Unnecessary Secret [13/?]
Lies. Lies and secrets. After few months, Jun became an expert on those two.
It turned out that Nino was not the only person who needs to cope with insecurities. While Sho busy assisted his insecure brother to make his long distance relationship with Satoshi more bearable, he overlooked the fact that his own lover was equally ill at heart.
Well, Jun was raised in loving and caring families - both Matsumoto and Ohno - and he was showered by attention, especially from Satoshi. There's also Aiba who became inseparable from him, his own personal sunshine in his everyday life. He never had to be afraid of being not good enough for other people. He grew as a confident person. He has his strengths and his weaknesses, but he was confident. He's not used of being lonely and a little bit scared of it, but it was not the problem. The problem was, distrust and suspicion towards Sho still planted firmly in Jun's heart. He tried to deny it, but these little voices in his heart couldn't be ignored that easily.
He dealt with it smoothly at first few weeks. He almost forgot the bothering discomfort in his deepest heart as Sho constantly showed him his love in his messages and phone calls. But the small seed thrived and grew, all started in a mere encounter with a classmate of Sho.
Jun and Nino were paying their lovers a lovely visit that sunny Saturday. They went to a nearby cafe and spent a cheerful afternoon there. The day began to become gloomier when they got back to the apartment building and encountered this ridiculously charming guy.
In the elevator, they met this handsome guy. Sho and this guy were classmates during their first year on high school, and a very close one, but then the other moved to other city. Apparently, he's a resident on the same apartment building now.
"Ah! Sho kun!" the tall man greeted cheerfully to Sho, then he turned to Satoshi, "and nice to meet you again, Ohno kun!"
Satoshi tilted his head for a while, tried to recollect his memories about the man.
"Ah, Toma!" Sho gave his classmate a wide smile, "We're in the same department and apartment, yet I rarely saw you."
"Because I am a super busy person, that's why," Toma confidently answered with a chuckle.
The scenery of Sho and Toma so close to each other in front of him kicked his memories back.
Ah, the one who always with Sho during first year in high school. The popular and deadly duo.
Toma strolled his eyes to Nino who glared back at him in a displeased manner, "Well, well, Kazu chan, you've become a handsome boy, haven't you! What a nice little brother you have here, Sho kun." Toma ran his fingers playfully on Nino's cheek.
Nino almost let out a fierce yell to the older boy when a tanned hand caught Toma's fingers, "Whoa, whoa, he's not only Sho's little brother now, but also my boyfriend."
Nino smiled ear to ear upon hearing the warning.
What a beautiful stress you put on the words 'my boyfriend' there, Oh chan.
Toma startled and withdrew his hand from Satoshi's, "Eh? He is?"
Sho chuckled, "Yes, he is."
Toma regained his composure very quickly then noticed another handsome boy in the tiny elevator and scooted towards him, "And what about this attractive boy we have here?"
Sho chuckled some more and casually answered, "Satoshi's little brother. Really, are you trying to pick a fight with him or what?"
Toma laughed and jokingly threw an apology to Satoshi. A 'ding' sound came shortly after and Toma left the elevator with trace of laughter still left in his gorgeous manly face.
"Come to my apartment if you have time. We can have some crazy nights like old times," Toma's voice heard behind the closing elevator door.
Sho managed to shout a short 'of course' before the door was completely closed.
Nino threw a deadly glare to Sho, while Jun sulked in the corner of the elevator until they silently arrived to their unit.
'Satoshi's little brother'.... is that what I am to him?
As soon as the front door closed behind him, Nino shot a statement on his brother, "You know how I detest him, Nii chan."
"Hey, he's my friend, baby brother. It's not nice talking like that about your Nii chan's friend," Sho seemed to be in a happy mood. Toma was his closest friend after all.
"He's not a friend, Nii chan. A friend doesn't let his friend do gross things like fucking random people mindlessly," Nino snapped, "I was very happy when he moved away. You got back to the right track right after his departure."
