HP - Ensemble - From the Patient Files of S. Freud and C. Jung
This idea had to be stolen from circe_tigana. She will do it again, and most likely better, but I cannot be saying no to the inspiration. Oh, crack, how I've missed you so.
Harry Potter
Ensemble - Draco, Harry, Blaise, Theodore, Pansy, Neville, OMC, OFC
From the Patient Files of S. Freud and C. Jung
By Order of the Ministry of Magic, as part of the Past Events Probationary Agreement (PEPA), the recipient of this owl is required to complete 10 hours of psychological counselling with a Ministry approved psychoanalyst.
This order is non-negotiable and any attempts to Confund this owl or immolate this decree will be seen as non-compliance. All those held in breach of this agreement will be sent to New Azkaban. This is non-negotiable.
Merlin preserve you,
The Department of Past Events Paroles
Patient Name: Zabini, Blaise
Date: 6 September 2003
Session: 1
The patient arrived promptly at two oh-three in the afternoon. Patient was dressed in the latest fashions and had immaculate cuticles.*
The patient refused to answer any of my questions and instead spent the entire hour reading the entire written works of Paracelsus.
I see he will be an uphill battle.
-Sigmund F.
*Note: I notice details like this because I am attentive, not because I am suffering from oral fixation issues or sexuality confusion, despite whatever Dr. Jung might believe.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 14 September 2003
Session: 1
Have heard much of the famous Mr Malfoy, in particular his association with leather trousers. Thought he would be taller. Still very attractive. Disconcertingly so.
ETA: Do not remember much about session. Am concerned. Is possible patient is Veela. Will have to check records.
-Carla J.
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 10 October 2003
Session # 1
Patient was thirty minutes late and arrived smelling of gardenias. Obviously patient had bathed self in perfume to mask scent of Dark Magic. Am not fooled. Will be telling Ministry in full report.
Patient spent entire session discussing Wizarding Armani.
Did not fall for it, except for the bit about the new pink boots at Jimmy Achoo in Diagon Alley. Must make stop on way home.
-Carla J.
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 12 October 2003
Session: 1
Patient arrived accompanied by Neville Longbottom, Auror. Requested couples therapy. Was not certain at first if this fit under compliance, but all therapy better than no therapy, so.
-Sigmund F.
Patient Name: Zabini, Blaise
Date: 15 October 2003
Session: 3
Arrived on time. Smelled good. Stone-walled yet again. Tried to offer veritaserum-spiked coffee, but does not drink coffee. Who doesn't drink coffee?
Clearly a Dark Wizard and in possession of masochistic tendencies.
Will need lots of therapy.
-Sigmund F.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 18 October 2003
Session: 3
Patient is so a Veela. Yaye.
-Carla J.
Patient Name: Potter, Harry
Date: 24 October 2003
Session: 1
Has been most difficult to get patient in offices. Patient said it was hazard of being most famous wizard ever probably. Patient clearly has delusions of grandeur.
Gave patient three Valium and brick of chocolate, told not take self so seriously.
-Sigmund F.
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 27 October 2003
Session: 4
Session conducted at Wizarding Armani in Hogsmeade. Much easier to conduct session when patient relaxed and spending too much money.
-Carla J.
-->BREAK FOR SAMHAIN<--
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 15 November 2003
Session: 4
Patient came without partner today. Apprently has been having issues with wanting to burn things down and inferiority of partner's friends. Clearly suffering from narcissism. Have told Patient to take down mirrors in home and stop looking at reflection so much.
Is v pretty yes, but not that pretty.
- Freud
Patient Name: Potter, Harry
Date: 20 November
Session: 2
*Tiny* altercation prior to session with C.J's patient. Apparently, Malfoy and Potter don't get on. Who knew?
Patient spent entire session bitching about Malfoy's stupid hair.
Clearly patient suffering from repressed tendencies regarding blondes.
- Freud
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 20 November 2003
Session: 5
Patient involved in altercation with S.F's patient prior to session. Apparently Patient Malfoy and Patient Potter have a "history." Am not surprised. Enough sexual tension in waiting room to kill small elephant.
Am surprised that Veela!Powers do not seem to work on Potter.
Potter obviously an idiot.
