i dont know what to put for a subject.
i am following tildets advice and writing on this. i do have therapy tomorrow, but its obvious that not getting things OUT of me has taken its toll... if only i had spoken up to everyone i needed to, i might not have this sore throat and headache i have right now. oh well.
there are a few things lately that ive had to hold in and not speak up about... some are just not appropriate to post here because i dont know who reads this (not that i think many do... but still). i will stick to todays challenge and let that be my start. the rest can be sorted out tomorrow with liza so i can get this all OUT of me.
so let me put out the intention that writing this out will completely release it from my body... off my chest... out of my head... so that i have a fresh start to face the unfolding present.
every tuesday and thursday at 8 am i feel like i am walking into a battlezone when i walk into my classroom. i wont say that my teacher is necessarily a bad person... i just dont think it is okay by any means that he teaches his opinion as if it were fact. now, on some issues i can let it go in one ear and it can smoothly flow out the other.. no harm done. some things i am just astonished that he can be so cold and biased in his position as an "educator" who should be OBJECTIVEEEEEEEEE. but today he just went too far. i have already come to the understanding/conclusion that most of hte things he says go against everything i stand for and believe in... all of my core values and the things that keep me waking up every mrning with a smile on my face.
todays controversial "lecture" (or rambling as it seems) was about something that hits really close to home. a sensitive topic that i myself and manymanymanyyyy others have struggled with. bullies. oh oh oh ! first let me say that he also said ADD does not exist. it didnt used to and its NO excuse for anything. people should just suck it up and do their school work. people in my class also made fun of someone they knew of who was special ed and in highschool until his 20s. the teacher said he woulda just gave up and dropped out, another person said he wouldve killed himself. apparently this is all "acceptable" in a college classroom. wonderful.
as for hte bullying topic... according to this professor, the school has no place to intervene. the child who is being bullied should "take matters into their own hands" or "smack the kid in the head". if they are unable to do this and succeed then they are weak. the school system is sheltering these kids and doing htem more harm than help by intervening when there is bullying going on.
are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! i wanted to scream. my heart was pounding out of my chest. how can you be so fucking insensitive... and even worse, how does everyone fucking agree with all this?!!?!? has no one else been a victim at some point or another in their life? do they not know the causes of teenage suicide and school shooting? do they not know of hte PERMANENT DAMAGE that can be caused during these crucial years of self concept formation? are you fucking kidding me.
the most i really said what i meant was in saying "dont you think it can be viewed as a bit insensitive tht youre saying.. blahblahblah". i also pointed out that the school intervening is not solely about "sheltering" the child... its very much so about teaching the antagonizer that this sort of behavior is unacceptable! here is this teacher talking about murder and rape and how horrible... HELLO!?!?!? if we taught kids early on that violence doesnt solve our issues then maybe it wouldnt be such a fucking prominent issue in our society. you can be charged with battery or assault if you punch someone on the street cause theyre in your way. why are we teaching our kids that this is okay.
i fucking hate this class. i dont like what he has to say. i dont like my classmates. i dont like that he calls liberals "idealists" and mocks their every belief. i dont like that he teaches his opinion as though it were fact. i dont like it and i dont know hwat gets me through... but i need to finish it out as its a requirement for my socialwork program. people like this man are hte problem. people like these students are the problem. sometimes i just literally find all of this unbelievable. i can NOT believe that people are so insensitive, so cold, so cruel and so open to not only speak of but TEACHHHHHHH blame the victim!
i felt like the fucking victim again. like i was back in highschool, me against my class, me against the world. i thought i was going to have a panic attack. i thought i was going to cry. i didnt let myself disassociate though... it wouldve been too easy and i wouldve done it in the past. i am proud of myself for that. i waited a few minutes and left hte classroom as if i were going to hte bathroom... i called my mom and talked to her and let myself cry. it was frustratinga nd exhausting. i wouldnt let them see me cry... i know what they think of "people like me". we are apparently weak. i honestly think one person in that class agrees with me, because he always smiles at me at hte end of class as if to say " i hear you. i know."
