(no subject)
Of all the times I feel alone, no when there are people here in the house. My friends loving as they are want me to talk and be happy and merry and live life for what I can. I help those around me and they help me in return, and yet there is something missing. I drive to work and home again, but these are the only times something doesn't seem wrong, then I look at the empty seat beside me. At that one moment what ever happiness I was feeling floods out of me like a river breaking the damn. There is nothing anyone can do, and yet everyone wants to help. I wonder if I could ever get my facsade built well enough to hide it all? You would never worry and I would eventually trick myself into believing that I am supposed to feel this way. If I did, would it really be so bad? Just like physical pain that is over come, its not that it actually goes away you just become acustomed to it and your mind blocks it out. If I could do this I wonder if I could ever find happiness by in a sense overcoming the aching of this tattered heart and burning soul. Perhaps it is time that I leave everything behind that reminds me that I am alone, time to move forward in life and quit living in the place that is my past. What is there left for me here. Family and a few good friends. As one who truly knows me has said numerous times in the past, "You make friends easy enough, you can sit down at a table and turn to those around you and just start a random conversation." As true is this is, starting over does hurt, but this is something as well as everything else I suppose is just another hurtle in life. Time to lift myself from the mud and shadows of the old and bring myself to the light and cleanse myself of this trifling toil. The ones I have now will never be forgotten but I must leave you anyways. I love you all but it is time I really begin to live my life.