From the Heritage reassignment dept
Friday night I trotted down to the Harp to participate in the usual shenanigans at Tony's performances. Before the set started, I ran into a couple of Irish fellows by the name of Tony and Patrick at the bar.
Their introduction became somewhat of a staple. Everyone they talked to, myself included, got an almost identical rehearsal that went along these lines: Patrick would would say, "I'm from Offaly, where this stuff's made," putting his finger on the bartender's mat that read "Tullamore Dew." "And he's from Tipperary, where this stuff's made!" as he points to a bottle of Magners cider.
Tony (from Dublin, incidentally) started playing his usual set, including some Christy Moore - "The Old D.T.s". Upon starting the DTs, Tony from Tipperary leans towards me and sneers, "None of these yanks knows what these songs are about! This one... if you listen, he talks about drinkin' an' surfin'. That's not what it's about!" At this point I'm obliged to interject, "Yeah, it's really a political statement framed in the context of a dream because it was unlawful to dissent against the British government. And over there is a commemorative poster of the '80s Guinness ad that inspired him."
Tony's eyes narrowed as he leaned even closer. "You Irish?" he asked. "I ought to be based on the amount of Guinness I drink. I might be 1/4 from 1/8 here and an 1/8 there." "So then how is it a kid barely old enough drink knows so much about the Irish?" He shakes his head in disbelief when I tell him I'm older than I look. "You fuck off. What do you for a living?" "IT work." "Really now? How long you doin' that fer?" "About 11 years." "You fuck off! What were you? 10 when you started?" "I'm 35, actually." "Oh, you FUCK OFF!" And he buys me a Guinness.
Later on in the night, a rather pretty redhead named Jenaveve meanders up to the bar. She immediately picks up on Tony and Patrick's accents. She turns around and displays the tattoo on her neck that reads, "Wild Irish Rose." In her Southern Californian accent, she proudly proclaims, "I'm from Cork!" Tony takes the lead this time and says, "Really, now! We've been in the States only a couple months, but my friend, Patrick here, is from Offaly. I'm from Tipperary. And my friend, Chris here, he's from Donegal!" Patrick has to fill in on the alcohol production, of course, "They make Tullamore Dew where I'm from, Magners where Tony's from and... Chris? What do they make in Donegal?" "You fuck off and nothin' else. Why do you think I'm here?"
Many laughs were had and with that, my known Welsh and Canadian decent received the addition of honorary Donegalian ancestry.