Blah Blah Blah #4- Being Emo (again)
I only write in this when I'm feeling depressed. How fucking lame.
Started off on Friday when I went to the New Moon thing and I didn't understand what my mom wanted and I planned to go twice with two different groups. And of course she calls me up and yells at me and ruins my night. Thanks mom.
Then the second showing got cancelled, but she's still pissed anyway.
Had to come home early from a sleepover to clean the car/dog/room cuz some family was coming over. sat around and did nothing but watch shitty ass college football. and tried to work on this essay do for an honors program that I didn't realize I had to do. (I hate applying for college).
then today it's been straight yelling from the moment I woke up. my parents fought over like not having any milk in the fridge and my dad didn't do errands yesterday, he just wants to sit around and do nothing, my mom is always in a bad mood blah blah blah. and of course they just turn and yell at me. because everything is always my fault
my dad has stolen all my halloween candy (like he does every year) but now he stole my fucking Almond Joys, which just crosses the line. He denies it and makes me question myself, but he's addicted to food, and you can never trust and addict. which hurts. (thankfully my friend bought me an 8-pack of almond joys and she's going to give it to me tomorrow. so gratefully, I don't even think she understands)
then i've got mountains of homework, but I keep getting distracted. my physics thing on the Atlantis Shuttle Launch and Newton's Second Law sound really fucking stupid. got most done, but i've got to study pre-cal.
wasn't able to walk the dog (either of the two fucking times) or go to barnes & noble with my mom. thought I had (still have) to much work. of course I just got distracted and was watching the American Music Awards, when my mom storms in and comments that I seem to be really "busy with all that homework" and then of course I have to be like my dad and yell at her for "barking at me all weekend and you've ruined all of our weekends, thanks"
she just stormed into my room and looked at my closet and behind my door and tells me that I shouldn't make any plans for the "foreseeable future." I wasn't planning on it. tomorrow is monday afterall.
however it just pisses me off that I don't do anything wrong, ever except fail to clean my room. I have a 4.0 GPA, I don't curse (around them), smoke, drink, do drugs, run away, steal stuff, party, lie, and everything else that other teens do. I'm like a fucking perfect little thing, but it's never enough. I can lead all these groups, do all these activities, and act like a good fucking daughter, but I'm always getting in trouble because my room isn't fucking clean. I'm no fucking robot. I lock myself in my room because I'm busy working all the damn time (which my mom doesn't seem to comprehend because for the most part she comes home from work and just naps, watches shitty gossip shows and surfs the web, she really doesn't do anything besides laundry). it's hard to keep my room clean because I'm always here, and maybe they should look at my dad's closet....it's bigger and you can't even walk in it. there's like a knee-high pile of shoes and boxes.
I could be doing so many worse things, but I don't, yet I always am in so much more trouble than everyone else. it's not fucking fair. And it's not like all my hard work will even help me get into the college I really want to get in to. I try so fucking hard and I think I am what they want--I know I could be able to function there...but no, nothing I ever do is good enough.
which brings me to that fucking dog. I love him and he's my best friend, but my parents bend themselves over backwards for him and it's so fucking annoying. whenever they come home the first thing they ask for is "pup" sometimes they mean me, but it's HIS nickname. WHAT THE FUCK??? I AM YOUR DAUGHTER. they yell at me if I don't get him and he's all they think about. They always scream when they see pictures/commercials/salt and pepper shakers/advertisements that have dogs that look like him on there. they're always buying him stuff and it just pisses me off. they really love him more than me.
On Thursday, my mom actually took the bone I was chewing on out of my hands because the dog was looking at it and "he really wanted it." IT WAS MY FUCKING DINNER! SHE GAVE MY DINNER TO THE FUCKING DOG! She left me with the lamb bones that barely had anything on them, and gave him all the meaty bones. WHAT THE FUCK??? and afterward all she said was OOPS. not like he gets bones and pig's ears and treats and everything. Not to mention, HE'S NOT EVEN OUR FUCKING DOG, WE SHOULDN'T BE FEEDING HIM PEOPLE FOOD! What if he got sick or choked? Our fucking fault!
I kind of can't wait to go to college and live in a dorm away from all these crazy people.
