craziness!!....lol
PhreneticusXIII: what up?
hadjimoko69: yo.....sorry....was making food......nm....chilin at my house.....what u up to?
PhreneticusXIII: lol playing games like usual
hadjimoko69: tru
PhreneticusXIII: hehe, so hows life?
hadjimoko69: eh...i dunno...for the past couple days...Ive found myself looking deep into me....and just seeing nothing....or a whole jumble of confusion....and I feel...i dunno....kinda confused...
PhreneticusXIII: about?
hadjimoko69: it seems my whole life has been utterly fucked in ways it shouldnt have been because of my parents...their stupidity....and I really just dont genuinely like em
PhreneticusXIII: hmmm
hadjimoko69: idunno.....I think Im just being a whiny bitch....
PhreneticusXIII: dont blame them entirely, they know not the damage they cause
hadjimoko69: all the more for them to die
hadjimoko69: ^_^
PhreneticusXIII: lol dont be mean ;P
hadjimoko69: i dunno....i think I just have toooooo many things on my mind.....which makes me sad in another way cuz that means I cant really do any hallucinogens for a while...till my head is clear
PhreneticusXIII: lol life isnt all about teh drugs ;P try to solve your problems first, then go back to the good times
hadjimoko69: yea...I know....i know.....I know better....dont worry...sometimes knowing better pisses me off....but...i dunno....also.....theres such a strong....and I mean this strong! feeling of curiosity about what wou;dve happend if I just stayed there.......wtf woudve happened
PhreneticusXIII: lol I know how that feelas
hadjimoko69: just hurts my brain sometimes.....but.....wtf do I have to do to REALLY be me.....to be Omaesh.....to know what I like....
PhreneticusXIII: just stop caring about everyone else
PhreneticusXIII: thier oppinions dont matter
PhreneticusXIII: thier thoughts dont matter
PhreneticusXIII: just think about what you want
PhreneticusXIII: and what you think
hadjimoko69: i cant bro....I just cant....like..........theres an equality I keep looking for....like....I hate living...and thats one of the only things about life that I KNOW EXIST....this equality between everyone and everything....where theres not a lot of things that exist today which we need not to be reminded of
hadjimoko69: racism, religious wars, war in general
hadjimoko69: the ppl we meet.....the new ones......and then our dear friends......u know?....theres all connection...equality...
PhreneticusXIII: yeah
PhreneticusXIII: but if you have to concern yourself with what they want, they probably arent that great of people
hadjimoko69: all I want everyday when I wake up and look around is know that Im not the only fucking person out there who can see that no matter what there is good...IN EVERYONE thing in this universe
PhreneticusXIII: the equality comes from uunderstanding we are all different
hadjimoko69: hmmm.....maybe thats what I forget....u know?
PhreneticusXIII: I think it is
PhreneticusXIII: you can be you with still being equal
PhreneticusXIII: and anyone who doesnt understand that, fuck them
hadjimoko69: u see.....man....I ran away fro all my old friends in FL for a bit of time.....cuz I couldnt handle.....myself, my life, my family.....my situation.....I came back....I started talking to ppl again.....u know this cuz I told u before.....but I have never told u I could have been driven to the point of actually not caring about love
hadjimoko69: i know.....its easy to say fuck em.....but not easy to go foward with the actual meaning of the phrase....u know?
hadjimoko69: u see....I realized...that....i dont hate my mother.....I unfortunately just feel sorry for her......for the way she thinks.....who she is......how she reacts to things....
hadjimoko69: my dad.......I dont hate him....i hate whatever bullshit the world gave him to be what he was latter.....nothing but a fucking dr jekle and goddamn mr hyde.....I hate confusion
hadjimoko69: i hate his confusion......knowing this now....I just got stuck cuz I didnt know where to go from there.....how to be able to interact with them......express myself to them.....so in turn I hid this behind "i hate them"...
PhreneticusXIII: hmmm
hadjimoko69: now here I am......sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fucking bullshit Ive gone through......just to have my fucking curiosity still beckon at me..."wtf wouldve happened if I still lived there...."....that fucking sucks ryan.....I dont know if Im learing anything about myself........or if I do and just hide it behind bullshit....
hadjimoko69: tammy and I got fucked cuz all I did was bullshit.....since I was in middle school....just because of how my life was....boring....strict parents....a drunk and a nerd for parents at that.....who fought and hurt each other not knowing they hurt they're own child......
hadjimoko69: so I lied about things in my life....to make me interesting......to justify my actions....to be someone......when in all actuality...I created a lying self loathing person trapped in their own confusion......
hadjimoko69: when I realized this....I was stuck again.....how ccan I keep going.....in this NY state......it was to be a start over.....and it was....but with every thing that couldve possibly fucking killed me, strip me of all hope.....and rip out my heart
hadjimoko69: now i sit here......unalble to fucking comprehend myself.....my family and how to fully respect it......unalble to comprehend how I really got here to this day......if Ill ever be with someone again....
hadjimoko69: I have no job....cant go to school right away..
hadjimoko69: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!......
hadjimoko69: lol......ok...now that i got that out.....so, how've u been....^_^
PhreneticusXIII: lol dont overwhelm yourself
PhreneticusXIII: an eh
hadjimoko69: no...this is not overwhelming......its just fucked.....overwhelmth is when u go into the woods in Pennslyvania and trip on acid....everything is overwhelming then.....this is just my mind and the world being like "fuck you"
hadjimoko69: yo.....sorry....was making food......nm....chilin at my house.....what u up to?