"Hey, that's not the case. He has nothing to do with that dark time of mine," Sho raised his tone. Agitated and pained. In the deepest of his heart he knew he was telling lies, Toma definitely has something to do with Sho's dark time. He was his loyal partner in crime. But it was not what matters to Sho.
He has nothing to do with me quitting those dubious activities. He doesn't even know I quited yet. The reason was you, idiot.
"Yeah, right," Nino rolled his eyes, "I know you've done it with him, Nii chan. Don't throw lies on me. What are you going to do now? Stroll to his apartment and fuck his brain out again? You have J now, for God's sake!"
Jun unconsciously planted his nails onto the fluffy couch. His heart was aching but he kept his silence.
"Gosh, Ninomiya Kazunari! How many times do I need to tell you that I quited for good?!" Sho yelled. He was furious. He knew it was a really bad fault, but having it being rubbed onto his face over and over again made him lost his control. "It was all physical with him and we both agreed that it was a very big dumb mistake!"
It was dumb but it was good. And for God's sake, Kazu, I quitted for your sake.
Sho turned his head to Jun, "Besides, Jun has no problem with it so why would you?! He trusts me. Right, Jun chan?"
Jun startled, he felt like being under the gunpoint right now. Sho had so much confidence in his sentence, it intimidated Jun in a way he couldn't explain. He felt obliged to fulfill his statement. He felt he need to meet Sho's expectation.
"Yes, I trust you," the words slid so hesitantly from his mouth.
At that very moment, Jun learned how to throw lies to his boyfriend. At that very moment, Jun learned to keep secret from his boyfriend.
"See?!" Sho snapped at Nino. He then softened his tone, "Come on, Kazu. Give your trust in me. I am moving on to be a better man, please let me do it. I'm sick of being trapped on that dark past of mine."
Nino wanted to shout some more to his brother, but the pleading gaze beat him. He snatched his bag and stormed outside. "I'm going home," could be heard faintly.
Satoshi moved to Jun's side and whispered, "Maybe you should accompany him for now."
Jun nodded and stood up. He grabbed his bag and walked towards the door.
Sho caught him in a tight hug from behind, "You really trust me, don't you?"
Jun forced a smile and whisper, "I do."
He's obviously getting better in lying.
Sho released him and thanked him. Once Jun closed the door right in front of Sho, he dropped himself to the floor. Hands held his own head.
"That brat, why can't he understand?"
Satoshi moved closer and lowered his body. He could hear despair in Sho's voice. Softly, he patted Sho's shoulder.
"I've done such horrible mistakes, I know. But why can't he understand that I'm regretting it? Why can't he understand that I'm dragging my ass back to the right track solely in spite of his sake?!" Sho was pained. A lot. And somehow Satoshi could understand it.
Satoshi circled his arm to his best friend's shoulder, "He... maybe he was just too emotional. I believe deep down he understands it very well, Sho kun."
Sho buried his face onto the palm of his hands, "I really hope so." Sho calmed down a bit and groaned, "Oh, my dear little brother!"
He then lifted his head to face Satoshi, "You.. you believe in me. Right, Satoshi? I quitted! And Toma is just a friend. Really!"
Satoshi exhaled a deep breath, "Well. I do believe that you quitted for good. But for that Toma guy... you know... if you-"
"I will never cheat on Jun chan, Toshi. I have no interest on any human being other than your little brother now," Sho cut Satoshi mid-sentence.
Satoshi had no other option than to smile and believe in Sho's words. He never knew that Toma was never a threat from the beginning.
And he missed the fact that Sho intentionally didn't mention Jun as his boyfriend.
*******
Nino glued his temple on the car's window. His stubby hand formed a fist.
"My home, please," Jun said weakly as soon as he jumped into the car. The driver nodded and Jun pushed a button, secluding him and Nino from the driving man.
His heart was heavy. His mind was clouded. His chest was suffocated.
He was about to spill his troubled heart to Nino when Nino punched his own fist to his thigh. His face reddened. There's anger and disappointment in his face, but the one that really caught Jun's attention was the tears that were pooling in Nino's brown eyes.
