cheeks.
"A drink?" Jack offered, letting go of Sawyer's hand at last and pouring water from a jug into a cup on the cabinet next to Sawyer's bed.
"Please," Sawyer agreed, pulling himself up to sitting slowly.
He winced as he did so and Jack put the cup down, moving closer. "Hey, don't… you must be… take it easy."
"I'm okay," Sawyer insisted, though his usual bite wasn't in the reply, and he waited with eyes downcast as Jack picked up the water again, handing it to him carefully. "Thanks."
Taking a long, slow drink, Sawyer kept his eyes averted from Jack's gaze, and then handed the cup back, wiping the back of a hand across his mouth.
"You're gonna be… It'll take a while to heal," Jack told him, his eyes shifting from Sawyer's face to his gown-covered torso and back again.
"You know what they did?" Sawyer asked, still unable to meet Jack's eyes.
Jack nodded, looking away. "Those bastards."
"Guess I asked for it," Sawyer said, his voice so soft Jack thought he'd imagined it for a minute, but then went on, "A job like that; letting people hurt me. What else should I have expected? Noel's favourite hobby was seeing how far I'd go for a fix."
Shaking his head, Jack schooled his voice. "No-one asks for that, Sawyer. No matter how much pain you thought you wanted, I doubt…" And to his shame, his voice broke and he had to stop. He couldn't even look at Sawyer now, and bowed his head, fighting the stupid tears he always seemed incapable of stopping.
"Hey," Sawyer said again, softly this time. He held out a hand and waited until Jack took it. Jack blinked furiously and carefully looked into Sawyer's eyes. "It's not your fault, Jack. Not yours and not Sayid's. I came here and I chose to get involved with the guy. You don't have to take responsibility for me."
"Will you come?" Jack asked then, desperate to make amends, no matter what Sawyer was saying. He wasn't sure if it was love or guilt that made him need Sawyer's agreement so much.
Sawyer looked at him sadly for a moment, still gripping his hand carefully, then nodded, lowering his eyes as a flush coated his cheeks lightly once more.
"It don't mean…" he started, his thumb moving on Jack's hand, tickling him softly. "Look, you and Sayid… I'm not gonna interfere, okay? You have something going, and I… I'm not part of that; can't be. It wasn't what I expected, but… hey, I'll survive. Always do."
Jack didn't know what to say. Something inside him wanted to say that Sawyer was too much a part of both him and Sayid to just come with them, get better and then disappear again; if things even got that good. But another part of him was scared that they'd simply make the same mistakes again if they tried to be friends, let alone anything more.
Instead of saying anything, Jack nodded too; his hand still firmly in Sawyer's warm grasp and his throat tightening as he fought with the tears. Sawyer had agreed to come with them. At this point, Jack couldn't ask for anything more.
~//~//~//~
9. Babylon
Online Reservation
Pairing: Sawyer/Sayid, Sawyer/OC
Rating: NC-17 for violence and semi-consensual sexual activity.
Word Count: 5138 this part
Beta: My good friend gregoria44, who continues to help me with some very basic things.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, nor do I make any money from my wild imaginings.
Warnings: As above; consent maybe considered dodgy.
Summary: This is an AU set slightly before S4, and assuming the survivors were all rescued long before Capt. Gault and Keamy, et al, showed up.
Author's Notes: This sequel follows something I wrote for nomango some time ago, a three-part story called After the Ball wherein Sawyer and Sayid were a couple after leaving the island, but Jack came back into their lives and complicated things. This is a completed story, and will be eleven parts in all.
In this part: Sayid and Sawyer are in trouble at Noel's establishment. Jack, meanwhile, manages to get the police involved.
Banner made with love by lozateazer. Thank you darling!
Previous Parts: 1. Substitute | 2. Crazy for You | 3. We Belong | 4. Over My Head | 5. The Reason | 6. So Close |
7. Slipping Away
I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night
Said he'd seen my enemy
Said he looked just like me
So I set out to cut myself and here I go
I'm not calling for a second chance
I'm screaming at the top of my voice
Give me reason but don't give me choice
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again
'Same Mistake' James Blunt
Sawyer was still kneeling by the time Noel descended the stairs, his two thugs immediately behind him. Sayid moved back and tried to get Sawyer off his knees, but all Sawyer did was rip his arm out of Sayid's grip and give him the most hostile look Sayid had ever seen. He didn't speak, but if looks could kill, Sayid would have been severely injured. Stunned, he backed off.