- Jung
Patient Name: Zabini, Blaise
Date: 27 November 2003
Session: 6
Patient has yet to do more than come to session and work on Arithmancy. Clearly obsessive-compulsive tendencies wrapped up with numbers. Wrote off entire session until very ending when patient interacted with Patient Nott.
Nott and Zabini apparently have a history.
Who knew?
- Freud
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 3 December 2003
Session: 7
Have decided to conduct all future session in Diagon Alley as a matter of convenience to the shops the client. Picked up fabulous pewter robes for Christmas party at The Singing Blade. Go team Jung.
- Jung
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 10 December 2003
Session: 7
Patient aggravated upon arrival. Apparently upset because of no interaction with Patient Potter. Cannot win with patient. Patient did not even use Veela powers.
Am most upset.
Stupid Potter.
- Jung
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 15 December 2003
Session: 6
Patient did not show for appointment. Will have to report to Ministry.
ETA: Patient was found in flagrante delicto with Patient Zabini in broom cupboard. Slytherins just as easy as everyone says, so why can't I get one?
S.F.
Patient Name: Potter, Harry
Date: 22 December 2003
Session: 5
Patient spent entire session whinging about dead parents and life as Boy Who Lived.
Bored now.
-S.F.
-->BREAK FOR NEW YEAR<--
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 5 January 2004
Session: 7
Patient was cold busted by partner. Apparently called wrong name during sex.
Stupid stupid stupid.
-S.F
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 13 January 2004
Session: 8-10
Have finished patient's counselling in marathon shopping spree. Patient has completely transformed therapist from shrinking violet to fabulous Man-Eater Flower of Doom. Am now ready to seduce Sigmund. All shall fear me. Yaye.
-C.J.
Analyst's Note 18/01/04
Patient Potter has been camped out in waiting room for last three days. Has been wreaking havoc on receptionist while waiting for Patient Malfoy to show.
Anybody with half a brain would just have Floo'd Inquiries and found Malfoy, but Potter not so smart, so should not be surprised.
Have tried repeatedly to ply with pharmaceuticals and phallic shaped objects, but Patient can be right pissy bastard when he wants to be.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco AND Potter, Harry
Date: 19 January 2004
Session: 8 and 6 respectively.
Most amusing sessions ever as Malfoy was clearly not expecting Potter upon arrival. Is wrong to laugh at other's misfortune, but not called schadenfreude for nothing. Malfoy and Potter bickered for both sessions; Carla and I shared Bertie Botts and watched.
Carla looking very nice these days. Smells good too.
Left Potter and Malfoy to repressed devices and went for lunch. Came back to find Patients having coitus on receptionist's desk. So not surprised. Plus, got 15 Galleons off Carla after winning flutter.
Will use to buy Carla flowers.
-S.F & C.G.
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore AND Zabini, Blaise AND Longbottom, Neville
Date: 21 January 2004
Session: 9 and 9 respectively.
Absolutely insanely intriguing session regarding two patients and Patient Nott's partner. Apparently, Nott loves Longbottom, but loves Zabini too. Longbottom not impressed by Nott shagging Zabini in broom cupboard. Zabini not really caring. Zabini insulted Nott AND Longbottom and said he didn't want to be in a relationship anyway, because they made people stupid.
Have not heard so many words out of Zabini ever.
Didn't even think he knew so many.
Discussions of polyamory. Excellent fodder for next book.
-S.F.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco AND Potter, Harry
Date: 18 January 2004
Session: 10 and 7 respectively.
Patients Potter and Malfoy have requested couples therapy.
Even more material for my book. Fabulous.
-S.F.
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore AND Zabini, Blaise AND Longbottom, Neville
Date: 30 January 2004
Session: 10 and 10.
Patients have completed mandatory psycholoanalysis, but are now requesting an additional ten (10) sessions to work out inner turmoil and sleeping arrangements.
Have told to go fuck it out and leave us alone.*
Best advice have given in months!
Am now go off to have sex with business partner, worst idea in months. Will obviously be seeking own analyst within six months.
I love this business.
-S. Freud.
*Will obviously call back in two days and tell was just joking. Cannot let such dysfunction slip between fingers. Am not crazy. Am not that crazy
-end-
As always casting can be found here.
And yes, I know Carl Jung is a man, and hence not Carla, but sometimes I actually do put het in my stories. This is why this is called fiction and not history.
