Before
Title: Before
Author: habitualunacy
Pairing: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: Your before is my forever.
A/N: Wooyoung's POV thoughts, "speech", ~~flashbacks~~ ---change scenes--- *Disclaimer: bold italicized lines are from the song Beautiful Woman by Lee Ki Chan. This fic was inspired by this video (song starts at 1:25) Minhyuk's story + Jonghyun's voice + angsty lyrics = Khunyoung Angst fic
The warmth of your touch, the sincerity of your smile and the curiosity in your eyes, where has it all gone?
~~
“Wooyoung-ah” I was at the couch watching t.v. when you suddenly grabbed one of my arms making me look at you.
“What’s wrong hyung?”
“Let’s go out.” You said with excitement written all over you face. The other members were out because of their schedules and only the two of us remained in the dorm.
“We can’t. Minjae hyung said we should just stay inside.” I dismissed the disappointed look that passed in your face and turned towards the television once again.
“But it’s been so long since we went out together.” You reasoned while suddenly slumping in the couch.
“We went out yesterday.” I said nonchalantly
“That was for work.” Although I wasn’t looking at you, I could feel that you were pouting. You don’t usually use that kind of method to get what you want unless you were really desperate in getting something.
I was sitting cross-legged in the couch wishing that my focus on the television and my silence would be enough to make you stop from persuading me, but the next thing that happened made concentrating on anything impossible.
“Wooyoung-ah…”
Your head was suddenly on my shoulders and your hands shaking my arm.
“…Iet’s go out. I really really really want to go out.”
“Hyung don’t be like this. Stop using your aegyo on me. Let go. We’ll just get scolded so let’s just watch the television.”
I started shaking you off but you wouldn’t let go but suddenly my shoulder became lighter. I didn’t thought you would give up that easily but then you grabbed something in my hand. When the television suddenly went off I realized what was going on in your head.
“You can’t watch now. So let’s go out.” You were smiling that smug smile of yours when you’ve conspired something not good.
“Khun hyung don’t be like this. Give it back.”
You held it behind your back.
“No.” You said as you inch away from me, going at the other end of the couch.
I stood up and walked towards you.
“I didn’t want to resort to this. But since you won’t give me the remote, I guess I have no choice.”
“What are you---“
“Yaahhh!”
I attacked. Kicked. Reached. Struggled. And when I was almost able to grab the remote control out from your grasp I was suddenly faced with the reality of our situation. I was breathing hard due to the effort I had to exert just to be able to pry the remote off you but what was disturbing was how close we’ve come together. For some reason I ended up grabbing you from behind. My legs were wrapped around your waist, one arm across your shoulder while my free hand tried to grab the remote from you. Since we were still at the couch I was the one being pressed down by your weight. And given that I was behind you, I couldn’t see the expression that you were wearing. It was a relief since you couldn’t also see my flushed expression the moment I realized how close I was to you. I could smell the scent of your soap and for a second I wished that we could be like that without the help of any remote control. I was awakened by reality when you suddenly placed your full weight on me.
“Ahh, hyung! Don’t do that your heavy!”
“Are you giving up now?”
“No.” I said rather exhaustedly.
My legs must’ve loosened its hold because within a few seconds we were already facing each other. You were above me with a smug smile on your face.
“Give up now or else..”
“Or else what?”
You suddenly leaned in and I held my breath at that moment.
You placed a hand at the side of my face, I saw in your eyes what you were about to do.
“Don’t --”
It was too late. You pinched my cheeks. Hard.
“Fine, fine. We’ll go out.”
~~
You were already prepared to go out the door when you realized I was by the couch flipping the channels on the television.
“I’m going to head out do you want anything?”
“No. I’m fine hyung”
Although my face was directed at the changing channels in front of me I could feel your gaze, I couldn’t exactly tell the kind of expression you were wearing but it didn’t matter because the moment was so brief that within moments I heard the sound of the door closing. You didn’t even bother to say,
“Bye”
The channels stopped changing.
The short goodbye we used to say, why does it sound so sad now?
Although I could hear the television and the sound of my own breathing, for some reason I couldn’t hear anymore that sound which was uniquely yours. I used to be able to distinguish it amidst all other sounds even if we were far apart, not because I am super human, but because I’ve been watching you that long that I became accustomed to it. But it seemed as though when the door closed, your heart beat vanished together with your goodbye.
The images in the television became a blur.
When tears flow down to my cheeks, I finally realized this was the end
I turned the television off and tried to sleep.