"So you don't want to play after all? What a pity, Mr Jarrah. I so enjoyed your little show with James yesterday." Noel's lip curled upward with the same evil smile from earlier, but his eyes were like flint. He looked down at Sawyer. "Not nearly good enough, James."
Without warning, he struck Sawyer across the face with an open hand, and then rapidly back-handed him. Sawyer grunted at each smack and after the second, fell to the floor. He lay there, shivering and panting. Sayid went to help him, but the bouncers had circled to his sides, and a large hand grabbed his arm from behind, twisting it painfully up his back. Joe's free hand gripped Sayid's other wrist, holding him still. Sayid twisted ineffectually, but realising he wouldn't be able to escape so easily, stopped moving.
"Get up," Noel told Sawyer, nudging him with a foot. "On your knees, at least. Let's show Sayid exactly what you will do when you have to, shall we?"
"Please," Sawyer begged, wiping at his bloody cheek and struggling to the position Noel wanted. "Anything; I just need my fix. Please?"
Noel nodded and Sawyer shifted closer to him, unzipping his fly and reaching inside to pull Noel's already erect cock out. Sayid looked away, but the second bouncer gripped his chin, forcing his gaze back towards the sickening sight.
"And don't look away." The leer in the man's eyes made Sayid feel ill. "Watch this; it's good."
Sawyer flicked a look at Sayid, desperation painting his expression. Sayid told himself that under normal circumstances, Sawyer would never do this. Noel and his henchmen would pay for it if it was the last thing Sayid did.
"Come on, James; show the man how good you can be," Noel said throatily, touching Sawyer's hair softly.
Sayid swallowed the bile in his throat as Sawyer's lips eased over the head of the man's cock, his hands going to Noel's hips to steady himself. Noel half-closed his eyes, his fingers tightening in Sawyer's hair as he tongued the swollen glans. Sawyer took his time, licking and sucking as if he was enjoying the experience more than the man he was attending to, not that Noel wasn't.
"Good," he told Sawyer, "Oh, that's it."
Abruptly, Noel gripped Sawyer's head harshly between his hands and began thrusting down Sawyer's throat. A strange noise erupted from Sawyer, but to Sayid's surprise, he tightened his grip on Noel's hips and shifted his body to allow Noel's actions.
"Yes, take it, I know you like it," Noel said, lifting his eyes to stare into Sayid's. "So close, oh yes, my beauty!"
One final jerk and he was coming down Sawyer's throat. As Sawyer swallowed, Sayid went to move, his body already as tense as it could get. The bouncer holding him tightened his grip, causing a ripple of pain up Sayid's arm, making him grit his teeth as he shifted. As he did so, he came into contact with the groin of the man behind him, the hardness there evident.
"Bastards!" he let out, unable to stop himself, and there was a low throaty chuckle from behind as the man pushed more firmly into his ass.
Sawyer still had Noel's cock down his throat, but then Noel was pulling away from him and tidying himself up. He patted Sawyer on the cheek as Sawyer sank down to sit at his feet.
"Joe, William; you need anything?" Noel offered, and Sayid tensed again as the bouncer who had made him watch stepped forward.
Behind Sayid, Joe ground forward again and whispered harshly, "He was so good this morning. He really is Noel's best. You should let him suck you. He even came back for more when he had to be hurting like a bitch. Noel's bitch." He laughed throatily.
"Fuck you," Sayid hissed back, keeping his eyes on Sawyer as William moved in front of him.
"Come to me, baby." William grinned, undoing his fly and gripping Sawyer's hair.
Noel-looking sated and very pleased with himself-moved to the bar and casually poured a drink. Dropping some ice into the glass, he moved closer to where Sayid was still firmly within Joe's grasp.
"Would you like a drink too, Mr Jarrah? Or do you prefer to watch this sober?"
