Fic Commentary: Resraints, Ch. 1
And then, after my silly little bit of a prologue, we get the backstory. In which I place the action in some kind of time frame. Although, really, it can be summarized thusly: “Red John is conveniently dead. And Jane does not leave.”
But I figured a little more detail would be a good thing. Even if it’s not as much fun as the prologue.
xxxxx
Chapter 1
xxxxx
Of course, things hadn’t exactly started with him handcuffing Lisbon while she sitting in the passenger seat of his car.
I should hope not. Although, that would have possibly been funny too.
They’d worked up to that more gradually. Okay, they hadn’t actually been working towards handcuffing exactly, but their relationship had been changing subtly in the last year or so
At least, Jane had thought it had (and he’d assumed she’d noticed it too).
First they’d gotten closer, gotten to know each other.
They’d become good friends.
He’d realized he cared about her.
(He knew her better than that ninny of lawyer, that was for damn sure.)
I will give Jane this. He does know Lisbon better than her date does. He knows Lisbon better than most (if not all) people alive. So he has that going in his favour. And he uses that information.
He hadn’t exactly moved quickly where their relationship was concerned. Neither of them had. They were both cautious by nature. And they’d had stuff, important stuff, to sort and deal through first.
They couldn’t move quickly. Not with their histories. It just wouldn’t work at all.
All of that had to be resolved before the progress, before anything approaching balance could be achieved.
Oddly enough though, that journey did start with a pair of handcuffs. Actually, it was the same pair of handcuffs.
And that, right there, is why this fic got written. Because I had this whole backstory of her using the handcuffs on him first. I liked the duality of it somehow.
Although, in its original incarnation, this chapter (and the next one actually) didn’t have these little introductory sections at the start from Jane’s POV. I didn’t think of it right away. I’m glad I did, because I knew that something was missing, just wasn’t sure what. I thought of them after some discussion with . And I think they really work. And they’re necessary to connect the sections of the story.
xxxxx
Several months earlier
x
Teresa Lisbon walked up the attic stairs, opened the door and slipped inside.
Jane smiled slightly when he heard her come in, but didn’t get up.
Lisbon smirked, walked over, shifted his knees off to the side slightly and sat down next to him on his makeshift couch.
Jane started playing his usual game with himself, trying to guess how long it would take her to speak.
Jane is all about the games. I feel like if I knew him I’d want to shoot him more often than not. Lisbon exercises considerable self-restraint, really.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing up here?” Lisbon asked him eventually.
Almost four minutes. That nearing a new record for her. “Aren’t you going to introduce a topic?” he countered. “I figured that since you came up here, you must have something to say to me, but you didn’t even announce yourself.”
I love how this is basically cannon now. Lisbon coming up to the attic to have heart-to-hearts with him, or to just talk to him and figure out what he’s planning. I really enjoy it. Especially since no one else ever goes to the attic.
She swatted him in the leg.
Jane noted that Lisbon hadn’t removed her hand afterwards and it was resting just below his right knee. She was probably just using it for balance, he reasoned. She certainly didn’t realize it was still there, and he wasn’t about to bring it up.
She’d definitely move it then.
He likes it when she touches him. I’d imagine it’s been a while since Jane’s been touched in any kind of a personal way. Sure he gets random hugs from near-strangers, and he’s always taking people’s pulse and such, but a hug from a friend, or something similar would be rarer. After all, he doesn’t have that many friends.
“Just wondered if you’d gotten anywhere with Red John, after the last case,” Lisbon admitted.
Jane opened his eyes and raised his eyes at her. “You know I tell you things about Red John when I find them,” he reminded her. He’d started telling her things one day, and just never stopped. Not after seeing what the results of that first desperate revelation had been. He’d been headed for prison, or at least disgrace and she’d simply stepped in and saved him, protected him. And she’d done it so effectively, so quickly, so logically (it would have never even occurred to Jane to simply walk into a room and punch a suspect in the face). Since then, he’d told her things. Not always right away, but eventually. (And over the years, eventually had become ‘sooner’ rather than ‘later.’)
I do love her method of getting him out of trouble. None of his machinations and underhanded schemes, Lisbon is much more direct. It’s lovely, especially in comparison to Jane’s methods.
“Yeah,” Lisbon admitted. “Pooling resources and all that.”
“Plus you’re useful, with all of your guns,” Jane assured her.
“Oh, shut it,” she said without malice.
Lisbon sighed. “I just thought, maybe you’d be on to something, something small. Or maybe you had an inkling, not something you’d fully thought out yet, and so you figured it wasn’t worth walking all the way downstairs to share it,” she said, her frustration at what felt like a near-continual lack of progress in the case was obvious.
The lack of progress is getting absurd. Irritatingly all-powerful Red John.
Jane reached out for her hand.
The action seemed to surprise her.
“We’re close now, Lisbon,” he told her, his eyes suddenly focussed. “I can feel it.”
“You’ve said that before,” she said with trepidation.
I’d reply with trepidation too. Focussed Jane can be a bit frightening. He always skirts just a bit too close to madness when he’s like that.
“I know,” he agreed. “But this time I don’t think Red John knows how close we are. And that makes all the difference.”
“You think?” Lisbon asked, her eyes a mixture of scepticism and hope.
“Now this is a change.” Jane told her, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Usually you’re the one trying to keep me positive. What’s going on?”
She sighed. “Nothing in particular. Sometimes it just feels like this case has been going on forever, you know? Oh god. That was stupid. Of course you...”
He squeezed her hand. “Stop,” he ordered. “It’s fine. It’s been years. And I know I’m not the only person this has affected.”
“Yeah,” she said with another sigh.
They’ve both lost people now to the serial killer. They share that, which isn’t the nicest thing in the world to share, but they do. I suppose VP’s also in that club, but I can’t bring myself to care too much...
“We’ll get him, Lisbon,” Jane assured her, in that same determined tone, the one that used to scare her, but that she’d somehow gotten used to over the course of their partnership. “I refuse to acknowledge any other possibility. One way or another, we’ll get him.”
Lisbon searched his eyes. “Okay,” she said eventually. It was all she said. She wasn’t in the mood to open discussion as to how they would ‘get’ the serial killer. They’d already had the conversation more times than either of them could count. Sometimes she thought they were getting somewhere, sometimes she thought they were right back where they started.
To her surprise, Jane almost smiled at her. “Now, are you over your doubts, or does this pep talk have to continue?”
She shoved him in the shoulder playfully.
He grinned at her.
They can be very cute, with their non-verbal communication.
His grin faded. “We’ll get him Lisbon,” he promised her again.
She closed her eyes. “I know,” she admitted. She just hoped that when it was all finally over, they were both able to enjoy it.
She stood regretfully. She’d like nothing more than to sit and chat with Jane about silly things (or even just less serious things), but she had work to do. Work that couldn’t be done lying about on couches, unlike some people.
Jane closed his eyes, trying to ignore his own disappointment when her hand finally slid off his knee.
“Oh,” she said suddenly. “That reminds me, FBI Crime Lab called, said they were hoping to have the lab results from the last Red John crime scene early next week,” she told him.
“So you did have something that you came up here to tell me,” Jane smirked.
Lisbon smirked back. “Notice how the whole sharing information thing works?”
“Hey!” Jane objected.
She smirked. “Just kidding, Jane,” she said. “Learn to take a joke.”
“You’ve got a particularly odd brand of gallows-type humour going on sometimes, Lisbon,” Jane murmured.
“How do you think I deal with you?” she asked him just before she ducked out the door.
How indeed, Jane wondered, allowing himself the luxury of a small smile before he turned his mind back to the latest Red John case.
She’d been right, at least in that he had been brooding over the last crime scene. Something was bothering him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Yet.
She’d be the first person to know when he did figure it out.
Part of his brain still rebelled at the idea of telling her anything (she could get in his way, she could get hurt), but the other part of his brain couldn’t argue with the simple truth that they got so much further along when they... what had she called it? Pooled their resources.
Lisbon gets results. And also, the optimistic part of me hopes that Jane is getting sick of shouldering it all alone. So he’s let her in. He just doesn’t quite realize what that means yet. She has a better idea. She won’t let him destroy himself, not if she can stop it.
And in the end, that was what mattered.
To both of them.
xxxxx
Jane was jittery, almost manic in the passenger seat as Lisbon sped through the streets of San Francisco.
She didn’t try to talk. Didn’t want the distraction.
That woulda been one heck of a car ride, I’ve got to say. Jane would be going nuts.
