Fast Eddies
This is NOT fanfiction, but it is m/m.
If you liked my writing then have a read.
Title Fast Eddies
Rating Mature
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-Two
I wake, and as soon as I do a sinking feeling takes over me. There's only one day left until we travel to California for the graduation party at my parents house. God, I shouldn't have invited him, what the hell was I thinking? I look down to Joe in my arms, so beautiful and so unaware of everything that's going to happen. He trusts me, and I'm not telling him the truth. I'm not lying, but it's not like I've just opened up and told him what he can expect. I don't want to, can't bring myself to tell him in case it does signal the end of our relationship. I guess it would be better for him to see when we're there, when we're a plane ride away from his friends and family and he'd be stuck with me for a couple of days where I might be able to talk him round to realising that I'm just the same guy I've always been despite their house and their money.
It's too hot already, and I wish someone would wake up and turn the air conditioning up. Fuck I shouldn't have slept in a shirt. At some point in the night one, or both of us, has kicked the covers off, something I'm glad of as the heat from his body so close is enough, our skin sticking together it's so warm. It's going to be a shit day, I can feel it in the air. How am I going to get out of the invitation? No, I can't. If we're going to move in together then he has to know where I really come from, because if he can't deal with what will happen in the future then I'm going to need as long as possible to even stand a chance of getting over him.
Pushing his arm gently off me I sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed, swinging my legs over the side. I don't want to get up, I want to lie here all day and pretend away the reality that will be my life crashing down around me. I don't want to lose him, but I have to be honest. If there's anything that can break up a relationship quicker than an affair and then that's keeping secrets. This man means the world to me, and I would never do a think to make him hate me.
I feel a movement in the bed and an arm snaked over my shoulders, hand resting on my chest.
'Joe?' I question, although it's pointless with him being the only other person in the room.
I can feel by the warmth against my back that he's naked; his skin always so hot I feel it through my thin clothes.
'Shh Ben,' he whispers in my ear, breath ticking as slow, deliberate hands skim the base of my shirt, pulling it up my body, fingertips trailing over my ribs at intervals, making me tense and shiver.
Raising my arms I see the shirt tossed to the floor in front of me, my skin somehow shivering, anticipating the extra heat of Joe's skin. It doesn't come, instead only his mouth making contact, kissing softly along my shoulders. I take a deep, slow breath, flexing the muscles in my back, relaxing under his skilled touch. One hand trails slowly down my spine, the touch teasing in it's simplicity, but also comforting. I let my eyes fall closed, let my other senses take over. I can hear him breathing, so close to me but still not touching more then the points of fingers and mouth; feel the skimming of breath over my shoulder blades.
I don't lean back, don't even try to press for more, happy to let Joe set whatever pace he wants. We are no longer as frantic as when we first met, managing to contain our lust for the most part now our bodies have had more time to get accustomed; not that our sex life has dwindled, far fucking from it. It can't have faded when all he has to do for me to want him is walk into the same room. A well placed kiss on the back of my neck makes me gasp at the unexpected sensation. He knows just how to make me squirm, all of the little places; just as I know his. His hips and the very innermost of his thighs the most sensitive and moan provoking.
The hand which had slid down my back rests at the cleft of my ass, teasing this area, promising more, so much fucking more. It's hard for me not to just sit up and jam his fingers into me, but I've learned to be patient, learned to cap my desperate need. He pulls me back now, searing my back with the heat of his chest as both hands slip over my hips, holding me firmly against him as he pushes his own erection into the small of my back. I almost feel my heart jump, the thrill of feeling his hardness so arousing I want to turn round and smother it with wet kisses. He starts to nose up my neck and I feel him drag a lip ring over the skin, his hair soft on my cheek. One hand starts to wander through my pubic hair, the other still holding me in place. I want him to touch my cock, I need him to touch me more than this. The hand continues it's trail but neglects my dick, passing it to run over my thigh before continuing over to my balls, handling them firmly, making my hips roll and my head fall back. He takes this moment to bite my neck, just on the border of painful where I love to be, trusting him to know when it's too much, and this just enough to make my toes curl and breath gush.
'Lay down,' Joe breathes into my ear, pulling me back a little, the words only so I offer no resistance.
I try to turn as soon as my side hits the mattress, but hold me in place, keeping my back to him.
'But I want to kiss you,' I complain, all of this teasing having been fun, but soulless without a kiss.
'You can still kiss me silly,' he laughs, losing some of the intensity of the moment.
Lifting my head and turning my neck I find my lips plush against his, this position awkward, but filled with promise. I get why he's done it now when a hand parts my thighs, pulling one leg up and over his own, bent at the knee. He's going to fuck me like this, and I'm going to love every Goddamn minute of it. He slips his dick between my legs, tight up to my ass so I press back, arching my body into him, conveying my need as well as offering him greater closeness. Fuck I want him, I always want him.