__
Nightmares.
I used to have nightmares when I was young. Back then my nightmares would have slimy monsters, cold creepy hands that were very particular with my cheeks and dark rooms with candles sticks. I thought those were scary things back then, but who knew that having a Thai prince with a charming smile and a long haired Chinese beauty married together would be more frightening.
“Please don’t go, don’t leave me so coldly”
At the sound of my whimpering or my screams my mother would often come to my room and wake me up. And as soon as I open my eyes and see her sitting next to me all the fear I have felt suddenly disappears. But now, aside from the fact that my mother isn’t around to wake me up, the most terrifying part is…
“Wooyoungie, wooyoungie”
Junho was shaking me.
“Wooyoungie, are you alright?”
...even when I’m wide awake,
“Stop spacing out, Victoria-sshi is here. Khun hyung wants us to meet her”
I see the images so clearly and feel the fear immensely that I began to wonder whether I’ll be able to wake up from the reality of my nightmare.
I shouted till my heart aches
The more I try to ignore what was happening in front of me, I hurt less but I also feel empty. We’ve both worked hard to be as close as we are now. You can’t imagine how satisfying it felt when you were able to understand what I was saying. We began from small talks to conversations then to deep meaningful discussions. We’ve grown closer to each other making it natural to let a touch or a look linger a bit more.
But you said you’re leaving, you’re going to let go of my hands
It took a long time and a lot of effort to get where we are but it only took four words to make it seem like it was never part of this reality.
~~
Junho was being clumsy and spilled some of the drinks. I was about to go to the comfort room when I heard familiar voices coming from the hallway, it sounded like Teacyeon-hyung. He was speaking English with none other than you.
“Don’t go. You’re taking your virtual marriage way too seriously man,”
“I know but Victoria-sshi didn’t sound good. I’ll just have to check on her. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Wooyoung’s not going to like it.” I heard my name and Teacyeon hyung’s voice sounded serious
“I know.” You sounded apologetic
“And you’re still going? It’s his birthday. Don’t be like this.”
“Wooyoung will understand.”
“I hope he does. Because if it’s my birthday and you go around leaving for some girl, I’ll be pissed off man.”
“Well it’s not your birthday. Just tell Wooyoung I’ll be back soon.”
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?”
“I can’t. I don’t want to ruin the mood inside.”
“You’re such a…”
“I need to go.”
Then you turned around and left
I hid at the back of a door, grateful that my English was bad enough to not understand everything that had just transpired. The whole conversation was all muddled up in my head but even when all I understood was,
“Victoria-sshi” and “I need to go.”
It made my chest hurt. And even when I only saw your shadow as you walked out, it made me want to scream,
“I’m here. I’m right here”
~~
Even if I love again and meet someone else
IU is cute. It’s a fact.
I just finished talking with her after the program when I spotted the back of your head. I was about to approach you until I saw a slender figure that occupied the space that used to be (perhaps never really was) mine. Just then I remembered the statement you made not so long ago, This woman has entered into my life. This is an unchangeable fact. I smiled bitterly as I recall it. I tried ignoring you and walking past you to relieve some of the pain but it only took five steps before I looked back to where you were.
I won’t be able to meet someone like you again
I love you. It’s my reality.
---
No matter how much I cry,
You were out again, this time I went out as well too. I didn’t know where my feet would take me but I just started walking, and although I wasn’t paying attention to the street it seemed as if I still ended up going to the places we usually go to. The time we spent together flashed through my head, people where starting to wonder what I was doing staring in front of an ice cream shop. I started walking again then stopped staring in front of a coffee shop. I did these several times over the places that we went to. It was like going to a museum and watching history unfold. The difference is, mine is a history that shall forever be forgotten.
No matter how much I’ve said it to myself
I felt pathetic and knew I had to move on somehow. I ended up going near Han river. You’ve always liked being near bodies of water. Perhaps this is why I always accustom myself to a fish, because amidst a sea of faces, you were always able to find me.
I was walking with my face focused on the ground.
Just then, I thought I heard someone call my name. It sounded so familiar that I knew I was hallucinating.
Be strong Wooyoung. Be strong. Be stro---
I still want to see your face
“Wooyoung-ah”
I looked up.
And I hate myself for it
“Khun..”
(A/N: I don't usually do chapters but I might do a continuation of this but it'll be in Khun's POV. I don't know when I'll finish it though. Anyway, let me know what you think. ^_^)
Author: habitualunacy
Pairing: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: Your before is my forever.
