the sickest that i could ever be
ive thrown up four times today. i finally ate something at 745, and i feel like i am going to spew again. but im forcinig myself to hold it down. god help me hold it down. my bathroom reaks of throw up, because i threw up in a giant pot and dumped it in the bathtub when i threw up in the toliet, again. and it, um, wont wash down the drain. i am totally home alone, and you know the worst part about being sick? is that im heartbroken too. i was broken up with on christmas eve morning by someone that i am completely enamored by. he says that i dont give him butterflys anymore, and that means that he doesnt love me, well, hes not in love with me. he still wants me close, and to be his friend, his best friend. but can i do it? and heres another thing i dont understand, how do you just stop loving someone? and if you dont, then why do you hold them close all night, give them kisses on the forhead, the lips? how do you stay in their house, in their bed? why do you still call at before bed to say goodnight? how? i will always love him, always. theres nothing i can do about it. i wasnt aloud to cry in big bear, but here? i think when i stop throwing up i wont be able to keep the tears at bay. im in love, and i am alone.