Sayid couldn't say anything. By now William had his cock where Noel's had just been. Sawyer wasn't making as much effort, but he barely needed to. The bouncer grabbed him roughly and used him much as his boss had done, thrusting in with little regard to whether Sawyer could handle it. Sawyer's hands fluttered uncertainly against the big man's thighs and he made a choking sound. William's face tensed and he pulled his cock out, sperm splattering all over Sawyer's face and down his shirt.
"Bitch!" the big man spat, twisting Sawyer's hair in his fist and tossing his head away as he backed off. "Fuck, he's so… Christ, he lets you go deep," he panted at Sayid, grin wide.
The bile in Sayid's throat rose once again and his muscles were tight where they tensed against the man holding him.
Noel laughed. "He certainly does. I don't think I've had anyone with quite his ability before. We could remake 'Deep Throat' with James as the star. Come to think of it, we probably have enough footage already."
The bouncers laughed, but Sayid could only growl. Joe loosened his grip as if he was about to have his own turn with the broken man on the floor in front of them, and Sayid took advantage of the movement, twisting out of his grip and spinning to deliver the punishment the man so richly deserved. Joe went down, his strangled cry causing Sayid to smile at last.
Noel, meanwhile, calmly put down his drink and crossed to Sawyer.
"William," he stated, and before Sayid could shift to attack the second man, he heard the click of a gun's safety going off. "That was very foolish, Mr Jarrah."
As William moved closer, Sayid turned to see where Noel's gun was aimed. Sawyer knelt at Noel's feet, panting and filthy, looking down with hands on thighs as Noel pointed the weapon at his head.
Joe, recovering, made an angry noise as he rose to stand at Sayid's side.
"James wants something, and unless you stop this brave, but very stupid attempt to… escape, save his honour… or something else?" Noel lifted an eyebrow in query, "I will give him what he needs instead. Did you see him refuse any of that? He was perfectly willing; is that not so, James?"
"Yes," Sawyer managed, although it was clearly a struggle.
"I have one more job for you, James, and then you will get what you so crave."
Sayid furrowed his brow, his eyes flicking from the sorry state of Sawyer to Noel's lust-filled and excited eyes.
"Mr Jarrah, I know you've probably already tasted much of what 'Sawyer' had to offer, but you've seen so very little of what James can do. And I, for one, would very much like to see far he'll go for you… or should I say, for his fix." The evil smile widened once more and Noel looked down at Sawyer. "Make him come," he instructed, gesturing at Sayid.
~//~//~
Jack was beside himself as he sat in the police car. He'd been instructed to stay put, and while he wanted desperately to follow the men inside the building, they'd left a rather large officer with him to ensure he didn't move, and he didn't feel like arguing any more. It had taken long enough to get them to take him seriously.
He'd been forced to seek a witness himself in the end, and his long conversation with the receptionist at Noel's establishment had been a risk at best, knowing the man's strong-armed thugs could return to the door at any time. Expecting that the receptionist, Janet, would actually leave the desk and accompany him to the police station right then and there was probably too much to believe, but he'd finally convinced her that Sayid and Sawyer were in imminent danger and her help was the only chance they had. He had resorted to giving the subtle hint that she could be charged as an accomplice-after the men were found hurt, or worse-if it came out that she knew they had been there.
Another thing that came to light when he was talking with her was that Noel had underage boys 'working' in the place. Some of them were on the premises in sessions with older men right at that moment. She'd been in tears by the time she admitted this was part of her reluctance to leave. If she didn't stay to watch out for them, Noel might take them down to his dungeon too. She'd seen it happen before.
Jack, horrified, asked her how many were underage and she'd admitted most of them were. Sawyer, it seemed, was a special case. No longer hesitating, Jack simply leaned over the desk and used her phone, telephoning the officer he'd spoken to earlier. It seemed that the Arizona police took underage prostitution seriously-well, all prostitution, but that even more so-and the first squad cars were there within minutes.
So far, boys and older men had been led out, the men in handcuffs and the half-dozen or so boys being herded towards what appeared to be some form of state children's authority vehicle, but there was no sign of Sayid or Sawyer. Jack craned his neck, watching the officer who was still talking with Janet in front of the building. She was obviously telling him whatever he needed to know, going by the way she pointed and nodded.
Minutes kept ticking by and Jack still didn't see either man he was hoping for. He couldn't stand it any more, and got out of the car just as an ambulance pulled up, siren blaring.