"Nino kun...," Jun called, almost whispering. He touched Nino's shoulder softly.
"Why?! Why is that bastard have to come back to Nii chan's life?!" Nino exploded.
Yeah, why?
Jun felt the question seeped into his own heart. He stroked Nino's shoulder softly.
Nino trembled. He shuddered.
"What if that bastard drag him back? What if he makes Nii chan brutal again? What if.. what if..," Nino was crying shamelessly now. "What if he leave me again?!"
Nino curled himself. He hugged his knees and his body shook brutally.
To be true, Jun wanted to scream the very same questions.
And yeah, it should be me who's afraid the most, right?
His heart torn as he thought about the possibilities.
Jun bitterly smiled. He looked at the extremely vulnerable Nino, he felt he had to assure Nino no matter what. He gulped down all the words he wanted to say to Nino. He took the older boy to his warm embrace and it was inevitably awkward, "He won't leave you. He won't leave me. I trust him. He's changed now, Nino kun."
He won't, right?
Nino shocked by the sudden warmth. He was stoic at first but then he surrendered, he hugged Jun back and cried helplessly on his shoulder, "You don't know, Jun. You don't know."
"Yes, I know. I'm his boyfriend, remember?" Jun answered fast. His voice was surprisingly steady even for himself.
Even though I'm not sure if Sho chan himself remember.
Nino looked up. He stared to Jun and calmed down.
Yes, he has boyfriend now. Maybe everything will be fine then.
Nino buried his face on Jun's shoulder again. Relieved, he chuckled, "Yes. Yes of course. He has a boyfriend now. And a fine one."
"Yeah right, a fine, handsome, sexy, and kind boyfriend. And now that he has this awesome boyfriend, he won't need to do any wild adventure with that Toma again, right?" Jun tried his best to sound confident.
Right? Right?
He highly doubted himself, though.
Nino let out a little laughter to that and they fell into awkward silence after that, still hugging each other.
"Hey, Jun."
"Hm?"
"I feel like I'm hugging Oh chan now. Let me stay like this for a while, okay?"
Jun nodded. Nino was not the only one who was in need of comforting, after all.
*******
Lies. Lies and secrets. After few months, Jun became an expert on those two.
He fluently answered 'I'm fine' when Sho asked if he's fine with Sho spending so much time at student organization. In fact, he's not fine. He's not fine at all.
'He's a fun guy' slide from his lips with ease when Sho asked Jun's impression about Toma after the three of them going out together one day. While actually, he hated Toma. He hated how Toma knew Sho so deeply and how Sho was always cheerful around Toma.
He threw lies and kept secret so perfectly, he believed his own lies and he forgot all his secrets. But lies were lies, and secrets were still there even if Jun forgot it.
Along with Sho's increased activities, their everyday communication lessened greatly. When Sho called, he always asked about Nino first.
Questions began to pop up in his head.
What if he's making me his boyfriend because it would be awkward for Nino and Nii chan if he rejected me?
Jun never dared to ask to Sho. He never dared to show his anxious feelings towards Sho. He was afraid, deeply afraid, that the answer would be painful for him.
No matter how jealous he got, no matter how displeased he got, Jun never said anything to Sho. He was scared, really scared, that Sho would get irritated and decided to leave him instead.
Little did he know, that his own acts would only bring doom to his life.
*******
A year passed. Days went normal for them. Or at least, days seemed normal for them.
Nino, Jun, and Aiba still gathered up together every day after school. Their life was still merry, even without the two older boys around.
In some weekends, Sho and Satoshi would come home or Nino and Jun would pay a visit to their apartment. In any other weekends, Aiba would drag Nino and Jun around to have some fun.
Satoshi and Nino fought a lot, mainly because of Nino's insecurity. Nino would become suddenly cranky or extremely bratty some times, and Satoshi couldn’t always stand it. They fought, but never for long. A visit from Satoshi and a long long hug were always the perfect solution. Hot kisses and teases came in as bonuses in their reconciliation routine.