Luckily he wasn’t inclined to talk either.
There was nothing to say.
Wordlessly Lisbon pulled up to a sea of squad cars, threw the car in park and locked the doors before Jane could literally leap out.
It was just enough to distract him.
He turned to glare at her.
“Just listen to me for a second first, Jane,” she said firmly. “It’ll just take a second.”
He nodded curtly.
He’ll give her thirty seconds, just because it’s her. Anyone else and he’d have bounded out of the car without looking back.
“There’s already a CBI unit in there from San Francisco. They were closer when the call came in so they’ve secured the perimeter. Plus there are some locals for backup as you can see, and SWAT. And who knows who else. Everyone may be waiting for us to arrive before moving in, but I need you tell me that you understand what I’m saying,” Lisbon said slowly.
Jane nodded again. He understood exactly what she was saying. No rushing in alone. No going for Red John himself. With all those people around there was no way she could prevent him from either getting killed or going to prison if he made an attempt on the serial killer’s life. If he even got close enough to have the opportunity. “I understand,” he said emotionlessly.
Lisbon leaned in to study him more closely.
Jane put his hand on the door handle, willing to give her one more second before he was gone. Willing to enjoy her closeness for another second.
Depending on what happens, Jane knows he might never get another opportunity. Lisbon has other ideas though.
“Good,” she told him with a sigh. “And I’m sorry Jane.”
He froze in momentary confusion, giving her all the opportunity she needed.
He heard the click of the handcuffs a split second too late.
He looked down in shock to see that she’d handcuffed him to the car door.
“I’m so very sorry, Jane,” she told him again as she slipped out, checking her gun. “But I need to protect you.”
He stared after her retreating form in shock, ignoring the curious looks from the rest of her team.
And there we go. She restrains him for his own good. With her handcuffs. Even if he hates her afterwards, because that’s who she is.
x
It took him nearly ten minutes to pick the lock on the handcuffs.
The first minute he wasted nearly bursting in silent fury. The next seven were spend trying to find something, anything, to jimmy the lock.
There hadn’t been anything on the ground outside the SUV within grabbing range that was the right shape, and Jane had learned long ago that not just anything would do. In his distraction he’d forgotten his own lockpicks, and anyway, he hadn’t thought he’d need them. As he’d started searching the SUV, he began to wonder if Lisbon had deliberately cleared her SUV of anything thin and metallic until he found the paper clip under the seat.
She deliberately cleared her SUV of almost anything thin and metallic. Key distinction.
He’d just reached the door of the building when he heard the gunshots.
Jane managed to weave his way around the local police officers with relative ease only to find Lisbon close to the action, quietly re-holstering her gun; she obviously hadn’t been the one to shoot.
Lisbon exhaled slowly when she saw him.
“SWAT had to fire,” she explained. “Red John went a bit nuts when we wouldn’t let him speak to you, seemed quite annoyed that he couldn’t provoke you into showing yourself. He started waving a gun around, nearly took out a member of their team. They had no choice.”
“What was he saying?” Jane asked hollowly.
“General taunts,” Lisbon told him. “Describing how he killed your family,” she it said as gently as possible, but Jane still flinched; there was no good way to say it after all. After a moment, Lisbon continued, “He described all the mistakes you made, we made really, over the course of the investigation. Several insults in my direction, including how he’d only kept me alive because I amused him, and if I’d stop cowering in the corner he’d rectify the situation. He was trying to draw you out into the open I expect.”
Lisbon has always known that Jane is RJ’s main target (the last ep actually just solidifies that). She knew Jane out of the room would be safer for everyone concerned. So that’s what she did.
But he hadn’t been in the building, Jane thought to himself. He hadn’t been there to be drawn out. Which had been her plan all along.
“Where is he?” the consultant asked after a moment.
Lisbon hesitated, “Down there, but...”
“I need to see him,” Jane snapped angrily, unsure if he was angry at her, or the serial killer, or the SWAT team for taking the shot. He turned abruptly and walked away from her; nothing was going to stop him from seeing this corpse.
Poor Jane. Not that I’ve ever wanted him to commit murder, but this would be a shock to him. Red John dead, and he was handcuffed in the parking lot a few dozen metres away. He’s been working towards this for a decade, and now it’s suddenly over. You wouldn’t know how to feel.
Rigsby walked up to his boss. “How is he?” he murmured as they watched Jane go.
“I have no idea,” Lisbon admitted.
“He’ll come around,” Rigsby promised her.
Lisbon shook her head slightly. “I hope so.”
She’s not sure he will. But she’d do it again the same way anyway. Because she’d rather he be alive.
“Yeah,” Rigsby agreed.
xxx
Jane stared down at the body on the floor in front of him.
He wasn’t sure what he thought right now, but Red John was really dead. The man he’d first seen years ago at a cafe was dead. Though they’d crossed paths even before that.
He didn’t even know how he felt about any of it.
If he felt anything.
He’d been so sure he’d feel something.
I think he’s basically in some kind of shock. I can see him reacting that way, kind of dazed for a while. Then afterwards, angry, and wanting to be alone for a while.
Now he wasn’t even sure exactly what had happened.
Oh, he was sure he could find out eventually. Someone would tell him. But all of a sudden the little details didn’t seem to matter. He, Patrick Jane, hadn’t been the one to pull the trigger. The rest was trivial. Hell, maybe it all was. Just as long as Red John was dead.
Jane wasn’t sure.
He heard her behind him. He knew it was her.
I don’t think anyone else would dare approach him at this point, to be frank.
“He’s dead,” he said stupidly
“Yeah,” Lisbon agreed.
“Dead, dead,” Jane added.
She didn’t reply. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to...”
“No you’re not,” he interrupted bluntly.
They both know that’s true.
She sighed and tried again. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the closure you wanted.”
This however, she is genuinely sorry about. If she could have given him both, she would have. But she couldn’t have guaranteed his (and everyone else’s) safety the other way, so...
“I don’t know what I wanted,” he admitted. “And I don’t know what I have.”
Though he knew she’d had no way of knowing that. He deliberately hadn’t told her after all, at least the first part.
I’d love if Jane rethought some things. Especially now, after the whole shooting the wrong guy thing, but stupid show won’t go there, irritatingly enough.
“Oh,” Lisbon said, unable to conceal her surprise.
They stood there staring at the dead man.
Eventually Lisbon cleared her throat. “Jane?”
“Yeah?”
“They need to take the body,” she said gently.
“Right,” he mumbled, as he stepped aside to let the M.E.’s do their jobs.
“The team’s getting ready to head back to Sacramento,” Lisbon added. “You can ride with me, or if you’d rather go with Cho, I can take Rigsby...”
She expects him not to want to have anything to do with her. She’s resigned to that. Oh, Lisbon... She makes me sad sometimes...
“I’ll go with you,” he replied abruptly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to her right at that moment; he shouldn’t ever want to talk to her again (but he suspected he would, and soon). But Jane knew he sure as hell didn’t want to talk to anyone else. He definitely didn’t want to stick around an empty warehouse in San Francisco. There was nothing for him here. There was nothing for anyone here.
He doesn’t really want her, but she’s still better than anyone else. Which is saying something
“Okay,” she agreed.
He ignored the relief in her voice.
At least he tried to.
As they walked out Jane noticed for the first time the sheer number of law enforcement professionals milling about. He’d seen them before of course, but they hadn’t really registered. All with their guns. Always with their guns. And sure, he had a gun in his pocket, but he hadn’t been sure... he just hadn’t been sure.
Even in the food court I don’t think he was sure. He only does it after ‘Red John’ goads him about his family. Still does it of course, but there was doubt.
He’d accepted the fact that he might not get the chance to shoot at least a year ago. After he’d begun working more closely with his team on the Red John case. Jane’d realized that the price of moving faster in the direction of catching the psycho resulted in more people being involved.
He’d realized that this new, unexpected method didn’t necessarily end up with him and Red John facing off, alone in an empty room.
He just hadn’t told her that.
Because the face off had still been a possibility.
Just one that got less and less likely, each and every time he told her something.
And in the end he’d told her almost everything.
Because he needed her.
The two teammates got into the car in silence. Jane ignored the pair of handcuffs still resting on the seat which she retrieved as discretely as possible, re-clipping them to her belt.
He depended on her. And Red John had threatened her tonight. To get Jane to show himself.
