Fast Eddies
This is NOT fanfiction, but it is m/m.
If you liked my writing then have a read.
Title Fast Eddies
Rating Mature
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty One
It's a hot day, too fucking hot for May. It feels like full summer and I'm sweating enough to prove it. I'm lucky I've been dating Joe for nearly six months, if it were the first date he'd kick me to the curb looking this frazzled. Still, there's a chance he'll be surprised at how terrible I look now after how clean and fresh I looked out of the shower this morning. My smile turns to a grin, God I hate how pathetic I am, my heart tensing as I think on my boyfriend, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't believe we've been in each others lives for so long now and it still feels as fresh and new as the first date. I could never get bored of this man, never in a million fucking years.
Things have changed so much these months, and I can't say I'm not scared, I am. We're getting serious, so serious today is going to be dedicated to looking for an apartment together. Joe had been kicked out of his apartment by his asshole landlord, along with the other tenants so that the building can be torn down and turned into something else. I don't know how he could do it, forcing so many families into such a tight spot, but I guess the money offered for the site was too much for him to turn down. Joe had said he'd go live with Brandan again, but after how tense things are with Brandan and Carlo's nearly non existent relationship I didn't think that would be a good idea so Mike had suggested he move in with us.
It's been three weeks that we've been living on top of each other now, and I've loved every single second of it. I always thought I'd value my own space too much to have someone near me all the time, but now, I can't get enough of him.
'You coming tonight or what?' Jason asks, continuing the line of conversation he's been forcing the whole drive to the garage.
'God Jason, I told you a thousand times, me and Joe aren't going to your mom's Premiere,' I sigh, smiling as I look at my persistent friend who is driving the car.
'But why not?' He asks again, and I know he didn't give me the lift out of the kindness of his heart, it was another chance to try and get me to change my mind.
'I told you, you bastards will be out so me and Joe'll have the place to ourselves.' I tell him, the real reason I don't want to go. It's been hard getting time to ourselves, sure our love life hasn't suffered in the slightest, but our emotional life has. Joe's very sexually open, doesn't mind giving out details I'd rather were kept private, but the minute things get personal in front of someone else he shies away. I've been looking forward to just having some time to ourselves, just a takeaway meal, movie and us lying together on the couch.
'You've been no fun since he moved in,' Jason huffs, the move something which had bothered him greatly. It's not like we had another person filling the place more, Stuart has already moved out to a hotel, getting himself ready for the big move in a few weeks time. It's sad, but I don't think we'll ever hear from him again once he's gone. 'You're joined at the hip, I mean, even Mike's bringing his new chick with him.'
'Yeah, but she wanted to get dressed up and go. It's totally not Joe's thing,' I reason, something which has also added to the reason why we're not going. I don't think I could get Joe into a suit even if we tied him down to try and force it on him.
It's strange thinking of Mike and Val, but they've been pretty much inseparable since they met. It's cute, and something I'm happy for. Mike deserves to be happy, and as much as I can tell they're both as sickeningly in love as the other. God, we're all growing up, and it's a fucking scary, but exhilarating thought. I can't believe I'm actually going to be taking responsibility for my own home.
Me and Joe had come to the conclusion one evening lying in bed together that as both of us were moving; him because of the demolition, me because of my imminent graduation, to take separate apartments was a stupid, expensive idea when we could just move in together and share the costs. A year ago I would never have thought I'd have found someone I'd be even considering moving in with, but then again I thought I'd probably end up with another Ash.
Another reason for not wanting to go to the Premiere is that we'll need this evening to completely talk everything through and make sure we're making the right decision before we sign on the dotted line. Not that I'm having any doubts about the longevity of our relationship, but I don't want to move things too fast and have it all fuck up in my hands.
'Fine, stay in and fuck,' Jason teases, looking over, once again paying little attention to the road. I don't know why, time after time, I get into the fucking car with him, 'we'll get drunk on my mom's tab and rub elbows with the stars.'
'Sounds like more Frank's deal than mine and Joe's,' I offer, Frank always keen to hear things about Jason's mom. I honestly couldn't even compare the two evenings, a night in alone with Joe winning out every time.
'Yeah, he loves my mom's stuff doesn't he?' Jason says, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him before. 'Might ask if he and Tony want to tag along.'
I snort before I can stop myself.
'There is no way in hell you'll get Tony there.'
Jason laughs at the thought of the Romano on the red carpet, probably the same mental image as me: Frank happy as shit and Tony lagging behind with a cigarette in his mouth and haphazard platinum hair. God it's something I'd pay to see, but there is no way it'd ever happen. Even though our friends have been getting on well, there's still a huge class boundary between them in their actions. I guess it's worked as well as it can, and there's never been a derogatory word passed between them.
