but I just got better at it.
Something is beeping in my house,
and I don't know what it is.
I wish I could switch it off though, it's just, beep-beep-beep-beep in my head now.
I think that at the end of summer, you should be able to look back satisfied.
Remembering all the fun you had on the sunny days spent away, or during those cold nights out in london,
and feeling refreshed and prepared for the year ahead.
But I hate the end of summer, I think it's my worst part of the year actually. the 6weeks over the end of august/september.
Because I remember feeling exactly the same last year, and the year before, and the year before that.
That's as far as my memory goes though.
I'm not prepared at all, not by a long shot.
I always end up wishing that I had done so much more with my time, that I had so much more to show from all the money spent.
I'm not complaining about my summer at all, I'm just, you know, thinking.
I had so much fun at Notting Hill.
And then the next day, we went to see hawthorne heights.
We dressed up as emos, with drainpipes and belts and hairspray and 'slogan-tees'. Not to sound superficial. If that's the right word.
We got all bashed and bruised and beer-drenched in the mosh pit.
( :
Yesterday was nice.
I like 'owning the club', for a wednesday night.
And just pretending not-to-give-a-fuck.
It took me so long to realise that his name was actually trevor.
'actually, they're fuschia panties!'
Today was so lazy.
My brain still feels clouded from the mess.
Oh god.
I got the post secret book.
I've read it a million and one times,
but still keep picking it up to look at just once more.
I want to cut it all up, and cover all the walls of my room in secrets,
It would be like, a walk-in diary. -In a way.
Some of them make me so sad, and then some just make me laugh.
I like that there can be happy secrets too.
I re-found two secrets I'd written and hidden in my room today.
It was weird. I could remember it so exactly, but at the same time, it was almost like they had been written by a stranger.
I feel, guilty.
I think I might be changing my mind.
I think I might be nervous.
I think it might be the wrong time of year for any of that.
I don't really know.
(( ♥ ))
I'm so excited for Chloes 18th!!
But I'm also a bit, worried about seeing everyone again.
About all the "how are you"s, "how was your summer"s, "how were your results".
After a bit, you almost have a learned answer that just gets repeated with everyone.
And even though it's the truth, it makes me feel fake in a way. Not fake, just
not real.
I need to vent.