Whatever Jane thought of his own (let’s face it, near-perfect, or as close to it as possible) self control, if the madman had started talking about his wife, his daughter, and then Lisbon, Jane knew that he’d have lost it in a second. Lost it and done something stupid.
If he’d been that close to the serial killer he’d have had to make a choice.
With all those people watching. All those people around, to get hurt. Because he wouldn’t have been thinking about protecting them, or himself.
He might have gotten himself in a situation where she had to risk herself to save him.
A nightmare.
She’d prevented it. With a simple pair of handcuffs.
I really wish this was the role the show would let Lisbon play, but it rarely does. She should balance him more. It would make things interesting. Not all the time, that wouldn’t work either, but just... more.
If she’d checked under her seats more carefully he’d probably never have left the vehicle at all.
Then Jane remembered once telling her that a safety pin was his favourite unofficial lock pick. That he used to practice with them for fun at the carnival.
“You left the pin under the seat deliberately,” he said.
Lisbon sighed. “I... I... I thought if I could just delay you just long enough I could figure out what was going on, get things under control...”
She didn’t want to keep him away completely, just enough to make sure she could get control first.
“And you could stop me from running into the middle of what would certainly become a firefight if I got involved,” Jane finished for her. “Red John would have ensured that.”
“Once the ball got rolling on this I knew there’d be a bit of a crowd,” Lisbon admitted. “Red John did too. I think he was hoping we’d all start shooting and take each other out.”
“Very nicely played,” Jane told her with just a hint of malice in his voice. “Very clever. The handcuffs were a particularly nice touch.”
“It wasn’t my intention to take anything from you,” she told him. “Not anything you deserved at least. Although I know you probably feel like I did. But I couldn’t let you...” she trailed off.
“Rush in and get myself killed,” Jane surmised.
“Or get anyone else killed,” she admitted.
“I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have,” he admitted in return.
She sighed, “I know.”
“But I also knew that there was a good chance there’d be a lot of people around today, whenever it happened,” he added. “I’ve known it for a while.”
He heard her sharp intake of breath. “What?”
“I guess I thought the possibility of an ending like this was worth it, as long as I got to see him dead,” Jane murmured.
“And what do you think now?” Lisbon asked tentatively.
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“Oh,” she said sounding disappointed, but unsurprised. Then after a minute she continued. “I’m sure it’ll take time...”
“I’m not angry at you for your decision, Lisbon,” Jane told her quickly. “Even if the handcuffs were a little humiliating.”
I wanted him to not be angry, but I also didn’t want him to be sure if he still liked her, for lack of a better term. He understands her decision in theory, but he’s not quite sure he can live with it, yet.
“All I could think of,” she told him.
“Ah.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “I hope...”
“There was nothing else you could do,” he said hollowly. “And there’s nothing to forgive.”
“Jane...”
“I’m not angry at you today,” he added. “I’m not angry right now, but I don’t know about tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“We caught him, Lisbon,” he said in the same emotionless voice. “That’s all I know for sure right now.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you,” he added in a whisper.
“Of course,” she added just as quietly.
Neither of them spoke again for the rest of the drive.
xxxxx
Jane was still mostly silent when they got to the CBI.
He actually did mostly everything required of him. Not that much was required since he’d barely been at the scene.
He did decline to speak to a counsellor, or make an appointment with the psychologist, but no one pushed him on that.
In fact, Jane didn’t say much of anything.
A quiet thank you when Lisbon pushed a mug of tea into his hands, a murmured “I’m fine,” when Van Pelt asked.
Eventually he just slipped away.
Lisbon told herself that the fact that her consultant had actually told her that he was going was a good sign.
It would be a good a sign. She’s taking comfort in that fact that he’s deigning to talk to her at all.
He’d even told her he’d talk to her later, after he’d cleared his head.
She tried not to worry too much.
xx
“How is he?” Hightower asked Rigsby soon after they’d returned to Sacramento, knowing that asking Lisbon would just cause further stress to the obviously already over-taxed woman.
“Quiet,” Rigsby said softly.
“Quiet?” Hightower asked in shock.
Rigsby’s shrug was expressive.
The worry in it was mirrored on his boss’s boss’s face.
The first of the three Rigsby/Hightower conversations. It’s an outside perspective, without delving too much into what’s going on in Jane or Lisbon’s heads. Just, yeah, something’s wrong. Things aren’t quite right. And Rigsby and Hightower point that out. Because Hightower was still the boss when I planned this, so she stayed. Much easier than dealing with LaRoche, and the fact that you never knew what he was thinking.
xx
Jane had just needed to get out of there.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do or what to say or what to feel.
He really had thought that after Red John had died everything would become clear.
Instead there was nothing.
Nothing at all.
It’s a convenient reaction to write. Much easier than Jane yelling at everyone. Plus, I think it’s possibly accurate. Hard to say how he’d react. He was calm enough after Hardy. He very rarely gets demonstrative. So why not?
He wanted to be angry at Lisbon. Hell, he’d tried to make himself angry at Lisbon. Maybe just on principle. But he couldn’t summon up the energy for it right now.
And why should he? What would it serve? Why should he even bother with the effort of it all? Red John was dead. That was sort of what he’d wanted.
Maybe he didn’t know ‘what now’ because he’d always thought he’d be dead too.
I believe this. He assumes he’ll probably die with the serial killer. And he thinks he’s okay with that, generally. Although, he may be kind of thinking it might not happen, more lately. I don’t know.
He couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Lisbon for that fact either. He didn’t care.
Which was odd.
His family was still gone. They weren’t coming back. This wouldn’t bring them back. And killing Red John had never been about absolution, not for him.
More than anything he missed having a goal.
Now he had nothing.
I feel like this is key. Red John dominated everything for so long, with him gone, there would be a massive gap. What next? Would be a very real question for Jane.
Jane remembered the woman who’d been none-too subtly watching him all evening.
Maybe nothing wasn’t true.
Not that he felt much about that one way or the other either.
He knows he still has her, but he’s not sure what to do about that.
xx
Lisbon had gone home not long after Jane had. There was nothing else that could be done that evening anyway. May as well try and get some sleep.
She’d probably just lie in bed.
Jane had actually been better than she’d been expecting. But the fact that he’d shut down and gone into some sort of shock didn’t exactly bode well.
I think she expected him to just leave. After a few vicious remarks. Jane in shock would be better than that.
When her consultant finally woke up again she might be in for it.
Lisbon sighed. She hoped not.
She was getting ready for bed when she heard a quiet but insistent knocking on her door.
Padding across her living room in her pyjamas and checking the peephole, she managed to be both shocked while simultaneously somehow unsurprised by the man on the other side.
“Hi,” she said with a gentle smile for her still-broken consultant. “You okay?”
“Can I come in,” Jane mumbled, his eyes downcast.
“Of course,” she agreed immediately stepping aside so he could enter. She could count the number of times Jane had been inside her apartment with both hands. Their relationship had centred around the CBI mainly because that’s where they always were. And when they did other things together they were either grabbing a bite after a long day on a case, or maybe the odd other impromptu outing. They were rarely at home when they met. Neither of them were the type to host dinner parties after all.
Much as I would love them to spend more time together off the clock, I don’t think they do. Not realistically. Sure, he’s been to her apartment, but it’s the exception not the rule. Although, in this universe, I’d also imagine that’s about to change...
Jane slipped past her silently.
“Can I get you anything?” Lisbon asked tentatively.
“No,” Jane whispered. “I just... I...” He couldn’t stay in his apartment. Like the warehouse in San Francisco, there was nothing there either. It was horribly empty. It positively echoed with emptiness. He was in no shape to drive to Malibu, and anyway, that would have been even worse. There was nothing for him in either of his houses. Motel rooms were completely anonymous. The CBI was too public, even the attic. That had only left her.
I like this idea. He’s not sure he wants to be near her, but he has nothing left. Red John is gone, he has no purpose. All that’s left is her. So he goes to her apartment to sleep, because somehow, that makes sense in his head. She’s still constant, even if he doesn’t know where she fits exactly anymore, or how to react to her.
“It’s fine,” Lisbon assured him. “I was just getting ready for bed, but if you wanted me to stay...”
“No.” Jane said again. He didn’t want to talk to her. He wasn’t ready to talk to her. He both craved and resented her. He walked over to her couch, lay down and closed his eyes.
There.
This was what he’d wanted.
He just hoped she’d understand (He just couldn’t talk to her right now. He couldn’t talk to anyone).
Lisbon did understand.
A minute later he felt a throw being tucked around him before he heard her walk upstairs to bed.