Aiba and Jun got back to their old state, always together and stuck closely like they were being glued to each other. Aiba was content with that, nothing could make him as happy as when he was with Jun. Jun was his world, and everyone with a pair of good eyes could see it right away. He didn't hope anything from their relationship, though, he knew Jun belonged to Sho, and he had nothing to complain about that.
For Sho, everything went absolutely perfect. He excelled in class, he has a lot of fun times with Toma, and he found his relationship with Jun was so peaceful. Too peaceful to be true, in fact. They never had a serious fight, there's no jealousy, and Jun was so supportive to Sho. He was actively involved in a student organization so his spare time shortened awfully, but Jun never complained. He was thankful to have such a great boyfriend for himself.
He had no idea how troubled and pained Jun's heart really was.
Sho’s life was all good and joyous, his steps felt lighter and his mood never darkened. His days were always sunny, no matter the weather outside was.
Until one day, when he was cheerfully walking around campus with Toma, he bumped into an innocent looking girl.
"Ah, I'm sorry," Sho apologized right away and stretched his arm to help the girl stood up.
The girl didn't reach for Sho's arm, she covered her face instead, "Ah no, I... I'm sorry."
"I've never see you before, are you lost here or something?" Sho asked, arm still stretched out towards the girl.
The girl blinked her eyes. She uncovered her face slowly and waited for Sho's reaction. Nothing.
He doesn't remember me? Perfect.
The girl smiled and let Sho helped her to get back on her feet.
"I.. I'm sorry I was spacing out," the girl apologized.
"No, no. This friend of mine is the one at fault," Toma nudged Sho's shoulder. "I'm Ikuta Toma and this careless boy is Sakurai Sho. Are you lost or something? This is medical department's building in case you're wondering."
"I.. I'm Kiko. You can call me Kiko. I'm a new student here," the girl bowed slightly. "I heard so much about you, Sakurai senpai."
"Eh?!" Sho shocked and blushed slightly.
"Ah yeah, The Great Genius Sakurai Sho. Of course. Haven't you heard anything about The Sexy Handsome Ikuta Toma?" Toma said jokingly.
Kiko shook her head softly, "No, Senpai, sorry."
Sho laughed so hard at that, "Eat that, Toma. Brain over appearance."
"But you're good looking too, Senpai," the girl spilled.
"Eh?!" Both Sho and Toma stunned.
Kiko gasped and looked down on her feet, "I.. I guess I need to go now."
Sho shyly smirked.
Toma shouted to the leaving girl, "If you have any problem, especially about the lectures, you can ask him."
Kiko bowed, "Ah, thank you, Senpai!" She then leaved the place.
Sho punched Toma's shoulder, "What the hell with that? If you want to help her, do it yourself, don't drag me."
"Hey, hey, Sho, it's about time for you to have fun for yourself, right? Like in our old days! Stop babysitting your brother and Satoshi's brother," Toma said beneath his chuckles.
Sho smiled bitterly.
I already have my Jun, thank you.
"I don't need to, Toma."
"You do!" Toma insisted.
Sho kept silent.
"Oh, come on, Sakurai Sho! You rejected to do some mindless sex with me, and now you don't even want to try approaching that perfectly fine girl? What happened, Sho?! And don't tell me that 'I quitted' bullshit again," Toma groaned in desperation. "I know how much you like to fuck."
I have a perfect boyfriend who is only 13 and has trauma about sex. That happened.
The words stopped in Sho's throat. He couldn't say that. He couldn't imagine what Toma would say to Jun if he knew. He might put Jun at difficult situation.
"Come on! That innocent looking girl is pretty, and I know how you like innocent looking pretty girls surrender themselves to you," Toma meaningfully smirked.
Neither of them knew, that very innocent looking girl was the dark cloud of Sho's bright life.
This one is really hard to write T-T
I'm sorry it took me so long to write this one. And I'm still not so sure about it. T-T
I hope everyone understand what's happening inside Jun right now. He's all worried and unsure but forced to cover it - he kept his true feelings as secret instead. *hugs Jun*
Thanks for lilisan31 for betaing and sweetrose501 for the prompt.
