And Sitting Around Getting Upset In My Spare Time
Anyway, now that I've gotten that response out I'll get to my planned continuation of my previous previous post.
I kind of formed these final thoughts while walking to work.
And it's a further offshoot of things I discussed with Nate in his basement on Wednesday night. Like everything. Seriously, everything is coming from this one conversation that got broken up throughout the night. At one point we found Steph's yearbooks and a girl named Mandra Beaver and I brought up how it sounded like a Mega Man X villain (adjective + animal was recipe. And Spark Mandril kept coming to mind) and then I made Mega Man music noises and we both laughed our asses off for a bit while Steph was like wtf. Oh... that was wonderful. But anywho--
More than anything I guess I do believe (or daresay want to believe) that the major problem we have here is that I'm just upset because I'm not getting what I want.
Ben and I were pretty much connected at the hip from Spring Break until the end of semester. And then over night we weren't. And everything I was afraid would happen did.
So now I sit around being upset that I don't get to see him or have contact with him that (seemingly) he doesn't have with others. I got so much of his time (though not necessarily his attention) and the pats month of adjusting to that not being the case has been hard. And not something I wanted to do.
I still think my doubts about his interest in me are valid. Given our differences. But for the sake of making things easier I do need to work on my 'not thinking about it skills' even if I have to be naive and optimistic.
So if I get screwed over for those things in the future then I'll have the right to feel victimized so I guess I win either way.
After the movie tonight (I didn't even bring up any of this to him. Didn't care to bother and then complicate what is possibly the only time I'll see him before next Saturday) I brought up how lately I've been trying to put equal attention on everyone to keep some perspective.
He added that he has heavily lacked perspective of late because he feels all his life is is work. Obviously there's more to it than that. And I took it at face value... while also thinking it sounded like a manufactured and planned and overly simplistic statement he would make to validate to me how he never feels (or seems happy when it does happen) like doing anything or seeing me.
So even while feeling I've been ridiculous lately I simultaneously don't buy it. And that takes talent.
dot dot dot.
So I guess the conclusion I've come to is to ignore it and see how things go. How original. How revolutionary!
And as public service announcement: Don't go see Nacho Libre. We thought it looked pretty ok, but it was actually a Nickelodeon movie. And we couldn't figure out why... it was going on. Just not much plot and not much direct humour. Basically you either laugh at Jack Black's delivery or you don't. And you either buy it or you don't. And why the fuck did they wear the ugliest clothes ever? And why the fuck were there midget troll demon things? Magial realism? Just GAH!?
I kind of formed these final thoughts while walking to work.
And it's a further offshoot of things I discussed with Nate in his basement on Wednesday night. Like everything. Seriously, everything is coming from this one conversation that got broken up throughout the night. At one point we found Steph's yearbooks and a girl named Mandra Beaver and I brought up how it sounded like a Mega Man X villain (adjective + animal was recipe. And Spark Mandril kept coming to mind) and then I made Mega Man music noises and we both laughed our asses off for a bit while Steph was like wtf. Oh... that was wonderful. But anywho--
More than anything I guess I do believe (or daresay want to believe) that the major problem we have here is that I'm just upset because I'm not getting what I want.
Ben and I were pretty much connected at the hip from Spring Break until the end of semester. And then over night we weren't. And everything I was afraid would happen did.
So now I sit around being upset that I don't get to see him or have contact with him that (seemingly) he doesn't have with others. I got so much of his time (though not necessarily his attention) and the pats month of adjusting to that not being the case has been hard. And not something I wanted to do.
I still think my doubts about his interest in me are valid. Given our differences. But for the sake of making things easier I do need to work on my 'not thinking about it skills' even if I have to be naive and optimistic.
So if I get screwed over for those things in the future then I'll have the right to feel victimized so I guess I win either way.
After the movie tonight (I didn't even bring up any of this to him. Didn't care to bother and then complicate what is possibly the only time I'll see him before next Saturday) I brought up how lately I've been trying to put equal attention on everyone to keep some perspective.
He added that he has heavily lacked perspective of late because he feels all his life is is work. Obviously there's more to it than that. And I took it at face value... while also thinking it sounded like a manufactured and planned and overly simplistic statement he would make to validate to me how he never feels (or seems happy when it does happen) like doing anything or seeing me.
So even while feeling I've been ridiculous lately I simultaneously don't buy it. And that takes talent.
dot dot dot.
So I guess the conclusion I've come to is to ignore it and see how things go. How original. How revolutionary!
And as public service announcement: Don't go see Nacho Libre. We thought it looked pretty ok, but it was actually a Nickelodeon movie. And we couldn't figure out why... it was going on. Just not much plot and not much direct humour. Basically you either laugh at Jack Black's delivery or you don't. And you either buy it or you don't. And why the fuck did they wear the ugliest clothes ever? And why the fuck were there midget troll demon things? Magial realism? Just GAH!?