Because she can’t stop herself from trying to care for him.
She wasn’t surprised when he wasn’t there when she came down the next morning, the only sign he’d been there at all the blanket was neatly folded on the back of the couch.
xxxxx
It was only 9:30 in the morning and Lisbon already felt lost.
Jane’s disappearance from her apartment shouldn’t have surprised her; it was long overdue really, but somehow... she’d hoped...
When he didn’t leave right away, she did hope. She tried not to, but she couldn’t help it.
“Hi,” she heard a voice from her doorway.
She looked up in surprise. “Hi!” she said in relief.
Jane walked in and sat across from her. “Thanks for the couch.”
“Of course,” she said dismissively.
“Madeleine thinks I should take some time off,” Jane told her bluntly.
Anyone would. He’s obviously pretty screwed up. Of course, if he didn’t want time away, he’d refuse to take it. But he does.
Lisbon closed her eyes briefly. At least he was telling her about it first, instead of just disappearing into thin air. “It’s not a horrible idea. It could even be good for you.”
“I thought I’d take a few days, maybe four,” Jane explained neutrally. “Not including the weekend. Come back next Wednesday.”
“Oh,” Lisbon said, unsure of what else to say.
“Starting tomorrow obviously,” Jane added.
Lisbon blinked at him. She hadn’t expected the delay. She’d just expected him to be gone, to be all of a sudden unable to tolerate the CBI and its reminders. “You could start today,” she offered tentatively.
She’s not quite sure how to deal with the information. I think part of her half expects him to go, and then not come back. Understandably.
“I don’t want to.” Jane said firmly. He didn’t elaborate.
Lisbon exhaled, “Okay.”
“I just wanted to let you know.” Jane told her, offering her a little bit of an olive branch, still unsure what he thought of her.
“Thank you, Jane,” she said sincerely.
Jane ran a hand through his hair, suddenly awkward. “I have a couple of meetings this morning, tying up...”
“Okay,” Lisbon prompted when he trailed off.
Jane took breath. “Not for a while yet though.”
“Right,” she agreed.
“Can I wait in here?” he asked hopefully. He didn’t want to wait in the bullpen, where people would gawk at him. Where they’d come by and ask questions and be concerned and... and a million other things.
Her office is his hideout. She is his sanctuary. Because he would use her as protection, and be angry with her at the same time. All about having his cake and eating it too.
“Sure,” Lisbon said with a small smile.
She’d definitely allow it though. So relieved he hasn’t left town without a backwards glance. Because whatever else they are at this point, Best Friends is accurate. She doesn’t want to lose him.
Jane didn’t really speak to her again. But even after all of his meetings he was back on her couch where he could be found for the rest of the day.
xxx
Hightower didn’t even bother to try and convince herself that she wasn’t deliberately taking the long way around so that she could check in on the Serious Crimes Unit without appearing to check in on the Serious Crimes Unit.
She noticed everything seemed relatively quiet as she walked by.
She spotted Agent Rigsby by the coffee maker. “Morning Agent Hightower,” he said when she walked in the room.
Time for conversation number two.
“Good morning Agent Rigsby,” she replied politely.
Rigsby paused in pouring his drink when she didn’t immediately continue on her way. “Can I get you some coffee?” he offered.
“No. I’m fine, thank you,” Hightower assured him.
Rigsby smiled politely.
“How is everything?” she asked after a moment.
He’s good for information, at least general information. And she doesn’t want to ask Lisbon. She knows Lisbon has enough on her plate. Because by this point, Hightower appreciates Lisbon.
Rigsby raised his eyebrows, “Ma’am?”
She sighed and clarified her question. “How is he?”
They both know who she means. It’s obvious.
Rigsby took a second to consider his answer. “Hovering,” he said eventually.
“Hovering?” Hightower asked in surprise. It wasn’t the answer she’d been expecting.
“Around Lisbon,” Rigsby clarified. “He’s hovering.”
Like this image too. Jane is, without realizing it, hovering around the one stable thing in his life.
Which was still unexpected, though Hightower supposed it was better than what she had been expecting, which was for Jane to shut down and refuse to have anything to do with any of them, or to take his anger out on anyone he felt responsible for what had happened, Lisbon in particular. “He saying anything?” she checked.
“Nope,” Rigsby said with a shake of his head. “Though I don’t think Lisbon’s trying to talk.”
“So he’s just hovering?” Hightower repeated.
“Yeah,” Rigsby nodded.
Hightower paused. “I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” she admitted.
Rigsby shrugged. “It could be worse.”
Hightower nodded. It still wasn’t great. At least if Jane had gotten angry they’d know what he was thinking. She sighed, “On second thought, I think I might take you up on that coffee.”
“I hear ya,” Rigsby said, pouring her a cup.
Everything would be rather uncertain. No one wants Jane to leave, but they also know that they can’t stop him if that’s what he decides to do.
xxx
Lisbon told herself she wasn’t worried. There was no reason to be worried.
Jane taking six days off was actually sensible. Far more sensible a reaction than she’d been expecting.
He’d even kept in contact. Sent her a text message almost each day.
Thursday’s had been, “At the beach.”
I think he would find a beach somewhere. Jane seems to like the beach. Maybe he finds it soothing.
Friday’s had been, “Weather’s terrible.”
Lisbon had sent back relatively ordinary replies to those, but on Saturday she was the one to send the first text. It read, “Got a case. Will be out of the office. If you need me, use cell number.”
She wants to make sure he knows where she is. In case he needs her.
Twenty minutes later her phone buzzed with Jane’s reply, “As opposed to all those times that I tried to text your office phone?” She chuckled to herself and told herself that the humour was a good sign. Then her brain acknowledged that she might be reaching a little in her attempts to convince herself that Jane would get through this and be able to have a life post-Red John. She was in the middle of a mini-lecture telling her not to get her hopes up too high when her phone started vibrating a second time. “Good luck on the case... without me.”
The slightly teasing arrogance probably is a good sign, all things considered.
With that hope sparked up again before she could stop it. “Shut up. We’ll be fine,” she texted back. “Relax.”
There was no reply, but Lisbon told herself she hadn’t expected one.
There was a message on Sunday though, “Heading north for a change of pace.”
Monday’s was, “Case sounds like it’s going slowly without me.” Lisbon guessed he was watching the news media to keep an eye on things.
She couldn’t resist sending him a quick reply. This time she risked voicemail. “Keeping tags on a case while on vacation Jane?” she teased. “And you call me a workaholic. Anyway, I hope you’re, well, I hope you’re getting what you need. If you need anything at all you know where to find me.”
The reply took several hours, but it did come eventually. “Not my fault you made the news. Stop worrying.”
She didn’t have much luck with the second part of that.
She can’t stop worrying, and he knows it. He likes that she worries, even if he’s not 100% happy with her.
Tuesday’s text didn’t come until midday either. It was, “Solve your case Lisbon, or you won’t see me tomorrow.”
Well, she had solved her case, though it did end up being nearly seven at night by the time they finally got out of town. None of the team had wanted to stick around small-town California any longer than necessary. Lisbon refused to admit even to herself that she had an extra incentive to ensure she was back in the office bright and early Wednesday morning.
She still wasn’t sure she’d see him though. And even if he was back, she had no idea what to expect.
xxx
“Morning boss!” Lisbon said cheerfully as she bustled past Madeleine Hightower at about 10:30 Wednesday morning.
“Morning Lisbon,” Hightower replied, surprised by the Agent’s unusually sunny smile.
Lisbon turned suddenly, something obviously just occurring to her. “Did you need me?” she checked.
“No,” Hightower replied in confusion. “I’m just on my way to talk to Agent Lawson.”
“Oh, okay then,” Lisbon said as she positively strolled into her office.
“Did someone put something in her coffee today?” Hightower asked a passing Agent Rigsby.
Random conversation number three.
He grinned. “Jane was lying on his couch reading a case file when she arrived this morning.”
And that really says it all. Jane has come back. He hasn’t abandoned her. And to her, that’s enough, at least for now. She knows it won’t be easy, but at least he’s still there.
Hightower smirked. Of course. She should have known. “How is he?”
Rigsby grinned. “You saw Lisbon. She’s already been over to kick his couch twice.”
This is her sign of affection. He’s probably driving her up the wall, and she’s over the moon because of it.
“Of course she has,” Hightower said with a shake of her head. But she couldn’t suppress a smile of her own.
