exhaustion, tears ...hope
My feelings match Shaylas poem if you are on her loop. I am at the end you guys. Its time to put me and my life back together again. Shay says she cant hide her feelings ...neither can I.
This weekend was HELL as I tried to hide my frustration and unhappiness from the corporate side. My friends listened to me cry so much this weekend and helped so much. They are the BEST reason for being involving in this company. Brad and I are totally disconnected, I am menatlly and physically exhausted from riding the corporate roller coaster, and doing the time and not seeing the results, or turing around to one blow up issue after another. I ended up breaking down and having to get up and leave one of the sessions this weekend. I left there with my VP telling me to feel better, my reply was, I have to go home and fix my marriage and myself.
Brad and I had a long talk last night. FINALLY connecting with him, and him not resenting me for telling him I am STARVED for affection, attention and time with him. Seems when I asked for it, to him it was like me telling him what to do. I dont know, and at least I was trying to communitcate. We both want to make things better for us, and my unhappiness with driving myself to the ground with this business has made things a mess. So the work starts here. We both want to be happy again. He said he watched me teach at Karate last night at Kyle and Troys class, and he actually saw me happy. I told him during that hour I didnt have to think about anything else. He tells me its hard to love someone whos so frustrated and un happy.
I suppose its my own fault for pushing as hard as I have. I found out others of my friends in the Nation said no when the company pushed us to do more. And they were happy with their decision. Its my Vice Presidents job to push us, her job is to make this company grow. I wanted to be successful. I was resistant to working the level they pushed us to at the Founders Meeting a year ago March. I was afriad this exact thing would happen. I knew what could happen with burn out. Even though I know this business itself is set up to be able to work the level each reps wants, I never felt that in taking this postion as Director I had that option. *shakes head*
So now I am going to try to find the balance again.. I suppose this job offer last week was my saftey line from god saying climb out there is another option for you. Now to try to just balance it out without totally leaving this business. But scaling it back as far as I can to take in the comissions that are there until they either dry up or I decide where I can live happily with it.
I feel like a crap for having vented to so many people. But I thank everyone of you for caring enough to listen, even if you probably didnt want to , or were sick of hearing it. Venting here at least has given me the opportunity to see my feelings in front of me, and have someone else know where I am at.
Thats all for now.. i will see you later. I love you all and apprecaite your friendships so much.
Love Jess
This weekend was HELL as I tried to hide my frustration and unhappiness from the corporate side. My friends listened to me cry so much this weekend and helped so much. They are the BEST reason for being involving in this company. Brad and I are totally disconnected, I am menatlly and physically exhausted from riding the corporate roller coaster, and doing the time and not seeing the results, or turing around to one blow up issue after another. I ended up breaking down and having to get up and leave one of the sessions this weekend. I left there with my VP telling me to feel better, my reply was, I have to go home and fix my marriage and myself.
Brad and I had a long talk last night. FINALLY connecting with him, and him not resenting me for telling him I am STARVED for affection, attention and time with him. Seems when I asked for it, to him it was like me telling him what to do. I dont know, and at least I was trying to communitcate. We both want to make things better for us, and my unhappiness with driving myself to the ground with this business has made things a mess. So the work starts here. We both want to be happy again. He said he watched me teach at Karate last night at Kyle and Troys class, and he actually saw me happy. I told him during that hour I didnt have to think about anything else. He tells me its hard to love someone whos so frustrated and un happy.
I suppose its my own fault for pushing as hard as I have. I found out others of my friends in the Nation said no when the company pushed us to do more. And they were happy with their decision. Its my Vice Presidents job to push us, her job is to make this company grow. I wanted to be successful. I was resistant to working the level they pushed us to at the Founders Meeting a year ago March. I was afriad this exact thing would happen. I knew what could happen with burn out. Even though I know this business itself is set up to be able to work the level each reps wants, I never felt that in taking this postion as Director I had that option. *shakes head*
So now I am going to try to find the balance again.. I suppose this job offer last week was my saftey line from god saying climb out there is another option for you. Now to try to just balance it out without totally leaving this business. But scaling it back as far as I can to take in the comissions that are there until they either dry up or I decide where I can live happily with it.
I feel like a crap for having vented to so many people. But I thank everyone of you for caring enough to listen, even if you probably didnt want to , or were sick of hearing it. Venting here at least has given me the opportunity to see my feelings in front of me, and have someone else know where I am at.
Thats all for now.. i will see you later. I love you all and apprecaite your friendships so much.
Love Jess