School....
These days, I often feel that utter sense of failure in my academics...
I feel as if my brain and mind set has devolved to one that goes back to middle school.
I feel that seemingly never-ending road in front of me, and begin to walk because I don't see an end.
I feel at times that perhaps it'll never change... that feeling of having complete loss of control of my brain... not being able to control the way it does the logically correct things it should.
I hate that so fucking much.
I hate that I sometimes stare at the floor when I walk as if I've been beaten.
What I fucking hate the most is that I don't know what is going on.
What I fucking hate the most is that because I'm in the dark about the cause, I can only imagine the light I'm looking for, but never the method.
I detest the idea that I'm beginning to tell myself after this long long journey I call this fucking life, I'm beginning to think that perhaps I've pretty much reached the peak of my success... and I hate the idea that I feel a limit to my abilities.
I want to leave this college with a degree in Theoretical Physics and Mechanical Engineering... that is what I want.
I want to leave with my fucking doctorate.
I hate that I can't control you in any sense of the word. Always wandering, thinking about everything academic that has nothing to do with school.
Fuck you, Brain. Today I really really want to throw you away.
I want to be five again... that was great... legos, eating ice cream, pizza, Ninja Turtles, and playing mud clump wars with the neighborhood kids was my only concern.
Right now, I'm just glad that I know I can see Tina later, and that that usually makes me forget about this shit. She's a good person.
I feel as if my brain and mind set has devolved to one that goes back to middle school.
I feel that seemingly never-ending road in front of me, and begin to walk because I don't see an end.
I feel at times that perhaps it'll never change... that feeling of having complete loss of control of my brain... not being able to control the way it does the logically correct things it should.
I hate that so fucking much.
I hate that I sometimes stare at the floor when I walk as if I've been beaten.
What I fucking hate the most is that I don't know what is going on.
What I fucking hate the most is that because I'm in the dark about the cause, I can only imagine the light I'm looking for, but never the method.
I detest the idea that I'm beginning to tell myself after this long long journey I call this fucking life, I'm beginning to think that perhaps I've pretty much reached the peak of my success... and I hate the idea that I feel a limit to my abilities.
I want to leave this college with a degree in Theoretical Physics and Mechanical Engineering... that is what I want.
I want to leave with my fucking doctorate.
I hate that I can't control you in any sense of the word. Always wandering, thinking about everything academic that has nothing to do with school.
Fuck you, Brain. Today I really really want to throw you away.
I want to be five again... that was great... legos, eating ice cream, pizza, Ninja Turtles, and playing mud clump wars with the neighborhood kids was my only concern.
Right now, I'm just glad that I know I can see Tina later, and that that usually makes me forget about this shit. She's a good person.