Hightower and Rigsby both know it’s an encouraging sign. Jane is still baiting Lisbon.
xxx
TBC
One more chapter tonight. Then I’m going to bed.
But I figured a little more detail would be a good thing. Even if it’s not as much fun as the prologue.
xxxxx
Chapter 1
xxxxx
Of course, things hadn’t exactly started with him handcuffing Lisbon while she sitting in the passenger seat of his car.
I should hope not. Although, that would have possibly been funny too.
They’d worked up to that more gradually. Okay, they hadn’t actually been working towards handcuffing exactly, but their relationship had been changing subtly in the last year or so
At least, Jane had thought it had (and he’d assumed she’d noticed it too).
First they’d gotten closer, gotten to know each other.
They’d become good friends.
He’d realized he cared about her.
(He knew her better than that ninny of lawyer, that was for damn sure.)
I will give Jane this. He does know Lisbon better than her date does. He knows Lisbon better than most (if not all) people alive. So he has that going in his favour. And he uses that information.
He hadn’t exactly moved quickly where their relationship was concerned. Neither of them had. They were both cautious by nature. And they’d had stuff, important stuff, to sort and deal through first.
They couldn’t move quickly. Not with their histories. It just wouldn’t work at all.
All of that had to be resolved before the progress, before anything approaching balance could be achieved.
Oddly enough though, that journey did start with a pair of handcuffs. Actually, it was the same pair of handcuffs.
And that, right there, is why this fic got written. Because I had this whole backstory of her using the handcuffs on him first. I liked the duality of it somehow.
Although, in its original incarnation, this chapter (and the next one actually) didn’t have these little introductory sections at the start from Jane’s POV. I didn’t think of it right away. I’m glad I did, because I knew that something was missing, just wasn’t sure what. I thought of them after some discussion with . And I think they really work. And they’re necessary to connect the sections of the story.
xxxxx
Several months earlier
x
Teresa Lisbon walked up the attic stairs, opened the door and slipped inside.
Jane smiled slightly when he heard her come in, but didn’t get up.
Lisbon smirked, walked over, shifted his knees off to the side slightly and sat down next to him on his makeshift couch.
Jane started playing his usual game with himself, trying to guess how long it would take her to speak.
Jane is all about the games. I feel like if I knew him I’d want to shoot him more often than not. Lisbon exercises considerable self-restraint, really.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing up here?” Lisbon asked him eventually.
Almost four minutes. That nearing a new record for her. “Aren’t you going to introduce a topic?” he countered. “I figured that since you came up here, you must have something to say to me, but you didn’t even announce yourself.”
I love how this is basically cannon now. Lisbon coming up to the attic to have heart-to-hearts with him, or to just talk to him and figure out what he’s planning. I really enjoy it. Especially since no one else ever goes to the attic.
She swatted him in the leg.
Jane noted that Lisbon hadn’t removed her hand afterwards and it was resting just below his right knee. She was probably just using it for balance, he reasoned. She certainly didn’t realize it was still there, and he wasn’t about to bring it up.
She’d definitely move it then.
He likes it when she touches him. I’d imagine it’s been a while since Jane’s been touched in any kind of a personal way. Sure he gets random hugs from near-strangers, and he’s always taking people’s pulse and such, but a hug from a friend, or something similar would be rarer. After all, he doesn’t have that many friends.
“Just wondered if you’d gotten anywhere with Red John, after the last case,” Lisbon admitted.
Jane opened his eyes and raised his eyes at her. “You know I tell you things about Red John when I find them,” he reminded her. He’d started telling her things one day, and just never stopped. Not after seeing what the results of that first desperate revelation had been. He’d been headed for prison, or at least disgrace and she’d simply stepped in and saved him, protected him. And she’d done it so effectively, so quickly, so logically (it would have never even occurred to Jane to simply walk into a room and punch a suspect in the face). Since then, he’d told her things. Not always right away, but eventually. (And over the years, eventually had become ‘sooner’ rather than ‘later.’)
I do love her method of getting him out of trouble. None of his machinations and underhanded schemes, Lisbon is much more direct. It’s lovely, especially in comparison to Jane’s methods.
“Yeah,” Lisbon admitted. “Pooling resources and all that.”
“Plus you’re useful, with all of your guns,” Jane assured her.
“Oh, shut it,” she said without malice.
Lisbon sighed. “I just thought, maybe you’d be on to something, something small. Or maybe you had an inkling, not something you’d fully thought out yet, and so you figured it wasn’t worth walking all the way downstairs to share it,” she said, her frustration at what felt like a near-continual lack of progress in the case was obvious.
The lack of progress is getting absurd. Irritatingly all-powerful Red John.
Jane reached out for her hand.
The action seemed to surprise her.
“We’re close now, Lisbon,” he told her, his eyes suddenly focussed. “I can feel it.”
“You’ve said that before,” she said with trepidation.
I’d reply with trepidation too. Focussed Jane can be a bit frightening. He always skirts just a bit too close to madness when he’s like that.
“I know,” he agreed. “But this time I don’t think Red John knows how close we are. And that makes all the difference.”
“You think?” Lisbon asked, her eyes a mixture of scepticism and hope.
“Now this is a change.” Jane told her, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Usually you’re the one trying to keep me positive. What’s going on?”
She sighed. “Nothing in particular. Sometimes it just feels like this case has been going on forever, you know? Oh god. That was stupid. Of course you...”
He squeezed her hand. “Stop,” he ordered. “It’s fine. It’s been years. And I know I’m not the only person this has affected.”
“Yeah,” she said with another sigh.
They’ve both lost people now to the serial killer. They share that, which isn’t the nicest thing in the world to share, but they do. I suppose VP’s also in that club, but I can’t bring myself to care too much...
“We’ll get him, Lisbon,” Jane assured her, in that same determined tone, the one that used to scare her, but that she’d somehow gotten used to over the course of their partnership. “I refuse to acknowledge any other possibility. One way or another, we’ll get him.”
Lisbon searched his eyes. “Okay,” she said eventually. It was all she said. She wasn’t in the mood to open discussion as to how they would ‘get’ the serial killer. They’d already had the conversation more times than either of them could count. Sometimes she thought they were getting somewhere, sometimes she thought they were right back where they started.
To her surprise, Jane almost smiled at her. “Now, are you over your doubts, or does this pep talk have to continue?”
She shoved him in the shoulder playfully.
He grinned at her.
They can be very cute, with their non-verbal communication.
His grin faded. “We’ll get him Lisbon,” he promised her again.
She closed her eyes. “I know,” she admitted. She just hoped that when it was all finally over, they were both able to enjoy it.
She stood regretfully. She’d like nothing more than to sit and chat with Jane about silly things (or even just less serious things), but she had work to do. Work that couldn’t be done lying about on couches, unlike some people.
Jane closed his eyes, trying to ignore his own disappointment when her hand finally slid off his knee.
“Oh,” she said suddenly. “That reminds me, FBI Crime Lab called, said they were hoping to have the lab results from the last Red John crime scene early next week,” she told him.
“So you did have something that you came up here to tell me,” Jane smirked.
Lisbon smirked back. “Notice how the whole sharing information thing works?”
“Hey!” Jane objected.
She smirked. “Just kidding, Jane,” she said. “Learn to take a joke.”
“You’ve got a particularly odd brand of gallows-type humour going on sometimes, Lisbon,” Jane murmured.
“How do you think I deal with you?” she asked him just before she ducked out the door.
How indeed, Jane wondered, allowing himself the luxury of a small smile before he turned his mind back to the latest Red John case.
She’d been right, at least in that he had been brooding over the last crime scene. Something was bothering him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Yet.
She’d be the first person to know when he did figure it out.
Part of his brain still rebelled at the idea of telling her anything (she could get in his way, she could get hurt), but the other part of his brain couldn’t argue with the simple truth that they got so much further along when they... what had she called it? Pooled their resources.
Lisbon gets results. And also, the optimistic part of me hopes that Jane is getting sick of shouldering it all alone. So he’s let her in. He just doesn’t quite realize what that means yet. She has a better idea. She won’t let him destroy himself, not if she can stop it.
And in the end, that was what mattered.
To both of them.
xxxxx
Jane was jittery, almost manic in the passenger seat as Lisbon sped through the streets of San Francisco.
She didn’t try to talk. Didn’t want the distraction.
That woulda been one heck of a car ride, I’ve got to say. Jane would be going nuts.
Luckily he wasn’t inclined to talk either.
There was nothing to say.
