like tears, in rain
I haven't posted much lately - in a long time, really. Life just kept kicking me and I didn't feel like talking about it, bringing everyone down. But I need to reach out. I desperately need to cry where other people can see it, especially when my wife is crying too and we can barely hold each other up.
We lost our tuxedo cat Hermen today. He'd been in and out of the vet's for a bladder stone since this past winter, and we'd finally decided that surgery was the last best option. He stopped breathing during prep, and they couldn't bring him back.
The thing that's tearing me up is, I *knew* this would happen. He'd been a little quieter than usual the past few days, and I just had this feeling that he wouldn't be coming back from the vet's. Still, if we didn't try surgery, he was in for years of sickness and pain, so it was his best chance. But...that feeling... I was able to take some extra time the last few days, quality time with him, saying goodbye just in case. I hate that it was real. It makes me feel like we're really living in some kind of Sims game, where things happen then other things happen and life kinda just goes on. I don't want it to be real - I want to wake up from a bad dream and have him home again.
Do you think that the animals in our lives tell us when it's time for them to hitch a ride to the nearest star, and plan on meeting us again in a new life someday? Do you think I've gone crazy? Can you hear me crying?
This entry was originally posted at http://guiltyred.dreamwidth.org/476580.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
We lost our tuxedo cat Hermen today. He'd been in and out of the vet's for a bladder stone since this past winter, and we'd finally decided that surgery was the last best option. He stopped breathing during prep, and they couldn't bring him back.
The thing that's tearing me up is, I *knew* this would happen. He'd been a little quieter than usual the past few days, and I just had this feeling that he wouldn't be coming back from the vet's. Still, if we didn't try surgery, he was in for years of sickness and pain, so it was his best chance. But...that feeling... I was able to take some extra time the last few days, quality time with him, saying goodbye just in case. I hate that it was real. It makes me feel like we're really living in some kind of Sims game, where things happen then other things happen and life kinda just goes on. I don't want it to be real - I want to wake up from a bad dream and have him home again.
Do you think that the animals in our lives tell us when it's time for them to hitch a ride to the nearest star, and plan on meeting us again in a new life someday? Do you think I've gone crazy? Can you hear me crying?
This entry was originally posted at http://guiltyred.dreamwidth.org/476580.html. Please comment there using OpenID.