Moments
Title: Moments
Author: habitualunacy
Pairing: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: There's a given moment for everything; to not love, to not hate, to not miss. But Wooyoung will always love friday nights, Khun will always hate lines and all of them will always miss Jaebum.
A/N: Wooyoung's POV and Khun's POV thoughts, "speech", 'flashback' *Disclaimer:the last line is a quote from Paulo Coelho.
(Disclaimer: I don't own the pic. Just edited it.)
There wasn’t anybody left on the studio save for a certain Jang Wooyoung who decided that friday nights often mean practice night rather than going out with the members. There wasn’t anyone to go out with anyway. Taecyeon is filming a variety show, Junsu is busy with his album, Junho is trying to create new songs, the maknae is too tired from exercise to go out and is probably in their kitchen dorm fishing something out of the fridge, and Nichkhun…
Khun hyung…
He’s with his wife tonight.
It’s funny Wooyoung thought as he placed his bag at the corner of the empty practice room. Not so long ago, every Friday night the same room would be filled with laughter. Chansung would be sprawled on the floor, banana in hand, Taecyeon would be teaching them some new English words while browsing the new manga he bought, Junsu would try talking like an American rapper but would fail miserably by revealing his accent, Junho and him would be trying the bboying that Jaebum would teach them. And Nichkhun would watch, mostly laughing at their antics while trying to polish his Korean. There was always more laughter than practice happening. He didn’t fully understood why they had to stay in the studio when they can do all those stuff at the dorm, after all they rarely practice during those nights. But Jaebum often told him,
“…because we’re a dance group Wooyoungie, where else should we be?”
Wooyoung remembers all this, memories flashing through his mind as he started stretching and warming up in front of the mirror. And as he was about to start practicing, he dreaded the scene reflected back at him by the studio mirrors.
From where seven stood before now only one remains.
For a moment he remembered all the doubts, pain, hurt and loneliness they had gone through and still experiencing now. He almost forgot the steps in their dance. He closed his eyes wishing he could hear the laughter once again. And at the corner of his mind where he had placed all things precious, he can hear them… albeit faint but he can hear them. So when he put on his earphones Wooyoung allowed the music to control his movements, regardless of the image of Jaebum’s back leaving their dorm, in spite of the sudden tightness in his chest whenever he see Nichkhun with Victoria, and despite of the lostness that he feels as he dance alone, Wooyoung continued to dance to every beat...
.. because he is a dancer, what else should he do?
__
In every sway, wave and step, Nichkhun can feel the beat of the music although he himself cannot hear it. That was one of the mysteries that remain unsolved to him with regards to the likes of Wooyoung. The ability to liken dancing to storytelling, and the talent of precision in every beat. Just watching him on the sidelines made him want to dance as well or at least feign a movement. He thinks that dancing is not Wooyoung's natural talent. It's moving people that he's good at and Nichkhun has been going with the flow of his motion dragging with it the contents of his heart and mind that he has tried to keep hidden. He couldn’t help but be captivated by the younger man. But Nichkhun is too afraid to cross the line. The line which separates their brotherhood and something more than that. He doesn’t think that he’s gay for he’s not attracted to other men and can’t imagine himself doing things with other men. And he can’t honestly say he’s going gay for Wooyoung… It’s just that, for Wooyoung he could give so much more, love more and be someone better. He thinks if it’s with Wooyoung, anything is worth doing.
Khun may have crossed over their cultural boundaries but he may never be able to cross the line between him and Wooyoung’s heart, however tempting it was.
And it doesn’t help that Wooyoung trust him, smiles at him, cares for him, show sides of himself that he doesn’t show to other members, laugh with him, and especially when Wooyoung dances his heart out as he is doing now, it doesn’t help him seeing it all because it pushes him to edge of the line. And sometimes even though he thinks it’s just some fragments of his dreams stuck in his mind, he could see Wooyoung on the other side wondering the same thing as him.
Will it be alright to hold hands a little longer? Will it be alright to look at you and only you? Can I hold you close to me? Will you promise me you won’t leave me? Those lips, can I…
“Aish..”
