Small snippets produced by a sleep-deprived, warped sense of humor.
If SMeyer wrote HBP:
Harry, hidden under his Invisibility Cloak, crouched by Draco's bed and watched him sleep.
What a sweet little blond Slytherin he was. So fragile. Harry's hand reached out to caress the hollow cheeks, so much like Tom Riddle's, and trace the outlines of the bags underneath his eyes. Poor Draco, so tired and burdened by his mission. Harry would lift it from him, were it anything but assassinating Dumbledore.
He would have to confront Draco about that soon enough. For now, though... a tear leaked out from Draco's eyelids as he began to sob in his sleep - dreaming about Voldemort torturing his family, no doubt - and Harry caught it on his fingers, lifted them to his mouth, and tasted it. Hmm. Salty. And, philosophically, sweet.
"The wrong sort, eh, Malfoy?" he whispered so softly that, even had Draco been awake, he would not have heard it. "I'm afraid you're the one who needs my help determining that."
.--
If JKR wrote Breaking Dawn:
"Hello," Aro said, his eyes almost seeming to twinkle. "I do hope I'm not disturbing anything."
I was unable to say a word. What could I say? After all -
"NO! I'M JUST GIVING BIRTH TO THE BABY FROM HELL!" Bella roared from another room as something shattered - likely, some priceless belonging of the Cullens' had just been smashed in her agonized rage. My suspicions were confirmed when Edward moaned "Not the vases, Bella, not the vases..." Bella, never one to disappoint, screamed back "WHO GIVES A DAMN FOR THE VASES? WHAT ABOUT MY UTERUS?! NO, ALMIGHTY HEAD OF THE VOLTURI, SIR, NOTHING'S WRONG HERE! EXCEPT FOR LITTLE EDWACOB CARLIE CULLEN TRYING TO CHEW HIS WAY OUT THROUGH MY STOMACH!"
In the living room, at least, there was silence save for Bella's screaming and Edward's whimpering. Marcus gnawed on Caius's shoulder in utter contentment. Aro and Caius remained as unnervingly calm as always, even when Carisle tore through the room en route from kitchen to medical supply storage. Kitchen? I mentally paused for a moment, then vowed never to eat anything prepared at the Cullens' again, even if they did manage to get all the stains out.
"Why the hell do you drag me along on these things?" Caius asked, shooting a sidelong glare at his brother.
"Language, Caius," Aro corrected gently. "And really, now. Do you think I could abandon my family at home while I went gallivanting off to America?"
"Yeah, actually," I said, immediately regretting it.
Aro's smile gained an edge that made me violently want to change into the wolf on the spot. "Ah. Allow me to elaborate a tad, then. Do you think I could abandon my strongest allies at home while I went gallivanting off to America to await the birth of something that might endanger the secret of our existence?" That pseudo-twinkle was nearly frightening now. "I do not deny the Cullens are most powerful fighters. However..." He inclined his head towards Caius and Marcus - or, as I knew all too well, specifically Marcus. "I believe I have a trump card of my own."
Harry, hidden under his Invisibility Cloak, crouched by Draco's bed and watched him sleep.
What a sweet little blond Slytherin he was. So fragile. Harry's hand reached out to caress the hollow cheeks, so much like Tom Riddle's, and trace the outlines of the bags underneath his eyes. Poor Draco, so tired and burdened by his mission. Harry would lift it from him, were it anything but assassinating Dumbledore.
He would have to confront Draco about that soon enough. For now, though... a tear leaked out from Draco's eyelids as he began to sob in his sleep - dreaming about Voldemort torturing his family, no doubt - and Harry caught it on his fingers, lifted them to his mouth, and tasted it. Hmm. Salty. And, philosophically, sweet.
"The wrong sort, eh, Malfoy?" he whispered so softly that, even had Draco been awake, he would not have heard it. "I'm afraid you're the one who needs my help determining that."
.--
If JKR wrote Breaking Dawn:
"Hello," Aro said, his eyes almost seeming to twinkle. "I do hope I'm not disturbing anything."
I was unable to say a word. What could I say? After all -
"NO! I'M JUST GIVING BIRTH TO THE BABY FROM HELL!" Bella roared from another room as something shattered - likely, some priceless belonging of the Cullens' had just been smashed in her agonized rage. My suspicions were confirmed when Edward moaned "Not the vases, Bella, not the vases..." Bella, never one to disappoint, screamed back "WHO GIVES A DAMN FOR THE VASES? WHAT ABOUT MY UTERUS?! NO, ALMIGHTY HEAD OF THE VOLTURI, SIR, NOTHING'S WRONG HERE! EXCEPT FOR LITTLE EDWACOB CARLIE CULLEN TRYING TO CHEW HIS WAY OUT THROUGH MY STOMACH!"
In the living room, at least, there was silence save for Bella's screaming and Edward's whimpering. Marcus gnawed on Caius's shoulder in utter contentment. Aro and Caius remained as unnervingly calm as always, even when Carisle tore through the room en route from kitchen to medical supply storage. Kitchen? I mentally paused for a moment, then vowed never to eat anything prepared at the Cullens' again, even if they did manage to get all the stains out.
"Why the hell do you drag me along on these things?" Caius asked, shooting a sidelong glare at his brother.
"Language, Caius," Aro corrected gently. "And really, now. Do you think I could abandon my family at home while I went gallivanting off to America?"
"Yeah, actually," I said, immediately regretting it.
Aro's smile gained an edge that made me violently want to change into the wolf on the spot. "Ah. Allow me to elaborate a tad, then. Do you think I could abandon my strongest allies at home while I went gallivanting off to America to await the birth of something that might endanger the secret of our existence?" That pseudo-twinkle was nearly frightening now. "I do not deny the Cullens are most powerful fighters. However..." He inclined his head towards Caius and Marcus - or, as I knew all too well, specifically Marcus. "I believe I have a trump card of my own."