(no subject)
So I caved into my craving. I went for a wonderful walked. I walked to 7/11. I walked in and asked for the cheapest cigarette they had. I bought a lighter, and walked out. I smoked three cigarettes. THREE! I couldn't believe myself. I don't know why I had such a craving for it. It wasn't even a craving. It was a desire. I get rather envious of cigarette smokers. It is such an easy way to make new friends when they can all gather in one spot and smoke. After I smoked I walked back home and sprayed myself with spray. I then made the couch into my bed by throwing a blanket on it, grabbed my pillow and hid. I didn't want my mom to smell me. She came out to me and I threw my arm over my face in an act that I was disturbed by the light she turned on. In reality I didn't want her to smell my breath. I had forgotten to brush. How I forgot I don't know. I don't know if I want this to be a habit or not. I don't want to smoke, but I had such a good time doing it. Sigh. I will have to think about this more tomorrow.