'So what you and Joe doing this afternoon?' He asks with a wink, always insinuating whenever we're in the room together. I don't know why he has to focus so much on our sex life, it's not like he's been giving Mike the third degree now he's got a steady partner.
I maintain my usual raised eyebrow silence which I use for all of these questionings. I don't want to talk about it, and I especially don't want to talk about it with him. We've all noticed his strange behaviour since Joe moved in, he's been drinking more, spending more time out and fucking out whatever is in his head on as many girls as possible. It's a self destructive pattern, but I don't have the balls to stand up and ask what the fuck is going on for fear of the answer. I just hope that this is something he'll learn to deal with if it's left unsaid, and I'm sure he will, he seemed to come to terms with the fact we were in a relationship okay.
'Fine, be like that Mr. Prudish, I'll just try and get it out of Joe later,' Jason grins, hands elaborate on the wheel as he pulls the car into the road of the garage.
I like that they have no through road, this always good for parking space around here.
'Well, I'll see you later, thanks for the ride,' I offer as I push the car door open, feet touching the floor.
'Don't mention it, have fun.'
I'm about to reply about his filthy mind, half in and half out of the car when I spot Joe walking out of the shady depths of the garage. He is topless, a smudge of oil streaked down his pale, firm, sweat sheened chest, shirt hanging from the belt of his low jeans. I realise I'm staring, mouth open like a fucking moron.
'You'll catch flies,' Joe laughs, walking up quickly, taking hold of my arm and helping me out of the car, 'hey Jason, how you doing?'
Jason doesn't reply instantly, and I turn, find he is staring the exact same way I was. That old sense of jealous protection sparks within me again. More and more Jason has taken to staring at me and Joe when he thinks we're not looking, and it's something Joe has picked up on as well so I know I'm not just losing my mind. It makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not going to out him unless he takes anything a move too far. Joe is mine, and I will do everything to keep it that way.
'You nearly ready?' I ask, running a hand down his bare, tattooed arm.
'Yeah, this oil is nothing the shirt wont hide,' he smiles, green eyes sparkling in the strong sunlight as he tilts his head up a little to kiss me.
'Well, see you,' Jason offers as I close the door and we both wave as he backs the car out.
As soon as he is out of sight Joe shivers, turning and pulling me into a full hug.
'I thought his eyes were going to fall out,' Joe laughs, patting me heavily on the shoulder in his amusement, 'fuck, I think there's no remaining doubt he needs to get himself some cock.'
'Don't, 'cos he'll be after mine or yours,' I groan, holding his lean body tight, letting my hands wander over his familiar back. This man always feels so right and I don't know what I'd do without my daily fix.
'Hell, he'd be lucky. The amount we fuck I'm surprised we can even get out of bed,' Joe teases, laughing into my neck.
'Yeah well, I can't help it you're so fuckable can I?'
He pulls back and kisses me gently, one I push my lips harder into, feel his body respond in such a predictable way. I love making this strong, proud man melt to me with nothing more than a simple kiss and I'm glad he takes it good naturedly, pulling out of my embrace and slapping me on the shoulder, grinning.
'Don't be doing that, I'm starting to think it's not such a good idea we move in together.'
I can't help but smile back at his exuberance. Ever since Milo fucked off out of town he's been nothing but positive, and with his uncle and Kevin's guilt used against them for upsetting him so, everything had returned pretty much to normal. Kevin, who has taken a break from touring, only shoots longing glances at his friend, never vocalising his feelings. The only difference is that what Carlo said that night has meant Brandan has kicked him out. I don't know if it's anything they can resolve and I think only time will tell as to what happens there. I'm just glad Brandan seems to be holding it together, I don't think Joe could bear seeing his father figure hurting.
'You kids ready to move on out, or you just gonna stand there and make out all day?' Brandan calls, breaking us fully apart by his booming, bright words.
As we move apart, and I set eyes an an equally topless Brandan, who has one hell of a fucking good physique for his age, although I guess thirty four really isn't that old and if you're as active as him it's easy to keep fit.
'How are you?' I ask, grinning as he pulls me into a strong, sweaty hug.
'Good thanks, all the better to be getting rid of this little shit,' he teases, scuffing Joe affectionately around the head. Their familial closeness has always warmed my heart, and it doesn't disappoint today.
'You're just jealous I've got the rest of this glorious day off. Come on Ben, we've got places to look at.'
'We?' Brandan asks, astutely picking up on Joe's slip of the tongue, 'I thought you were looking at apartments this afternoon.'
Joe turns quickly, eyes widening for a second but he relaxes his features quickly, looking back to the man.
'Huh?' Joe asks, as though he doesn't realise what he's said, before turning to me. 'So you ready to go, I'm starving.'
'Oh no,' Brandan starts, grabbing Joe by the shoulder, stopping him from walking away, 'you two are hiding something from me, I can tell. Now 'fess up.'
