(no subject)
It's been awhile...
Why do i only feel like writing in here when im feeling shit? I know other people can read it if they want. I guess i do it so other people might feel the way i feel? i don't know that just sounds stupid. I guess the reason i feel so down at the moment is cos i feel there is no future left for me anymore. Hmm, where have i seen that before???... Nah its just me and stace had a massive falling out the other day. Well it wasn't really a falling out. It was more like her waking up and seeing that it was all my fault that she is the way she is now. It was my fault too. I treated her like shit for so long. Then she got sick of it and dumped me. I still didnt change. What made me change and realise how much of an asshole i was, was when she said she was seeing someone else. It kinda just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have just lost the only person i have ever loved. And its all my own fault. I just wish i had seen it sooner and changed because i regret it so much now. We started talking again off and on, i got desperate and started laying it on her again, trying to get her back. It didnt really work. I tried helping her through her troubles, but that also didnt work because i was the cause of her problems. I guess all in all i was trying to cross a bridge that was destroyed so long ago and is now beyond repair. It's like JD said on scrubs the other night. Sometimes, if you want something too much you risk losing it forever. That is true to the second part of my story. I just feel so stupid. Now she is with someone else. Hell yeah im jealous. I'm kinda happy that she is happy though, and im happy he is with a truly great person, an angel. I hope one day maybe we could try again? i dunno...dreams are free...
Why do i only feel like writing in here when im feeling shit? I know other people can read it if they want. I guess i do it so other people might feel the way i feel? i don't know that just sounds stupid. I guess the reason i feel so down at the moment is cos i feel there is no future left for me anymore. Hmm, where have i seen that before???... Nah its just me and stace had a massive falling out the other day. Well it wasn't really a falling out. It was more like her waking up and seeing that it was all my fault that she is the way she is now. It was my fault too. I treated her like shit for so long. Then she got sick of it and dumped me. I still didnt change. What made me change and realise how much of an asshole i was, was when she said she was seeing someone else. It kinda just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have just lost the only person i have ever loved. And its all my own fault. I just wish i had seen it sooner and changed because i regret it so much now. We started talking again off and on, i got desperate and started laying it on her again, trying to get her back. It didnt really work. I tried helping her through her troubles, but that also didnt work because i was the cause of her problems. I guess all in all i was trying to cross a bridge that was destroyed so long ago and is now beyond repair. It's like JD said on scrubs the other night. Sometimes, if you want something too much you risk losing it forever. That is true to the second part of my story. I just feel so stupid. Now she is with someone else. Hell yeah im jealous. I'm kinda happy that she is happy though, and im happy he is with a truly great person, an angel. I hope one day maybe we could try again? i dunno...dreams are free...