The Movie Krank's Movie Korner (I hate K's for C's)
Surprise, I just lost a whole fuckin' chunk of stuff. So now the cop-out, I'm annoyed, "short, short version", sans depth. Well, not that sans.
Recent theater jaunts:
Fantastic Four: surprisingly entertaining and tolerable. Don't believe the bullshit reviews written by idiots trying to fill up 1000 words of copy in their little columns. Even Michael Chiklis was good, and I usually hate him. Jessica Alba was yummy, and her cleavage, I mean she saved the day a couple of times. Never really gave her a second look before, but after seeing her in the otherwise garbage dance movie Honey back when I was watching TV for a living, and now, I can't help it (but that blonde hair has GOT TO GO). Aside from a couple bad CG shots, and some lame lines of dialogue, it was a nice comic book romp (this, coming from a DC kid). The effects were actually really good, even Johnny Storm's fire stuff. And the ending battle on the city street reminded me of Superman II, which is an awesome comic book movie, so that was a plus.
Land of the Dead: surprisingly lifeless (no pun intended). Aside from a couple of funny quips, this movie is just an excuse to make a zombie flick. Yeah, it's the almighty George Romero, who upon further examination, may not be all that mighty. He's the Orson Welles of horror movies: yeah, he makes good stuff, but the shit ain't the best of all time (sorry, all you pansy, brain-sharing list makers who can't form their own opinion and decide for themselves what is the best). The lead actor SUCKED, and his dialogue seemed like leftovers from some straight-to-video junk. Even John Leguizamo could not save this bad boy, and he usually elevates the proceeds above mediocre. [well, okay, Asia Argento was kinda hot] Ironically, I liked the Dawn of the Dead remake better-- it had better characters and moved at a quicker pace (not just because of the suddenly spry zombies), and actually built toward its ending. The zombie effects and makeup are top notch in LOTD (except for some TOTALLY FUCKING POINTLESS CG-- come ON, George, is your last name Lucas?)-- but that's not enough to make an enjoyable flick. There was some lame subtext about one corporation/man ruling a society of a beaten-down lower class, but that was half-baked at best. And the zombies being inexplicably smarter than ever got to be annoying after awhile (Zombie dead, Zombie notice gun, Zombie stroll across body of water!). There was a chick with the side of her teeth exposed from ripped cheek skin in almost every damn shot of zombies. Nobody just killed her. Argh. [SIDENOTE: Why the fuck aren't horror movies delayed until, like, HALLOFUCKINWEEN? Even the last *Halloween* flick wasn't released in October. Genius.]
Recent DVD jaunts (just to use the word jaunt again):
Alien Vs. Predator (oops, I mean the must-be-abbreviated AVP): What a waste! Two of the coolest-looking sci-fi/action franchises (and the first two Alien movies also being very well cast, written, directed) drained of their impact with a fuckin' PG-13-ified flick. Amazing, old-school effects (models, makeup, sets, and only brief, nicely integrated CG) were the framework for the weak story about the Aliens coming by every 100 years to kick the Predators' asses... or was it the other way around? Who cares. The cast was fairly weak, with only Lance Henriksen- the android of the Alien series- squeezing out a good performance (and tying some shit together to make this *sort of* a sequel *and* a prequel). Otherwise, the rest of the knuckleheads were stock players from the Alien Movie Ripoff Casting Agency (similar to the Real World Casting Agency)-- you didn't really give a shit whether they lived or died, and almost wanted them to croak quickly so you could get to the VS. part of movie. Sadly, that was fairly anticlimactic. Yeah, they set it up that they've been fighting awhile-- including a really cool "alternate beginning" on the DVD, which actually was THE BEGINNING, and apparently chopped off before the opening credits of the print that went out to theaters, just so they could crassly advertise it as "alternate" for the video packaging-- LAAAAAME. But the payoff was blah. The movie looked great, but was ultimately pointless, and the ending is kinda stupid (plus, you're supposed to believe that a Predator won't rip a chick apart just because she's wearing an Alien claw as a glove: SUUUUURRE). Possible titles for inevitable sequel: Alien Vs. Predator Part 2 (AVPP2), Alien Strikes Predator Continuously Again (ASPCA), and Aliens Vs. Predators (AsVsPs).
