Who was the last person who really made you mad?
Myself.
For so many endless reasons.
For not being over Mike, even though it's now 5 months down the line.
For letting myself verge on obsessive to matters concerning him.
For being completely incapable of letting go.
For letting my jealousy get the better of me every time I see that he's talking to other girls, or in general, just moving on.
For knowing deep down that I could do so much better, but still being stuck on him.
For failing to actually prove that I CAN do much better.
For letting myself turn from a strong minded, happy, independent girl into a snivelling, insecure, obsessive, desperately unhappy one all because one guy, one fucking guy, decided he didn't love me anymore, strung me along for a bit, then pissed all over my already broken heart.
And I'm angry for so much more.
For knowing so truly deep down that I'm wasting my time doing a degree in english and drama that I don't really care about.
For knowing that for all I want to do, which is act or direct, I would be so much better off at a drama school in the heart of London.
For not actually doing it.
For being too scared, too comfortable with the friends and established social circles and situations that I've made at uni.
For fearing deep down that I won't make it at all, because I may not be good enough.
For letting a couple of crap auditions and a student drama group that is widely known to only involve the elitist friendship groups take part in their shows drag down my spirit.
For allowing myself to lose my passion.
For letting go of the one and only thing in my life that I was ever fucking good at.
For letting myself to even doubt my ability when just a year ago, jesus himself couldn't have made me think twice about it.
For being useless.
For being lazy.
For being stupid.
For being ugly.
For being annoying.
For being whiny.
For being obsessive.
For being clingy.
For being worth cheap laughs and thrills but nothing more.
For letting myself gain so much weight that it's no wonder I won't be able to find anyone else better than Mike.
For breaking my foot at a crucial time when I NEED to be getting out and about and keeping busy.
For realising too late that before Easter, for my entire second term at uni, I was destroying myself.
For realising it and then attempting to carry it on.
For regretting that I can't...
For being jealous of my friends who I love, just cause they've known each other longer and reminise every now and then.
For not being attentive towards my brother anymore.
For spending day in day out crying over stupid things.
For not being able to ask for help when I probably really, really need it.
And finally, for the first time since I left Beverley, feeling as down as I did when I was there. For contemplating things that ought not to be contemplated.
For realising that I'm letting myself go...And for doing nothing about it.
Yeah, I'm angry at myself.
For so many endless reasons.
For not being over Mike, even though it's now 5 months down the line.
For letting myself verge on obsessive to matters concerning him.
For being completely incapable of letting go.
For letting my jealousy get the better of me every time I see that he's talking to other girls, or in general, just moving on.
For knowing deep down that I could do so much better, but still being stuck on him.
For failing to actually prove that I CAN do much better.
For letting myself turn from a strong minded, happy, independent girl into a snivelling, insecure, obsessive, desperately unhappy one all because one guy, one fucking guy, decided he didn't love me anymore, strung me along for a bit, then pissed all over my already broken heart.
And I'm angry for so much more.
For knowing so truly deep down that I'm wasting my time doing a degree in english and drama that I don't really care about.
For knowing that for all I want to do, which is act or direct, I would be so much better off at a drama school in the heart of London.
For not actually doing it.
For being too scared, too comfortable with the friends and established social circles and situations that I've made at uni.
For fearing deep down that I won't make it at all, because I may not be good enough.
For letting a couple of crap auditions and a student drama group that is widely known to only involve the elitist friendship groups take part in their shows drag down my spirit.
For allowing myself to lose my passion.
For letting go of the one and only thing in my life that I was ever fucking good at.
For letting myself to even doubt my ability when just a year ago, jesus himself couldn't have made me think twice about it.
For being useless.
For being lazy.
For being stupid.
For being ugly.
For being annoying.
For being whiny.
For being obsessive.
For being clingy.
For being worth cheap laughs and thrills but nothing more.
For letting myself gain so much weight that it's no wonder I won't be able to find anyone else better than Mike.
For breaking my foot at a crucial time when I NEED to be getting out and about and keeping busy.
For realising too late that before Easter, for my entire second term at uni, I was destroying myself.
For realising it and then attempting to carry it on.
For regretting that I can't...
For being jealous of my friends who I love, just cause they've known each other longer and reminise every now and then.
For not being attentive towards my brother anymore.
For spending day in day out crying over stupid things.
For not being able to ask for help when I probably really, really need it.
And finally, for the first time since I left Beverley, feeling as down as I did when I was there. For contemplating things that ought not to be contemplated.
For realising that I'm letting myself go...And for doing nothing about it.
Yeah, I'm angry at myself.