ughhhhhhhhhhhhh
I’m so effing mad at him yet again. I can’t even look at him. I want nothing to do with him. He knows what’s wrong and he’s acting all nice b/c he knows I’m pissed and its all his fault. Don’t you dare kiss me on the forehead when I’m this mad at you. I don’t want you near me. Don’t touch me. I want nothing to do with you. And I’ve started having thoughts. Thoughts that he is never going to stop smoking and I’m just going to be miserable the rest of my life I don’t give him a serious ultimatum. He’s always high. I don’t even know where he gets it from. How fucking hard is it to NOT do it over the weekend when you are going to be spending time with me???? You don’t fucking care about spending time with me. If you did, you wouldn’t smoke before I got home or when I went to bed. I don’t want to hang out with you when you are high. I don’t want anything to do with you. You say you are sorry time and time again, but you keep doing this shit to me. You aren’t sorry, don’t lie. You never get that excited when we go out. Ever. But when matt and chris come and visit you, you can’t stop running to the door to see if they are here yet. I get it…you don’t have a lot of friends to hang around with up here but it hurts me you don’t ever get excited about anything we do. I’m about to cancel our trip to Milwaukee b/c it will never measure up to the time you spend with Matt and Chris. I don’t even want to go home tonight and see him. He has Mondays off so he will be home. I don’t want to go on vacation with him next year either. Will never measure up…again. I’m not mad he enjoys spending time more with them then with me, he can’t help that, I’m just hurt. And that’s the effing story of my life. I never feel good enough . I never get people enough, I never do enough, nothing is ever good enough. Except stuff I do for my family. They appreciate everything I do so much, and show it. He..well doesn’t.
You are making me hate you. I can’t even tell you I love you anymore. I’m seriously thinking about giving him an ultimatum, but I’m scared b/c I think he would choose pot instead. L This is so upsetting to me-I haven’t even been eating much…or b/ping. Which I guess is a good thing. I can tell my stomach has shrank a lot, just over the weekend.
Gah. I’m going to go home tonight and spend a lot of time at my mom’s house before going home so I don’t have to see him much today. Then I will just go upstairs and stay upstairs and he will probably stay downstairs playing video games or come upstairs and try talking to me. I’m going to tell him there’s nothing to talk about b/c he doesn’t care. He knows exactly what is wrong with me and he doesn’t care b/c he does it time and time again. He if cared, he wouldn’t do it. Back to work I go.
You are making me hate you. I can’t even tell you I love you anymore. I’m seriously thinking about giving him an ultimatum, but I’m scared b/c I think he would choose pot instead. L This is so upsetting to me-I haven’t even been eating much…or b/ping. Which I guess is a good thing. I can tell my stomach has shrank a lot, just over the weekend.
Gah. I’m going to go home tonight and spend a lot of time at my mom’s house before going home so I don’t have to see him much today. Then I will just go upstairs and stay upstairs and he will probably stay downstairs playing video games or come upstairs and try talking to me. I’m going to tell him there’s nothing to talk about b/c he doesn’t care. He knows exactly what is wrong with me and he doesn’t care b/c he does it time and time again. He if cared, he wouldn’t do it. Back to work I go.