it's not a slow shutter speed that's blurring the movement of my life
It feels cliche to say that I'm at a crossroads in my life, because there will always be crossroads, it's called growing older. It's such a bizarre feeling. Like I know I'm on the brink of something wonderful, and yet it's terrifying in addition to being exciting. I just keep asking myself what am I doing with this life that God has given me? What is He calling me to do.
I'm not taking anatomy and physiology as originally planned this summer. Mostly because I didn't register on time, but looking at it, I would not have had the time or the energy to put into the class because of work. And I do need to work full time this summer. If I were taking the class, I'd be getting little sleep and would just totally burn out this summer.
I don't want that.
I'm sick of burn out.
It happens rather often.
I do too much and Christopher showed me this Rob Bell video called "Shells" and it silenced me. Granted that it's not too hard to do that these days, but it did. My hands are always too full to grab onto the things that really matter.
This summer is about letting God work in my life. Not trying to figure out the work that needs to be done, but just stopping and seeing what God does with that.
Stopping may include putting off grad school for a year and using that year to do all of my pre-requisites, rather than try to shove them all into next year. I don't like the idea of waiting, and yet it sounds so relaxing. I would have more time to invest into CRU next year. I could spend the following year just being with my parents and seeing what God does with that. I could do really well in the few courses I would be taking, do observation hours and figure out what I really want when it comes to grad school.
Why am I rushing to get it all done so fast?
What am I running from?
What am I ignoring?
I could spend a year at home. Work part time, just 20 hours a week. Go to school. Go to church and be involved. Jes would be here in Mass, so I wouldn't be without friends. I could get in touch with old friends and maybe even find some new ones. I'm not the only Christian girl in Western Mass, I just make it sound like that sometimes, and that's an incredibly stupid thing to do. There are people here that I could be friends with. It just scares me. Which is so ridiculous because I do love people, I work with people and am trying to pursue a job that consists of connecting and working with A LOT of people.
I always say I love school.
Then why am I rushing through it?
Of course, I'm tempted to take some of the deaf studies courses at HCC, but I don't need to grab onto things I don't necessarily need. I have too many interests. And maybe it's not that I'm passionate about so many things, but that I am not passionate enough about the few things I need to be passionate about. While I tend to say I excel at many things, perhaps the scales in my eyes are blocking me from the mediocrity that comes from having my fingers in too many pots.
And suddenly the words let it be come into my mind.
Let it be.
I don't do that.
It's about time I should.
I'm not taking anatomy and physiology as originally planned this summer. Mostly because I didn't register on time, but looking at it, I would not have had the time or the energy to put into the class because of work. And I do need to work full time this summer. If I were taking the class, I'd be getting little sleep and would just totally burn out this summer.
I don't want that.
I'm sick of burn out.
It happens rather often.
I do too much and Christopher showed me this Rob Bell video called "Shells" and it silenced me. Granted that it's not too hard to do that these days, but it did. My hands are always too full to grab onto the things that really matter.
This summer is about letting God work in my life. Not trying to figure out the work that needs to be done, but just stopping and seeing what God does with that.
Stopping may include putting off grad school for a year and using that year to do all of my pre-requisites, rather than try to shove them all into next year. I don't like the idea of waiting, and yet it sounds so relaxing. I would have more time to invest into CRU next year. I could spend the following year just being with my parents and seeing what God does with that. I could do really well in the few courses I would be taking, do observation hours and figure out what I really want when it comes to grad school.
Why am I rushing to get it all done so fast?
What am I running from?
What am I ignoring?
I could spend a year at home. Work part time, just 20 hours a week. Go to school. Go to church and be involved. Jes would be here in Mass, so I wouldn't be without friends. I could get in touch with old friends and maybe even find some new ones. I'm not the only Christian girl in Western Mass, I just make it sound like that sometimes, and that's an incredibly stupid thing to do. There are people here that I could be friends with. It just scares me. Which is so ridiculous because I do love people, I work with people and am trying to pursue a job that consists of connecting and working with A LOT of people.
I always say I love school.
Then why am I rushing through it?
Of course, I'm tempted to take some of the deaf studies courses at HCC, but I don't need to grab onto things I don't necessarily need. I have too many interests. And maybe it's not that I'm passionate about so many things, but that I am not passionate enough about the few things I need to be passionate about. While I tend to say I excel at many things, perhaps the scales in my eyes are blocking me from the mediocrity that comes from having my fingers in too many pots.
And suddenly the words let it be come into my mind.
Let it be.
I don't do that.
It's about time I should.