Wordlessly Lisbon pulled up to a sea of squad cars, threw the car in park and locked the doors before Jane could literally leap out.
It was just enough to distract him.
He turned to glare at her.
“Just listen to me for a second first, Jane,” she said firmly. “It’ll just take a second.”
He nodded curtly.
He’ll give her thirty seconds, just because it’s her. Anyone else and he’d have bounded out of the car without looking back.
“There’s already a CBI unit in there from San Francisco. They were closer when the call came in so they’ve secured the perimeter. Plus there are some locals for backup as you can see, and SWAT. And who knows who else. Everyone may be waiting for us to arrive before moving in, but I need you tell me that you understand what I’m saying,” Lisbon said slowly.
Jane nodded again. He understood exactly what she was saying. No rushing in alone. No going for Red John himself. With all those people around there was no way she could prevent him from either getting killed or going to prison if he made an attempt on the serial killer’s life. If he even got close enough to have the opportunity. “I understand,” he said emotionlessly.
Lisbon leaned in to study him more closely.
Jane put his hand on the door handle, willing to give her one more second before he was gone. Willing to enjoy her closeness for another second.
Depending on what happens, Jane knows he might never get another opportunity. Lisbon has other ideas though.
“Good,” she told him with a sigh. “And I’m sorry Jane.”
He froze in momentary confusion, giving her all the opportunity she needed.
He heard the click of the handcuffs a split second too late.
He looked down in shock to see that she’d handcuffed him to the car door.
“I’m so very sorry, Jane,” she told him again as she slipped out, checking her gun. “But I need to protect you.”
He stared after her retreating form in shock, ignoring the curious looks from the rest of her team.
And there we go. She restrains him for his own good. With her handcuffs. Even if he hates her afterwards, because that’s who she is.
x
It took him nearly ten minutes to pick the lock on the handcuffs.
The first minute he wasted nearly bursting in silent fury. The next seven were spend trying to find something, anything, to jimmy the lock.
There hadn’t been anything on the ground outside the SUV within grabbing range that was the right shape, and Jane had learned long ago that not just anything would do. In his distraction he’d forgotten his own lockpicks, and anyway, he hadn’t thought he’d need them. As he’d started searching the SUV, he began to wonder if Lisbon had deliberately cleared her SUV of anything thin and metallic until he found the paper clip under the seat.
She deliberately cleared her SUV of almost anything thin and metallic. Key distinction.
He’d just reached the door of the building when he heard the gunshots.
Jane managed to weave his way around the local police officers with relative ease only to find Lisbon close to the action, quietly re-holstering her gun; she obviously hadn’t been the one to shoot.
Lisbon exhaled slowly when she saw him.
“SWAT had to fire,” she explained. “Red John went a bit nuts when we wouldn’t let him speak to you, seemed quite annoyed that he couldn’t provoke you into showing yourself. He started waving a gun around, nearly took out a member of their team. They had no choice.”
“What was he saying?” Jane asked hollowly.
“General taunts,” Lisbon told him. “Describing how he killed your family,” she it said as gently as possible, but Jane still flinched; there was no good way to say it after all. After a moment, Lisbon continued, “He described all the mistakes you made, we made really, over the course of the investigation. Several insults in my direction, including how he’d only kept me alive because I amused him, and if I’d stop cowering in the corner he’d rectify the situation. He was trying to draw you out into the open I expect.”
Lisbon has always known that Jane is RJ’s main target (the last ep actually just solidifies that). She knew Jane out of the room would be safer for everyone concerned. So that’s what she did.
But he hadn’t been in the building, Jane thought to himself. He hadn’t been there to be drawn out. Which had been her plan all along.
“Where is he?” the consultant asked after a moment.
Lisbon hesitated, “Down there, but...”
“I need to see him,” Jane snapped angrily, unsure if he was angry at her, or the serial killer, or the SWAT team for taking the shot. He turned abruptly and walked away from her; nothing was going to stop him from seeing this corpse.
Poor Jane. Not that I’ve ever wanted him to commit murder, but this would be a shock to him. Red John dead, and he was handcuffed in the parking lot a few dozen metres away. He’s been working towards this for a decade, and now it’s suddenly over. You wouldn’t know how to feel.
Rigsby walked up to his boss. “How is he?” he murmured as they watched Jane go.
“I have no idea,” Lisbon admitted.
“He’ll come around,” Rigsby promised her.
Lisbon shook her head slightly. “I hope so.”
She’s not sure he will. But she’d do it again the same way anyway. Because she’d rather he be alive.
“Yeah,” Rigsby agreed.
xxx
Jane stared down at the body on the floor in front of him.
He wasn’t sure what he thought right now, but Red John was really dead. The man he’d first seen years ago at a cafe was dead. Though they’d crossed paths even before that.
He didn’t even know how he felt about any of it.
If he felt anything.
He’d been so sure he’d feel something.
I think he’s basically in some kind of shock. I can see him reacting that way, kind of dazed for a while. Then afterwards, angry, and wanting to be alone for a while.
Now he wasn’t even sure exactly what had happened.
Oh, he was sure he could find out eventually. Someone would tell him. But all of a sudden the little details didn’t seem to matter. He, Patrick Jane, hadn’t been the one to pull the trigger. The rest was trivial. Hell, maybe it all was. Just as long as Red John was dead.
Jane wasn’t sure.
He heard her behind him. He knew it was her.
I don’t think anyone else would dare approach him at this point, to be frank.
“He’s dead,” he said stupidly
“Yeah,” Lisbon agreed.
“Dead, dead,” Jane added.
She didn’t reply. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to...”
“No you’re not,” he interrupted bluntly.
They both know that’s true.
She sighed and tried again. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the closure you wanted.”
This however, she is genuinely sorry about. If she could have given him both, she would have. But she couldn’t have guaranteed his (and everyone else’s) safety the other way, so...
“I don’t know what I wanted,” he admitted. “And I don’t know what I have.”
Though he knew she’d had no way of knowing that. He deliberately hadn’t told her after all, at least the first part.
I’d love if Jane rethought some things. Especially now, after the whole shooting the wrong guy thing, but stupid show won’t go there, irritatingly enough.
“Oh,” Lisbon said, unable to conceal her surprise.
They stood there staring at the dead man.
Eventually Lisbon cleared her throat. “Jane?”
“Yeah?”
“They need to take the body,” she said gently.
“Right,” he mumbled, as he stepped aside to let the M.E.’s do their jobs.
“The team’s getting ready to head back to Sacramento,” Lisbon added. “You can ride with me, or if you’d rather go with Cho, I can take Rigsby...”
She expects him not to want to have anything to do with her. She’s resigned to that. Oh, Lisbon... She makes me sad sometimes...
“I’ll go with you,” he replied abruptly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to her right at that moment; he shouldn’t ever want to talk to her again (but he suspected he would, and soon). But Jane knew he sure as hell didn’t want to talk to anyone else. He definitely didn’t want to stick around an empty warehouse in San Francisco. There was nothing for him here. There was nothing for anyone here.
He doesn’t really want her, but she’s still better than anyone else. Which is saying something
“Okay,” she agreed.
He ignored the relief in her voice.
At least he tried to.
As they walked out Jane noticed for the first time the sheer number of law enforcement professionals milling about. He’d seen them before of course, but they hadn’t really registered. All with their guns. Always with their guns. And sure, he had a gun in his pocket, but he hadn’t been sure... he just hadn’t been sure.
Even in the food court I don’t think he was sure. He only does it after ‘Red John’ goads him about his family. Still does it of course, but there was doubt.
He’d accepted the fact that he might not get the chance to shoot at least a year ago. After he’d begun working more closely with his team on the Red John case. Jane’d realized that the price of moving faster in the direction of catching the psycho resulted in more people being involved.
He’d realized that this new, unexpected method didn’t necessarily end up with him and Red John facing off, alone in an empty room.
He just hadn’t told her that.
Because the face off had still been a possibility.
Just one that got less and less likely, each and every time he told her something.
And in the end he’d told her almost everything.
Because he needed her.
The two teammates got into the car in silence. Jane ignored the pair of handcuffs still resting on the seat which she retrieved as discretely as possible, re-clipping them to her belt.
He depended on her. And Red John had threatened her tonight. To get Jane to show himself.
Whatever Jane thought of his own (let’s face it, near-perfect, or as close to it as possible) self control, if the madman had started talking about his wife, his daughter, and then Lisbon, Jane knew that he’d have lost it in a second. Lost it and done something stupid.
