30 mins of musing: Eat, Pray, Love
It's been getting harder and harder for me to post becos i'm just way too fucking lazy... Altho i still have tons of thots running thru my brain which i think will make great entries... But alas, the moment i sit infront of the PC, all the thots seems to melt away...
So what i'm going to do is to give myself 30 mins sessions to just write whatever that comes to my mind... And i'm calling it 30 mins of musing... :P Yes, musing... Just nonsense thots that runs thru my brain and if it is something i can remember while i was on my trip then good, if not... Then i guess it's 30 mins of REAL nonsense... :)
****************************************************************************
My friend Danny passed me this book called EAT, PRAY, LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert... He was going thru a break up and he said this book helped him see the light... So we were just chatting abt him getting over his 'ex' and he mentioned that i should totally read this book...
I must say it has taken me AGES but i'm finally at the final chapters of the book... I must say there were quite a few good lines that i can apply to my life... Not that i'm trying to consciously get over people, but sometimes, certain people pop into your mind unannounced and you just have to deal with it...
The whole idea of Eat, Pray, Love had the author travelling to Italy (to eat), India (to pray) and Indonesia (to love)... While i was reading the first part of the book, i couldn't connect with it... i thot it was no relevant and i can't see myself... Then she traveled to India, to an Ashram to complete her Yoga training... and in that session, she gain insights about herself and the whole idea of BEING andGOD and LOVE amongst other things...
After i read those chapters, it was like a ton of bricks has fallen onto me... I was touched in so many way of her being at peace with herself and how she fight her demons...
One particular page that touched a raw nerve went like this:
"I'm not laughing." I was acutally crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but i think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desparate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just licking at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on yor snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."
"But i love him."
"So love him."
"But i miss him."
"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. and guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in- God will rush in- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."
I do believe in soul mate... Yes, it does seem silly but i always thot Bryan was my soul mate (in theclassical sense)... And as i was reading that chapter, my mind was filled with no one but SD... Not neccessary becos i thot he was my soul mate, but becos he was the person who held up the mirror to my face and tell me what is wrong with me... If i accept this meaning of soul mate as written in the book, then i guess yes, SD would be at some level my soul mate... And soul mate comes and goes... Another reason i thot abt SD was also becos i can imagine him saying the same thing to me (well, not exactly, word for word... but i can imagine him telling me something to that extent) and that itself is like holding a mirror to my face.
So is it possible to fall in love with a soul mate? I guess it is... But i do have to come to my senses (and i do know this as a principle in life) that people come and go in your life and when they do, they change you... The change the way you feel, the change the way you look at the world and they change they way you look at your life, even yourself...
One thing i really hate myself for not being able to do was the promise i had to SD that we will remain as friends... I still hold to that promise becos he has indeed been a very good friend... But i fear that i may have frighten him off and in turn lost a friend... But i guess even if we may never talk or chat the way we use to, i do know that he'll always be a friend and am thankful our path have crossed...
Another chapter that really touched me went like this:
Richard from Texas left today. Flew back to Austin. I took the drive with him to the airport, and we were both sad. We stood for a long time on the sidewalk before he went inside.
"What am i gonna do when I don't have Liz Gilbert to kick around anymore?" He sighed. Then he said, 'You had a good experience at the Ashram, haven't you? you look all dfferent from a few months back, like maybe you checked out some of that sorrow you have been hualing around."
"I'm feeling really happy these days, Richard."
"Well, just remember - all your misery will be waiting for you at the door upon your exit, should you care to pick it up again when you leave."
"I won't pick it up again."
"Good girl."
"You've helped me a lot," I told him. "I think of you as an angel with hairy hands and cruddy toenails."
"Yeah, my toenails never really did recover from Vietnam, poor things."
"It could've been worse."
"It WAS worse for a lot of the guys. At least I got to keep my legs. Nope, I got a pretty cushy incarnation in this lifetime, kiddo. So did you - never forget that. Next lifetime you might come back as one of those poor Indian women busting up rocks by th side of the road, find out life ain't so much fun. So appreciate what you got now, OK? Keep cultivating gratitude. you'll live longer. And, Groceries? Do me a favor? Move ahead with your life, will ya?"
"I am."
"What i mean is - find somebody new to love someday. Take the time you need to heal, but don't forget to eventually share your heart with someone. Don't make your life a monument to David or to your ex-husband."
"I won't." I sad. and i knew suddenly that it was true - i wouldn't. I could feel all this old pain of lost love and past mistakes attenuating before my eyes, diminishing at last through the famous helaing power of time, patience and the grace of God.
And then Richard spoke again, snapping my thoughts back quickly to the world's more basic realities: "After all, baby, remember what they say - sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone."
I laughed. "OK, Richard, that'll do. Now you can go back to Texas."
"Might as well," he said, casting a gaze around this desolate Indian airport parking lot. "Cus I ain't getting any prettier just standing around here."
ALL YOUR MISERY WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU AT THE DOOR UPON YOUR EXIT, SHOULD YOU CARE TO PICK IT UP AGAIN WHEN YOU LEAVE...
I thot that was a very powerful message... But on the flip side, all the happiness is also waiting at the door should i choose to pick it up as well...
So it really bils down to the choices that i make... I do think i have the ability to find a shred of happiness at the toughest of times to get me by and God knows i have the power to pick up and misery that'll sink me deeper...
Whoever said that happiness and peace of mind doesn't require work is out of his mind... We do expect happiness and peace of mind to just descend upon us and viola!!!! We're done!!!!!
But not anymore... It needs to be worked at on a daily basis... It needs to be nurtured and pruned and weeded and watered... It needs work...
So if i need to wish for anything in the future, it is the strength and determination to do just that...
