post-partum and pre-menopausal
OK, the vid is done, and demuxed, and sent to VVC. The first attempt was bad, but since I haven't heard back on the second one, I'm assuming no news is good news and that keiko_kirin's excellent advice worked. Compressor is not the least bit intuitive for a program. (Well, none of the FC Studio stuff is, but it's pretty confusing as confusing programs go. I understand from others that it is much-loathed.) I spent hours and hours poking around, trying things, making a hash of it. My .mov file is gorgeous, but I think it's saved the wrong way because it's also insanely huge, but I really do not know what to save this thing as -- FCP just has way too many settings. People are paralyzed when they have too many choices! Don't these people know this?
But anyway, the dirgey, angst-fest, poor woobie who dies all the time and loses everyone whinge of a Capt. Jack vid is in the can. I had some trouble with aspect ratios due to the DLs of season 2 eps often being different, and some of the clips have this weird video noise in them that I get sometimes from .avis, but I just didn't have time to worry about that. I've never worked so hard up against a deadlne before, and it freaks me out. I'm just not a procrastinator about timelines; I can't stand the pressure of working close to a due date. And now I have post-partum depression. I always get like this when I finish a vid that's really ... I dunno, important or emotional for me. There's this thing about Jack that I love, this underlying constant sense of grief that we get to see from time to time, that's made me want to vid him from the start. Nowhere was that more evident to me than when he and Gwen are sitting on the cliffside and talking about telling the families of the missing people who've been returned through the rift, and his reaction to when she challenges him that hasn't he ever lost anyone? And it's like that's all he's done, over and over, since being resurrected. And I love that about him, that he still carries on.
Anyways. My misery at trying to understand how to do things technologically that I have trouble understanding how to do is made worse when it's pre-period depression. Right before that time of the month, OMG, I am doom and gloom cubed. Everything makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep for days. I never even really realized what it was until many years ago, my Ex pointed out that I was practically suicidal for a few days every month and so he'd remind me, "Um, maybe it's just your pre-period depression talking?" in this small, terrified voice, because I think he was afraid I'd turn my suicidalness into homicidalness and kill him in his sleep (which I threatened to do on a number of occasions, so it wasn't like he was making that up out of whole cloth).
What's worse is that I've hit those lovely golden years ("That time of year thou mayest in me behold, when autumn leaves, or none, or few do hang...") of perimenopause, where you're still stuck with the effing thing but you get the joys of being menopausal. If this is the before, I really hate to thing of what the after is going to be like. Because my body is wreaking havoc on me without any kind of warning, and the headaches OMG (which I have right now, and it fracking hurts), and I am hoping to go to Cape Town next year but I wonder if my insane body will let me travel. I sleep for ridiculous amounts of time sometimes, and other times can't sleep at all, but I never know when this going to happen.
So of course, something like vidding, where I am frustrated by my lack of ability to grasp technical issues, balloons into this Huge Thing and the hormones just turn it crazy-making. And I don't think the vid is even that good! So it's like expending all this energy into something and sobbing and rending my garments, all for this thing that I want to set on fire. This is why I always say that vidders are insane. We are.
I wanted to work on some other vids but I have that whole post-partum thing going on. It's over, and I don't have to look at it for months, which is good, but OTOH, my baby! It's gone! Oy. Vidding is hard.
But anyway, the dirgey, angst-fest, poor woobie who dies all the time and loses everyone whinge of a Capt. Jack vid is in the can. I had some trouble with aspect ratios due to the DLs of season 2 eps often being different, and some of the clips have this weird video noise in them that I get sometimes from .avis, but I just didn't have time to worry about that. I've never worked so hard up against a deadlne before, and it freaks me out. I'm just not a procrastinator about timelines; I can't stand the pressure of working close to a due date. And now I have post-partum depression. I always get like this when I finish a vid that's really ... I dunno, important or emotional for me. There's this thing about Jack that I love, this underlying constant sense of grief that we get to see from time to time, that's made me want to vid him from the start. Nowhere was that more evident to me than when he and Gwen are sitting on the cliffside and talking about telling the families of the missing people who've been returned through the rift, and his reaction to when she challenges him that hasn't he ever lost anyone? And it's like that's all he's done, over and over, since being resurrected. And I love that about him, that he still carries on.
Anyways. My misery at trying to understand how to do things technologically that I have trouble understanding how to do is made worse when it's pre-period depression. Right before that time of the month, OMG, I am doom and gloom cubed. Everything makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep for days. I never even really realized what it was until many years ago, my Ex pointed out that I was practically suicidal for a few days every month and so he'd remind me, "Um, maybe it's just your pre-period depression talking?" in this small, terrified voice, because I think he was afraid I'd turn my suicidalness into homicidalness and kill him in his sleep (which I threatened to do on a number of occasions, so it wasn't like he was making that up out of whole cloth).
What's worse is that I've hit those lovely golden years ("That time of year thou mayest in me behold, when autumn leaves, or none, or few do hang...") of perimenopause, where you're still stuck with the effing thing but you get the joys of being menopausal. If this is the before, I really hate to thing of what the after is going to be like. Because my body is wreaking havoc on me without any kind of warning, and the headaches OMG (which I have right now, and it fracking hurts), and I am hoping to go to Cape Town next year but I wonder if my insane body will let me travel. I sleep for ridiculous amounts of time sometimes, and other times can't sleep at all, but I never know when this going to happen.
So of course, something like vidding, where I am frustrated by my lack of ability to grasp technical issues, balloons into this Huge Thing and the hormones just turn it crazy-making. And I don't think the vid is even that good! So it's like expending all this energy into something and sobbing and rending my garments, all for this thing that I want to set on fire. This is why I always say that vidders are insane. We are.
I wanted to work on some other vids but I have that whole post-partum thing going on. It's over, and I don't have to look at it for months, which is good, but OTOH, my baby! It's gone! Oy. Vidding is hard.