"Who's that for?" he asked the officer with him, his heart thudding. "What's going on? Have they found them?"
"Sir, I can't tell you anything at this stage; just that they are bringing someone up for the ambulance. Please stay in the car. We're going to need you at the station too."
"I can't stay in there! I need to know what's happening! My… friends are in there! What's going on? Please?"
"I'm sorry, sir…" the officer shook his head, taking Jack's arm and trying to move him back into the vehicle.
The EMT crew disappeared inside the building and some more people appeared, including a man who looked strangely familiar, even though Jack was sure he'd never seen him before. Taking a few steps forward despite the hand on his arm, Jack did a double-take. It was like looking in a mirror for a moment, except the other man's hair was slightly longer.
Noel.
Sayid wasn't wrong when he'd said Sawyer's pimp was like him. No wonder Janet had seemed a little confused when he first approached her, and had kept darting him odd looks throughout the whole conversation.
He and the man who had caused Sawyer so much grief eyed each other for a few moments, and then Noel laughed, allowing the cop who had handcuffed him to lead him away as the deep rumble continued.
Confusion swirled inside Jack's head and he turned back to the door of the building as the paramedics led a stretcher out. Sawyer, eyes closed and looking pale and bloody, was strapped to it, and Jack couldn't stop himself: he lurched out of the cop's reach and crossed the few feet between him and the unconscious man.
"Sawyer! I'm his doctor; let me see him. What's wrong? What happened? Where's Sayid?"
The two paramedics exchanged a look, making Jack's fear increase, and then one of them spoke. "He's been given something. He's been beaten and… there are other signs of abuse, but... with luck, he'll be okay. According to his… well, according to the man who drugged him, it's only up a little from his usual dose, and from what we can see, his stats are normal; he's just asleep. You do know he's an addict, sir?"
Jack nodded, running a hand over his face. "You'll take him to the hospital; have him checked over fully, right?"
"Of course. Don't worry; we'll take care of him. Did you want to come along?"
Jack looked around but Sayid still hadn't appeared. He couldn't in all good conscience leave without knowing how or where Sayid was, especially since Sawyer seemed to be all right at this point. Besides, the police still wanted to speak to him.
"Did you see the other man? A Middle Eastern man about so high." He indicated with a hand. "He has a beard and longish curly hair."
The EMT nodded as they loaded Sawyer into the ambulance. "He's still down there with the cops. We checked him out; seems to be okay. Didn't look too happy when we took this one away, but…" he trailed off, and Jack got the impression there was something he wasn't saying about what he'd seen.
"Okay, thanks. I'll be coming to the hospital as soon as I can. Please let them know; I'm Sawyer's… this man… James Ford's doctor. My name's Jack Shephard."
One of the paramedics nodded and smiled reassuringly as they settled Sawyer into the ambulance, and Jack moved away. As he headed for the door-the cop having given up on keeping him away-an extremely pretty youth approached him, the look on his face incredulous.
"You're not related to Mr Noel, are you? You look so like him!"
Jack shook his head, an unamused smile on his face. "No, I'm…" he looked over his shoulder at the ambulance where the EMT crew were still busy with Sawyer.
"You know James?" the boy asked, following his gaze and offering a look of sympathy.
"Uh… yes. We used to be…" He paused, unsure.
"Lovers?" the boy offered.
Jack nodded awkwardly, and rubbed a hand over his hair.
"Is he gonna be all right?" The boy paused while Jack nodded, then went on, "He didn't deserve any of the shit Noel threw at him. Bastard did all kinds of things to him, you know? James… if it wasn't for him, the rest of the boys would be doing most of that instead."
"What's your name? How old are you?" Jack asked, surprised by the boy's candid manner and apparent concern for Sawyer.
"I'm Billy. I know I look younger, but I'm twenty, honest. I showed the cops my ID. Most of the boys here are younger. The men Noel has coming here… that's what they want. Teenagers. They're mostly runaways, but you probably guessed that. Not me, but…" He shrugged as he spoke. "There's not much a kid like me can do. I dropped out of school and my parents won't have me back. Fuckin' rednecks; can't handle a gay son." His voice went harsh on the last part, his eyes glazed with some rough memory.
