new focus
Today was hard a little hard to stay in the positive, until i got to work, and i realized what I need to do.
It was interesting. I got there and was suddenly swarmed by administration. I had mentioned that i had a brief issue with the other swing shift caregiver, and i wanted to seek resolution through a third party to make sure that both sides felt like they were being heard and understood.
I went in feeling a little tense, and unsure if that was the right move being that i am new. Heh, to put it into the words of the admin. "Do what ever will make sure she stays here!" ME!! They want to make sure I stay and are willing to change things to ensure that. Several people even asked if i was working tommorow, and when i said no i have two days off, they said that they were sad about that..WoW! What a change. Very interesting. I think i have found my new purpose. I think it is time for me to throw mysef into my Work and my friendships.
Even as i write this i get teary eyed.
It just FEELS right. Not because i am trying to escape heart ache, but because i am a multidimensional creature who does not need a man to feel complete or to take care of her. Because there is more to me then this lonliness i focus on. Because i am worth more then the little rejections, and the reluctances to meet me half way. Tonight i got a chance to see my worth reflected in my other coworkers and admins behavior, and it made me wonder if can find fulfillment there. If may be i was approaching my need for human interaction to narrowly, and the communitas i seek dosen't have to come with penis attached.
I am going to give it a chance and my desire for romantic love a break. I REALLY don't want a relationship anyway. I am just habitualy used to wanting one. DOWN WITH LOVE, hand over the chocolate, and the sex a'la carte! Hee hee...what a GREAT movie.
I am proud of what i do. I should be proud of who i am. I need to take care of myself better, think of protecting myself more, love unconditionally, reserve compassion for myself as well as for others, and do what fulfills me. So what fullfills me?
*Doing work with the elderly, handicapped, and otherwise disabled.
*Tai Chi
*being out in Nature, botany, herbalism
*reading philosophy and religion books
*caring for animals, loving my cat
*Listening to music
*dancing my ass off
*Drawing, or making costumes
*Reading thought provoking and intense books
*challenging myself, my dogmas, my assumtions, my attachments.
*Learning how to make things myself. I wanna make beer and cider. I want to be sustainable. i want to build a house.
*Gardening
*Cooking
*Having dinner parties and playing games esp. D&D
*Writing my blogs
*wigging out with my friends in public.
It was interesting. I got there and was suddenly swarmed by administration. I had mentioned that i had a brief issue with the other swing shift caregiver, and i wanted to seek resolution through a third party to make sure that both sides felt like they were being heard and understood.
I went in feeling a little tense, and unsure if that was the right move being that i am new. Heh, to put it into the words of the admin. "Do what ever will make sure she stays here!" ME!! They want to make sure I stay and are willing to change things to ensure that. Several people even asked if i was working tommorow, and when i said no i have two days off, they said that they were sad about that..WoW! What a change. Very interesting. I think i have found my new purpose. I think it is time for me to throw mysef into my Work and my friendships.
Even as i write this i get teary eyed.
It just FEELS right. Not because i am trying to escape heart ache, but because i am a multidimensional creature who does not need a man to feel complete or to take care of her. Because there is more to me then this lonliness i focus on. Because i am worth more then the little rejections, and the reluctances to meet me half way. Tonight i got a chance to see my worth reflected in my other coworkers and admins behavior, and it made me wonder if can find fulfillment there. If may be i was approaching my need for human interaction to narrowly, and the communitas i seek dosen't have to come with penis attached.
I am going to give it a chance and my desire for romantic love a break. I REALLY don't want a relationship anyway. I am just habitualy used to wanting one. DOWN WITH LOVE, hand over the chocolate, and the sex a'la carte! Hee hee...what a GREAT movie.
I am proud of what i do. I should be proud of who i am. I need to take care of myself better, think of protecting myself more, love unconditionally, reserve compassion for myself as well as for others, and do what fulfills me. So what fullfills me?
*Doing work with the elderly, handicapped, and otherwise disabled.
*Tai Chi
*being out in Nature, botany, herbalism
*reading philosophy and religion books
*caring for animals, loving my cat
*Listening to music
*dancing my ass off
*Drawing, or making costumes
*Reading thought provoking and intense books
*challenging myself, my dogmas, my assumtions, my attachments.
*Learning how to make things myself. I wanna make beer and cider. I want to be sustainable. i want to build a house.
*Gardening
*Cooking
*Having dinner parties and playing games esp. D&D
*Writing my blogs
*wigging out with my friends in public.