(no subject)
we're totally alike. i make the same mistakes she did. i am going down the same wrong paths. making the same bad decisions. we even look the same. but she's where i get my amazingness. she was shy at my age. now she's loud and loved by like.. all. i'll be like that too. we fall for guys too easily. and then always end up hurt.
thats where i have to differ from her. i can't end up like that. i'll find a good guy. and like a nice life. not a single mom of three stressing over money alone. i can't do that. i know that would make my mom sad seeing me go through that. so i'll be different.
i dont know whats up with me. i tell myself i dont need the bad things to keep me happy. the drugs. the alcohol. anything like that. and i really believe it. but then im like.. i do need it. and i dont know. i dont want to need it. but i do for some reason.. because i can't be happy. or have fun. i wish there was some other way. but i just dont want to be like this anymore. so thats all i have to turn to. sorry.
i dont know who to talk to anymore. i know i can talk to [you] but i choose not to for right now. just a few days i promise. and i really dont have anyone else. not like i really want anyone else. i dont really WANT to talk. but i know i need to. well not at this moment. but i will soon. and i will come to [you], no worries. as long as our friendship doesn't turn to shit. just like the rest of both of our friendships. i try to be different for you. but you dont see that. and its not enough. you said so yourself. i'm sorry. i'll try harder.
i dont even know what im feeling anymore.
i need to shut up now.
my music is calling me back to listening to every word.
thats where i have to differ from her. i can't end up like that. i'll find a good guy. and like a nice life. not a single mom of three stressing over money alone. i can't do that. i know that would make my mom sad seeing me go through that. so i'll be different.
i dont know whats up with me. i tell myself i dont need the bad things to keep me happy. the drugs. the alcohol. anything like that. and i really believe it. but then im like.. i do need it. and i dont know. i dont want to need it. but i do for some reason.. because i can't be happy. or have fun. i wish there was some other way. but i just dont want to be like this anymore. so thats all i have to turn to. sorry.
i dont know who to talk to anymore. i know i can talk to [you] but i choose not to for right now. just a few days i promise. and i really dont have anyone else. not like i really want anyone else. i dont really WANT to talk. but i know i need to. well not at this moment. but i will soon. and i will come to [you], no worries. as long as our friendship doesn't turn to shit. just like the rest of both of our friendships. i try to be different for you. but you dont see that. and its not enough. you said so yourself. i'm sorry. i'll try harder.
i dont even know what im feeling anymore.
i need to shut up now.
my music is calling me back to listening to every word.