(no subject)
I can't believe this is still here. And since when does livejournal have ads anyway? Sell-outs.
I wrote for the first time in over a year today. Like, really wrote. Crying all over the guitar kind of wrote. God. I just wish I could go back. Isn't that strange?
I hated it all when I was going through it... but now, I'd give anything just to FEEL again. I haven't made any progress in the whole, what is it? 5 years that I've been posting here.
I want friends, God I need them so bad. And not a stuck up person from the church who is too baptist to enjoy a good episode of Buffy or Will and Grace from time to time.. or like.. all the time ..... but someone who is real. Someone that I actually want to be around, and want to be like.
I know everyone back home is all 'oh! keep in touch! you still have me!' .. . but... when I do keep in touch, they tell me about all the wonderful things they're doing for their senior year. Internships, new jobs, life changes, exciting opportunities... and it just shames me. What have I done? Years of stop-starting crappy jobs that leave me qualified for nothing more than another crappy job. Though, it's not like I actually have ANY idea what I'd rather do instead. So when I talk to them, it just makes my guts hurt that I'm not there too - making progress, accomplishing things I've set myself to. I'm pretty sure I've never actually done that.
I'm in a whiny mood... Even I'm annoyed with it.
I wrote for the first time in over a year today. Like, really wrote. Crying all over the guitar kind of wrote. God. I just wish I could go back. Isn't that strange?
I hated it all when I was going through it... but now, I'd give anything just to FEEL again. I haven't made any progress in the whole, what is it? 5 years that I've been posting here.
I want friends, God I need them so bad. And not a stuck up person from the church who is too baptist to enjoy a good episode of Buffy or Will and Grace from time to time.. or like.. all the time ..... but someone who is real. Someone that I actually want to be around, and want to be like.
I know everyone back home is all 'oh! keep in touch! you still have me!' .. . but... when I do keep in touch, they tell me about all the wonderful things they're doing for their senior year. Internships, new jobs, life changes, exciting opportunities... and it just shames me. What have I done? Years of stop-starting crappy jobs that leave me qualified for nothing more than another crappy job. Though, it's not like I actually have ANY idea what I'd rather do instead. So when I talk to them, it just makes my guts hurt that I'm not there too - making progress, accomplishing things I've set myself to. I'm pretty sure I've never actually done that.
I'm in a whiny mood... Even I'm annoyed with it.