A/N: Wooyoung's POV thoughts, "speech", ~~flashbacks~~ ---change scenes--- *Disclaimer: bold italicized lines are from the song Beautiful Woman by Lee Ki Chan. This fic was inspired by this video (song starts at 1:25) Minhyuk's story + Jonghyun's voice + angsty lyrics = Khunyoung Angst fic
The warmth of your touch, the sincerity of your smile and the curiosity in your eyes, where has it all gone?
~~
“Wooyoung-ah” I was at the couch watching t.v. when you suddenly grabbed one of my arms making me look at you.
“What’s wrong hyung?”
“Let’s go out.” You said with excitement written all over you face. The other members were out because of their schedules and only the two of us remained in the dorm.
“We can’t. Minjae hyung said we should just stay inside.” I dismissed the disappointed look that passed in your face and turned towards the television once again.
“But it’s been so long since we went out together.” You reasoned while suddenly slumping in the couch.
“We went out yesterday.” I said nonchalantly
“That was for work.” Although I wasn’t looking at you, I could feel that you were pouting. You don’t usually use that kind of method to get what you want unless you were really desperate in getting something.
I was sitting cross-legged in the couch wishing that my focus on the television and my silence would be enough to make you stop from persuading me, but the next thing that happened made concentrating on anything impossible.
“Wooyoung-ah…”
Your head was suddenly on my shoulders and your hands shaking my arm.
“…Iet’s go out. I really really really want to go out.”
“Hyung don’t be like this. Stop using your aegyo on me. Let go. We’ll just get scolded so let’s just watch the television.”
I started shaking you off but you wouldn’t let go but suddenly my shoulder became lighter. I didn’t thought you would give up that easily but then you grabbed something in my hand. When the television suddenly went off I realized what was going on in your head.
“You can’t watch now. So let’s go out.” You were smiling that smug smile of yours when you’ve conspired something not good.
“Khun hyung don’t be like this. Give it back.”
You held it behind your back.
“No.” You said as you inch away from me, going at the other end of the couch.
I stood up and walked towards you.
“I didn’t want to resort to this. But since you won’t give me the remote, I guess I have no choice.”
“What are you---“
“Yaahhh!”
I attacked. Kicked. Reached. Struggled. And when I was almost able to grab the remote control out from your grasp I was suddenly faced with the reality of our situation. I was breathing hard due to the effort I had to exert just to be able to pry the remote off you but what was disturbing was how close we’ve come together. For some reason I ended up grabbing you from behind. My legs were wrapped around your waist, one arm across your shoulder while my free hand tried to grab the remote from you. Since we were still at the couch I was the one being pressed down by your weight. And given that I was behind you, I couldn’t see the expression that you were wearing. It was a relief since you couldn’t also see my flushed expression the moment I realized how close I was to you. I could smell the scent of your soap and for a second I wished that we could be like that without the help of any remote control. I was awakened by reality when you suddenly placed your full weight on me.
“Ahh, hyung! Don’t do that your heavy!”
“Are you giving up now?”
“No.” I said rather exhaustedly.
My legs must’ve loosened its hold because within a few seconds we were already facing each other. You were above me with a smug smile on your face.
“Give up now or else..”
“Or else what?”
You suddenly leaned in and I held my breath at that moment.
You placed a hand at the side of my face, I saw in your eyes what you were about to do.
“Don’t --”
It was too late. You pinched my cheeks. Hard.
“Fine, fine. We’ll go out.”
~~
You were already prepared to go out the door when you realized I was by the couch flipping the channels on the television.
“I’m going to head out do you want anything?”
“No. I’m fine hyung”
Although my face was directed at the changing channels in front of me I could feel your gaze, I couldn’t exactly tell the kind of expression you were wearing but it didn’t matter because the moment was so brief that within moments I heard the sound of the door closing. You didn’t even bother to say,
“Bye”
The channels stopped changing.
The short goodbye we used to say, why does it sound so sad now?
Although I could hear the television and the sound of my own breathing, for some reason I couldn’t hear anymore that sound which was uniquely yours. I used to be able to distinguish it amidst all other sounds even if we were far apart, not because I am super human, but because I’ve been watching you that long that I became accustomed to it. But it seemed as though when the door closed, your heart beat vanished together with your goodbye.
The images in the television became a blur.
When tears flow down to my cheeks, I finally realized this was the end
I turned the television off and tried to sleep.