Thanks for reading and comments are highly appreciated. <3 <3
It turned out that Nino was not the only person who needs to cope with insecurities. While Sho busy assisted his insecure brother to make his long distance relationship with Satoshi more bearable, he overlooked the fact that his own lover was equally ill at heart.
Well, Jun was raised in loving and caring families - both Matsumoto and Ohno - and he was showered by attention, especially from Satoshi. There's also Aiba who became inseparable from him, his own personal sunshine in his everyday life. He never had to be afraid of being not good enough for other people. He grew as a confident person. He has his strengths and his weaknesses, but he was confident. He's not used of being lonely and a little bit scared of it, but it was not the problem. The problem was, distrust and suspicion towards Sho still planted firmly in Jun's heart. He tried to deny it, but these little voices in his heart couldn't be ignored that easily.
He dealt with it smoothly at first few weeks. He almost forgot the bothering discomfort in his deepest heart as Sho constantly showed him his love in his messages and phone calls. But the small seed thrived and grew, all started in a mere encounter with a classmate of Sho.
Jun and Nino were paying their lovers a lovely visit that sunny Saturday. They went to a nearby cafe and spent a cheerful afternoon there. The day began to become gloomier when they got back to the apartment building and encountered this ridiculously charming guy.
In the elevator, they met this handsome guy. Sho and this guy were classmates during their first year on high school, and a very close one, but then the other moved to other city. Apparently, he's a resident on the same apartment building now.
"Ah! Sho kun!" the tall man greeted cheerfully to Sho, then he turned to Satoshi, "and nice to meet you again, Ohno kun!"
Satoshi tilted his head for a while, tried to recollect his memories about the man.
"Ah, Toma!" Sho gave his classmate a wide smile, "We're in the same department and apartment, yet I rarely saw you."
"Because I am a super busy person, that's why," Toma confidently answered with a chuckle.
The scenery of Sho and Toma so close to each other in front of him kicked his memories back.
Ah, the one who always with Sho during first year in high school. The popular and deadly duo.
Toma strolled his eyes to Nino who glared back at him in a displeased manner, "Well, well, Kazu chan, you've become a handsome boy, haven't you! What a nice little brother you have here, Sho kun." Toma ran his fingers playfully on Nino's cheek.
Nino almost let out a fierce yell to the older boy when a tanned hand caught Toma's fingers, "Whoa, whoa, he's not only Sho's little brother now, but also my boyfriend."
Nino smiled ear to ear upon hearing the warning.
What a beautiful stress you put on the words 'my boyfriend' there, Oh chan.
Toma startled and withdrew his hand from Satoshi's, "Eh? He is?"
Sho chuckled, "Yes, he is."
Toma regained his composure very quickly then noticed another handsome boy in the tiny elevator and scooted towards him, "And what about this attractive boy we have here?"
Sho chuckled some more and casually answered, "Satoshi's little brother. Really, are you trying to pick a fight with him or what?"
Toma laughed and jokingly threw an apology to Satoshi. A 'ding' sound came shortly after and Toma left the elevator with trace of laughter still left in his gorgeous manly face.
"Come to my apartment if you have time. We can have some crazy nights like old times," Toma's voice heard behind the closing elevator door.
Sho managed to shout a short 'of course' before the door was completely closed.
Nino threw a deadly glare to Sho, while Jun sulked in the corner of the elevator until they silently arrived to their unit.
'Satoshi's little brother'.... is that what I am to him?
As soon as the front door closed behind him, Nino shot a statement on his brother, "You know how I detest him, Nii chan."
"Hey, he's my friend, baby brother. It's not nice talking like that about your Nii chan's friend," Sho seemed to be in a happy mood. Toma was his closest friend after all.
"He's not a friend, Nii chan. A friend doesn't let his friend do gross things like fucking random people mindlessly," Nino snapped, "I was very happy when he moved away. You got back to the right track right after his departure."
"Hey, that's not the case. He has nothing to do with that dark time of mine," Sho raised his tone. Agitated and pained. In the deepest of his heart he knew he was telling lies, Toma definitely has something to do with Sho's dark time. He was his loyal partner in crime. But it was not what matters to Sho.