"I'm sorry," Jack said with genuine feeling. He couldn't imagine living how these kids were.
"Anyway, I'm glad the came police in. It wasn't right. And James… he's… I hope everything goes okay for him. I owe him. We all owe him, man. He looked out for us; made sure he got all the worst jobs, you know?"
Jack nodded again. He looked over towards the group of teenagers sitting and standing around the area, some of them looking more lost than he felt. A few were shivering so badly in the heat of the day that Jack knew they had to be on something. He studied the boy in front of him, but he seemed clear-headed.
"What will all of you do now?"
"I don't know." He looked towards the boys. "The authorities'll find out where the other boys are from if they can I s'pose-if their parents will take 'em back. Some of them will go into homes, I guess. Or rehab." He shrugged, eyeing one fragile-looking boy as he shivered harder than the others. "Youngest one, there…" He lifted his chin to indicate the boy he was watching. "Toby's only fifteen. Fuckin' hooked already. Noel feeds it out like candy. Half of them are stoned most of the time. Couldn't keep doin' this if they weren't. Some of 'em aren't even queer."
Jack felt sick. Sawyer had only been the tip of Noel's iceberg. He gave the boys one more look, and then turned back to Billy.
"Have you got somewhere to go?"
"Yeah, I’m okay. One of my clients… he's been wanting me to go with him, but I couldn't because of Noel. He…" He looked at Jack like he'd worked out his thoughts. "He's okay, really. Garry doesn't do anything… y'know... like Noel. He's pretty straight… for a gay guy! I've been out with him before; been to his house and everything. Oh shit; Noel didn't know, don't worry! I'd have been pounded for working for free by now if he did. Garry's cool. He says he can help me and since I didn't get hooked on stuff, I've got a head start over some of the others."
"You're sure?" Jack asked. "Anyone else here who won't go to child services?"
"Just Ty, and he lives with Janet, so he's okay. Oh, and maybe…" He bit his lip and turned back to seek out another boy. "Winston. He's eighteen soon. But they'll get him help, won't they? His habit's pretty bad. He gets the shakes."
Jack looked towards the boy Billy was studying. He was a slim black kid with pretty almond-shaped eyes and short dreadlocks. He was wearing a tight white tank top and loose jeans slung so low on his hips they looked about ready to drop off. His hands held his own arms in a loose hug, and as Jack watched, a shudder racked his body.
"Shit, I'd take him with me, but Garry won't have a druggie," Billy said, his blue eyes filled with sadness. "Winston's beautiful, man. Sweetest guy. Fuckin' Noel. Fuckin' bastard deserves to have the key thrown away, y'know?" He turned back to Jack, tears clearly visible now.
"Hey, Billy," Jack said, putting a hand in the kid's arm, "Look… if the state won't pay, maybe we can work something out. My friend and I… we have some connections. If Winston needs help and they throw him back onto the streets? Look, here's my number. You call me if… you need help, okay?"
Jack scrawled his cell phone number carefully on an old receipt from his wallet and wrote his name next to it, handing it to Billy.
"You mean it, man? Seriously? Just 'cause we've been here, doin' this with James? You know James and I…" He stopped then, flushing lightly, and turned to wave at Winston. "Why was James even here if he had you?" he asked, turning back as Winston offered him a shy smile and then he and some of the other boys piled into the van across the road.
"It's complicated," Jack offered, although he knew that was the easy answer. "Did you…" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but something in him made him complete the question. "Did you have sex with James?"
Billy looked about as unsure about answering as Jack had felt asking, but he nodded, blush deepening. "He didn't go with the younger boys; said he couldn't do that, but sometimes he just needed… something that wasn't so rough. He was…" Billy gave him a careful smile. "He's pretty awesome, actually."
"I know." Jack smiled back. "It's okay, Billy. He doesn't belong to me. I wish he did, but I… it's my fault he ended up here, in some ways. I'm just trying to help get him away from it. You guys too, once I heard."
"Yeah, I know. I saw you talking to Janet. You didn't have to include us in the rescue mission. Thanks, though; I'm glad you did.
"You know, I was pretty pissed when I found out Noel was drugging James. He didn't seem like the type to turn to that, y'know? I haven't been with him much since. Noel kept him pretty high when he wasn't working. Had his own place somewhere, but I never went there."