I breathe his name into his mouth, feeling him exhale, tongue slipping gently over my lower lip as he rocks his hips, stimulating both himself and me. I can't take it much longer, this contact teasing so much my body is squirming. His dick is so close to where I want it to be, the need so strong my body seems to scream out in anticipation, blood singing with heady adrenaline.
'That nice?' He asks, slowly rubbing his dick against me, angling it so the head probes over my entrance, but not penetrating, too much resistance offered un-lubricated this way. The need is so strong I can barely form the words I need to tell him to fuck me, breathing too hard, mind spinning with desire.
Thankfully I don't have to speak, my body communicating enough, and Joe's own need reaching fever pitch. I hear him spit into his hand, this shoved between us. I don't care that this is going to hurt, in this moment I just want him, regardless of the later consequences. His cock slicked up I feel him press his hips forward in earnest. Breath gushes out of me, whole body trembling at the realisation of my want. It hurts, but it serves only to make me feel even more filled, even more sexually complete.
'You okay?' Joe asks, only half in, obviously worried about me. It touches me, we're not about just getting ourselves off, we've always been mutual.
'Yeah, fine,' I gasp, urging him on with my hips, leg tighter around him, trying to pull him into me.
He doesn't miss a beat, capturing my bottom lip gently with his teeth as he continues to push. Reaching back I let my hand play through his hair, keeping his lips latched with mine, the warmth of our breath and tongues so intoxicating I can't help but feel dizzy. It's almost like I'm not here, mind torn away from my body, Joe all I can feel, sense... taste.
His body works in exquisite symphony with mine, never missing a beat, never out of rhythm. Even in this different position we don't falter, striving for our ends. His hand slips down my stomach onto my neglected, leaking erection. I can't help but moan at the contact, thrusting up into his hand, using both of these parts of him to stimulate myself as best as possible. The movement has him gasping, he has always been a fan of me riding him, using his dick as I kiss him to keep the personal connection.
I can't hold on, getting too lost in the moment. Biting my lip I struggle to keep a grip on my orgasm, not wanting to come too soon and ruin the moment. Thankfully Joe gives in, panting into my mouth as his body presses so deep into mine, riding out his release. Trembling on the edge this is all I need to tip over, body reacting to his sounds, his heat.
'Oh God I love you,' I cry as I come hard, teeth dropping my lip, breath coming in shallow pants as I bask in the warm, fulfilled glow which radiates through my body.
As I start to come down I realise what I've said and feel instantly bare. That was not the way I planned on telling him how I felt, blurting it out like that, but I had felt so whole... so complete.
His arms are around my chest, lips sloppily pushing to mine before he speaks. I almost hold my breath, wondering what he's going to say.
'I hope that made you feel calmer. I know you've been beating yourself up about tomorrow.'
Is that it? He's going to go on like he never even heard me? Fuck, I wasn't expecting him to say it back but... no, who am I kidding, I guess I was expecting him to reciprocate, or at least acknowledge what was said instead of pretending it away.
'I gotta get ready for work,' he tells me, kissing my cheek before pulling away from me.
I sit up, feeling nearly dead. He's really not going to say anything, he's going to treat this like any other morning? What did I expect? He's never been good with words, but what we just did... so much more than what we had at the start. I guess I have to be happy with that.
'You only seduced me to get me to chill out didn't you?'
He turns from where he is slipping his boxers on, grinning at me.
'That and you're a sexy bastard in the morning.'
I can't deny that this was the best thing for me right now, apart from repeating what I said. Not only the physical activity, but there was confirmation there of the strength of our emotional bond, too intimate for simply sex. He slips on the rest of his clothes before offering a quick kiss on the tip of my nose.
'I'm gonna take the car, I'll be back as soon as I can this afternoon to get my shit packed. See you later.'
At the door he blows a kiss before shutting it behind him.
I look at the closed door, feeling surprisingly empty now that his energy is gone. Why didn't he tell me he loved me? I thought I was sure we were on the same page there. Am I taking things too quickly?
*
Dressed in fresh clothes and feeling refreshed from the shower I make my way through to the living room. I'm not going to dwell on what passed, or didn't, this morning, I'll just drive myself insane with questions if I do. Door shutting behind me I start to walk through to the kitchen, ready for my usual coffee. I stop when I see Mike sat on the couch by himself, staring at the cellphone in his hands. Instantly I can tell that something is wrong, he doesn't even look up and acknowledge me, usually the first to offer a morning greeting.
'Hey man, you okay?' I ask, stopping a couple of steps away from where he's sitting, not wanting to make a big deal if he's just zoned out.
He looks up now, but the action is almost delayed. I can't believe how small he looks, like ten years have been knocked off his looks despite how big he is. His hazel eyes fix on me, but I swear they don't actually see me. It feels like my stomach falls about six foot. What the fuck is going on?
