sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
I've been making so many post secrets
and once I've made them,
I really want to give them to someone.
But at the same time, I really don't.
I had fun last night.
There were so many little things that made me smile.
[Plus a big bit of wine]
I had the best nights sleep in as long as I can remember.
I liked being driven around by emily.
I loved the restaurant.
It felt like being in a fantasy movie.
With all the lights and colours
&being all high up.
And,
don't you find that a compliment means a lot more, when it's from someone
relatively random?
Not just, a friend making you feel better.
You know?
I walked into a glass door on my way home.
I thought it was open to the street.
And I liked shopping on my own.
I never buy anything when I'm with people,
or not really.
I've been spending way too much money on weekdays
I have none left for the weekends.
And I liked yesterday lunchtime,
so really,
buying eye drops isn't that random.
On Monday I got taken out to dinner.
I felt like a proper spoilt
( :
I am in love with the word
Pazzaz.
Love it love it.
I find that there's all this good,
& then all this bad.
But it doesn't balance out.
Too many unecessary 'issues' keep cropping up.
At home& at school.
At school with friends,
and then with the educational side also.
I feel like people should just let what happens happen,
or,
talk less about how people aren't talking,
and just start to change it.
Do you ever get that?
When people keep saying, I hate how we don't talk that much anymore,
or how no one goes to lunch together.
[All the little things]
But then, the next day, nobody really tries to speak more than they are,
or dissappears in their little groups at lunchtime,
so complaining about it gets quite, pointless.
I do it too.
but I still find it all very silly.
And I hate the teachers trying to talk to you,
&be the understanding teacher
-without really waiting for any of your answers.
Or without giving you a chance to explain why
you do what you do.
And they keep just, giving me more timetables for at home as well as at school.
Which just doesn't work.
Or, they give me, Ideas on how to approach homework.
But they say, spend half an hour on this, then that, and only do 2 hours or something to get into doing
any work at all.
But they still expect you to have finished everything by the next day, following that plan.
And to have gone to sleep by 1030.
Or they told me to start a homework,
and if I get too bored, do another homework instead.
But if I did that, I don't think it would really work as a reason for having nothing to hand in,, do you?
People do that a lot I think
--Ask you to explain to them,
to be honest,
but then never really listen.
Or, to the details of any of it.
Teachers can just be an example I think.
They asked me what time I went to bed.
And they asked me why.
And then they told me to go to bed a few hours earlier,
without any ways of changing the why.
Am I making sense?
My mum is taking me to a sleep clinic.
Haha.
[Everything is turning me into such a
bitch]
I have a work ultimatum.
And a sleep ultimatum.
From my teachers.
I have nothing to wear tommorrow,//saturday.
For once, I am actually quite looking forwards to my art project[s].
I'm doing London life,
with all the colourful markets
&and all the rainy cobbled alleyways.
And then I'm doing emotions,
so for once it's not drawing a bowl of apples and a jug,
it's taking photos&
drawing what comes to my mind.
I like oil paints.
sjfksR5'Esht;'08-=yo;\zdToeor;.s..'rp
What I would love most right now,
would be for someone, instead of asking 'how are you?'
or, 'hows life?'
To look me in the eye,
and ask if I was happy.
Now wouldn't that be nice?
Oof.[-aloo]