Idiot me...
Idiot me... stupid fool
How could you be so uncool?
to fall in love with someone who
doesn't really care for you
its so obscure
God it makes me feel so blue
everytime I think about you
all of the heat of my desire
smokin' like some crazy fire
come on here
look at me, where I stand
can't you see my heart burnin' in my hands?
do you want me? do you not?
does it feel cold baby?
does it feel hot?
I know it was bound to end. If something is too good to be true, well...
then it probably fucking is. I feel like such an idiot. But I was an active participant in this stupid game. I know ... I know. Don't hate the player hate the game.
I have not heard from my wannabe feedee/gainer friend. Nor do I think I want to talk to him again. After long contemplation, it was not to hard to fathom. (thank you to butterbelly for her insight and intuition) What I know now is that this longdistance internet thing does not work. Why I keep falling for it when I know better is baffling to me. This guy has no desire to meet me. No desire to relocate and be the feedee/gainer of my dreams. No desire but to call me constantly to get his proverbial *rock soft while talking about his sexual fantasy of being my glutton for hours. God.. and I bought it.
I refuse to believe that I am that lonely or have that low of a self-esteem. My family of origin (freudian style) is probably the reason for this. I knew it was gonna end up like this. I don't have anything in common with this asshole other than our fetish. Nothing. There is no chemistry surprising enough. Oh he tried to *feed me* my own fantasy of what I desired.
Just like most people do... it is such a classic internet fiasco. I could write a small novel about this shit. I don't know how to break it to him. It would just be easy to end all communication with him period. It won't be the first time I did that.
Really am trying NOT to get so cynical that I stop trying to meet someday. So bitter and angry that nobody wants to hang around me. Somehow I need to turn all shit into something productive. Feel that this is going to get me to get off my ass and really do some introspection. Chalk this up to a learning experience.
How could you be so uncool?
to fall in love with someone who
doesn't really care for you
its so obscure
God it makes me feel so blue
everytime I think about you
all of the heat of my desire
smokin' like some crazy fire
come on here
look at me, where I stand
can't you see my heart burnin' in my hands?
do you want me? do you not?
does it feel cold baby?
does it feel hot?
I know it was bound to end. If something is too good to be true, well...
then it probably fucking is. I feel like such an idiot. But I was an active participant in this stupid game. I know ... I know. Don't hate the player hate the game.
I have not heard from my wannabe feedee/gainer friend. Nor do I think I want to talk to him again. After long contemplation, it was not to hard to fathom. (thank you to butterbelly for her insight and intuition) What I know now is that this longdistance internet thing does not work. Why I keep falling for it when I know better is baffling to me. This guy has no desire to meet me. No desire to relocate and be the feedee/gainer of my dreams. No desire but to call me constantly to get his proverbial *rock soft while talking about his sexual fantasy of being my glutton for hours. God.. and I bought it.
I refuse to believe that I am that lonely or have that low of a self-esteem. My family of origin (freudian style) is probably the reason for this. I knew it was gonna end up like this. I don't have anything in common with this asshole other than our fetish. Nothing. There is no chemistry surprising enough. Oh he tried to *feed me* my own fantasy of what I desired.
Just like most people do... it is such a classic internet fiasco. I could write a small novel about this shit. I don't know how to break it to him. It would just be easy to end all communication with him period. It won't be the first time I did that.
Really am trying NOT to get so cynical that I stop trying to meet someday. So bitter and angry that nobody wants to hang around me. Somehow I need to turn all shit into something productive. Feel that this is going to get me to get off my ass and really do some introspection. Chalk this up to a learning experience.