He has nothing to do with me quitting those dubious activities. He doesn't even know I quited yet. The reason was you, idiot.
"Yeah, right," Nino rolled his eyes, "I know you've done it with him, Nii chan. Don't throw lies on me. What are you going to do now? Stroll to his apartment and fuck his brain out again? You have J now, for God's sake!"
Jun unconsciously planted his nails onto the fluffy couch. His heart was aching but he kept his silence.
"Gosh, Ninomiya Kazunari! How many times do I need to tell you that I quited for good?!" Sho yelled. He was furious. He knew it was a really bad fault, but having it being rubbed onto his face over and over again made him lost his control. "It was all physical with him and we both agreed that it was a very big dumb mistake!"
It was dumb but it was good. And for God's sake, Kazu, I quitted for your sake.
Sho turned his head to Jun, "Besides, Jun has no problem with it so why would you?! He trusts me. Right, Jun chan?"
Jun startled, he felt like being under the gunpoint right now. Sho had so much confidence in his sentence, it intimidated Jun in a way he couldn't explain. He felt obliged to fulfill his statement. He felt he need to meet Sho's expectation.
"Yes, I trust you," the words slid so hesitantly from his mouth.
At that very moment, Jun learned how to throw lies to his boyfriend. At that very moment, Jun learned to keep secret from his boyfriend.
"See?!" Sho snapped at Nino. He then softened his tone, "Come on, Kazu. Give your trust in me. I am moving on to be a better man, please let me do it. I'm sick of being trapped on that dark past of mine."
Nino wanted to shout some more to his brother, but the pleading gaze beat him. He snatched his bag and stormed outside. "I'm going home," could be heard faintly.
Satoshi moved to Jun's side and whispered, "Maybe you should accompany him for now."
Jun nodded and stood up. He grabbed his bag and walked towards the door.
Sho caught him in a tight hug from behind, "You really trust me, don't you?"
Jun forced a smile and whisper, "I do."
He's obviously getting better in lying.
Sho released him and thanked him. Once Jun closed the door right in front of Sho, he dropped himself to the floor. Hands held his own head.
"That brat, why can't he understand?"
Satoshi moved closer and lowered his body. He could hear despair in Sho's voice. Softly, he patted Sho's shoulder.
"I've done such horrible mistakes, I know. But why can't he understand that I'm regretting it? Why can't he understand that I'm dragging my ass back to the right track solely in spite of his sake?!" Sho was pained. A lot. And somehow Satoshi could understand it.
Satoshi circled his arm to his best friend's shoulder, "He... maybe he was just too emotional. I believe deep down he understands it very well, Sho kun."
Sho buried his face onto the palm of his hands, "I really hope so." Sho calmed down a bit and groaned, "Oh, my dear little brother!"
He then lifted his head to face Satoshi, "You.. you believe in me. Right, Satoshi? I quitted! And Toma is just a friend. Really!"
Satoshi exhaled a deep breath, "Well. I do believe that you quitted for good. But for that Toma guy... you know... if you-"
"I will never cheat on Jun chan, Toshi. I have no interest on any human being other than your little brother now," Sho cut Satoshi mid-sentence.
Satoshi had no other option than to smile and believe in Sho's words. He never knew that Toma was never a threat from the beginning.
And he missed the fact that Sho intentionally didn't mention Jun as his boyfriend.
*******
Nino glued his temple on the car's window. His stubby hand formed a fist.
"My home, please," Jun said weakly as soon as he jumped into the car. The driver nodded and Jun pushed a button, secluding him and Nino from the driving man.
His heart was heavy. His mind was clouded. His chest was suffocated.
He was about to spill his troubled heart to Nino when Nino punched his own fist to his thigh. His face reddened. There's anger and disappointment in his face, but the one that really caught Jun's attention was the tears that were pooling in Nino's brown eyes.
"Nino kun...," Jun called, almost whispering. He touched Nino's shoulder softly.