'Fine,' Joe sighs, unable to keep this secret from this man he views so highly any longer, my heart soars, as soon as it's said out loud to someone else then it's going to mean more, it's going to actually fucking happen, 'me and Ben are looking for an apartment.'
'Together?' Brandan blurts, gripping Joe's shoulder tighter.
'Yes,' Joe sighs, looking like a kid who's been caught sneaking out by their parents.
Brandan all but squeals, such a strange sound from his stocky form as he grabs both me and Joe to him, hugging us so hard I find it hard to breathe.
'Oh fuck I'm so happy for you guys,' he gabbles, not letting us go and not looking like he's going to do it any time soon, 'I knew you'd work, I fucking knew you would.'
'God, you're acting worse than my mom when I told her,' Joe complains, trying to push the enthusiastic man away.
He told his mom. I can't fucking believe it, anything important in his life he passes through his mom as a fledgeling idea. He's actually so serious about this, more than I thought he was, all he's ever used as reasoning is the fact it would be cheaper sharing the rent.
'I'm sorry, I'm just really stoked,' Brandan grins, releasing us so I take a deep, relieved breath, 'God, I can't wait to tell everyone.'
'No,' Joe enforces, 'you can't tell anyone until we're sure. It wouldn't be fair if it doesn't work out.'
Brandan just flaps his hands at us.
'The fuck it wont, but I'll keep my mouth shut,' he hugs us both briefly again, 'but fuck it's great news.'
Joe shakes his head, pulling on his shirt, catching my eye and rolling his at Brandan's reaction.
'Well we're gonna make tracks, the first viewing is in an hour and we've got to get lunch first,' Joe placates, obviously trying to get away from the place speedily.
'Sure thing, you get going. Best of luck,' Brandan calls as we start to walk away. I turn a little and wave back to him, not wanting him to think I'm rude.
'Fuck, it's like we told him we were getting fucking married the way he was carrying on,' Joe grumbles as we turn the corner, his hands in his pockets.
'He's just excited,' I offer, a little stunned at how vast his reaction had actually been.
'Yeah I know,' Joe grins, pulling his hands out of his pockets, taking hold of mine in the usual way, 'and to be honest, I'm just holding it in. I can't believe I'm even thinking of moving in with you.'
'Oh thanks,' I tease, squeezing his hand before raising and kissing it.
'Fuck off, you know I don't mean that,' he shoots back, elbowing me gently, 'it's just... I like my space and...' He fades off and I let him, not wanting to push something I already think I understand.
It means so much he's willing to share himself with me in such a way when he's always been such a private person. I'm so excited I can barely contain myself, but also glad we've not had to have a talk about finances yet, not in too much detail. I've still got a fuck load of money left from my highschool graduation, and I have no idea how much my father is going to award me on my college one. All I know is it's something I'll have to tackle when the issue of money rears it's head. This will be a conversation for later, and I'm not going to let it ruin this afternoon.
*
Joe slams the door after us, heading straight to the fridge.
'I don't know about you, but I could do with a fucking beer,' he says, muffled with his head inside the appliance.
'Sure thing,' I reply, head dark with thoughts.
He's disappointed, it's plain to see that. All of the places we'd looked at had been above the budget he had set himself on the walk over. I mean, if we're working just on his wages and mine then we could scrape by, but that would leave little money for utilities and food, let alone the little comforts we've both got used to. It seems all of the cheaper housing is overflowing with applicants, and with no small reason why with how quickly the buildings are getting torn down to make way for high rise office blocks and the luxury apartments which go with them. Joe had even pointed out the half completed building the Romano's are working on.
I had really fallen for this one place, the same as Joe had. It was bigger then he had been expecting, spacious open plan kitchen and living area, great sized bathroom and two bedrooms, one en suite. More than we need, but offering a storage room, or hell, just somewhere for private space from each other. But the glow of excitement had faded from his skin the moment the price had been revealed, not being disclosed in the advert itself. The only other apartments we could easily afford were rat infested holes I would never in a million years feel comfortable in, in areas I'm sure my car would get stolen with the lack of anywhere to park it. Yet this place had offered it's clients a parking spot in the basement level, gated garage.
'Fuck it's not fair,' Joe finally complains as he practically slams the two beers on the table, flicking the caps off with the bottle opener on his keyring before tossing the keys carelessly onto the table, 'the one place I could actually see us living and I'd have to take on another job to get it. I mean, unless I wanted to take more than my half of the deposit out of my savings, and you know how I feel about touching that money.'
I do, and I'm not asking him to give up his dreams of owning his own property, but this is something which needs to be addressed. We both need somewhere to live, and if all of the rent tariffs are going to be as pricey as this, then there is no way Joe will end up living anywhere other than a one room shit hole. I could kill the guy who sold out his current apartment block. Sure it's just business, but there wasn't even a single thought spared for the tenants.