'Mike?' I repeat, trying him to register me, kneeling down and taking hold of his shoulders, actually shaking him.
He looks directly at me still, but I see a spark in his eye. He sees me, I know he does and his mouth opens.
'It's Val, she's pregnant.'
I'm shocked into silence. It takes more than a few seconds until I can speak.
'Uh... shit dude, I don't know what to say.' I tell him, hands still on his shoulders, although I move back, not wanting to be in his face.
'Neither do I, she just called me and... fuck I think we're going to keep it.'
'Well... uh, that's awesome?' I ask, really not sure of what to think about this. I can't tell from his deadpan reaction whether he's pleased or whether he's ready to throw himself out of the window. A kid, that'll change the whole course of his life. He's only twenty one and he's going to have to learn to cope with the biggest responsibility a human can have... raising a child.
'Is it?' He asks, leaning back so I have to let go of his shoulders, instead I take a seat at his side, turning so I still look at him.
'I don't know... is it?' I return, just as at a loss as him. It's not something I've ever thought of having to cope with, it's not like I'd ever be able to get any of my sexual partners pregnant.
'You're not helping dude,' Mike complains, looking at me, voice higher pitched than I've ever heard it in my life.
'I'm sorry, it's not something I've ever thought about,' I admit, wishing I could help him more, but completely working blind.
'God, I wish you weren't gay right now,' he sighs, starting to bite his fingernails, something I've not seen him do since our first year here, 'I'd go to Jason but his opinion on the matter would be a bottle of gin and a clothes hanger.'
I would deny it, I'm sure he'd be less than sympathetic if one of his many conquests turned up on the doorstep telling him she was pregnant. Mike however, him and Val have been dating for around four months, not a long time in reality, but it's long enough for them to have an idea of if they can work or not.
'Well, what are you feeling?'
'Scared fucking shitless,' he replies without hesitation, 'I know I'm too young to be a father, but I just think about her getting rid of it and I can't... God the thought of it just makes me ill.'
'Well isn't that your answer?' I ask, 'if you can't deal with her having an abortion then you're going to be a father.'
'Yes, I know that,' he snaps, running an agitated hand through his hair, 'but I just don't know if we'll last. I mean, what if we have this kid and end up hating each other because of it. Then I'll be stuck having to see someone I hate because of access to the child.'
It's something I've had to deal with in my past, my parents divorce meaning my childhood was caught between the two of them, and then the two other women he decided to marry then divorce. It was a battleground, but not one of my making.
'That can be dealt with,' I reply, 'but you never know, you might not grow to hate each other.'
'What if it was you and Joe?' He suddenly asks, turning the tables on me, 'what if it weren't a biological impossibility and he got pregnant. What would you do in this situation?'
'Honestly?' I ask, starting to mull the idea over in my mind.
'Yeah, I need the truth man.'
'I'd be the happiest guy on the planet.' I reply, barely having to think it over. If Joe came up to me telling me that I was going to be a father, no matter how much of a fantasy it is, I know I'd tell him to keep it, and I'd love him even fucking more knowing that we created something so special between us as an expression of our love.
'Seriously?'
'Yeah, I mean, it's not like we'd struggle for money, and that's what splits most young couples up who have kids. They don't know how to properly financially support themselves. Plus... I love him, why wouldn't I want to have something cement us together like that.'
It's the first time I've mentioned the 'L' word to him, but after saying it to Joe this morning it's free on my lips. I do love him, and I don't care if my friends know it, although I know Mike figured it out fucking months ago.
'Plus even if we didn't work out I know I'd be proud to have him as like the 'mom' of my child... you get what I'm trying to say right?' I add, hoping that this sets his mind at ease a little. I don't think for one moment that if it has anything to do with him he'd want her to have an abortion, so I need to get him familiar with the idea of being a father.
He nods, looking more settled with the idea, before the colour suddenly drains from his face.
'Holy fuck what are my parents going to say.'
'You've not told them?' I blurt, wide eyed.
'I wanted to talk to you first, I knew you'd give me perspective.'
I'm honoured, but I know that I hold no power in his life, and his father has the control over how fat Mike's wallet is.
'You should call him. I'll go make some coffee and give you some privacy. You want some?'
'Yeah, coffee would be great thanks.'
Walking off to the kitchen I hear him start to talk, know he has got thorough to his father, or his fathers office at least. As much as I want to eavesdrop I respect that this is a conversation which needs to happen unobserved. Forcing myself not to listen I focus entirely on the mundane task of coffee making as well as the thoughts which press to the forefront of my mind.
I can't believe that this has happened. I always thought he was exceedingly careful sexually, although I guess accidents happen to the best of us. To be honest the only clue I've got about female contraception is what I learned in sex ed, and it was so long ago it's a little fuzzy in my mind now.