Harry Potter
Ensemble - Draco, Harry, Blaise, Theodore, Pansy, Neville, OMC, OFC
From the Patient Files of S. Freud and C. Jung
By Order of the Ministry of Magic, as part of the Past Events Probationary Agreement (PEPA), the recipient of this owl is required to complete 10 hours of psychological counselling with a Ministry approved psychoanalyst.
This order is non-negotiable and any attempts to Confund this owl or immolate this decree will be seen as non-compliance. All those held in breach of this agreement will be sent to New Azkaban. This is non-negotiable.
Merlin preserve you,
The Department of Past Events Paroles
Patient Name: Zabini, Blaise
Date: 6 September 2003
Session: 1
The patient arrived promptly at two oh-three in the afternoon. Patient was dressed in the latest fashions and had immaculate cuticles.*
The patient refused to answer any of my questions and instead spent the entire hour reading the entire written works of Paracelsus.
I see he will be an uphill battle.
-Sigmund F.
*Note: I notice details like this because I am attentive, not because I am suffering from oral fixation issues or sexuality confusion, despite whatever Dr. Jung might believe.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 14 September 2003
Session: 1
Have heard much of the famous Mr Malfoy, in particular his association with leather trousers. Thought he would be taller. Still very attractive. Disconcertingly so.
ETA: Do not remember much about session. Am concerned. Is possible patient is Veela. Will have to check records.
-Carla J.
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 10 October 2003
Session # 1
Patient was thirty minutes late and arrived smelling of gardenias. Obviously patient had bathed self in perfume to mask scent of Dark Magic. Am not fooled. Will be telling Ministry in full report.
Patient spent entire session discussing Wizarding Armani.
Did not fall for it, except for the bit about the new pink boots at Jimmy Achoo in Diagon Alley. Must make stop on way home.
-Carla J.
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 12 October 2003
Session: 1
Patient arrived accompanied by Neville Longbottom, Auror. Requested couples therapy. Was not certain at first if this fit under compliance, but all therapy better than no therapy, so.
-Sigmund F.
Patient Name: Zabini, Blaise
Date: 15 October 2003
Session: 3
Arrived on time. Smelled good. Stone-walled yet again. Tried to offer veritaserum-spiked coffee, but does not drink coffee. Who doesn't drink coffee?
Clearly a Dark Wizard and in possession of masochistic tendencies.
Will need lots of therapy.
-Sigmund F.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 18 October 2003
Session: 3
Patient is so a Veela. Yaye.
-Carla J.
Patient Name: Potter, Harry
Date: 24 October 2003
Session: 1
Has been most difficult to get patient in offices. Patient said it was hazard of being most famous wizard ever probably. Patient clearly has delusions of grandeur.
Gave patient three Valium and brick of chocolate, told not take self so seriously.
-Sigmund F.
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 27 October 2003
Session: 4
Session conducted at Wizarding Armani in Hogsmeade. Much easier to conduct session when patient relaxed and spending too much money.
-Carla J.
-->BREAK FOR SAMHAIN<--
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 15 November 2003
Session: 4
Patient came without partner today. Apprently has been having issues with wanting to burn things down and inferiority of partner's friends. Clearly suffering from narcissism. Have told Patient to take down mirrors in home and stop looking at reflection so much.
Is v pretty yes, but not that pretty.
- Freud
Patient Name: Potter, Harry
Date: 20 November
Session: 2
*Tiny* altercation prior to session with C.J's patient. Apparently, Malfoy and Potter don't get on. Who knew?
Patient spent entire session bitching about Malfoy's stupid hair.
Clearly patient suffering from repressed tendencies regarding blondes.
- Freud
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 20 November 2003
Session: 5
Patient involved in altercation with S.F's patient prior to session. Apparently Patient Malfoy and Patient Potter have a "history." Am not surprised. Enough sexual tension in waiting room to kill small elephant.
Am surprised that Veela!Powers do not seem to work on Potter.
Potter obviously an idiot.
- Jung
Patient Name: Zabini, Blaise
Date: 27 November 2003
Session: 6
Patient has yet to do more than come to session and work on Arithmancy. Clearly obsessive-compulsive tendencies wrapped up with numbers. Wrote off entire session until very ending when patient interacted with Patient Nott.