PhreneticusXIII: lol playing games like usual
hadjimoko69: tru
PhreneticusXIII: hehe, so hows life?
hadjimoko69: eh...i dunno...for the past couple days...Ive found myself looking deep into me....and just seeing nothing....or a whole jumble of confusion....and I feel...i dunno....kinda confused...
PhreneticusXIII: about?
hadjimoko69: it seems my whole life has been utterly fucked in ways it shouldnt have been because of my parents...their stupidity....and I really just dont genuinely like em
PhreneticusXIII: hmmm
hadjimoko69: idunno.....I think Im just being a whiny bitch....
PhreneticusXIII: dont blame them entirely, they know not the damage they cause
hadjimoko69: all the more for them to die
hadjimoko69: ^_^
PhreneticusXIII: lol dont be mean ;P
hadjimoko69: i dunno....i think I just have toooooo many things on my mind.....which makes me sad in another way cuz that means I cant really do any hallucinogens for a while...till my head is clear
PhreneticusXIII: lol life isnt all about teh drugs ;P try to solve your problems first, then go back to the good times
hadjimoko69: yea...I know....i know.....I know better....dont worry...sometimes knowing better pisses me off....but...i dunno....also.....theres such a strong....and I mean this strong! feeling of curiosity about what wou;dve happend if I just stayed there.......wtf woudve happened
PhreneticusXIII: lol I know how that feelas
hadjimoko69: just hurts my brain sometimes.....but.....wtf do I have to do to REALLY be me.....to be Omaesh.....to know what I like....
PhreneticusXIII: just stop caring about everyone else
PhreneticusXIII: thier oppinions dont matter
PhreneticusXIII: thier thoughts dont matter
PhreneticusXIII: just think about what you want
PhreneticusXIII: and what you think
hadjimoko69: i cant bro....I just cant....like..........theres an equality I keep looking for....like....I hate living...and thats one of the only things about life that I KNOW EXIST....this equality between everyone and everything....where theres not a lot of things that exist today which we need not to be reminded of
hadjimoko69: racism, religious wars, war in general
hadjimoko69: the ppl we meet.....the new ones......and then our dear friends......u know?....theres all connection...equality...
PhreneticusXIII: yeah
PhreneticusXIII: but if you have to concern yourself with what they want, they probably arent that great of people
hadjimoko69: all I want everyday when I wake up and look around is know that Im not the only fucking person out there who can see that no matter what there is good...IN EVERYONE thing in this universe
PhreneticusXIII: the equality comes from uunderstanding we are all different
hadjimoko69: hmmm.....maybe thats what I forget....u know?
PhreneticusXIII: I think it is
PhreneticusXIII: you can be you with still being equal
PhreneticusXIII: and anyone who doesnt understand that, fuck them
hadjimoko69: u see.....man....I ran away fro all my old friends in FL for a bit of time.....cuz I couldnt handle.....myself, my life, my family.....my situation.....I came back....I started talking to ppl again.....u know this cuz I told u before.....but I have never told u I could have been driven to the point of actually not caring about love
hadjimoko69: i know.....its easy to say fuck em.....but not easy to go foward with the actual meaning of the phrase....u know?
hadjimoko69: u see....I realized...that....i dont hate my mother.....I unfortunately just feel sorry for her......for the way she thinks.....who she is......how she reacts to things....
hadjimoko69: my dad.......I dont hate him....i hate whatever bullshit the world gave him to be what he was latter.....nothing but a fucking dr jekle and goddamn mr hyde.....I hate confusion
hadjimoko69: i hate his confusion......knowing this now....I just got stuck cuz I didnt know where to go from there.....how to be able to interact with them......express myself to them.....so in turn I hid this behind "i hate them"...
PhreneticusXIII: hmmm
hadjimoko69: now here I am......sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fucking bullshit Ive gone through......just to have my fucking curiosity still beckon at me..."wtf wouldve happened if I still lived there...."....that fucking sucks ryan.....I dont know if Im learing anything about myself........or if I do and just hide it behind bullshit....
hadjimoko69: tammy and I got fucked cuz all I did was bullshit.....since I was in middle school....just because of how my life was....boring....strict parents....a drunk and a nerd for parents at that.....who fought and hurt each other not knowing they hurt they're own child......
hadjimoko69: so I lied about things in my life....to make me interesting......to justify my actions....to be someone......when in all actuality...I created a lying self loathing person trapped in their own confusion......
hadjimoko69: when I realized this....I was stuck again.....how ccan I keep going.....in this NY state......it was to be a start over.....and it was....but with every thing that couldve possibly fucking killed me, strip me of all hope.....and rip out my heart
hadjimoko69: now i sit here......unalble to fucking comprehend myself.....my family and how to fully respect it......unalble to comprehend how I really got here to this day......if Ill ever be with someone again....
hadjimoko69: I have no job....cant go to school right away..
hadjimoko69: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!......
hadjimoko69: lol......ok...now that i got that out.....so, how've u been....^_^
PhreneticusXIII: lol dont overwhelm yourself
PhreneticusXIII: an eh
hadjimoko69: no...this is not overwhelming......its just fucked.....overwhelmth is when u go into the woods in Pennslyvania and trip on acid....everything is overwhelming then.....this is just my mind and the world being like "fuck you"