It is what we make of it
No word yet on the thesis committee. On edge to the infinite power. Want to break down but can't due to guilt. Hate feeling like this. Want to go home and sleep until it's all over, but know that won't help.
Called mom asking for ok to put off graduating till summer. Got a "no," then a "do what you have to." Mixed signals are confusing. Hate being dismissed. Want someone to understand. Can't tell anyone how I feel -- too hard. Don't want to burden anyone else.
Can't talk to Tressa. Don't want to talk to Tressa. Don't have enough strength to shoulder her problems on top of everything else.
Heavy, heavy weights.
Want relief. Screaming sounds good, but don't want to disturb roommate or neighbors. Can't cry. Feel guilty if I cry. Wishing for a punching bag. Too much nervous energy and everything is already clean.
Have to read. Midterms this week. Presentation on Tuesday. World will either topple or become paradise on Tuesday.
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.
Sorry, no UnClean. More to feel guilty about.
Failing myself again. Wish brain would work for once the way it was meant to. God seems silent all of a sudden. Know He's not. Probably just waiting for me to shut the hell up and do something to help myself.
Not quite there yet. Feeling too weak.
Know it's not worth my mental or emotional health. Need to take it as it comes, but easier to say than do.
Stress not conducive to critical thinking. Too high-strung to meditate. No time to meditate. Wish cousin would return His and Her Circumstances dvds. Need a good laugh.
Going read Tuesday prosem assignment. Have paper to write afterwards.
- Kysra
Called mom asking for ok to put off graduating till summer. Got a "no," then a "do what you have to." Mixed signals are confusing. Hate being dismissed. Want someone to understand. Can't tell anyone how I feel -- too hard. Don't want to burden anyone else.
Can't talk to Tressa. Don't want to talk to Tressa. Don't have enough strength to shoulder her problems on top of everything else.
Heavy, heavy weights.
Want relief. Screaming sounds good, but don't want to disturb roommate or neighbors. Can't cry. Feel guilty if I cry. Wishing for a punching bag. Too much nervous energy and everything is already clean.
Have to read. Midterms this week. Presentation on Tuesday. World will either topple or become paradise on Tuesday.
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.
Sorry, no UnClean. More to feel guilty about.
Failing myself again. Wish brain would work for once the way it was meant to. God seems silent all of a sudden. Know He's not. Probably just waiting for me to shut the hell up and do something to help myself.
Not quite there yet. Feeling too weak.
Know it's not worth my mental or emotional health. Need to take it as it comes, but easier to say than do.
Stress not conducive to critical thinking. Too high-strung to meditate. No time to meditate. Wish cousin would return His and Her Circumstances dvds. Need a good laugh.
Going read Tuesday prosem assignment. Have paper to write afterwards.
- Kysra