God, he's going to be a father, a fucking father. It's... well, it's just too weird to think about. And I thought I had a problem when Joe didn't say 'I love you' back to me this morning. They've been dating less time than us, and I doubt that they've even got to that stage themselves, yet here they are stuck with one of the biggest challenges a heterosexual couple can face. It throws the whole thing into perspective. Sure my life is complicated, and I'm worried of losing Joe because of my family, but at least we'll never be able to drag kids through our troubles. If he leaves me then I guess he leaves me, it'll be something I'd find hard to get over, hell, I'd probably not be able to get over it, but at least I won't be subjecting a child to years of parental feuding and bitterness. My parents taught me that much.
They're making a commitment if they keep the child, one that entails more than I think even I could get through to him. I mean, Mike's parents are still together and have always been happily married, he doesn't know the other side, the pain of growing up in a seemingly loveless house.
Coffee brewed I pour two mugs before putting the pot back on the warmer. Poking my head around the kitchen I find that Mike is no longer on the phone, the cell on the table although he still sits forward, hands joined as he stares at the wall. Walking up to him I put his mug on the table, re-taking my seat.
'So what's he say?' I ask, not wanting to push him, but wanting him to get it off his mind.
'He said... well he said good luck, and he's going to let me keep this apartment for me and Val to live in, to bring the kid up,' he looks at me, eyes wide with dawning hope and realisation, as well as budding excitement, 'and he said I don't have to move back to LA and he'll work something out so I can stay here with her.' He shakes his head. 'I thought he was gonna fucking kill me, I can't believe that he's so... calm.'
'It's good though isn't it?' I ask, know that he isn't going to have to worry about the basics, so he and Val can concentrate on the child and the child alone.
'Yeah, it's fucking brilliant...' he turns completely now, gripping my forearm, 'you're still welcome to live here, you and Joe, I'm not going to kick you out just because it's mine.'
I squirm, having not let on my plans with Joe.
'No, I think it's better you and Val have the place to yourself,' I take a dee breath, 'plus me and Joe have found an apartment. It's not that we don't like living here, but, it'd be good to have our own space y'know.'
He doesn't look offended, if anything he looks happy, a smile breaking onto his face for the first time today.
'Don't worry. I understand. I'm happy for you guys, you deserve to work out.'
'Thanks,' I smile, unable to be completely happy when I'm still nervous as hell about tomorrow.
'When you moving?' He asks, settling back on the couch, actually looking relaxed. Maybe talking over my affairs will keep his mind off his for a while.
'I don't know, like, I don't know if it'll happen.' I sigh, 'you know we're going to my parents, and everything could all still go to shit. Joe's got no fucking idea about how wealthy my family is, and you know how proud he is, when he figures out that it's all going to be mine I'm worried he's going to run a hundred miles in the opposite direction.'
God it feels good to actually tell someone how worried I am about everything. Mike really is a good friend, the best fucking friend I could ever have asked for.
'He wouldn't do that,' Mike dismisses, 'he loves you to death, how much money you do or don't have will probably freak him out for an hour, but what he feels will override that.'
'He doesn't love me,' I whisper, suddenly heavily depressed, reminded of this morning and his lack of interest, his selective deafness.
'Bullshit he doesn't,' Mike spits, hand on my shoulder, 'whatever gave you that idea?'
'I said it this morning, and he pretended like he didn't even fucking hear.' I admit, biting my bottom lip, trying to keep my stupid emotions under control.
Mike just shakes his head.
'Well that's just because he's the man,' he smirks, once again poking friendly fun at my sexuality, 'he's not going to come out and say something like that until he ultimately has to. Complicating things is never a good idea, although I think you missed out on that one when you went through guy school.'
I smile, can't help but, these words somehow comforting me, even though I don't agree with them.
'Yeah, I must have been ill that day.'
'Don't worry about it, the more you worry the more you'll fuck up because you're worrying,' he pats my shoulder before getting up, stretching his back, 'well I have to go meet Val and tell her the good news. Be sure to let me know if you go ahead with the whole apartment thing, because when I know you're going it'll be time to let Jason know he's got to find his ass a new place to live.' He smirks, but there is such meaning in his eyes. 'The only reason he's been here so long is I know he's your best friend and I didn't want you to go. With you gone I don't have to put up with him fucking the entire Goddamn population of Manhattan and letting other people pick up the pieces.'
'He's not my best friend Mike,' I tell him with feeling, 'not really.'
Mike eyes soften but he keeps his jaw tight, just nodding before turning and walking out of the apartment, leaving me alone once again.
I'm glad of being alone this time, it'll give me time to think about tomorrow, to mentally prepare myself for every Goddamn scenario. It'll give me a headache, but a migraine is small price to pay for being well prepared, especially when I'm going to face my family.