i will come out of this so much stronger. for learning self control and distress tolerance. for learning radical acceptance. but my fucking lord, is it a struggle. ugh.
iahte it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it.
there are a few things lately that ive had to hold in and not speak up about... some are just not appropriate to post here because i dont know who reads this (not that i think many do... but still). i will stick to todays challenge and let that be my start. the rest can be sorted out tomorrow with liza so i can get this all OUT of me.
so let me put out the intention that writing this out will completely release it from my body... off my chest... out of my head... so that i have a fresh start to face the unfolding present.
every tuesday and thursday at 8 am i feel like i am walking into a battlezone when i walk into my classroom. i wont say that my teacher is necessarily a bad person... i just dont think it is okay by any means that he teaches his opinion as if it were fact. now, on some issues i can let it go in one ear and it can smoothly flow out the other.. no harm done. some things i am just astonished that he can be so cold and biased in his position as an "educator" who should be OBJECTIVEEEEEEEEE. but today he just went too far. i have already come to the understanding/conclusion that most of hte things he says go against everything i stand for and believe in... all of my core values and the things that keep me waking up every mrning with a smile on my face.
todays controversial "lecture" (or rambling as it seems) was about something that hits really close to home. a sensitive topic that i myself and manymanymanyyyy others have struggled with. bullies. oh oh oh ! first let me say that he also said ADD does not exist. it didnt used to and its NO excuse for anything. people should just suck it up and do their school work. people in my class also made fun of someone they knew of who was special ed and in highschool until his 20s. the teacher said he woulda just gave up and dropped out, another person said he wouldve killed himself. apparently this is all "acceptable" in a college classroom. wonderful.
as for hte bullying topic... according to this professor, the school has no place to intervene. the child who is being bullied should "take matters into their own hands" or "smack the kid in the head". if they are unable to do this and succeed then they are weak. the school system is sheltering these kids and doing htem more harm than help by intervening when there is bullying going on.
are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! i wanted to scream. my heart was pounding out of my chest. how can you be so fucking insensitive... and even worse, how does everyone fucking agree with all this?!!?!? has no one else been a victim at some point or another in their life? do they not know the causes of teenage suicide and school shooting? do they not know of hte PERMANENT DAMAGE that can be caused during these crucial years of self concept formation? are you fucking kidding me.
the most i really said what i meant was in saying "dont you think it can be viewed as a bit insensitive tht youre saying.. blahblahblah". i also pointed out that the school intervening is not solely about "sheltering" the child... its very much so about teaching the antagonizer that this sort of behavior is unacceptable! here is this teacher talking about murder and rape and how horrible... HELLO!?!?!? if we taught kids early on that violence doesnt solve our issues then maybe it wouldnt be such a fucking prominent issue in our society. you can be charged with battery or assault if you punch someone on the street cause theyre in your way. why are we teaching our kids that this is okay.
i fucking hate this class. i dont like what he has to say. i dont like my classmates. i dont like that he calls liberals "idealists" and mocks their every belief. i dont like that he teaches his opinion as though it were fact. i dont like it and i dont know hwat gets me through... but i need to finish it out as its a requirement for my socialwork program. people like this man are hte problem. people like these students are the problem. sometimes i just literally find all of this unbelievable. i can NOT believe that people are so insensitive, so cold, so cruel and so open to not only speak of but TEACHHHHHHH blame the victim!
i felt like the fucking victim again. like i was back in highschool, me against my class, me against the world. i thought i was going to have a panic attack. i thought i was going to cry. i didnt let myself disassociate though... it wouldve been too easy and i wouldve done it in the past. i am proud of myself for that. i waited a few minutes and left hte classroom as if i were going to hte bathroom... i called my mom and talked to her and let myself cry. it was frustratinga nd exhausting. i wouldnt let them see me cry... i know what they think of "people like me". we are apparently weak. i honestly think one person in that class agrees with me, because he always smiles at me at hte end of class as if to say " i hear you. i know."
i will come out of this so much stronger. for learning self control and distress tolerance. for learning radical acceptance. but my fucking lord, is it a struggle. ugh.
iahte it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it.