Private Diary ❀ 001
[[OOC: The following images are in Byakuya's admittedly indecipherable handwriting. The alt-text of the images contains the text as well; if you can't make it out, mouse over or click an image to read the transcription at the bottom. *huge dork*]]
[[Written in Byakuya's latest tome, just one of thousands of bound journals kept in his personal library.]]
IMG1 Grandfather has been fairing ever more poorly; this past few weeks have been especially trying. Our efforts to conceal his failing health from the rest of Seireitei--from Rukia as well--seem to be a moderate success, however I suspect Kotetsu Isane is aware of the situation, if only because of the frequent requests I make of her for herbs and teas.
This past White Day I felt an almost unimpeachable obligation to afford something to Isane, likely due to my overwhelming inclination towards reciprocity. It has been an exceptional while since I have participated in the custom, however, though I have even gone so far as to procure her a gift, and I hesitate to present her with it if only because it may be perceived as inappropriate.
My pride in her has gone unspoken; how good for her, to have spent her Saturday with a friend, and how good OF her to seek to communicate it with me. -I have very little idea how to proceed with this; my- Having had no idea how to respond, I simply didn't; -it- I have likely offended her, and couldn't quite bring myself to deliver a gift into her favor. -Truly,-
I have been taking a sabbatical for perhaps too long. Hisana, my beloved, I feel is disheartened by me and my
IMG2 fulfillment of my vows to her; I know not what route I ought to take, nor how to plod ahead. I fear I leave my duty to her unkindled in the dirt for fear of my own ineptitude; if her heart were not so great, she would like hate me for it.
She inspired me to procure the as yet unsent gift for Isane. Surely there is nothing unbenign about miso paste; its significance to me is unknown to others. I wonder, though, if the remainder of the gift is too...presumptuous, I suppose. The seeds of wildflowers may seem innocuous enough, but their intention--for Isane to plant on Kotetsu's grave, so that flowers might always bloom for her...and so Isane will feel less need to make her weekly pilgrimage--I fear such a gift will be received with anger or indignation.
It is, perhaps, not my place, as rarely it is these days; Renji when he came to me for advice sought out my words, but Isane has done no such seeking and perhaps has warranted no such provision. It is only my own experience that begs me to not stay my counsel, my own pain that urges me forward.
Hisana did so love wildflowers. Perhaps it is then crude of me to extend the assumption to Kotetsu, more
IMG3 so to impart the intention unto Isane; her grief is not my business though I feel it is greatly my concern. I suppose if she thinks me callous and estranged already, a misguided gift will be no detriment; if by some miracle I have not offended her with my silence and my recalcitrant distance, perhaps the gift will be accepted with her good graces, despite its tardiness.
I feel so lost in these dark times. Aizen looms on the horizon's throne a calculated risk and a calculating risk-taker; even Renji has found a place for himself in this world of shadows, masks, and hollowed hearts. Guidance is not something I am familiar with craving, yet there is no direction demarcated, no star but that of Hisana to show the way.
My trust in her is unwavering; it is my own judgment and perception which I doubt. I have been away too long, lost in a labyrinth of thought to which there is no end. The gift will be sent. She would have me do no less.
[[Written in Byakuya's latest tome, just one of thousands of bound journals kept in his personal library.]]
IMG1 Grandfather has been fairing ever more poorly; this past few weeks have been especially trying. Our efforts to conceal his failing health from the rest of Seireitei--from Rukia as well--seem to be a moderate success, however I suspect Kotetsu Isane is aware of the situation, if only because of the frequent requests I make of her for herbs and teas.
This past White Day I felt an almost unimpeachable obligation to afford something to Isane, likely due to my overwhelming inclination towards reciprocity. It has been an exceptional while since I have participated in the custom, however, though I have even gone so far as to procure her a gift, and I hesitate to present her with it if only because it may be perceived as inappropriate.
My pride in her has gone unspoken; how good for her, to have spent her Saturday with a friend, and how good OF her to seek to communicate it with me. -I have very little idea how to proceed with this; my- Having had no idea how to respond, I simply didn't; -it- I have likely offended her, and couldn't quite bring myself to deliver a gift into her favor. -Truly,-
I have been taking a sabbatical for perhaps too long. Hisana, my beloved, I feel is disheartened by me and my
IMG2 fulfillment of my vows to her; I know not what route I ought to take, nor how to plod ahead. I fear I leave my duty to her unkindled in the dirt for fear of my own ineptitude; if her heart were not so great, she would like hate me for it.
She inspired me to procure the as yet unsent gift for Isane. Surely there is nothing unbenign about miso paste; its significance to me is unknown to others. I wonder, though, if the remainder of the gift is too...presumptuous, I suppose. The seeds of wildflowers may seem innocuous enough, but their intention--for Isane to plant on Kotetsu's grave, so that flowers might always bloom for her...and so Isane will feel less need to make her weekly pilgrimage--I fear such a gift will be received with anger or indignation.
It is, perhaps, not my place, as rarely it is these days; Renji when he came to me for advice sought out my words, but Isane has done no such seeking and perhaps has warranted no such provision. It is only my own experience that begs me to not stay my counsel, my own pain that urges me forward.
Hisana did so love wildflowers. Perhaps it is then crude of me to extend the assumption to Kotetsu, more
IMG3 so to impart the intention unto Isane; her grief is not my business though I feel it is greatly my concern. I suppose if she thinks me callous and estranged already, a misguided gift will be no detriment; if by some miracle I have not offended her with my silence and my recalcitrant distance, perhaps the gift will be accepted with her good graces, despite its tardiness.
I feel so lost in these dark times. Aizen looms on the horizon's throne a calculated risk and a calculating risk-taker; even Renji has found a place for himself in this world of shadows, masks, and hollowed hearts. Guidance is not something I am familiar with craving, yet there is no direction demarcated, no star but that of Hisana to show the way.
My trust in her is unwavering; it is my own judgment and perception which I doubt. I have been away too long, lost in a labyrinth of thought to which there is no end. The gift will be sent. She would have me do no less.