If you liked my writing then have a read.
Title Fast Eddies
Rating Mature
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-Two
I wake, and as soon as I do a sinking feeling takes over me. There's only one day left until we travel to California for the graduation party at my parents house. God, I shouldn't have invited him, what the hell was I thinking? I look down to Joe in my arms, so beautiful and so unaware of everything that's going to happen. He trusts me, and I'm not telling him the truth. I'm not lying, but it's not like I've just opened up and told him what he can expect. I don't want to, can't bring myself to tell him in case it does signal the end of our relationship. I guess it would be better for him to see when we're there, when we're a plane ride away from his friends and family and he'd be stuck with me for a couple of days where I might be able to talk him round to realising that I'm just the same guy I've always been despite their house and their money.
It's too hot already, and I wish someone would wake up and turn the air conditioning up. Fuck I shouldn't have slept in a shirt. At some point in the night one, or both of us, has kicked the covers off, something I'm glad of as the heat from his body so close is enough, our skin sticking together it's so warm. It's going to be a shit day, I can feel it in the air. How am I going to get out of the invitation? No, I can't. If we're going to move in together then he has to know where I really come from, because if he can't deal with what will happen in the future then I'm going to need as long as possible to even stand a chance of getting over him.
Pushing his arm gently off me I sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed, swinging my legs over the side. I don't want to get up, I want to lie here all day and pretend away the reality that will be my life crashing down around me. I don't want to lose him, but I have to be honest. If there's anything that can break up a relationship quicker than an affair and then that's keeping secrets. This man means the world to me, and I would never do a think to make him hate me.
I feel a movement in the bed and an arm snaked over my shoulders, hand resting on my chest.
'Joe?' I question, although it's pointless with him being the only other person in the room.
I can feel by the warmth against my back that he's naked; his skin always so hot I feel it through my thin clothes.
'Shh Ben,' he whispers in my ear, breath ticking as slow, deliberate hands skim the base of my shirt, pulling it up my body, fingertips trailing over my ribs at intervals, making me tense and shiver.
Raising my arms I see the shirt tossed to the floor in front of me, my skin somehow shivering, anticipating the extra heat of Joe's skin. It doesn't come, instead only his mouth making contact, kissing softly along my shoulders. I take a deep, slow breath, flexing the muscles in my back, relaxing under his skilled touch. One hand trails slowly down my spine, the touch teasing in it's simplicity, but also comforting. I let my eyes fall closed, let my other senses take over. I can hear him breathing, so close to me but still not touching more then the points of fingers and mouth; feel the skimming of breath over my shoulder blades.
I don't lean back, don't even try to press for more, happy to let Joe set whatever pace he wants. We are no longer as frantic as when we first met, managing to contain our lust for the most part now our bodies have had more time to get accustomed; not that our sex life has dwindled, far fucking from it. It can't have faded when all he has to do for me to want him is walk into the same room. A well placed kiss on the back of my neck makes me gasp at the unexpected sensation. He knows just how to make me squirm, all of the little places; just as I know his. His hips and the very innermost of his thighs the most sensitive and moan provoking.
The hand which had slid down my back rests at the cleft of my ass, teasing this area, promising more, so much fucking more. It's hard for me not to just sit up and jam his fingers into me, but I've learned to be patient, learned to cap my desperate need. He pulls me back now, searing my back with the heat of his chest as both hands slip over my hips, holding me firmly against him as he pushes his own erection into the small of my back. I almost feel my heart jump, the thrill of feeling his hardness so arousing I want to turn round and smother it with wet kisses. He starts to nose up my neck and I feel him drag a lip ring over the skin, his hair soft on my cheek. One hand starts to wander through my pubic hair, the other still holding me in place. I want him to touch my cock, I need him to touch me more than this. The hand continues it's trail but neglects my dick, passing it to run over my thigh before continuing over to my balls, handling them firmly, making my hips roll and my head fall back. He takes this moment to bite my neck, just on the border of painful where I love to be, trusting him to know when it's too much, and this just enough to make my toes curl and breath gush.
'Lay down,' Joe breathes into my ear, pulling me back a little, the words only so I offer no resistance.
I try to turn as soon as my side hits the mattress, but hold me in place, keeping my back to him.
'But I want to kiss you,' I complain, all of this teasing having been fun, but soulless without a kiss.
'You can still kiss me silly,' he laughs, losing some of the intensity of the moment.
Lifting my head and turning my neck I find my lips plush against his, this position awkward, but filled with promise. I get why he's done it now when a hand parts my thighs, pulling one leg up and over his own, bent at the knee. He's going to fuck me like this, and I'm going to love every Goddamn minute of it. He slips his dick between my legs, tight up to my ass so I press back, arching my body into him, conveying my need as well as offering him greater closeness. Fuck I want him, I always want him.
