Back again...
Well, i actually talked to her last night. It was good. She sounded not happy but better i guess. Shes off her meds now. I hope she knows what shes doing. It sux for me cos i care for her so much i just want to help her. I know i can't though. I dont know what else to say, i love her and thats that. I will never stop loving her, i know that. i will never forget what we had. she will always be so special to me, forever. The thing is, i think im heading down the same or similiar road that she is or did. It sux. It seems im just going down and down and i dont seem to be going anywhere, just kinda round in circles. I dont see a away out of this. I asked her last night how she did it. How did she keep going. She told me it was hard and that she didnt really know. I guess cos shes still kinda there? still up and down all the time. I know its hard, it is. Why do i let myself get like this? I dont know i cant really help it. Well i did kinda bring it on myself though. Kind of self depression i guess?? God im stupid. I just wish i could break out and see the light. Well i do - i see it in her. But, she keeps blocking the light from me. I dont really deserve the light though. Hmmm... on to something else... i think my room is haunted. Ive seen a few weird things in the dark lately, like things when i know for a fact that i have been awake and not just dreaming it. Also, i saw the butterfly effect the other day, it freaked the shit out of me. Kinda brings you down to earth, hard, real hard. It just seemed so real, that it can happen. I wish i could go back and change the way i was. But what if i came back and i was dead or worse, she was dead. Maybe i will leave destiny on its path of destruction.