Introspection
I cannot be a mother. Some parts of me want to be, I can't deny; the parts I usually try to quiet when my boyfriend looks at me a certain way and I feel that familiar sense of longing and passion and pure love. I imagine what it would be like to have a tiny little piece of immortality running around with my eyes and his nose and a perfect mash-up of our interesting personalities.
But my oldest dog is sick right now. She's almost 5 (in human years) and was fine this morning and not fine in the next moment and it's breaking me in half. I literally feel physical pain at my dog being sick and unhappy. Physical. pain. for. my. dog. The dog I received as a present that I fell in love with at first sight and named Daisy. I fell in love with everything about her. Her cute little face and brown spots on white fur. The way she still tries to snuggle under my pillows as if her bed isn't good enough. Barring two weeks away 3 years apart, I have seen my Daisy every single day since she was 4 months old. And I feel physical pain as well as emotional pain at the mere thought that this is going to be the point of no return and I inevitably have to put her down.
So, I cannot be somebody's mother. I just can't. I can't imagine the pain I would feel if someone that I made with love and carried in my body - came from my body! - was sick or injured.
:'(
---xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
But my oldest dog is sick right now. She's almost 5 (in human years) and was fine this morning and not fine in the next moment and it's breaking me in half. I literally feel physical pain at my dog being sick and unhappy. Physical. pain. for. my. dog. The dog I received as a present that I fell in love with at first sight and named Daisy. I fell in love with everything about her. Her cute little face and brown spots on white fur. The way she still tries to snuggle under my pillows as if her bed isn't good enough. Barring two weeks away 3 years apart, I have seen my Daisy every single day since she was 4 months old. And I feel physical pain as well as emotional pain at the mere thought that this is going to be the point of no return and I inevitably have to put her down.
So, I cannot be somebody's mother. I just can't. I can't imagine the pain I would feel if someone that I made with love and carried in my body - came from my body! - was sick or injured.
:'(
---xoxoxoxoxoxoxo