I breathe his name into his mouth, feeling him exhale, tongue slipping gently over my lower lip as he rocks his hips, stimulating both himself and me. I can't take it much longer, this contact teasing so much my body is squirming. His dick is so close to where I want it to be, the need so strong my body seems to scream out in anticipation, blood singing with heady adrenaline.
'That nice?' He asks, slowly rubbing his dick against me, angling it so the head probes over my entrance, but not penetrating, too much resistance offered un-lubricated this way. The need is so strong I can barely form the words I need to tell him to fuck me, breathing too hard, mind spinning with desire.
Thankfully I don't have to speak, my body communicating enough, and Joe's own need reaching fever pitch. I hear him spit into his hand, this shoved between us. I don't care that this is going to hurt, in this moment I just want him, regardless of the later consequences. His cock slicked up I feel him press his hips forward in earnest. Breath gushes out of me, whole body trembling at the realisation of my want. It hurts, but it serves only to make me feel even more filled, even more sexually complete.
'You okay?' Joe asks, only half in, obviously worried about me. It touches me, we're not about just getting ourselves off, we've always been mutual.
'Yeah, fine,' I gasp, urging him on with my hips, leg tighter around him, trying to pull him into me.
He doesn't miss a beat, capturing my bottom lip gently with his teeth as he continues to push. Reaching back I let my hand play through his hair, keeping his lips latched with mine, the warmth of our breath and tongues so intoxicating I can't help but feel dizzy. It's almost like I'm not here, mind torn away from my body, Joe all I can feel, sense... taste.
His body works in exquisite symphony with mine, never missing a beat, never out of rhythm. Even in this different position we don't falter, striving for our ends. His hand slips down my stomach onto my neglected, leaking erection. I can't help but moan at the contact, thrusting up into his hand, using both of these parts of him to stimulate myself as best as possible. The movement has him gasping, he has always been a fan of me riding him, using his dick as I kiss him to keep the personal connection.
I can't hold on, getting too lost in the moment. Biting my lip I struggle to keep a grip on my orgasm, not wanting to come too soon and ruin the moment. Thankfully Joe gives in, panting into my mouth as his body presses so deep into mine, riding out his release. Trembling on the edge this is all I need to tip over, body reacting to his sounds, his heat.
'Oh God I love you,' I cry as I come hard, teeth dropping my lip, breath coming in shallow pants as I bask in the warm, fulfilled glow which radiates through my body.
As I start to come down I realise what I've said and feel instantly bare. That was not the way I planned on telling him how I felt, blurting it out like that, but I had felt so whole... so complete.
His arms are around my chest, lips sloppily pushing to mine before he speaks. I almost hold my breath, wondering what he's going to say.
'I hope that made you feel calmer. I know you've been beating yourself up about tomorrow.'
Is that it? He's going to go on like he never even heard me? Fuck, I wasn't expecting him to say it back but... no, who am I kidding, I guess I was expecting him to reciprocate, or at least acknowledge what was said instead of pretending it away.
'I gotta get ready for work,' he tells me, kissing my cheek before pulling away from me.
I sit up, feeling nearly dead. He's really not going to say anything, he's going to treat this like any other morning? What did I expect? He's never been good with words, but what we just did... so much more than what we had at the start. I guess I have to be happy with that.
'You only seduced me to get me to chill out didn't you?'
He turns from where he is slipping his boxers on, grinning at me.
'That and you're a sexy bastard in the morning.'
I can't deny that this was the best thing for me right now, apart from repeating what I said. Not only the physical activity, but there was confirmation there of the strength of our emotional bond, too intimate for simply sex. He slips on the rest of his clothes before offering a quick kiss on the tip of my nose.
'I'm gonna take the car, I'll be back as soon as I can this afternoon to get my shit packed. See you later.'
At the door he blows a kiss before shutting it behind him.
I look at the closed door, feeling surprisingly empty now that his energy is gone. Why didn't he tell me he loved me? I thought I was sure we were on the same page there. Am I taking things too quickly?
*
Dressed in fresh clothes and feeling refreshed from the shower I make my way through to the living room. I'm not going to dwell on what passed, or didn't, this morning, I'll just drive myself insane with questions if I do. Door shutting behind me I start to walk through to the kitchen, ready for my usual coffee. I stop when I see Mike sat on the couch by himself, staring at the cellphone in his hands. Instantly I can tell that something is wrong, he doesn't even look up and acknowledge me, usually the first to offer a morning greeting.
'Hey man, you okay?' I ask, stopping a couple of steps away from where he's sitting, not wanting to make a big deal if he's just zoned out.
He looks up now, but the action is almost delayed. I can't believe how small he looks, like ten years have been knocked off his looks despite how big he is. His hazel eyes fix on me, but I swear they don't actually see me. It feels like my stomach falls about six foot. What the fuck is going on?
