On my mind.
1.) I'm afraid to go home again. It's a daunting realization... just how much life went on without me while I've been here. I'd much rather everything fall right back into place, be exactly how it was before.. be the same person that I was when I first started writing this journal. But I'm not at all. It's all changed and I haven't let myself be okay with that yet.
2.) Breau's Plumbing and Heating is gone. Can no longer give directions to my house by saying, "It's the one with the big white truck in the front."
3.) The civic is gone, too. Which bums me out, because some of my best moments were had in that car with the windows rolled down and my music so loud I couldn't hear myself sing over it. In reality, the BEST times were had in the maxima, but the civic was an acceptable replacement. But now they're both gone.
4.) Daisy is gone.
5.) I'm not sure what I want to do next with life. I think it involves school again, but I just don't see how I can make that happen. I have a defaulted student loan, that is entirely my own fault, and now I'm not eligible for any aid. I remember sitting in my financial aid officer's office at ENC, freaking out about not being able to pay back my loans, and him assuring me that at MAX at the end of four years, my payments would be $150 combined. Although, right now they're upwards of $500 a month. And heck no those aren't getting paid either, who has that kind of money as a newlywed?
6.) I quit Sears. Again. I say it's because they scheduled a mandatory meeting for a sunday morning when I was supposed to be at church and running the powerpoint for Jordan... but I probably could have gotten out of it. In reality, it was because I was too ashamed to go in after I had slept in twice and called out twice all within a month.
7.) There's this job fair at Books-a-million tomorrow, and I can't help but get my hopes so far up that I wanna choke on them. I'd love to work in a bookstore again. It would remind me of the part of myself that still loves Heritage House.
8.) I asked Tasha at church if she needed an apprentice at the salon. I guess I could go that route too... back to the cosmetology thing. I'm interested in it... and love the smell of shampoo in the workplace, but, who knows if I'll stick with it. Who knows if I'll ever be able to stick to anything?
2.) Breau's Plumbing and Heating is gone. Can no longer give directions to my house by saying, "It's the one with the big white truck in the front."
3.) The civic is gone, too. Which bums me out, because some of my best moments were had in that car with the windows rolled down and my music so loud I couldn't hear myself sing over it. In reality, the BEST times were had in the maxima, but the civic was an acceptable replacement. But now they're both gone.
4.) Daisy is gone.
5.) I'm not sure what I want to do next with life. I think it involves school again, but I just don't see how I can make that happen. I have a defaulted student loan, that is entirely my own fault, and now I'm not eligible for any aid. I remember sitting in my financial aid officer's office at ENC, freaking out about not being able to pay back my loans, and him assuring me that at MAX at the end of four years, my payments would be $150 combined. Although, right now they're upwards of $500 a month. And heck no those aren't getting paid either, who has that kind of money as a newlywed?
6.) I quit Sears. Again. I say it's because they scheduled a mandatory meeting for a sunday morning when I was supposed to be at church and running the powerpoint for Jordan... but I probably could have gotten out of it. In reality, it was because I was too ashamed to go in after I had slept in twice and called out twice all within a month.
7.) There's this job fair at Books-a-million tomorrow, and I can't help but get my hopes so far up that I wanna choke on them. I'd love to work in a bookstore again. It would remind me of the part of myself that still loves Heritage House.
8.) I asked Tasha at church if she needed an apprentice at the salon. I guess I could go that route too... back to the cosmetology thing. I'm interested in it... and love the smell of shampoo in the workplace, but, who knows if I'll stick with it. Who knows if I'll ever be able to stick to anything?