"Noel gave him the drugs first? Sawyer… James didn't choose it? Are you sure?"
Billy nodded, fear filling his eyes. "Heard Noel telling Big William about it one day. Laughing about how much more obedient James was when he was desperate for his fix. Fuckin' saw him inject him a couple of times too-between his toes, of all places. Bastard. Surprising he never got me, but I wasn't his best fuck-toy, obviously. Do what I have to without the extra help." He smiled wryly and looked away, embarrassed. "Never could understand why James was here in the first place; he's not the usual type for Noel's customers, although… more his own type, I think."
"Noel didn't play with the boys?"
"Mostly not, no, 'cept Ty, but he's older too. He and Janet are only working here 'til they can pay for her sex-change. Noel lets him work here as a favour to Janet. He has to pay his dues though; that's why he's got to do the sessions with the boss. Don't know if he ever did half of what James did. But Noel watches the boys; gets off more on that, I think. He has cameras in most of the rooms; hooked up to monitors in a room out back. Live sex shows with a bit of… violence to spice it up, plus plenty of DVDs recorded from them."
"Shit!" Jack couldn't help letting out. "You know you might have to be a witness, Billy? You think you'd be up for that?"
Billy shrugged and before Jack could say more about it, there was a commotion in the doorway. Several policemen came out and finally, Sayid. Jack gave Billy an encouraging smile as he stepped towards his lover, too caught up in relief that Sayid seemed unhurt to say anything further to the boy.
"Sayid!"
"Jack! Thank goodness you’re here! They've taken Sawyer away?"
Jack hadn't noticed the ambulance leave; he'd been too engrossed in his conversation with Billy, but now when he looked around, he couldn't see it.
He nodded to Sayid. "Hospital. I told them I'd be there as soon as I could. Sayid, what happened in there?"
"Mr Jarrah, we'll need you to accompany us to the police station." An officer standing next to Sayid spoke, and then turned to Jack. "You too, Dr Shephard. You'll both need to make statements."
Sayid eyed Jack sadly, and nodded at the policeman. Jack narrowed his eyes at Sayid's beaten expression and told the cop they were ready. He looked to where Billy had been, but the boy had slipped away.
~//~//~
The visit to the police station was harrowing for both Jack and Sayid. It was three hours before they were let go. They'd been taken to separate interview rooms, so Jack had no idea what had happened with Sayid, but Jack had been asked all sorts of questions, some of them seemingly irrelevant. Eventually he'd made his statement, including the information Billy had. He could only assume it had been a similar process for Sayid-if not worse-as he still had to wait another half hour or so after his own interview concluded before Sayid finally appeared, looking bone-weary and forlorn in a way that made Jack worry even more than he already had been.
From there, he'd insisted on seeing Sayid back to their hotel room, forcing him into a hot shower and practically bathing the man himself. He'd dried him off and tucked him between crisp hotel sheets where Sayid had immediately fallen asleep. Jack was amazed at how easily Sayid had let himself be manhandled and how little he'd said during the process. This was unlike him, and Jack, reluctant to push matters, had simply kept his mouth shut-despite the numerous questions he had-and allowed Sayid the relative peace he hoped sleeping would bring. There was time enough for Sayid to share his story later.
Jack had kissed Sayid softly and then headed for the hospital. Sawyer's welfare was his next concern.
For some reason, people accepted easily that Jack was Sawyer's doctor, and the hospital staff told him everything he needed to know about his condition. Feeling helpless at finding out what further damage had been done to Sawyer, Jack sat next to his bed as he slept, one fragile-looking hand held in his own as he waited for him to wake.
Angry at himself for a reason that he knew didn't even make sense, Jack turned their last encounter over in his mind, wondering fruitlessly how he could have handled things differently had he realised sooner how ill and abused Sawyer was.
Hours seemed to have passed and still Sawyer didn't wake. The doctors assured Jack that although his system was full of heroin and the other drugs his so-called employer had forced on him, there was no reason why Sawyer shouldn't wake up soon. Besides, he was an addict and his next fix would be calling soon enough. They'd agreed to put him on methadone, but as Jack knew well enough, if Sawyer chose to hit the streets when he left the hospital, there was no guarantee that he would continue the treatment of his own free will, no matter how much money Jack and Sayid were willing to pay.