'Joe uh...' I start, only to be cut off as he continues to vent his frustration.
'How the fucking hell do they expect people to fucking afford it? Not when they've got bills on top of that, it's ridiculous I just...'
I take him by the shoulders, stopping him dead so he has to look at me. There is no better time for this to be said and it has to be done now or never.
'We can afford it,' I blurt, these words hurting me so much. I don't want his opinion to change of me, I don't want him to think I'm something I'm not.
'How? Sure if we don't eat...'
I shake my head, taking in the confusion in his eyes, the slightly worried set of his face.
'I... uh, I've got money, from when I graduated highschool. I've been working since I started college and been living rent and fee free so I've not touched any of it,' I swallow, throat too dry and Joe takes full advantage of this.
'Ben, we can't live off that, not only wouldn't it be fair, but it's your money.'
'It's not my money,' I spit, thinking of the bank account I rarely touch, a different one to the one I use everyday, 'it's money my father gave me, money my grandparents left me in their will. It's just sitting there doing nothing and I'd rather spend it on us than have it just fucking rot while we struggle to make ends meet out of sheer stubbornness.'
'How much?' He asks, a question which makes me wince. His voice is so matter of fact, so trusting.
'Uh... something like... a hundred and fifty thousand dollars.'
There is silence, such all encompassing silence I don't want to look up; don't want to see the look on his face. He hates me, he thinks I'm trying to buy him and that his fucking uncle has always been right about me. I shouldn't have said anything, I should have passed up this apartment and kept searching for something better. Mike hasn't mentioned a moving out date, but I know we've only got a week before graduation and his father will probably want the building back a month or so after. But that would have been enough time for us to find something else, I'm sure it would have been. Fuck, I just don't want him to have to pass up something he wants when he doesn't have to. Facing the moment I flick my eyes up cautiously, find Joe staring at me with huge eyes.
'You're kidding right?' He asks, something I know he doesn't believe due to the gravity of his voice.
'I wish I were Joe, I really do, but I'm not,' I sigh, looking away again, 'and if... if it's too much for you to deal with then... I guess... fuck I don't know.'
My heart beats in agony, this situation one I've been avoiding since the moment we met. What would his reaction have been if my father had died and I'd have been left the millions I haven't even hinted about.
'You'd really spend some of it on me?' He asks and I'm sure I hear the pain in his voice.
I take hold of his hand as quick as I can, nearly knocking over one of the beers. Panic rises fast in my chest, we've come so far, I can't lose him over money. It wouldn't be fair, it would kill me.
'I'm not trying to buy you,' I cry, beseeching him with my eyes, hoping he can see I mean every single word I'm saying, 'if we could comfortably afford it on the money we're earning I wouldn't even be fucking suggesting it, but we can't, and you really fucking loved it. I don't want you to have to pass up something you liked so much when I could help us both out,' I shake my head, squeezing his hand more, 'that money means nothing to me. I didn't earn it, I don't even fucking deserve it, but you do, you've worked harder than I ever have and haven't been rewarded the way you should have been. I just...it would just mean everything to me if... if you could...' My words fail me and I simply stand there, gripping his hand as I stand before him, eyes welled with tears, breath catching in my throat. I hate myself for being so close to tears but I can't help it. He means too much to me and those bank account figures so very fucking little.
The hug takes me by surprise, Joe holding me tight to him, pulling my head down to his shoulder, his fingers soothing in my hair.
'Calm down,' he hushes, voice smooth but not devoid of emotion, 'I know you wouldn't try and buy me. It just took me by surprise how much money you had, that's all.'
'I'm sorry,' I find myself saying, although sorry for what I have absolutely no clear idea. I think I'm sorry for lying to him, for continuing to lie to him by not revealing all. Sorry for having more than him when I haven't done a thing to earn it other than be born.
'Shh,' he soothes, fingers smoothing over my hair firmly, 'don't be sorry. You've nothing to be sorry for.' He pulls away a little, smiling at me with a look so genuinely touched I can hardly bear it without smothering him in sad kisses. 'And if it really means so much to you then we can do it, so long as we're even on the rent and whatever bills I can afford from my wages. Does that sound fair to you.'
It's my turn to hug him, and this time I can't hold back the tears, crying in happiness at this show of acceptance and trust. Maybe he won't hate me when he learns everything, maybe this is all going to work out. We have to at least try if we put our names on the contract. No, that's too underhand, too fucking sneaky, I'd never do that to him, but...
'I want you to come meet my family after graduation next week, they're holding a few days celebration at their house' I find myself saying, an invitation, which if accepted will give the entire game away, 'and I don't want us to finalise anything until you have.'
'Okay Ben, sure,' he answers, sounding confused by the intensity I voiced the request with. I'm not. Those few days will let us know if this can work, and this way I'm giving him the opportunity to walk away without messy ties. I wouldn't do that to him.