Following: Christopher Nolan's first feature flick. This and Memento are little modern masterpieces, and share a fractured timeline that only enhances the storytelling, and doesn't become a gimmick like M. Night Shalamalamadingdong's required-twist-ending movies have. The premise and execution of Following are just too juicy and wonderful to reveal if you haven't already seen it. It's the kind of movie where you wish you could see it again for the first time-- like The Game with Michael Douglas, which sort of blew my mind the first time around (his brother caused him to do WHAT?), and then lost a bit of impact upon the second go-round. But I don't think that will happen with Following, or Memento (I've already seen that more than once, and it held up). The unknown cast of Following is perfect, and the editing and pacing are maddeningly delicious. AND, like the 2-disc edition of Memento (but only via a fuckin' easter egg with that one), you can watch the flick in chronological order. It's only about 71 mins, so you can just watch the shit again right quick. Makes me wonder where he lost his unique style along the way to make the slightly tolerable yet utterly mundane Batman Begins. Did the WB cut off his creative gnards?
Honorable mention TV shows on DVD (jauntless):
Seinfeld: do I have to explain? Seeing this uncut and actually more pristine than in its original network airings, with loads of amazing goodies, is just a Seinfan's wet dream. I'm busting, Jerry, I'm busting!
Soap: sort of regarded as classic, but actually classic. Wonderful mix of pathos and humor, wrapped in almost deceiving coat of "parody"- actual soap operas were NEVER this good. What a freakin' unbelievable cast. And Corinne is my personal favorite femme, who looks sort of like Maura Tierney and Sarah Silverman mixed together. Robert Guillaume's Benson and Richard Mulligan's Burt are two of the most original and lasting male TV characters, oh, of all time. And after initially playing Jodie as a more stereotypical effeminate homosexual, Billy Crystal seems to have said screw it, and just played him as a human being who was gay. The show gets credit for bringing that character into primetime, but Crystal doesn't get enough of that credit for making a great character, and actually being a good actor doing so.
What's Happening!!: I would call this a "guilty pleasure", but I don't feel guilty about merely receiving pleasure from and enjoying a piece of entertainment (and neither should anyone else, no matter how many dumb lists appear in magazines under that cheap, trendy moniker). This is a guilt-free pleasure. And to me, even though it predates it, this show was the Black Seinfeld:
-Raj=Jerry
-Dwayne=Kramer
-Rerun=Neumann
-Shirley=George
-Dee=Elaine
They hung out at the same diner/coffee shop every day (Rob's Place=Monk's Cafe). And sarcasm played a big role in the show. Dee is among the top 5 Most Sarcastic TV Characters in History, along with Jerry Seinfeld and Carla. Sadly, it's a dying art, which I have mentioned before, but it bears repeating because it's just so sad. That was such a prominent part of sitcoms for so long, i.e. All in the Family, Cheers, Three's Company, Seinfeld... then Friends came along and took a shit on all that came before, duping the audience into thinking that sex=comedy, and yelling/overacting=funny. Goodbye, sarcasm. Yeah, we'll REALLY miss you. (see what I did there?)
Actually, What's Happening dealt with some issues of race, living in a bad part of town, being poor and trying to make it, divorce/remarriage, family bonds, morals, and other elements. Yeah, on the surface, it's a goofy show with goofball characters that sometimes were played as caricatures. But it had a lot of heart, and the actors were chosen well for all the roles, and it accomplished more than it EVER will get credit for. Good Times and The Jeffersons may have been "the" black 70's sitcoms, but What's Happening is up there with 'em.