On the road back home today, i was listening to my iPod and a song from RENT came out:
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regrets
Or Life is yours to miss...
Not sure if i wanna miss out on Life anymore...
:)
So what i'm going to do is to give myself 30 mins sessions to just write whatever that comes to my mind... And i'm calling it 30 mins of musing... :P Yes, musing... Just nonsense thots that runs thru my brain and if it is something i can remember while i was on my trip then good, if not... Then i guess it's 30 mins of REAL nonsense... :)
****************************************************************************
My friend Danny passed me this book called EAT, PRAY, LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert... He was going thru a break up and he said this book helped him see the light... So we were just chatting abt him getting over his 'ex' and he mentioned that i should totally read this book...
I must say it has taken me AGES but i'm finally at the final chapters of the book... I must say there were quite a few good lines that i can apply to my life... Not that i'm trying to consciously get over people, but sometimes, certain people pop into your mind unannounced and you just have to deal with it...
The whole idea of Eat, Pray, Love had the author travelling to Italy (to eat), India (to pray) and Indonesia (to love)... While i was reading the first part of the book, i couldn't connect with it... i thot it was no relevant and i can't see myself... Then she traveled to India, to an Ashram to complete her Yoga training... and in that session, she gain insights about herself and the whole idea of BEING andGOD and LOVE amongst other things...
After i read those chapters, it was like a ton of bricks has fallen onto me... I was touched in so many way of her being at peace with herself and how she fight her demons...
One particular page that touched a raw nerve went like this:
"I'm not laughing." I was acutally crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but i think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desparate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just licking at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on yor snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."
"But i love him."
"So love him."
"But i miss him."
"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. and guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in- God will rush in- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."
I do believe in soul mate... Yes, it does seem silly but i always thot Bryan was my soul mate (in theclassical sense)... And as i was reading that chapter, my mind was filled with no one but SD... Not neccessary becos i thot he was my soul mate, but becos he was the person who held up the mirror to my face and tell me what is wrong with me... If i accept this meaning of soul mate as written in the book, then i guess yes, SD would be at some level my soul mate... And soul mate comes and goes... Another reason i thot abt SD was also becos i can imagine him saying the same thing to me (well, not exactly, word for word... but i can imagine him telling me something to that extent) and that itself is like holding a mirror to my face.
So is it possible to fall in love with a soul mate? I guess it is... But i do have to come to my senses (and i do know this as a principle in life) that people come and go in your life and when they do, they change you... The change the way you feel, the change the way you look at the world and they change they way you look at your life, even yourself...
One thing i really hate myself for not being able to do was the promise i had to SD that we will remain as friends... I still hold to that promise becos he has indeed been a very good friend... But i fear that i may have frighten him off and in turn lost a friend... But i guess even if we may never talk or chat the way we use to, i do know that he'll always be a friend and am thankful our path have crossed...
Another chapter that really touched me went like this:
Richard from Texas left today. Flew back to Austin. I took the drive with him to the airport, and we were both sad. We stood for a long time on the sidewalk before he went inside.
"What am i gonna do when I don't have Liz Gilbert to kick around anymore?" He sighed. Then he said, 'You had a good experience at the Ashram, haven't you? you look all dfferent from a few months back, like maybe you checked out some of that sorrow you have been hualing around."
"I'm feeling really happy these days, Richard."
"Well, just remember - all your misery will be waiting for you at the door upon your exit, should you care to pick it up again when you leave."
"I won't pick it up again."
"Good girl."
"You've helped me a lot," I told him. "I think of you as an angel with hairy hands and cruddy toenails."
"Yeah, my toenails never really did recover from Vietnam, poor things."
"It could've been worse."
"It WAS worse for a lot of the guys. At least I got to keep my legs. Nope, I got a pretty cushy incarnation in this lifetime, kiddo. So did you - never forget that. Next lifetime you might come back as one of those poor Indian women busting up rocks by th side of the road, find out life ain't so much fun. So appreciate what you got now, OK? Keep cultivating gratitude. you'll live longer. And, Groceries? Do me a favor? Move ahead with your life, will ya?"
"I am."
"What i mean is - find somebody new to love someday. Take the time you need to heal, but don't forget to eventually share your heart with someone. Don't make your life a monument to David or to your ex-husband."
"I won't." I sad. and i knew suddenly that it was true - i wouldn't. I could feel all this old pain of lost love and past mistakes attenuating before my eyes, diminishing at last through the famous helaing power of time, patience and the grace of God.
And then Richard spoke again, snapping my thoughts back quickly to the world's more basic realities: "After all, baby, remember what they say - sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone."
I laughed. "OK, Richard, that'll do. Now you can go back to Texas."
"Might as well," he said, casting a gaze around this desolate Indian airport parking lot. "Cus I ain't getting any prettier just standing around here."
ALL YOUR MISERY WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU AT THE DOOR UPON YOUR EXIT, SHOULD YOU CARE TO PICK IT UP AGAIN WHEN YOU LEAVE...
I thot that was a very powerful message... But on the flip side, all the happiness is also waiting at the door should i choose to pick it up as well...
So it really bils down to the choices that i make... I do think i have the ability to find a shred of happiness at the toughest of times to get me by and God knows i have the power to pick up and misery that'll sink me deeper...
Whoever said that happiness and peace of mind doesn't require work is out of his mind... We do expect happiness and peace of mind to just descend upon us and viola!!!! We're done!!!!!
But not anymore... It needs to be worked at on a daily basis... It needs to be nurtured and pruned and weeded and watered... It needs work...
So if i need to wish for anything in the future, it is the strength and determination to do just that...
On the road back home today, i was listening to my iPod and a song from RENT came out:
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regrets
Or Life is yours to miss...
Not sure if i wanna miss out on Life anymore...
:)