If you liked my writing then have a read.
Title Fast Eddies
Rating Mature
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty One
It's a hot day, too fucking hot for May. It feels like full summer and I'm sweating enough to prove it. I'm lucky I've been dating Joe for nearly six months, if it were the first date he'd kick me to the curb looking this frazzled. Still, there's a chance he'll be surprised at how terrible I look now after how clean and fresh I looked out of the shower this morning. My smile turns to a grin, God I hate how pathetic I am, my heart tensing as I think on my boyfriend, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't believe we've been in each others lives for so long now and it still feels as fresh and new as the first date. I could never get bored of this man, never in a million fucking years.
Things have changed so much these months, and I can't say I'm not scared, I am. We're getting serious, so serious today is going to be dedicated to looking for an apartment together. Joe had been kicked out of his apartment by his asshole landlord, along with the other tenants so that the building can be torn down and turned into something else. I don't know how he could do it, forcing so many families into such a tight spot, but I guess the money offered for the site was too much for him to turn down. Joe had said he'd go live with Brandan again, but after how tense things are with Brandan and Carlo's nearly non existent relationship I didn't think that would be a good idea so Mike had suggested he move in with us.
It's been three weeks that we've been living on top of each other now, and I've loved every single second of it. I always thought I'd value my own space too much to have someone near me all the time, but now, I can't get enough of him.
'You coming tonight or what?' Jason asks, continuing the line of conversation he's been forcing the whole drive to the garage.
'God Jason, I told you a thousand times, me and Joe aren't going to your mom's Premiere,' I sigh, smiling as I look at my persistent friend who is driving the car.
'But why not?' He asks again, and I know he didn't give me the lift out of the kindness of his heart, it was another chance to try and get me to change my mind.
'I told you, you bastards will be out so me and Joe'll have the place to ourselves.' I tell him, the real reason I don't want to go. It's been hard getting time to ourselves, sure our love life hasn't suffered in the slightest, but our emotional life has. Joe's very sexually open, doesn't mind giving out details I'd rather were kept private, but the minute things get personal in front of someone else he shies away. I've been looking forward to just having some time to ourselves, just a takeaway meal, movie and us lying together on the couch.
'You've been no fun since he moved in,' Jason huffs, the move something which had bothered him greatly. It's not like we had another person filling the place more, Stuart has already moved out to a hotel, getting himself ready for the big move in a few weeks time. It's sad, but I don't think we'll ever hear from him again once he's gone. 'You're joined at the hip, I mean, even Mike's bringing his new chick with him.'
'Yeah, but she wanted to get dressed up and go. It's totally not Joe's thing,' I reason, something which has also added to the reason why we're not going. I don't think I could get Joe into a suit even if we tied him down to try and force it on him.
It's strange thinking of Mike and Val, but they've been pretty much inseparable since they met. It's cute, and something I'm happy for. Mike deserves to be happy, and as much as I can tell they're both as sickeningly in love as the other. God, we're all growing up, and it's a fucking scary, but exhilarating thought. I can't believe I'm actually going to be taking responsibility for my own home.
Me and Joe had come to the conclusion one evening lying in bed together that as both of us were moving; him because of the demolition, me because of my imminent graduation, to take separate apartments was a stupid, expensive idea when we could just move in together and share the costs. A year ago I would never have thought I'd have found someone I'd be even considering moving in with, but then again I thought I'd probably end up with another Ash.
Another reason for not wanting to go to the Premiere is that we'll need this evening to completely talk everything through and make sure we're making the right decision before we sign on the dotted line. Not that I'm having any doubts about the longevity of our relationship, but I don't want to move things too fast and have it all fuck up in my hands.
'Fine, stay in and fuck,' Jason teases, looking over, once again paying little attention to the road. I don't know why, time after time, I get into the fucking car with him, 'we'll get drunk on my mom's tab and rub elbows with the stars.'
'Sounds like more Frank's deal than mine and Joe's,' I offer, Frank always keen to hear things about Jason's mom. I honestly couldn't even compare the two evenings, a night in alone with Joe winning out every time.
'Yeah, he loves my mom's stuff doesn't he?' Jason says, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him before. 'Might ask if he and Tony want to tag along.'
I snort before I can stop myself.
'There is no way in hell you'll get Tony there.'
Jason laughs at the thought of the Romano on the red carpet, probably the same mental image as me: Frank happy as shit and Tony lagging behind with a cigarette in his mouth and haphazard platinum hair. God it's something I'd pay to see, but there is no way it'd ever happen. Even though our friends have been getting on well, there's still a huge class boundary between them in their actions. I guess it's worked as well as it can, and there's never been a derogatory word passed between them.
'So what you and Joe doing this afternoon?' He asks with a wink, always insinuating whenever we're in the room together. I don't know why he has to focus so much on our sex life, it's not like he's been giving Mike the third degree now he's got a steady partner.