If he’d been that close to the serial killer he’d have had to make a choice.
With all those people watching. All those people around, to get hurt. Because he wouldn’t have been thinking about protecting them, or himself.
He might have gotten himself in a situation where she had to risk herself to save him.
A nightmare.
She’d prevented it. With a simple pair of handcuffs.
I really wish this was the role the show would let Lisbon play, but it rarely does. She should balance him more. It would make things interesting. Not all the time, that wouldn’t work either, but just... more.
If she’d checked under her seats more carefully he’d probably never have left the vehicle at all.
Then Jane remembered once telling her that a safety pin was his favourite unofficial lock pick. That he used to practice with them for fun at the carnival.
“You left the pin under the seat deliberately,” he said.
Lisbon sighed. “I... I... I thought if I could just delay you just long enough I could figure out what was going on, get things under control...”
She didn’t want to keep him away completely, just enough to make sure she could get control first.
“And you could stop me from running into the middle of what would certainly become a firefight if I got involved,” Jane finished for her. “Red John would have ensured that.”
“Once the ball got rolling on this I knew there’d be a bit of a crowd,” Lisbon admitted. “Red John did too. I think he was hoping we’d all start shooting and take each other out.”
“Very nicely played,” Jane told her with just a hint of malice in his voice. “Very clever. The handcuffs were a particularly nice touch.”
“It wasn’t my intention to take anything from you,” she told him. “Not anything you deserved at least. Although I know you probably feel like I did. But I couldn’t let you...” she trailed off.
“Rush in and get myself killed,” Jane surmised.
“Or get anyone else killed,” she admitted.
“I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have,” he admitted in return.
She sighed, “I know.”
“But I also knew that there was a good chance there’d be a lot of people around today, whenever it happened,” he added. “I’ve known it for a while.”
He heard her sharp intake of breath. “What?”
“I guess I thought the possibility of an ending like this was worth it, as long as I got to see him dead,” Jane murmured.
“And what do you think now?” Lisbon asked tentatively.
“I don’t know,” he admitted.
“Oh,” she said sounding disappointed, but unsurprised. Then after a minute she continued. “I’m sure it’ll take time...”
“I’m not angry at you for your decision, Lisbon,” Jane told her quickly. “Even if the handcuffs were a little humiliating.”
I wanted him to not be angry, but I also didn’t want him to be sure if he still liked her, for lack of a better term. He understands her decision in theory, but he’s not quite sure he can live with it, yet.
“All I could think of,” she told him.
“Ah.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. “I hope...”
“There was nothing else you could do,” he said hollowly. “And there’s nothing to forgive.”
“Jane...”
“I’m not angry at you today,” he added. “I’m not angry right now, but I don’t know about tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“We caught him, Lisbon,” he said in the same emotionless voice. “That’s all I know for sure right now.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you,” he added in a whisper.
“Of course,” she added just as quietly.
Neither of them spoke again for the rest of the drive.
xxxxx
Jane was still mostly silent when they got to the CBI.
He actually did mostly everything required of him. Not that much was required since he’d barely been at the scene.
He did decline to speak to a counsellor, or make an appointment with the psychologist, but no one pushed him on that.
In fact, Jane didn’t say much of anything.
A quiet thank you when Lisbon pushed a mug of tea into his hands, a murmured “I’m fine,” when Van Pelt asked.
Eventually he just slipped away.
Lisbon told herself that the fact that her consultant had actually told her that he was going was a good sign.
It would be a good a sign. She’s taking comfort in that fact that he’s deigning to talk to her at all.
He’d even told her he’d talk to her later, after he’d cleared his head.
She tried not to worry too much.
xx
“How is he?” Hightower asked Rigsby soon after they’d returned to Sacramento, knowing that asking Lisbon would just cause further stress to the obviously already over-taxed woman.
“Quiet,” Rigsby said softly.
“Quiet?” Hightower asked in shock.
Rigsby’s shrug was expressive.
The worry in it was mirrored on his boss’s boss’s face.
The first of the three Rigsby/Hightower conversations. It’s an outside perspective, without delving too much into what’s going on in Jane or Lisbon’s heads. Just, yeah, something’s wrong. Things aren’t quite right. And Rigsby and Hightower point that out. Because Hightower was still the boss when I planned this, so she stayed. Much easier than dealing with LaRoche, and the fact that you never knew what he was thinking.
xx
Jane had just needed to get out of there.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do or what to say or what to feel.
He really had thought that after Red John had died everything would become clear.
Instead there was nothing.
Nothing at all.
It’s a convenient reaction to write. Much easier than Jane yelling at everyone. Plus, I think it’s possibly accurate. Hard to say how he’d react. He was calm enough after Hardy. He very rarely gets demonstrative. So why not?
He wanted to be angry at Lisbon. Hell, he’d tried to make himself angry at Lisbon. Maybe just on principle. But he couldn’t summon up the energy for it right now.
And why should he? What would it serve? Why should he even bother with the effort of it all? Red John was dead. That was sort of what he’d wanted.
Maybe he didn’t know ‘what now’ because he’d always thought he’d be dead too.
I believe this. He assumes he’ll probably die with the serial killer. And he thinks he’s okay with that, generally. Although, he may be kind of thinking it might not happen, more lately. I don’t know.
He couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Lisbon for that fact either. He didn’t care.
Which was odd.
His family was still gone. They weren’t coming back. This wouldn’t bring them back. And killing Red John had never been about absolution, not for him.
More than anything he missed having a goal.
Now he had nothing.
I feel like this is key. Red John dominated everything for so long, with him gone, there would be a massive gap. What next? Would be a very real question for Jane.
Jane remembered the woman who’d been none-too subtly watching him all evening.
Maybe nothing wasn’t true.
Not that he felt much about that one way or the other either.
He knows he still has her, but he’s not sure what to do about that.
xx
Lisbon had gone home not long after Jane had. There was nothing else that could be done that evening anyway. May as well try and get some sleep.
She’d probably just lie in bed.
Jane had actually been better than she’d been expecting. But the fact that he’d shut down and gone into some sort of shock didn’t exactly bode well.
I think she expected him to just leave. After a few vicious remarks. Jane in shock would be better than that.
When her consultant finally woke up again she might be in for it.
Lisbon sighed. She hoped not.
She was getting ready for bed when she heard a quiet but insistent knocking on her door.
Padding across her living room in her pyjamas and checking the peephole, she managed to be both shocked while simultaneously somehow unsurprised by the man on the other side.
“Hi,” she said with a gentle smile for her still-broken consultant. “You okay?”
“Can I come in,” Jane mumbled, his eyes downcast.
“Of course,” she agreed immediately stepping aside so he could enter. She could count the number of times Jane had been inside her apartment with both hands. Their relationship had centred around the CBI mainly because that’s where they always were. And when they did other things together they were either grabbing a bite after a long day on a case, or maybe the odd other impromptu outing. They were rarely at home when they met. Neither of them were the type to host dinner parties after all.
Much as I would love them to spend more time together off the clock, I don’t think they do. Not realistically. Sure, he’s been to her apartment, but it’s the exception not the rule. Although, in this universe, I’d also imagine that’s about to change...
Jane slipped past her silently.
“Can I get you anything?” Lisbon asked tentatively.
“No,” Jane whispered. “I just... I...” He couldn’t stay in his apartment. Like the warehouse in San Francisco, there was nothing there either. It was horribly empty. It positively echoed with emptiness. He was in no shape to drive to Malibu, and anyway, that would have been even worse. There was nothing for him in either of his houses. Motel rooms were completely anonymous. The CBI was too public, even the attic. That had only left her.
I like this idea. He’s not sure he wants to be near her, but he has nothing left. Red John is gone, he has no purpose. All that’s left is her. So he goes to her apartment to sleep, because somehow, that makes sense in his head. She’s still constant, even if he doesn’t know where she fits exactly anymore, or how to react to her.
“It’s fine,” Lisbon assured him. “I was just getting ready for bed, but if you wanted me to stay...”
“No.” Jane said again. He didn’t want to talk to her. He wasn’t ready to talk to her. He both craved and resented her. He walked over to her couch, lay down and closed his eyes.
There.
This was what he’d wanted.
He just hoped she’d understand (He just couldn’t talk to her right now. He couldn’t talk to anyone).
Lisbon did understand.
A minute later he felt a throw being tucked around him before he heard her walk upstairs to bed.
Because she can’t stop herself from trying to care for him.
