I don't know you, but I've lurked on your page in the past after I saw Long QT Syndrome in your interests. I popped back in to see how you were doing after your cardiac arrest (my best friend has Long QT) and found this.
I'm going to comment on this post only because I was in an almost identical situation a few years back, and I just want to reach out and squeeze you. It really brought back some vivid memories.
This guy is comfortable with the situation. He gets affection and physical contact (and fun times with a good friend) with no strings attached. He doesn't have to commit because he likes things the way they are... he's already getting everything he wants, so why make it official? You, on the other hand, are getting screwed because you DO want more. The feeling of confusion and constant frustration will not go away... you won't get to a point where you're comfortable with the "friends with benefits" situation indefinitely. Whereas, he has no motivation to change his situation because he isn't frustrated... he's having fun.
Obviously this guy cares about you, and obviously he has some issues. Do you want to stay friends? If you do, you're going to have to back down because he will not be the one to pull out. Staying in this situation will only escalate your frustration, and you will definitely have more "tiffs" as you become more frustrated. This will hurt the existing connection between the two of you over the long run. If your friendship is important to you, you don't want to risk this continual breakdown if you know in your heart that you and Pete won't be together in ten years. You could still be friends in ten years.
You say you're ready to be with someone who wants to be with you. You KNOW this. You already know what will make you happy. I'll tell you that I broke away from my "friend with benefits" after about two years of the same crap you're dealing with. Shortly after, he went into the same situation with another girl... and then when she got tired of it, another girl yet... I'm sure there were many even before me. I'm sure Pete has had this situation with many girls before you. How long has it been since his last "official" girlfriend? That might tell you something.
Once you get to the other side, you'll know you made the right decision. Especially when you find a guy down the road who parades you around like a prize... introduces you as his girlfriend, holds your hand in public, kisses your forehead in front of his friends, assumes you'll be going home with him... there is no better feeling. And hopefully, you'll still be friends with Pete and he can see what he missed out on.
Breaking out of this situation will be gutwrenching. You may have to start limiting your contact with him. You may want to hang out with him in groups instead of spending late nights hanging at his place. You may need to stop calling him daily. You have to say "no thanks" when he says the dreaded "you can stay over if you want to..." You have to stop drinking together (this was always my downfall; I don't know if it happens with you). It will take three or four months, I guarantee it. It hurts. You may go home and cry every time you see him. I know I did with mine. But about a year later, I hit it off with someone I have just as much chemistry with as I did the last guy... and this guy ADORES me. It's like the circle is completed... I'm getting back as much as I'm giving. You have to want that for yourself, and you have to understand that you deserve it. Kisses, "I love you's," PDA... it's so much better than a sneaky sexual relationship, no matter how much fun it is. Time, and space, will lessen the intensity of the current situation. You just have to believe it will get better.
I feel for you honey, and I really wish you the best.
I don't know you, but I've lurked on your page in the past after I saw Long QT Syndrome in your interests. I popped back in to see how you were doing after your cardiac arrest (my best friend has Long QT) and found this.
I'm going to comment on this post only because I was in an almost identical situation a few years back, and I just want to reach out and squeeze you. It really brought back some vivid memories.
This guy is comfortable with the situation. He gets affection and physical contact (and fun times with a good friend) with no strings attached. He doesn't have to commit because he likes things the way they are... he's already getting everything he wants, so why make it official? You, on the other hand, are getting screwed because you DO want more. The feeling of confusion and constant frustration will not go away... you won't get to a point where you're comfortable with the "friends with benefits" situation indefinitely. Whereas, he has no motivation to change his situation because he isn't frustrated... he's having fun.
Obviously this guy cares about you, and obviously he has some issues. Do you want to stay friends? If you do, you're going to have to back down because he will not be the one to pull out. Staying in this situation will only escalate your frustration, and you will definitely have more "tiffs" as you become more frustrated. This will hurt the existing connection between the two of you over the long run. If your friendship is important to you, you don't want to risk this continual breakdown if you know in your heart that you and Pete won't be together in ten years. You could still be friends in ten years.
You say you're ready to be with someone who wants to be with you. You KNOW this. You already know what will make you happy. I'll tell you that I broke away from my "friend with benefits" after about two years of the same crap you're dealing with. Shortly after, he went into the same situation with another girl... and then when she got tired of it, another girl yet... I'm sure there were many even before me. I'm sure Pete has had this situation with many girls before you. How long has it been since his last "official" girlfriend? That might tell you something.
Once you get to the other side, you'll know you made the right decision. Especially when you find a guy down the road who parades you around like a prize... introduces you as his girlfriend, holds your hand in public, kisses your forehead in front of his friends, assumes you'll be going home with him... there is no better feeling. And hopefully, you'll still be friends with Pete and he can see what he missed out on.
Breaking out of this situation will be gutwrenching. You may have to start limiting your contact with him. You may want to hang out with him in groups instead of spending late nights hanging at his place. You may need to stop calling him daily. You have to say "no thanks" when he says the dreaded "you can stay over if you want to..." You have to stop drinking together (this was always my downfall; I don't know if it happens with you). It will take three or four months, I guarantee it. It hurts. You may go home and cry every time you see him. I know I did with mine. But about a year later, I hit it off with someone I have just as much chemistry with as I did the last guy... and this guy ADORES me. It's like the circle is completed... I'm getting back as much as I'm giving. You have to want that for yourself, and you have to understand that you deserve it. Kisses, "I love you's," PDA... it's so much better than a sneaky sexual relationship, no matter how much fun it is. Time, and space, will lessen the intensity of the current situation. You just have to believe it will get better.
I feel for you honey, and I really wish you the best.
((hugs))
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