I maintain my usual raised eyebrow silence which I use for all of these questionings. I don't want to talk about it, and I especially don't want to talk about it with him. We've all noticed his strange behaviour since Joe moved in, he's been drinking more, spending more time out and fucking out whatever is in his head on as many girls as possible. It's a self destructive pattern, but I don't have the balls to stand up and ask what the fuck is going on for fear of the answer. I just hope that this is something he'll learn to deal with if it's left unsaid, and I'm sure he will, he seemed to come to terms with the fact we were in a relationship okay.
'Fine, be like that Mr. Prudish, I'll just try and get it out of Joe later,' Jason grins, hands elaborate on the wheel as he pulls the car into the road of the garage.
I like that they have no through road, this always good for parking space around here.
'Well, I'll see you later, thanks for the ride,' I offer as I push the car door open, feet touching the floor.
'Don't mention it, have fun.'
I'm about to reply about his filthy mind, half in and half out of the car when I spot Joe walking out of the shady depths of the garage. He is topless, a smudge of oil streaked down his pale, firm, sweat sheened chest, shirt hanging from the belt of his low jeans. I realise I'm staring, mouth open like a fucking moron.
'You'll catch flies,' Joe laughs, walking up quickly, taking hold of my arm and helping me out of the car, 'hey Jason, how you doing?'
Jason doesn't reply instantly, and I turn, find he is staring the exact same way I was. That old sense of jealous protection sparks within me again. More and more Jason has taken to staring at me and Joe when he thinks we're not looking, and it's something Joe has picked up on as well so I know I'm not just losing my mind. It makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not going to out him unless he takes anything a move too far. Joe is mine, and I will do everything to keep it that way.
'You nearly ready?' I ask, running a hand down his bare, tattooed arm.
'Yeah, this oil is nothing the shirt wont hide,' he smiles, green eyes sparkling in the strong sunlight as he tilts his head up a little to kiss me.
'Well, see you,' Jason offers as I close the door and we both wave as he backs the car out.
As soon as he is out of sight Joe shivers, turning and pulling me into a full hug.
'I thought his eyes were going to fall out,' Joe laughs, patting me heavily on the shoulder in his amusement, 'fuck, I think there's no remaining doubt he needs to get himself some cock.'
'Don't, 'cos he'll be after mine or yours,' I groan, holding his lean body tight, letting my hands wander over his familiar back. This man always feels so right and I don't know what I'd do without my daily fix.
'Hell, he'd be lucky. The amount we fuck I'm surprised we can even get out of bed,' Joe teases, laughing into my neck.
'Yeah well, I can't help it you're so fuckable can I?'
He pulls back and kisses me gently, one I push my lips harder into, feel his body respond in such a predictable way. I love making this strong, proud man melt to me with nothing more than a simple kiss and I'm glad he takes it good naturedly, pulling out of my embrace and slapping me on the shoulder, grinning.
'Don't be doing that, I'm starting to think it's not such a good idea we move in together.'
I can't help but smile back at his exuberance. Ever since Milo fucked off out of town he's been nothing but positive, and with his uncle and Kevin's guilt used against them for upsetting him so, everything had returned pretty much to normal. Kevin, who has taken a break from touring, only shoots longing glances at his friend, never vocalising his feelings. The only difference is that what Carlo said that night has meant Brandan has kicked him out. I don't know if it's anything they can resolve and I think only time will tell as to what happens there. I'm just glad Brandan seems to be holding it together, I don't think Joe could bear seeing his father figure hurting.
'You kids ready to move on out, or you just gonna stand there and make out all day?' Brandan calls, breaking us fully apart by his booming, bright words.
As we move apart, and I set eyes an an equally topless Brandan, who has one hell of a fucking good physique for his age, although I guess thirty four really isn't that old and if you're as active as him it's easy to keep fit.
'How are you?' I ask, grinning as he pulls me into a strong, sweaty hug.
'Good thanks, all the better to be getting rid of this little shit,' he teases, scuffing Joe affectionately around the head. Their familial closeness has always warmed my heart, and it doesn't disappoint today.
'You're just jealous I've got the rest of this glorious day off. Come on Ben, we've got places to look at.'
'We?' Brandan asks, astutely picking up on Joe's slip of the tongue, 'I thought you were looking at apartments this afternoon.'
Joe turns quickly, eyes widening for a second but he relaxes his features quickly, looking back to the man.
'Huh?' Joe asks, as though he doesn't realise what he's said, before turning to me. 'So you ready to go, I'm starving.'
'Oh no,' Brandan starts, grabbing Joe by the shoulder, stopping him from walking away, 'you two are hiding something from me, I can tell. Now 'fess up.'
