(no subject)
so yep..alyssa fucked things up again. whats new pretty much eh? i honestly cant do this anymore. i wish i could just stop caring. but i think i wish you didnt care about me even more. you know i dont deserve you..specially after last night. i told you i would hurt you from the beggining and of course..i proved my point. i really wish i could think before i did things..think about what would happen and who i would hurt..but i clearly havent been good at doing that so far.you honestly have no idea how sorry i am..and how much i feel like shit right now. but i did try to warn you. im still not sure what the hell you saw in me that let me do what i did to you in the first place..but i guess you probably see now that you were wrong eh?
your one of the first people in my life that id rather hurt me than me hurt you. thats why this is so fucking hard. we could actually be perfect. well nothings perfect..but i know how happy you could make me..and the easy thing to do here would to just be with you, which is what i want more than anything..but if i cant treat you the way youd treat me..then thats not fair at all. and although this might just sound like an excuse..its not even close.
so im not sure whats going to happen now. i want to talk to you so badly..but you probably dont want the same thing right now..i dont know whether to keep trying for this..for something..or to just give up and let you go..which is probably the best thing for you. thats probably one of the hardest things id ever have to do..besides what ive been doing for the last 5 months.. you have no idea how much i care about you and how much it hurt me last night. i guess im leaving this one up to you..
probably making the same mistake twice.
your one of the first people in my life that id rather hurt me than me hurt you. thats why this is so fucking hard. we could actually be perfect. well nothings perfect..but i know how happy you could make me..and the easy thing to do here would to just be with you, which is what i want more than anything..but if i cant treat you the way youd treat me..then thats not fair at all. and although this might just sound like an excuse..its not even close.
so im not sure whats going to happen now. i want to talk to you so badly..but you probably dont want the same thing right now..i dont know whether to keep trying for this..for something..or to just give up and let you go..which is probably the best thing for you. thats probably one of the hardest things id ever have to do..besides what ive been doing for the last 5 months.. you have no idea how much i care about you and how much it hurt me last night. i guess im leaving this one up to you..
probably making the same mistake twice.