Sighing for what seemed like the millionth time, Jack rubbed at his eyes, tiredness hitting him again. The fingers in his twitched, and Jack lowered his own hand and gripped Sawyer's more tightly as he looked into blinking green eyes.
"Hey, doc," Sawyer rasped gruffly. "Where'm I?"
Jack couldn't stop his relieved smile, and without warning, his eyes filled with tears.
"Hey," Sawyer managed, his voice still sleep-roughened. "No crying." A lop-sided smile tried to form on his sallow face, but he seemed to appreciate Jack's concern. He held onto Jack's hand tighter and said nothing further as Jack blinked the wetness away.
"You're in hospital. It's all over. They've arrested Noel and you don't ever have to go back there."
Sawyer's eyes shifted around the room blearily. "Where's Sayid?"
"Sleeping. Back at our hotel. He… he needed to rest. Like you. You've both been through a lot."
Sawyer shifted a little, nodding slightly as he looked away from Jack. He seemed embarrassed somehow; awkward about something Jack didn't understand.
"You're going to be okay," Jack said, ignoring his manner for now. "I hope you'll agree… well, I want-we want-you to come back to LA with us. I can get you into rehab. And of course…" He licked his lips, holding onto his composure with difficulty. "We'll help you in any other way we can."
"Jack…" Sawyer whispered, and tried to clear his throat, a flush appearing across his cheeks.
"A drink?" Jack offered, letting go of Sawyer's hand at last and pouring water from a jug into a cup on the cabinet next to Sawyer's bed.
"Please," Sawyer agreed, pulling himself up to sitting slowly.
He winced as he did so and Jack put the cup down, moving closer. "Hey, don't… you must be… take it easy."
"I'm okay," Sawyer insisted, though his usual bite wasn't in the reply, and he waited with eyes downcast as Jack picked up the water again, handing it to him carefully. "Thanks."
Taking a long, slow drink, Sawyer kept his eyes averted from Jack's gaze, and then handed the cup back, wiping the back of a hand across his mouth.
"You're gonna be… It'll take a while to heal," Jack told him, his eyes shifting from Sawyer's face to his gown-covered torso and back again.
"You know what they did?" Sawyer asked, still unable to meet Jack's eyes.
Jack nodded, looking away. "Those bastards."
"Guess I asked for it," Sawyer said, his voice so soft Jack thought he'd imagined it for a minute, but then went on, "A job like that; letting people hurt me. What else should I have expected? Noel's favourite hobby was seeing how far I'd go for a fix."
Shaking his head, Jack schooled his voice. "No-one asks for that, Sawyer. No matter how much pain you thought you wanted, I doubt…" And to his shame, his voice broke and he had to stop. He couldn't even look at Sawyer now, and bowed his head, fighting the stupid tears he always seemed incapable of stopping.
"Hey," Sawyer said again, softly this time. He held out a hand and waited until Jack took it. Jack blinked furiously and carefully looked into Sawyer's eyes. "It's not your fault, Jack. Not yours and not Sayid's. I came here and I chose to get involved with the guy. You don't have to take responsibility for me."
"Will you come?" Jack asked then, desperate to make amends, no matter what Sawyer was saying. He wasn't sure if it was love or guilt that made him need Sawyer's agreement so much.
Sawyer looked at him sadly for a moment, still gripping his hand carefully, then nodded, lowering his eyes as a flush coated his cheeks lightly once more.
"It don't mean…" he started, his thumb moving on Jack's hand, tickling him softly. "Look, you and Sayid… I'm not gonna interfere, okay? You have something going, and I… I'm not part of that; can't be. It wasn't what I expected, but… hey, I'll survive. Always do."
Jack didn't know what to say. Something inside him wanted to say that Sawyer was too much a part of both him and Sayid to just come with them, get better and then disappear again; if things even got that good. But another part of him was scared that they'd simply make the same mistakes again if they tried to be friends, let alone anything more.
Instead of saying anything, Jack nodded too; his hand still firmly in Sawyer's warm grasp and his throat tightening as he fought with the tears. Sawyer had agreed to come with them. At this point, Jack couldn't ask for anything more.
~//~//~//~
9. Babylon
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