'Fine,' Joe sighs, unable to keep this secret from this man he views so highly any longer, my heart soars, as soon as it's said out loud to someone else then it's going to mean more, it's going to actually fucking happen, 'me and Ben are looking for an apartment.'
'Together?' Brandan blurts, gripping Joe's shoulder tighter.
'Yes,' Joe sighs, looking like a kid who's been caught sneaking out by their parents.
Brandan all but squeals, such a strange sound from his stocky form as he grabs both me and Joe to him, hugging us so hard I find it hard to breathe.
'Oh fuck I'm so happy for you guys,' he gabbles, not letting us go and not looking like he's going to do it any time soon, 'I knew you'd work, I fucking knew you would.'
'God, you're acting worse than my mom when I told her,' Joe complains, trying to push the enthusiastic man away.
He told his mom. I can't fucking believe it, anything important in his life he passes through his mom as a fledgeling idea. He's actually so serious about this, more than I thought he was, all he's ever used as reasoning is the fact it would be cheaper sharing the rent.
'I'm sorry, I'm just really stoked,' Brandan grins, releasing us so I take a deep, relieved breath, 'God, I can't wait to tell everyone.'
'No,' Joe enforces, 'you can't tell anyone until we're sure. It wouldn't be fair if it doesn't work out.'
Brandan just flaps his hands at us.
'The fuck it wont, but I'll keep my mouth shut,' he hugs us both briefly again, 'but fuck it's great news.'
Joe shakes his head, pulling on his shirt, catching my eye and rolling his at Brandan's reaction.
'Well we're gonna make tracks, the first viewing is in an hour and we've got to get lunch first,' Joe placates, obviously trying to get away from the place speedily.
'Sure thing, you get going. Best of luck,' Brandan calls as we start to walk away. I turn a little and wave back to him, not wanting him to think I'm rude.
'Fuck, it's like we told him we were getting fucking married the way he was carrying on,' Joe grumbles as we turn the corner, his hands in his pockets.
'He's just excited,' I offer, a little stunned at how vast his reaction had actually been.
'Yeah I know,' Joe grins, pulling his hands out of his pockets, taking hold of mine in the usual way, 'and to be honest, I'm just holding it in. I can't believe I'm even thinking of moving in with you.'
'Oh thanks,' I tease, squeezing his hand before raising and kissing it.
'Fuck off, you know I don't mean that,' he shoots back, elbowing me gently, 'it's just... I like my space and...' He fades off and I let him, not wanting to push something I already think I understand.
It means so much he's willing to share himself with me in such a way when he's always been such a private person. I'm so excited I can barely contain myself, but also glad we've not had to have a talk about finances yet, not in too much detail. I've still got a fuck load of money left from my highschool graduation, and I have no idea how much my father is going to award me on my college one. All I know is it's something I'll have to tackle when the issue of money rears it's head. This will be a conversation for later, and I'm not going to let it ruin this afternoon.
*
Joe slams the door after us, heading straight to the fridge.
'I don't know about you, but I could do with a fucking beer,' he says, muffled with his head inside the appliance.
'Sure thing,' I reply, head dark with thoughts.
He's disappointed, it's plain to see that. All of the places we'd looked at had been above the budget he had set himself on the walk over. I mean, if we're working just on his wages and mine then we could scrape by, but that would leave little money for utilities and food, let alone the little comforts we've both got used to. It seems all of the cheaper housing is overflowing with applicants, and with no small reason why with how quickly the buildings are getting torn down to make way for high rise office blocks and the luxury apartments which go with them. Joe had even pointed out the half completed building the Romano's are working on.
I had really fallen for this one place, the same as Joe had. It was bigger then he had been expecting, spacious open plan kitchen and living area, great sized bathroom and two bedrooms, one en suite. More than we need, but offering a storage room, or hell, just somewhere for private space from each other. But the glow of excitement had faded from his skin the moment the price had been revealed, not being disclosed in the advert itself. The only other apartments we could easily afford were rat infested holes I would never in a million years feel comfortable in, in areas I'm sure my car would get stolen with the lack of anywhere to park it. Yet this place had offered it's clients a parking spot in the basement level, gated garage.
'Fuck it's not fair,' Joe finally complains as he practically slams the two beers on the table, flicking the caps off with the bottle opener on his keyring before tossing the keys carelessly onto the table, 'the one place I could actually see us living and I'd have to take on another job to get it. I mean, unless I wanted to take more than my half of the deposit out of my savings, and you know how I feel about touching that money.'
I do, and I'm not asking him to give up his dreams of owning his own property, but this is something which needs to be addressed. We both need somewhere to live, and if all of the rent tariffs are going to be as pricey as this, then there is no way Joe will end up living anywhere other than a one room shit hole. I could kill the guy who sold out his current apartment block. Sure it's just business, but there wasn't even a single thought spared for the tenants.