His thoughts were stopped by Wooyoung’s sound. His presence was still unknown to the other. He came to the practice room right after his filming with the thought of practicing the steps that he missed before. He was surprised to see the younger member to still be present. Khun checked the time and realized he had been staring at Wooyoung for some time now. As he was about to make his presence known, he noticed something different in Wooyoung’s movements.
Those steps…
He checked the date on his phone.
February 25, 2011 -Friday
Just then something went right and wrong in Khun’s head.
It was the day JYP announced Jay’s contract termination. It was the day that made it official to the world that 2pm was going to be a six member group. The steps that Wooyoung was practicing were the same ones that they have prepared with Jay during the time that he was away. They didn’t push through with it since Jay was the one who thought of most of the steps and people would only continue making issues if they would use it. Before he could stop he found himself standing behind Wooyoung saying his name,
“Wooyoung-ah..”
the other was still enthralled in dancing with eyes close and perhaps trying to recall the movement in each beat.
“Wooyoung-ah..” he called again.
It was heartbreaking for him. Every move was crisp, as if Wooyoung had practiced and perfected it long before, and yet he can feel the unwanted melancholy in every step. When Wooyoung turned, he grabbed hold of his shoulders making him stop and look at him surprisingly,
“Khun hyung? Wha-“
He pulled him in a tight embrace, positioning his head at the crook of his shoulder while holding on his waist to steady the other boy. It amazed him how the other’s frame fitted so well with him.
“That’s enough. You’ve done enough Wooyoung-ah.”
“….”
“I’m sorry for arriving this late. I should’ve practiced with you.”
He let the other boy go after realizing he’s been holding on him for too long. And without any word from Wooyoung, Nichkhun departed to change into his practice clothes.
“Wait here. I’ll just change.”
He didn’t know what came over him. It was like a surge of something he himself could not quite fathom. He could still feel Wooyoung’s sweat lingering in his arms. And he wondered if it was also sweat that made his shoulder wet.
If only his presence could be enough to fill in the space that Jay left in Wooyoung’s heart. But Khun knew it was impossible. Because nobody can take that place in any of the members’ hearts. However, seeing Wooyoung in such a state made him feel too helpless. If only he could do so much more…
When he got back Wooyoung was sitting on the floor, his back resting on the mirrors with his knees bended to his chest, arms wrapped around them. There was nothing that looked more vulnerable in Khun’s eyes than what he was seeing now. The other’s gaze was directed to the empty space in the studio as if he was watching something Khun can’t see. He slowly lowered himself beside Wooyoung trying not to break the sudden stillness in the room. They remained like that for some time, not speaking a word to each other. He realized Wooyoung hasn’t drank any water since he had stopped practicing so when Khun gave him a bottle it was the only time the other was able to look at him intently in the face. He understood that Wooyoung was missing their leader, but he didn’t think it was still hurting him this much. He was prepared to console the younger one with the lost of their member but he was surprised by what Wooyoung said next,
“Hyung, you like Victoria-sshi right?”
Like a practiced response he replied monotonously, “Yeah. I like her.”
“Then even when she’s just near you do you miss her? Does your heart suddenly feels like it’s about to explode when she holds you?”
“Wooyoung-ah why are you suddenly asking these questions?”
He saw the other tighten his grip on the bottle of water.
“When you embraced me just now. No. The way you embraced me just now, there was something different about it. Suddenly my heart started beating fast and my mind couldn’t think straight. And even now that you’re beside me, I think I miss you more than I miss Jaebum-hyung. Funny isn’t it? There must be really something wrong with me hyung. Jo Kwon once said I should be---“
Khun crossed over.
It was sweet, light and child-like.
Just like Wooyoung.
The moment that the younger boy responded to the kiss, Khun was glad he crossed the line. As they paused for a breath while looking at each other’s eyes, regardless of what the consequences of their action may be, Khun could only think,
The moment of that kiss contained every happy moment I had ever lived.