Regret
I don't feel the free-form anxiety that a couple of you mention, not really. I mean, sometimes I do but I nail it down and then put procedures into place to address whatever my concern is. The things I can't affect I try to "let go and let God". Not my table. Not every cross is mine to bear. I can be heavily analytical and observe my emotions. be sad about sad things, and move along. I can live with uncertainty. We're pals.
But what DOES plague me, what makes my brain go into a stuttering mode that I can't easily jerk myself out of, is regret. Regret mostly that I didn't reach out in kindness to people. I didn't bring a dish to Froggoddess when she had a baby, not even after her husband broke his arm. I didn't bring a bottle of wine or some new-picked blueberries to my new neighbors. I didn't send a condolence note to my husband's aunt, or my step-mother last year. I didn't send a thank you note (in a foreign language) to the host parents of my foreign exchange when I was 16. I started all these things. I cut up kale and garlic and oiled it and put it in a baggie to bring to the mother with a new baby... but then never got there and it rotted in my fridge. I picked a pint of blueberries and walked over to the new neighbor's, but they had gone to dinner or something and weren't around anymore, and since I didn't have a note or anything we just walked the fruit back home. I bought condolence notes to send. I just didn't follow THROUGH. I feel like my kind thoughtfulness function is broken.
I wonder about procedures to fix this. Should I add to my daily checklist, along with working out and flossing teeth and logging food to do 15 minutes a day of thoughtful outreach? Write a shut-in, bring someone fruit, answer happy email? Other people seem so much better than me at being thoughtful and kind. I regret this.
Do you practice (deliberately, as do this as an exercise to improve) being thoughtful? What does it look like?
But what DOES plague me, what makes my brain go into a stuttering mode that I can't easily jerk myself out of, is regret. Regret mostly that I didn't reach out in kindness to people. I didn't bring a dish to Froggoddess when she had a baby, not even after her husband broke his arm. I didn't bring a bottle of wine or some new-picked blueberries to my new neighbors. I didn't send a condolence note to my husband's aunt, or my step-mother last year. I didn't send a thank you note (in a foreign language) to the host parents of my foreign exchange when I was 16. I started all these things. I cut up kale and garlic and oiled it and put it in a baggie to bring to the mother with a new baby... but then never got there and it rotted in my fridge. I picked a pint of blueberries and walked over to the new neighbor's, but they had gone to dinner or something and weren't around anymore, and since I didn't have a note or anything we just walked the fruit back home. I bought condolence notes to send. I just didn't follow THROUGH. I feel like my kind thoughtfulness function is broken.
I wonder about procedures to fix this. Should I add to my daily checklist, along with working out and flossing teeth and logging food to do 15 minutes a day of thoughtful outreach? Write a shut-in, bring someone fruit, answer happy email? Other people seem so much better than me at being thoughtful and kind. I regret this.
Do you practice (deliberately, as do this as an exercise to improve) being thoughtful? What does it look like?