"Why?! Why is that bastard have to come back to Nii chan's life?!" Nino exploded.
Yeah, why?
Jun felt the question seeped into his own heart. He stroked Nino's shoulder softly.
Nino trembled. He shuddered.
"What if that bastard drag him back? What if he makes Nii chan brutal again? What if.. what if..," Nino was crying shamelessly now. "What if he leave me again?!"
Nino curled himself. He hugged his knees and his body shook brutally.
To be true, Jun wanted to scream the very same questions.
And yeah, it should be me who's afraid the most, right?
His heart torn as he thought about the possibilities.
Jun bitterly smiled. He looked at the extremely vulnerable Nino, he felt he had to assure Nino no matter what. He gulped down all the words he wanted to say to Nino. He took the older boy to his warm embrace and it was inevitably awkward, "He won't leave you. He won't leave me. I trust him. He's changed now, Nino kun."
He won't, right?
Nino shocked by the sudden warmth. He was stoic at first but then he surrendered, he hugged Jun back and cried helplessly on his shoulder, "You don't know, Jun. You don't know."
"Yes, I know. I'm his boyfriend, remember?" Jun answered fast. His voice was surprisingly steady even for himself.
Even though I'm not sure if Sho chan himself remember.
Nino looked up. He stared to Jun and calmed down.
Yes, he has boyfriend now. Maybe everything will be fine then.
Nino buried his face on Jun's shoulder again. Relieved, he chuckled, "Yes. Yes of course. He has a boyfriend now. And a fine one."
"Yeah right, a fine, handsome, sexy, and kind boyfriend. And now that he has this awesome boyfriend, he won't need to do any wild adventure with that Toma again, right?" Jun tried his best to sound confident.
Right? Right?
He highly doubted himself, though.
Nino let out a little laughter to that and they fell into awkward silence after that, still hugging each other.
"Hey, Jun."
"Hm?"
"I feel like I'm hugging Oh chan now. Let me stay like this for a while, okay?"
Jun nodded. Nino was not the only one who was in need of comforting, after all.
*******
Lies. Lies and secrets. After few months, Jun became an expert on those two.
He fluently answered 'I'm fine' when Sho asked if he's fine with Sho spending so much time at student organization. In fact, he's not fine. He's not fine at all.
'He's a fun guy' slide from his lips with ease when Sho asked Jun's impression about Toma after the three of them going out together one day. While actually, he hated Toma. He hated how Toma knew Sho so deeply and how Sho was always cheerful around Toma.
He threw lies and kept secret so perfectly, he believed his own lies and he forgot all his secrets. But lies were lies, and secrets were still there even if Jun forgot it.
Along with Sho's increased activities, their everyday communication lessened greatly. When Sho called, he always asked about Nino first.
Questions began to pop up in his head.
What if he's making me his boyfriend because it would be awkward for Nino and Nii chan if he rejected me?
Jun never dared to ask to Sho. He never dared to show his anxious feelings towards Sho. He was afraid, deeply afraid, that the answer would be painful for him.
No matter how jealous he got, no matter how displeased he got, Jun never said anything to Sho. He was scared, really scared, that Sho would get irritated and decided to leave him instead.
Little did he know, that his own acts would only bring doom to his life.
*******
A year passed. Days went normal for them. Or at least, days seemed normal for them.
Nino, Jun, and Aiba still gathered up together every day after school. Their life was still merry, even without the two older boys around.
In some weekends, Sho and Satoshi would come home or Nino and Jun would pay a visit to their apartment. In any other weekends, Aiba would drag Nino and Jun around to have some fun.
Satoshi and Nino fought a lot, mainly because of Nino's insecurity. Nino would become suddenly cranky or extremely bratty some times, and Satoshi couldn’t always stand it. They fought, but never for long. A visit from Satoshi and a long long hug were always the perfect solution. Hot kisses and teases came in as bonuses in their reconciliation routine.