'Mike?' I repeat, trying him to register me, kneeling down and taking hold of his shoulders, actually shaking him.
He looks directly at me still, but I see a spark in his eye. He sees me, I know he does and his mouth opens.
'It's Val, she's pregnant.'
I'm shocked into silence. It takes more than a few seconds until I can speak.
'Uh... shit dude, I don't know what to say.' I tell him, hands still on his shoulders, although I move back, not wanting to be in his face.
'Neither do I, she just called me and... fuck I think we're going to keep it.'
'Well... uh, that's awesome?' I ask, really not sure of what to think about this. I can't tell from his deadpan reaction whether he's pleased or whether he's ready to throw himself out of the window. A kid, that'll change the whole course of his life. He's only twenty one and he's going to have to learn to cope with the biggest responsibility a human can have... raising a child.
'Is it?' He asks, leaning back so I have to let go of his shoulders, instead I take a seat at his side, turning so I still look at him.
'I don't know... is it?' I return, just as at a loss as him. It's not something I've ever thought of having to cope with, it's not like I'd ever be able to get any of my sexual partners pregnant.
'You're not helping dude,' Mike complains, looking at me, voice higher pitched than I've ever heard it in my life.
'I'm sorry, it's not something I've ever thought about,' I admit, wishing I could help him more, but completely working blind.
'God, I wish you weren't gay right now,' he sighs, starting to bite his fingernails, something I've not seen him do since our first year here, 'I'd go to Jason but his opinion on the matter would be a bottle of gin and a clothes hanger.'
I would deny it, I'm sure he'd be less than sympathetic if one of his many conquests turned up on the doorstep telling him she was pregnant. Mike however, him and Val have been dating for around four months, not a long time in reality, but it's long enough for them to have an idea of if they can work or not.
'Well, what are you feeling?'
'Scared fucking shitless,' he replies without hesitation, 'I know I'm too young to be a father, but I just think about her getting rid of it and I can't... God the thought of it just makes me ill.'
'Well isn't that your answer?' I ask, 'if you can't deal with her having an abortion then you're going to be a father.'
'Yes, I know that,' he snaps, running an agitated hand through his hair, 'but I just don't know if we'll last. I mean, what if we have this kid and end up hating each other because of it. Then I'll be stuck having to see someone I hate because of access to the child.'
It's something I've had to deal with in my past, my parents divorce meaning my childhood was caught between the two of them, and then the two other women he decided to marry then divorce. It was a battleground, but not one of my making.
'That can be dealt with,' I reply, 'but you never know, you might not grow to hate each other.'
'What if it was you and Joe?' He suddenly asks, turning the tables on me, 'what if it weren't a biological impossibility and he got pregnant. What would you do in this situation?'
'Honestly?' I ask, starting to mull the idea over in my mind.
'Yeah, I need the truth man.'
'I'd be the happiest guy on the planet.' I reply, barely having to think it over. If Joe came up to me telling me that I was going to be a father, no matter how much of a fantasy it is, I know I'd tell him to keep it, and I'd love him even fucking more knowing that we created something so special between us as an expression of our love.
'Seriously?'
'Yeah, I mean, it's not like we'd struggle for money, and that's what splits most young couples up who have kids. They don't know how to properly financially support themselves. Plus... I love him, why wouldn't I want to have something cement us together like that.'
It's the first time I've mentioned the 'L' word to him, but after saying it to Joe this morning it's free on my lips. I do love him, and I don't care if my friends know it, although I know Mike figured it out fucking months ago.
'Plus even if we didn't work out I know I'd be proud to have him as like the 'mom' of my child... you get what I'm trying to say right?' I add, hoping that this sets his mind at ease a little. I don't think for one moment that if it has anything to do with him he'd want her to have an abortion, so I need to get him familiar with the idea of being a father.
He nods, looking more settled with the idea, before the colour suddenly drains from his face.
'Holy fuck what are my parents going to say.'
'You've not told them?' I blurt, wide eyed.
'I wanted to talk to you first, I knew you'd give me perspective.'
I'm honoured, but I know that I hold no power in his life, and his father has the control over how fat Mike's wallet is.
'You should call him. I'll go make some coffee and give you some privacy. You want some?'
'Yeah, coffee would be great thanks.'
Walking off to the kitchen I hear him start to talk, know he has got thorough to his father, or his fathers office at least. As much as I want to eavesdrop I respect that this is a conversation which needs to happen unobserved. Forcing myself not to listen I focus entirely on the mundane task of coffee making as well as the thoughts which press to the forefront of my mind.
I can't believe that this has happened. I always thought he was exceedingly careful sexually, although I guess accidents happen to the best of us. To be honest the only clue I've got about female contraception is what I learned in sex ed, and it was so long ago it's a little fuzzy in my mind now.
