(no subject)
Wow. It's been a solid two and a half months since I've written. I feel disconnected with the world beyond my swimming circle, so this shall provide me with an outlet to communicate with some who I haven't spoken with in eons.
Life right now can be summed up in one word: STRESSFUL!! I never imagined all the emotional turmoil this year would present. Unfortunately, because all of it is happening during swim season, I have resorted to my adolescent tendancies to block everything out and pretend nothing's wrong. Which couldn't be farther from the truth.
I feel an inadequate leader. I have a Mt. Everest-sized amount of homework to complete for Monday. I want to see Joe, but I know once he's here I won't be able to say no. Lindi drives me insane with her moods and I don't know how to handle it. I want to be closer to some people, but others vye for my time and attention. I spend too much time with my so-so friends and too little with those who really make me feel good. My emotions are so inconsistent. Most of the time they're nonexistent. And that's the feeling I hate the most.
I had such high expectations. This year is supposed one to remember forever. Instead, I've let the positive side of me slip away in leiu of negativity. What's wrong with me?
I just want to be happy.
Melody just called. We're going to make posters for swimming instead of going to Powderpuff. I feel like a different person entirely. A year ago we were all gung-ho about participating. And now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and make everything all better.
Trisha's coming to the meet tomorrow. Surprisingly (or maybe not), that's making me nervous. On one hand I want to ignore her. But on the other I want to show her that I'm the more mature one and be kind. Either way, I want to kick some butt in my fly. I did last year at North, so why not continue the tradition?
OK, I should get the poster paint ready. I'm ready for some serious heart-to-heart with Melody. That has been a key element lacking in my life lately. And it needs to change. I'm going to try and be proactive and change my mood. This negativity is not working for me whatsoever.
Life right now can be summed up in one word: STRESSFUL!! I never imagined all the emotional turmoil this year would present. Unfortunately, because all of it is happening during swim season, I have resorted to my adolescent tendancies to block everything out and pretend nothing's wrong. Which couldn't be farther from the truth.
I feel an inadequate leader. I have a Mt. Everest-sized amount of homework to complete for Monday. I want to see Joe, but I know once he's here I won't be able to say no. Lindi drives me insane with her moods and I don't know how to handle it. I want to be closer to some people, but others vye for my time and attention. I spend too much time with my so-so friends and too little with those who really make me feel good. My emotions are so inconsistent. Most of the time they're nonexistent. And that's the feeling I hate the most.
I had such high expectations. This year is supposed one to remember forever. Instead, I've let the positive side of me slip away in leiu of negativity. What's wrong with me?
I just want to be happy.
Melody just called. We're going to make posters for swimming instead of going to Powderpuff. I feel like a different person entirely. A year ago we were all gung-ho about participating. And now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and make everything all better.
Trisha's coming to the meet tomorrow. Surprisingly (or maybe not), that's making me nervous. On one hand I want to ignore her. But on the other I want to show her that I'm the more mature one and be kind. Either way, I want to kick some butt in my fly. I did last year at North, so why not continue the tradition?
OK, I should get the poster paint ready. I'm ready for some serious heart-to-heart with Melody. That has been a key element lacking in my life lately. And it needs to change. I'm going to try and be proactive and change my mood. This negativity is not working for me whatsoever.