Nott and Zabini apparently have a history.
Who knew?
- Freud
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 3 December 2003
Session: 7
Have decided to conduct all future session in Diagon Alley as a matter of convenience to the shops the client. Picked up fabulous pewter robes for Christmas party at The Singing Blade. Go team Jung.
- Jung
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco
Date: 10 December 2003
Session: 7
Patient aggravated upon arrival. Apparently upset because of no interaction with Patient Potter. Cannot win with patient. Patient did not even use Veela powers.
Am most upset.
Stupid Potter.
- Jung
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 15 December 2003
Session: 6
Patient did not show for appointment. Will have to report to Ministry.
ETA: Patient was found in flagrante delicto with Patient Zabini in broom cupboard. Slytherins just as easy as everyone says, so why can't I get one?
S.F.
Patient Name: Potter, Harry
Date: 22 December 2003
Session: 5
Patient spent entire session whinging about dead parents and life as Boy Who Lived.
Bored now.
-S.F.
-->BREAK FOR NEW YEAR<--
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore
Date: 5 January 2004
Session: 7
Patient was cold busted by partner. Apparently called wrong name during sex.
Stupid stupid stupid.
-S.F
Patient Name: Parkinson, Pansy
Date: 13 January 2004
Session: 8-10
Have finished patient's counselling in marathon shopping spree. Patient has completely transformed therapist from shrinking violet to fabulous Man-Eater Flower of Doom. Am now ready to seduce Sigmund. All shall fear me. Yaye.
-C.J.
Analyst's Note 18/01/04
Patient Potter has been camped out in waiting room for last three days. Has been wreaking havoc on receptionist while waiting for Patient Malfoy to show.
Anybody with half a brain would just have Floo'd Inquiries and found Malfoy, but Potter not so smart, so should not be surprised.
Have tried repeatedly to ply with pharmaceuticals and phallic shaped objects, but Patient can be right pissy bastard when he wants to be.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco AND Potter, Harry
Date: 19 January 2004
Session: 8 and 6 respectively.
Most amusing sessions ever as Malfoy was clearly not expecting Potter upon arrival. Is wrong to laugh at other's misfortune, but not called schadenfreude for nothing. Malfoy and Potter bickered for both sessions; Carla and I shared Bertie Botts and watched.
Carla looking very nice these days. Smells good too.
Left Potter and Malfoy to repressed devices and went for lunch. Came back to find Patients having coitus on receptionist's desk. So not surprised. Plus, got 15 Galleons off Carla after winning flutter.
Will use to buy Carla flowers.
-S.F & C.G.
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore AND Zabini, Blaise AND Longbottom, Neville
Date: 21 January 2004
Session: 9 and 9 respectively.
Absolutely insanely intriguing session regarding two patients and Patient Nott's partner. Apparently, Nott loves Longbottom, but loves Zabini too. Longbottom not impressed by Nott shagging Zabini in broom cupboard. Zabini not really caring. Zabini insulted Nott AND Longbottom and said he didn't want to be in a relationship anyway, because they made people stupid.
Have not heard so many words out of Zabini ever.
Didn't even think he knew so many.
Discussions of polyamory. Excellent fodder for next book.
-S.F.
Patient Name: Malfoy, Draco AND Potter, Harry
Date: 18 January 2004
Session: 10 and 7 respectively.
Patients Potter and Malfoy have requested couples therapy.
Even more material for my book. Fabulous.
-S.F.
Patient Name: Nott, Theodore AND Zabini, Blaise AND Longbottom, Neville
Date: 30 January 2004
Session: 10 and 10.
Patients have completed mandatory psycholoanalysis, but are now requesting an additional ten (10) sessions to work out inner turmoil and sleeping arrangements.
Have told to go fuck it out and leave us alone.*
Best advice have given in months!
Am now go off to have sex with business partner, worst idea in months. Will obviously be seeking own analyst within six months.
I love this business.
-S. Freud.
*Will obviously call back in two days and tell was just joking. Cannot let such dysfunction slip between fingers. Am not crazy. Am not that crazy
-end-
As always casting can be found here.
And yes, I know Carl Jung is a man, and hence not Carla, but sometimes I actually do put het in my stories. This is why this is called fiction and not history.