God, he's going to be a father, a fucking father. It's... well, it's just too weird to think about. And I thought I had a problem when Joe didn't say 'I love you' back to me this morning. They've been dating less time than us, and I doubt that they've even got to that stage themselves, yet here they are stuck with one of the biggest challenges a heterosexual couple can face. It throws the whole thing into perspective. Sure my life is complicated, and I'm worried of losing Joe because of my family, but at least we'll never be able to drag kids through our troubles. If he leaves me then I guess he leaves me, it'll be something I'd find hard to get over, hell, I'd probably not be able to get over it, but at least I won't be subjecting a child to years of parental feuding and bitterness. My parents taught me that much.
They're making a commitment if they keep the child, one that entails more than I think even I could get through to him. I mean, Mike's parents are still together and have always been happily married, he doesn't know the other side, the pain of growing up in a seemingly loveless house.
Coffee brewed I pour two mugs before putting the pot back on the warmer. Poking my head around the kitchen I find that Mike is no longer on the phone, the cell on the table although he still sits forward, hands joined as he stares at the wall. Walking up to him I put his mug on the table, re-taking my seat.
'So what's he say?' I ask, not wanting to push him, but wanting him to get it off his mind.
'He said... well he said good luck, and he's going to let me keep this apartment for me and Val to live in, to bring the kid up,' he looks at me, eyes wide with dawning hope and realisation, as well as budding excitement, 'and he said I don't have to move back to LA and he'll work something out so I can stay here with her.' He shakes his head. 'I thought he was gonna fucking kill me, I can't believe that he's so... calm.'
'It's good though isn't it?' I ask, know that he isn't going to have to worry about the basics, so he and Val can concentrate on the child and the child alone.
'Yeah, it's fucking brilliant...' he turns completely now, gripping my forearm, 'you're still welcome to live here, you and Joe, I'm not going to kick you out just because it's mine.'
I squirm, having not let on my plans with Joe.
'No, I think it's better you and Val have the place to yourself,' I take a dee breath, 'plus me and Joe have found an apartment. It's not that we don't like living here, but, it'd be good to have our own space y'know.'
He doesn't look offended, if anything he looks happy, a smile breaking onto his face for the first time today.
'Don't worry. I understand. I'm happy for you guys, you deserve to work out.'
'Thanks,' I smile, unable to be completely happy when I'm still nervous as hell about tomorrow.
'When you moving?' He asks, settling back on the couch, actually looking relaxed. Maybe talking over my affairs will keep his mind off his for a while.
'I don't know, like, I don't know if it'll happen.' I sigh, 'you know we're going to my parents, and everything could all still go to shit. Joe's got no fucking idea about how wealthy my family is, and you know how proud he is, when he figures out that it's all going to be mine I'm worried he's going to run a hundred miles in the opposite direction.'
God it feels good to actually tell someone how worried I am about everything. Mike really is a good friend, the best fucking friend I could ever have asked for.
'He wouldn't do that,' Mike dismisses, 'he loves you to death, how much money you do or don't have will probably freak him out for an hour, but what he feels will override that.'
'He doesn't love me,' I whisper, suddenly heavily depressed, reminded of this morning and his lack of interest, his selective deafness.
'Bullshit he doesn't,' Mike spits, hand on my shoulder, 'whatever gave you that idea?'
'I said it this morning, and he pretended like he didn't even fucking hear.' I admit, biting my bottom lip, trying to keep my stupid emotions under control.
Mike just shakes his head.
'Well that's just because he's the man,' he smirks, once again poking friendly fun at my sexuality, 'he's not going to come out and say something like that until he ultimately has to. Complicating things is never a good idea, although I think you missed out on that one when you went through guy school.'
I smile, can't help but, these words somehow comforting me, even though I don't agree with them.
'Yeah, I must have been ill that day.'
'Don't worry about it, the more you worry the more you'll fuck up because you're worrying,' he pats my shoulder before getting up, stretching his back, 'well I have to go meet Val and tell her the good news. Be sure to let me know if you go ahead with the whole apartment thing, because when I know you're going it'll be time to let Jason know he's got to find his ass a new place to live.' He smirks, but there is such meaning in his eyes. 'The only reason he's been here so long is I know he's your best friend and I didn't want you to go. With you gone I don't have to put up with him fucking the entire Goddamn population of Manhattan and letting other people pick up the pieces.'
'He's not my best friend Mike,' I tell him with feeling, 'not really.'
Mike eyes soften but he keeps his jaw tight, just nodding before turning and walking out of the apartment, leaving me alone once again.
I'm glad of being alone this time, it'll give me time to think about tomorrow, to mentally prepare myself for every Goddamn scenario. It'll give me a headache, but a migraine is small price to pay for being well prepared, especially when I'm going to face my family.