'Joe uh...' I start, only to be cut off as he continues to vent his frustration.
'How the fucking hell do they expect people to fucking afford it? Not when they've got bills on top of that, it's ridiculous I just...'
I take him by the shoulders, stopping him dead so he has to look at me. There is no better time for this to be said and it has to be done now or never.
'We can afford it,' I blurt, these words hurting me so much. I don't want his opinion to change of me, I don't want him to think I'm something I'm not.
'How? Sure if we don't eat...'
I shake my head, taking in the confusion in his eyes, the slightly worried set of his face.
'I... uh, I've got money, from when I graduated highschool. I've been working since I started college and been living rent and fee free so I've not touched any of it,' I swallow, throat too dry and Joe takes full advantage of this.
'Ben, we can't live off that, not only wouldn't it be fair, but it's your money.'
'It's not my money,' I spit, thinking of the bank account I rarely touch, a different one to the one I use everyday, 'it's money my father gave me, money my grandparents left me in their will. It's just sitting there doing nothing and I'd rather spend it on us than have it just fucking rot while we struggle to make ends meet out of sheer stubbornness.'
'How much?' He asks, a question which makes me wince. His voice is so matter of fact, so trusting.
'Uh... something like... a hundred and fifty thousand dollars.'
There is silence, such all encompassing silence I don't want to look up; don't want to see the look on his face. He hates me, he thinks I'm trying to buy him and that his fucking uncle has always been right about me. I shouldn't have said anything, I should have passed up this apartment and kept searching for something better. Mike hasn't mentioned a moving out date, but I know we've only got a week before graduation and his father will probably want the building back a month or so after. But that would have been enough time for us to find something else, I'm sure it would have been. Fuck, I just don't want him to have to pass up something he wants when he doesn't have to. Facing the moment I flick my eyes up cautiously, find Joe staring at me with huge eyes.
'You're kidding right?' He asks, something I know he doesn't believe due to the gravity of his voice.
'I wish I were Joe, I really do, but I'm not,' I sigh, looking away again, 'and if... if it's too much for you to deal with then... I guess... fuck I don't know.'
My heart beats in agony, this situation one I've been avoiding since the moment we met. What would his reaction have been if my father had died and I'd have been left the millions I haven't even hinted about.
'You'd really spend some of it on me?' He asks and I'm sure I hear the pain in his voice.
I take hold of his hand as quick as I can, nearly knocking over one of the beers. Panic rises fast in my chest, we've come so far, I can't lose him over money. It wouldn't be fair, it would kill me.
'I'm not trying to buy you,' I cry, beseeching him with my eyes, hoping he can see I mean every single word I'm saying, 'if we could comfortably afford it on the money we're earning I wouldn't even be fucking suggesting it, but we can't, and you really fucking loved it. I don't want you to have to pass up something you liked so much when I could help us both out,' I shake my head, squeezing his hand more, 'that money means nothing to me. I didn't earn it, I don't even fucking deserve it, but you do, you've worked harder than I ever have and haven't been rewarded the way you should have been. I just...it would just mean everything to me if... if you could...' My words fail me and I simply stand there, gripping his hand as I stand before him, eyes welled with tears, breath catching in my throat. I hate myself for being so close to tears but I can't help it. He means too much to me and those bank account figures so very fucking little.
The hug takes me by surprise, Joe holding me tight to him, pulling my head down to his shoulder, his fingers soothing in my hair.
'Calm down,' he hushes, voice smooth but not devoid of emotion, 'I know you wouldn't try and buy me. It just took me by surprise how much money you had, that's all.'
'I'm sorry,' I find myself saying, although sorry for what I have absolutely no clear idea. I think I'm sorry for lying to him, for continuing to lie to him by not revealing all. Sorry for having more than him when I haven't done a thing to earn it other than be born.
'Shh,' he soothes, fingers smoothing over my hair firmly, 'don't be sorry. You've nothing to be sorry for.' He pulls away a little, smiling at me with a look so genuinely touched I can hardly bear it without smothering him in sad kisses. 'And if it really means so much to you then we can do it, so long as we're even on the rent and whatever bills I can afford from my wages. Does that sound fair to you.'
It's my turn to hug him, and this time I can't hold back the tears, crying in happiness at this show of acceptance and trust. Maybe he won't hate me when he learns everything, maybe this is all going to work out. We have to at least try if we put our names on the contract. No, that's too underhand, too fucking sneaky, I'd never do that to him, but...
'I want you to come meet my family after graduation next week, they're holding a few days celebration at their house' I find myself saying, an invitation, which if accepted will give the entire game away, 'and I don't want us to finalise anything until you have.'
'Okay Ben, sure,' he answers, sounding confused by the intensity I voiced the request with. I'm not. Those few days will let us know if this can work, and this way I'm giving him the opportunity to walk away without messy ties. I wouldn't do that to him.