She wasn’t surprised when he wasn’t there when she came down the next morning, the only sign he’d been there at all the blanket was neatly folded on the back of the couch.
xxxxx
It was only 9:30 in the morning and Lisbon already felt lost.
Jane’s disappearance from her apartment shouldn’t have surprised her; it was long overdue really, but somehow... she’d hoped...
When he didn’t leave right away, she did hope. She tried not to, but she couldn’t help it.
“Hi,” she heard a voice from her doorway.
She looked up in surprise. “Hi!” she said in relief.
Jane walked in and sat across from her. “Thanks for the couch.”
“Of course,” she said dismissively.
“Madeleine thinks I should take some time off,” Jane told her bluntly.
Anyone would. He’s obviously pretty screwed up. Of course, if he didn’t want time away, he’d refuse to take it. But he does.
Lisbon closed her eyes briefly. At least he was telling her about it first, instead of just disappearing into thin air. “It’s not a horrible idea. It could even be good for you.”
“I thought I’d take a few days, maybe four,” Jane explained neutrally. “Not including the weekend. Come back next Wednesday.”
“Oh,” Lisbon said, unsure of what else to say.
“Starting tomorrow obviously,” Jane added.
Lisbon blinked at him. She hadn’t expected the delay. She’d just expected him to be gone, to be all of a sudden unable to tolerate the CBI and its reminders. “You could start today,” she offered tentatively.
She’s not quite sure how to deal with the information. I think part of her half expects him to go, and then not come back. Understandably.
“I don’t want to.” Jane said firmly. He didn’t elaborate.
Lisbon exhaled, “Okay.”
“I just wanted to let you know.” Jane told her, offering her a little bit of an olive branch, still unsure what he thought of her.
“Thank you, Jane,” she said sincerely.
Jane ran a hand through his hair, suddenly awkward. “I have a couple of meetings this morning, tying up...”
“Okay,” Lisbon prompted when he trailed off.
Jane took breath. “Not for a while yet though.”
“Right,” she agreed.
“Can I wait in here?” he asked hopefully. He didn’t want to wait in the bullpen, where people would gawk at him. Where they’d come by and ask questions and be concerned and... and a million other things.
Her office is his hideout. She is his sanctuary. Because he would use her as protection, and be angry with her at the same time. All about having his cake and eating it too.
“Sure,” Lisbon said with a small smile.
She’d definitely allow it though. So relieved he hasn’t left town without a backwards glance. Because whatever else they are at this point, Best Friends is accurate. She doesn’t want to lose him.
Jane didn’t really speak to her again. But even after all of his meetings he was back on her couch where he could be found for the rest of the day.
xxx
Hightower didn’t even bother to try and convince herself that she wasn’t deliberately taking the long way around so that she could check in on the Serious Crimes Unit without appearing to check in on the Serious Crimes Unit.
She noticed everything seemed relatively quiet as she walked by.
She spotted Agent Rigsby by the coffee maker. “Morning Agent Hightower,” he said when she walked in the room.
Time for conversation number two.
“Good morning Agent Rigsby,” she replied politely.
Rigsby paused in pouring his drink when she didn’t immediately continue on her way. “Can I get you some coffee?” he offered.
“No. I’m fine, thank you,” Hightower assured him.
Rigsby smiled politely.
“How is everything?” she asked after a moment.
He’s good for information, at least general information. And she doesn’t want to ask Lisbon. She knows Lisbon has enough on her plate. Because by this point, Hightower appreciates Lisbon.
Rigsby raised his eyebrows, “Ma’am?”
She sighed and clarified her question. “How is he?”
They both know who she means. It’s obvious.
Rigsby took a second to consider his answer. “Hovering,” he said eventually.
“Hovering?” Hightower asked in surprise. It wasn’t the answer she’d been expecting.
“Around Lisbon,” Rigsby clarified. “He’s hovering.”
Like this image too. Jane is, without realizing it, hovering around the one stable thing in his life.
Which was still unexpected, though Hightower supposed it was better than what she had been expecting, which was for Jane to shut down and refuse to have anything to do with any of them, or to take his anger out on anyone he felt responsible for what had happened, Lisbon in particular. “He saying anything?” she checked.
“Nope,” Rigsby said with a shake of his head. “Though I don’t think Lisbon’s trying to talk.”
“So he’s just hovering?” Hightower repeated.
“Yeah,” Rigsby nodded.
Hightower paused. “I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” she admitted.
Rigsby shrugged. “It could be worse.”
Hightower nodded. It still wasn’t great. At least if Jane had gotten angry they’d know what he was thinking. She sighed, “On second thought, I think I might take you up on that coffee.”
“I hear ya,” Rigsby said, pouring her a cup.
Everything would be rather uncertain. No one wants Jane to leave, but they also know that they can’t stop him if that’s what he decides to do.
xxx
Lisbon told herself she wasn’t worried. There was no reason to be worried.
Jane taking six days off was actually sensible. Far more sensible a reaction than she’d been expecting.
He’d even kept in contact. Sent her a text message almost each day.
Thursday’s had been, “At the beach.”
I think he would find a beach somewhere. Jane seems to like the beach. Maybe he finds it soothing.
Friday’s had been, “Weather’s terrible.”
Lisbon had sent back relatively ordinary replies to those, but on Saturday she was the one to send the first text. It read, “Got a case. Will be out of the office. If you need me, use cell number.”
She wants to make sure he knows where she is. In case he needs her.
Twenty minutes later her phone buzzed with Jane’s reply, “As opposed to all those times that I tried to text your office phone?” She chuckled to herself and told herself that the humour was a good sign. Then her brain acknowledged that she might be reaching a little in her attempts to convince herself that Jane would get through this and be able to have a life post-Red John. She was in the middle of a mini-lecture telling her not to get her hopes up too high when her phone started vibrating a second time. “Good luck on the case... without me.”
The slightly teasing arrogance probably is a good sign, all things considered.
With that hope sparked up again before she could stop it. “Shut up. We’ll be fine,” she texted back. “Relax.”
There was no reply, but Lisbon told herself she hadn’t expected one.
There was a message on Sunday though, “Heading north for a change of pace.”
Monday’s was, “Case sounds like it’s going slowly without me.” Lisbon guessed he was watching the news media to keep an eye on things.
She couldn’t resist sending him a quick reply. This time she risked voicemail. “Keeping tags on a case while on vacation Jane?” she teased. “And you call me a workaholic. Anyway, I hope you’re, well, I hope you’re getting what you need. If you need anything at all you know where to find me.”
The reply took several hours, but it did come eventually. “Not my fault you made the news. Stop worrying.”
She didn’t have much luck with the second part of that.
She can’t stop worrying, and he knows it. He likes that she worries, even if he’s not 100% happy with her.
Tuesday’s text didn’t come until midday either. It was, “Solve your case Lisbon, or you won’t see me tomorrow.”
Well, she had solved her case, though it did end up being nearly seven at night by the time they finally got out of town. None of the team had wanted to stick around small-town California any longer than necessary. Lisbon refused to admit even to herself that she had an extra incentive to ensure she was back in the office bright and early Wednesday morning.
She still wasn’t sure she’d see him though. And even if he was back, she had no idea what to expect.
xxx
“Morning boss!” Lisbon said cheerfully as she bustled past Madeleine Hightower at about 10:30 Wednesday morning.
“Morning Lisbon,” Hightower replied, surprised by the Agent’s unusually sunny smile.
Lisbon turned suddenly, something obviously just occurring to her. “Did you need me?” she checked.
“No,” Hightower replied in confusion. “I’m just on my way to talk to Agent Lawson.”
“Oh, okay then,” Lisbon said as she positively strolled into her office.
“Did someone put something in her coffee today?” Hightower asked a passing Agent Rigsby.
Random conversation number three.
He grinned. “Jane was lying on his couch reading a case file when she arrived this morning.”
And that really says it all. Jane has come back. He hasn’t abandoned her. And to her, that’s enough, at least for now. She knows it won’t be easy, but at least he’s still there.
Hightower smirked. Of course. She should have known. “How is he?”
Rigsby grinned. “You saw Lisbon. She’s already been over to kick his couch twice.”
This is her sign of affection. He’s probably driving her up the wall, and she’s over the moon because of it.
“Of course she has,” Hightower said with a shake of her head. But she couldn’t suppress a smile of her own.
Hightower and Rigsby both know it’s an encouraging sign. Jane is still baiting Lisbon.
xxx
TBC
One more chapter tonight. Then I’m going to bed.