__
Nightmares.
I used to have nightmares when I was young. Back then my nightmares would have slimy monsters, cold creepy hands that were very particular with my cheeks and dark rooms with candles sticks. I thought those were scary things back then, but who knew that having a Thai prince with a charming smile and a long haired Chinese beauty married together would be more frightening.
“Please don’t go, don’t leave me so coldly”
At the sound of my whimpering or my screams my mother would often come to my room and wake me up. And as soon as I open my eyes and see her sitting next to me all the fear I have felt suddenly disappears. But now, aside from the fact that my mother isn’t around to wake me up, the most terrifying part is…
“Wooyoungie, wooyoungie”
Junho was shaking me.
“Wooyoungie, are you alright?”
...even when I’m wide awake,
“Stop spacing out, Victoria-sshi is here. Khun hyung wants us to meet her”
I see the images so clearly and feel the fear immensely that I began to wonder whether I’ll be able to wake up from the reality of my nightmare.
I shouted till my heart aches
The more I try to ignore what was happening in front of me, I hurt less but I also feel empty. We’ve both worked hard to be as close as we are now. You can’t imagine how satisfying it felt when you were able to understand what I was saying. We began from small talks to conversations then to deep meaningful discussions. We’ve grown closer to each other making it natural to let a touch or a look linger a bit more.
But you said you’re leaving, you’re going to let go of my hands
It took a long time and a lot of effort to get where we are but it only took four words to make it seem like it was never part of this reality.
~~
Junho was being clumsy and spilled some of the drinks. I was about to go to the comfort room when I heard familiar voices coming from the hallway, it sounded like Teacyeon-hyung. He was speaking English with none other than you.
“Don’t go. You’re taking your virtual marriage way too seriously man,”
“I know but Victoria-sshi didn’t sound good. I’ll just have to check on her. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Wooyoung’s not going to like it.” I heard my name and Teacyeon hyung’s voice sounded serious
“I know.” You sounded apologetic
“And you’re still going? It’s his birthday. Don’t be like this.”
“Wooyoung will understand.”
“I hope he does. Because if it’s my birthday and you go around leaving for some girl, I’ll be pissed off man.”
“Well it’s not your birthday. Just tell Wooyoung I’ll be back soon.”
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?”
“I can’t. I don’t want to ruin the mood inside.”
“You’re such a…”
“I need to go.”
Then you turned around and left
I hid at the back of a door, grateful that my English was bad enough to not understand everything that had just transpired. The whole conversation was all muddled up in my head but even when all I understood was,
“Victoria-sshi” and “I need to go.”
It made my chest hurt. And even when I only saw your shadow as you walked out, it made me want to scream,
“I’m here. I’m right here”
~~
Even if I love again and meet someone else
IU is cute. It’s a fact.
I just finished talking with her after the program when I spotted the back of your head. I was about to approach you until I saw a slender figure that occupied the space that used to be (perhaps never really was) mine. Just then I remembered the statement you made not so long ago, This woman has entered into my life. This is an unchangeable fact. I smiled bitterly as I recall it. I tried ignoring you and walking past you to relieve some of the pain but it only took five steps before I looked back to where you were.
I won’t be able to meet someone like you again
I love you. It’s my reality.
---
No matter how much I cry,
You were out again, this time I went out as well too. I didn’t know where my feet would take me but I just started walking, and although I wasn’t paying attention to the street it seemed as if I still ended up going to the places we usually go to. The time we spent together flashed through my head, people where starting to wonder what I was doing staring in front of an ice cream shop. I started walking again then stopped staring in front of a coffee shop. I did these several times over the places that we went to. It was like going to a museum and watching history unfold. The difference is, mine is a history that shall forever be forgotten.
No matter how much I’ve said it to myself
I felt pathetic and knew I had to move on somehow. I ended up going near Han river. You’ve always liked being near bodies of water. Perhaps this is why I always accustom myself to a fish, because amidst a sea of faces, you were always able to find me.
I was walking with my face focused on the ground.
Just then, I thought I heard someone call my name. It sounded so familiar that I knew I was hallucinating.
Be strong Wooyoung. Be strong. Be stro---
I still want to see your face
“Wooyoung-ah”
I looked up.
And I hate myself for it
“Khun..”
(A/N: I don't usually do chapters but I might do a continuation of this but it'll be in Khun's POV. I don't know when I'll finish it though. Anyway, let me know what you think. ^_^)