This sucks....
Why is it that when I feel like I'm doing the right thing to help something I end up thinking that what I'm doing is all wrong? This morning my little betta Edwin passed away after I left to go down to school for a Professional Development day. I figured the best thing for the little guy was to put him in a medical bowl in a warm area because he started to show abnormal behavior of floating vertically in the water. Low and behold, a few days later he dies!!! And now I feel like it's all my fault because I should have tried harder, and then it reminds me of when I got Piceous and Travis said I'd kill him in a month because the plant I had outside my apartment died. And while Piceous is still well and alive, Edwin ends up dying almost a month after I got him and nursed him back to health from a swim bladder disease!
Then, there's the cat who's been roaming the property for the past week now. It's guaranteed I see him at least once a day or every other day. Well, I had been monitoring him because I wasn't sure if he was a stray or not. He wasn't neutered, his back claws appear to be warn down and dirtied brown and black while his front claws are sharp as ever, and he possibly has ear mites. Then, yesterday I saw him and I noticed that near his haunches he was too shallow for even a healthy cat. So I brought him inside and after he lounged for a bit, he started to sit outside my fridge waiting for something. Well, it turns out he smelled the pepperoni in my fridge and when I took it out to see if that's what he was waiting for he nipped at my fingers wanting the pepperoni. So, I gave him some to just keep him from nipping at my fingers for a while. I texted Amber and Steve about possibly getting some dry food to give him and they offered, but were busy at the time. So I ended up just going out and getting some canned food, tray liners, and litter. Then I got home and fed the cat one can and after that he wanted more. So after a break from the first can I gave him the second can I bought. He devoured the food!!!! He licked the plate clean and even tried to get into my trash can for the can! So, I decided to call shelters and try and find a place for him because if he isn't a stray cat, he shouldn't be starving. And he's obviously not a stray because he loves to cuddle and cuddled all night with me. So I called shelters and all of them were full because of the cat hoarder recently. And I can't keep the cat because my apartment complex has a No Pet policy, and soon the weather is going to get cold and I don't want the cat to freeze this winter. So I ended up having to call animal control. And then Amber is worried that he belongs to someone. I understand that, but I don't want that cat to end up run over or frozen to death. And I've always felt better knowing that if someone found my pet he/she/they would contact animal control or a shelter instead of keeping my cat and posting signs. I can contact places like those and get notified of something. Signs...I don't see them to be honest. And this has little to do with getting attached to the cat. Granted I have some attachment, the one last thing I would like to do is just give him a hug and say good bye...maybe even ask animal control to name him Tailchaser.
But I just feel like shit after trying to do what's good and right. I feel like I'm a horrible person actually and I hate it! Why do people spout this crap when all it does is make me feel worse and not better. I partly feel like a betrayer too...a betrayer and fish killer. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!
Then, there's the cat who's been roaming the property for the past week now. It's guaranteed I see him at least once a day or every other day. Well, I had been monitoring him because I wasn't sure if he was a stray or not. He wasn't neutered, his back claws appear to be warn down and dirtied brown and black while his front claws are sharp as ever, and he possibly has ear mites. Then, yesterday I saw him and I noticed that near his haunches he was too shallow for even a healthy cat. So I brought him inside and after he lounged for a bit, he started to sit outside my fridge waiting for something. Well, it turns out he smelled the pepperoni in my fridge and when I took it out to see if that's what he was waiting for he nipped at my fingers wanting the pepperoni. So, I gave him some to just keep him from nipping at my fingers for a while. I texted Amber and Steve about possibly getting some dry food to give him and they offered, but were busy at the time. So I ended up just going out and getting some canned food, tray liners, and litter. Then I got home and fed the cat one can and after that he wanted more. So after a break from the first can I gave him the second can I bought. He devoured the food!!!! He licked the plate clean and even tried to get into my trash can for the can! So, I decided to call shelters and try and find a place for him because if he isn't a stray cat, he shouldn't be starving. And he's obviously not a stray because he loves to cuddle and cuddled all night with me. So I called shelters and all of them were full because of the cat hoarder recently. And I can't keep the cat because my apartment complex has a No Pet policy, and soon the weather is going to get cold and I don't want the cat to freeze this winter. So I ended up having to call animal control. And then Amber is worried that he belongs to someone. I understand that, but I don't want that cat to end up run over or frozen to death. And I've always felt better knowing that if someone found my pet he/she/they would contact animal control or a shelter instead of keeping my cat and posting signs. I can contact places like those and get notified of something. Signs...I don't see them to be honest. And this has little to do with getting attached to the cat. Granted I have some attachment, the one last thing I would like to do is just give him a hug and say good bye...maybe even ask animal control to name him Tailchaser.
But I just feel like shit after trying to do what's good and right. I feel like I'm a horrible person actually and I hate it! Why do people spout this crap when all it does is make me feel worse and not better. I partly feel like a betrayer too...a betrayer and fish killer. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this!