This is the part where I talk about how I am so fortunate to have parents, and they're really not that bad, but I'm sick of just trivializing my feelings. I'm fucking angry and I'm just going to leave it at that.
wow I wrote a lot
Started off on Friday when I went to the New Moon thing and I didn't understand what my mom wanted and I planned to go twice with two different groups. And of course she calls me up and yells at me and ruins my night. Thanks mom.
Then the second showing got cancelled, but she's still pissed anyway.
Had to come home early from a sleepover to clean the car/dog/room cuz some family was coming over. sat around and did nothing but watch shitty ass college football. and tried to work on this essay do for an honors program that I didn't realize I had to do. (I hate applying for college).
then today it's been straight yelling from the moment I woke up. my parents fought over like not having any milk in the fridge and my dad didn't do errands yesterday, he just wants to sit around and do nothing, my mom is always in a bad mood blah blah blah. and of course they just turn and yell at me. because everything is always my fault
my dad has stolen all my halloween candy (like he does every year) but now he stole my fucking Almond Joys, which just crosses the line. He denies it and makes me question myself, but he's addicted to food, and you can never trust and addict. which hurts. (thankfully my friend bought me an 8-pack of almond joys and she's going to give it to me tomorrow. so gratefully, I don't even think she understands)
then i've got mountains of homework, but I keep getting distracted. my physics thing on the Atlantis Shuttle Launch and Newton's Second Law sound really fucking stupid. got most done, but i've got to study pre-cal.
wasn't able to walk the dog (either of the two fucking times) or go to barnes & noble with my mom. thought I had (still have) to much work. of course I just got distracted and was watching the American Music Awards, when my mom storms in and comments that I seem to be really "busy with all that homework" and then of course I have to be like my dad and yell at her for "barking at me all weekend and you've ruined all of our weekends, thanks"
she just stormed into my room and looked at my closet and behind my door and tells me that I shouldn't make any plans for the "foreseeable future." I wasn't planning on it. tomorrow is monday afterall.
however it just pisses me off that I don't do anything wrong, ever except fail to clean my room. I have a 4.0 GPA, I don't curse (around them), smoke, drink, do drugs, run away, steal stuff, party, lie, and everything else that other teens do. I'm like a fucking perfect little thing, but it's never enough. I can lead all these groups, do all these activities, and act like a good fucking daughter, but I'm always getting in trouble because my room isn't fucking clean. I'm no fucking robot. I lock myself in my room because I'm busy working all the damn time (which my mom doesn't seem to comprehend because for the most part she comes home from work and just naps, watches shitty gossip shows and surfs the web, she really doesn't do anything besides laundry). it's hard to keep my room clean because I'm always here, and maybe they should look at my dad's closet....it's bigger and you can't even walk in it. there's like a knee-high pile of shoes and boxes.
I could be doing so many worse things, but I don't, yet I always am in so much more trouble than everyone else. it's not fucking fair. And it's not like all my hard work will even help me get into the college I really want to get in to. I try so fucking hard and I think I am what they want--I know I could be able to function there...but no, nothing I ever do is good enough.
which brings me to that fucking dog. I love him and he's my best friend, but my parents bend themselves over backwards for him and it's so fucking annoying. whenever they come home the first thing they ask for is "pup" sometimes they mean me, but it's HIS nickname. WHAT THE FUCK??? I AM YOUR DAUGHTER. they yell at me if I don't get him and he's all they think about. They always scream when they see pictures/commercials/salt and pepper shakers/advertisements that have dogs that look like him on there. they're always buying him stuff and it just pisses me off. they really love him more than me.
On Thursday, my mom actually took the bone I was chewing on out of my hands because the dog was looking at it and "he really wanted it." IT WAS MY FUCKING DINNER! SHE GAVE MY DINNER TO THE FUCKING DOG! She left me with the lamb bones that barely had anything on them, and gave him all the meaty bones. WHAT THE FUCK??? and afterward all she said was OOPS. not like he gets bones and pig's ears and treats and everything. Not to mention, HE'S NOT EVEN OUR FUCKING DOG, WE SHOULDN'T BE FEEDING HIM PEOPLE FOOD! What if he got sick or choked? Our fucking fault!
I kind of can't wait to go to college and live in a dorm away from all these crazy people.
This is the part where I talk about how I am so fortunate to have parents, and they're really not that bad, but I'm sick of just trivializing my feelings. I'm fucking angry and I'm just going to leave it at that.
wow I wrote a lot