firefly
I miss fandom. Gone are those lovely days in which I was embroiled in the tidal wave of obsession with pretty boys and devastating women, when I could sink my geek into the Lord Of the Rings movies and fiction. That make me start my LJ and it made it fun to browse my Friends page in every moment I could spare. I had online friends and inside jokes and was creatively writing and daydreaming.
Almost three years later, my life is drier. Yes, I am happily married and own a home, love my family, am owned by two cats. I dream less, desire less, plant and clean more. If I am obsessed with anything, it's my job... which grows increasingly corporate and unsatisfying. Okay, maybe quilting - though that is not a hobby that inspired people to sit up and take notice. Katie (the endlessly moving, relentlessly witty, constantly thinking trickle of long-legged sunshine that she is) just spent a week with me. We talked and played and created things and were social. Her stories of college made me nostalgic for my college days, when new people sprung into my life and I was happily puzzling out who they were, who I was, and how we tasted mixed together.
I know, everyone settles down eventually.. Even Angelina Jolie put away her knives, erased a few tattoos, and is hunkering down behind a wall of children. I'm just not sure that I like this turn of events. I think that I shall make a concerted effort to start wearing makeup everyday, like I have someone to impress. I will find new music online, dance more around the house, buy clothing in something other than charcoal grey and chocolate brown. Maybe my new short hairdo, that red sweater from Goodwill that Sharon likes, and the tattoo I got in New Orleans can be the start of my comeback. I am tumbling down the hill to 35 but maybe I can salvage some youth still. I really don't know how to do the 30-something thing yet. I'd like to figure it out so that I can become that funny, creative, artsy lady writer with the long braid of salt-n-pepper hair that I've been imagining for my future since I was seventeen. But how to polish my sparkle in a way that is not as tedious as counting points in Weight Watchers or paying $30,000 to go back to college and get a Master's degree?
I want to glow. Now, where's the magic outlet to plug into?
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Almost three years later, my life is drier. Yes, I am happily married and own a home, love my family, am owned by two cats. I dream less, desire less, plant and clean more. If I am obsessed with anything, it's my job... which grows increasingly corporate and unsatisfying. Okay, maybe quilting - though that is not a hobby that inspired people to sit up and take notice. Katie (the endlessly moving, relentlessly witty, constantly thinking trickle of long-legged sunshine that she is) just spent a week with me. We talked and played and created things and were social. Her stories of college made me nostalgic for my college days, when new people sprung into my life and I was happily puzzling out who they were, who I was, and how we tasted mixed together.
I know, everyone settles down eventually.. Even Angelina Jolie put away her knives, erased a few tattoos, and is hunkering down behind a wall of children. I'm just not sure that I like this turn of events. I think that I shall make a concerted effort to start wearing makeup everyday, like I have someone to impress. I will find new music online, dance more around the house, buy clothing in something other than charcoal grey and chocolate brown. Maybe my new short hairdo, that red sweater from Goodwill that Sharon likes, and the tattoo I got in New Orleans can be the start of my comeback. I am tumbling down the hill to 35 but maybe I can salvage some youth still. I really don't know how to do the 30-something thing yet. I'd like to figure it out so that I can become that funny, creative, artsy lady writer with the long braid of salt-n-pepper hair that I've been imagining for my future since I was seventeen. But how to polish my sparkle in a way that is not as tedious as counting points in Weight Watchers or paying $30,000 to go back to college and get a Master's degree?
I want to glow. Now, where's the magic outlet to plug into?
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me