Aiba and Jun got back to their old state, always together and stuck closely like they were being glued to each other. Aiba was content with that, nothing could make him as happy as when he was with Jun. Jun was his world, and everyone with a pair of good eyes could see it right away. He didn't hope anything from their relationship, though, he knew Jun belonged to Sho, and he had nothing to complain about that.
For Sho, everything went absolutely perfect. He excelled in class, he has a lot of fun times with Toma, and he found his relationship with Jun was so peaceful. Too peaceful to be true, in fact. They never had a serious fight, there's no jealousy, and Jun was so supportive to Sho. He was actively involved in a student organization so his spare time shortened awfully, but Jun never complained. He was thankful to have such a great boyfriend for himself.
He had no idea how troubled and pained Jun's heart really was.
Sho’s life was all good and joyous, his steps felt lighter and his mood never darkened. His days were always sunny, no matter the weather outside was.
Until one day, when he was cheerfully walking around campus with Toma, he bumped into an innocent looking girl.
"Ah, I'm sorry," Sho apologized right away and stretched his arm to help the girl stood up.
The girl didn't reach for Sho's arm, she covered her face instead, "Ah no, I... I'm sorry."
"I've never see you before, are you lost here or something?" Sho asked, arm still stretched out towards the girl.
The girl blinked her eyes. She uncovered her face slowly and waited for Sho's reaction. Nothing.
He doesn't remember me? Perfect.
The girl smiled and let Sho helped her to get back on her feet.
"I.. I'm sorry I was spacing out," the girl apologized.
"No, no. This friend of mine is the one at fault," Toma nudged Sho's shoulder. "I'm Ikuta Toma and this careless boy is Sakurai Sho. Are you lost or something? This is medical department's building in case you're wondering."
"I.. I'm Kiko. You can call me Kiko. I'm a new student here," the girl bowed slightly. "I heard so much about you, Sakurai senpai."
"Eh?!" Sho shocked and blushed slightly.
"Ah yeah, The Great Genius Sakurai Sho. Of course. Haven't you heard anything about The Sexy Handsome Ikuta Toma?" Toma said jokingly.
Kiko shook her head softly, "No, Senpai, sorry."
Sho laughed so hard at that, "Eat that, Toma. Brain over appearance."
"But you're good looking too, Senpai," the girl spilled.
"Eh?!" Both Sho and Toma stunned.
Kiko gasped and looked down on her feet, "I.. I guess I need to go now."
Sho shyly smirked.
Toma shouted to the leaving girl, "If you have any problem, especially about the lectures, you can ask him."
Kiko bowed, "Ah, thank you, Senpai!" She then leaved the place.
Sho punched Toma's shoulder, "What the hell with that? If you want to help her, do it yourself, don't drag me."
"Hey, hey, Sho, it's about time for you to have fun for yourself, right? Like in our old days! Stop babysitting your brother and Satoshi's brother," Toma said beneath his chuckles.
Sho smiled bitterly.
I already have my Jun, thank you.
"I don't need to, Toma."
"You do!" Toma insisted.
Sho kept silent.
"Oh, come on, Sakurai Sho! You rejected to do some mindless sex with me, and now you don't even want to try approaching that perfectly fine girl? What happened, Sho?! And don't tell me that 'I quitted' bullshit again," Toma groaned in desperation. "I know how much you like to fuck."
I have a perfect boyfriend who is only 13 and has trauma about sex. That happened.
The words stopped in Sho's throat. He couldn't say that. He couldn't imagine what Toma would say to Jun if he knew. He might put Jun at difficult situation.
"Come on! That innocent looking girl is pretty, and I know how you like innocent looking pretty girls surrender themselves to you," Toma meaningfully smirked.
Neither of them knew, that very innocent looking girl was the dark cloud of Sho's bright life.
This one is really hard to write T-T
I'm sorry it took me so long to write this one. And I'm still not so sure about it. T-T
I hope everyone understand what's happening inside Jun right now. He's all worried and unsure but forced to cover it - he kept his true feelings as secret instead. *hugs Jun*
Thanks for lilisan31 for betaing and sweetrose501 for the prompt.
Thanks for reading and comments are highly appreciated. <3 <3