Will the Ache Ever Go Away?
Day two since Chewy's death and I'm still alive. I somehow think this would all be easier if he had not died so violently. I keep seeing his little body thrashing around his cage and hearing my mom scream and wail, "OH CHEWY!!! NOOOO!!!" Then him just laying there, stretched out and still . . . possibly paralyzed.
It finally hit me today that if he HAD paralyzed himself, even if we had gotten him to the vet in time, I would have had to put him down. And then I think I would have preferred that because it would have been painless. It just fucking kills me every time I think about it (which is pretty much constantly) that he was suffering. He didn't deserve that. My baby was a good little furball. Not very obedient, but I rather liked that about him (when he wasn't being a nuisance).
My mom is still a wreck. It rained today and she asked me if I thought water was going to get to him. Then she asked if it was sick that she wanted to unbury him (she's been asking this every few hours) to make sure he was ok - that he was dry and undisturbed. I wish she would stop cuz every time she goes there I feel my hackles rise and I just want to scream at her that we all miss him but we have to accept that he's gone. She's just making it harder on all of us. I think it hurt her that dad put the old refrigerator in Chewy's corner (there was no where else to put it). It made me slightly uncomfortable but . . . I know he's gone. He had a good life. Longer than he would have had in the wilderness. He was our pampered darling, and yes, it is painful that he's gone but we have to keep going.
Somehow, those words ring hollow.
I called the Animal Care Clinic today. They were the second vet facility I called when Chewy started thrashing and the answering service told me, "We only take established clients." I told her, "Fuck you very much" and hung up. I was too frantic to argue, too scared to fight. I just wanted to find someone nearby to save him. And no one in my town could give me just a chance.
Anyway, like I said, I called Animal Care Clinic and - since I'm not a hothead by nature - I asked to make sure the answering service didn't give me pure bullshit:
Me: I'd like to inquire about your emergency policies.
Lady: I'm not sure what you mean.
Me: Who do you admit? Or when do you page the doctor?
Lady: We take any case.
Me: Any?
Lady: Yes.
So, I told her what happened Saturday and broke down crying while in the office on the phone. I told her I just could not fathom how someone could say something like that to a person who was obviously distressed about her pet's immediate health. The lady agreed and told me that they usually don't treat rabbits (hardly anyone does) but the answering service should have paged a doctor anyway. She took my name and number then said she would tell the doctor and "get this fixed." I told her it was to late to fix it in my case, but if some sick pet is saved cuz I told them about their fucking stupid answering service people, then I think Chewy would be happy.
God, I'm crying again. When does the hurt end?
I'm proud of myself that I didn't cry at his grave today. I made a promise to myself to visit at least once a day to just talk to him as if he had never been taken. I guess I was stupid to think that he would be around when I had my first child.
I want my Sweet pea back.
. . . . . . . .
Now, for a distraction:
Mary-Sue-Meme - Taken from rhapsody_dragon!
1. Go to the Elouai doll maker. ( http://elouai.com/doll-makers/candybar-doll-maker.php
)
2. Make an ordinary doll of yourself and save it.
3. Take that doll and,
leaving a couple things (nose, eyebrows, whatever) the same, Mary Sue yourself.
Make the most blatant Mary Sue you can conceive.
4. Post "Before" and "After"
in your LJ. Bonus points if your Sue has a backstory of some sort.
This would be me if I were about 80 pounds lighter. My hair doesn't have highlights in it and it flips out rather than in, but yeah, that looks pretty close to the original article. The background is rather similar to the bayou I live on . . . minus the duckies, plus massive amounts of Spanish moss and stray boat parts/garbage. Depite the fact that Chewy was not solid white, I felt the need to immortalize him in some small way.
Sandy-Sue is an international pop star who decides to enter into the student exchange program after a undefined hiatus, and wonder of all wonders, she ends up being placed in Tea Gardner's home!!! while Tea gets a send off to New York where she will spend loads of time in Sandy-Sue's penthouse! Meanwhile in Domino, Japan, Sandy-Sue - upon arrival - awes all the men in Tea's life (particularly her best friend, Yugi, who looks suspiciously like an Egyptian Pharoah of Sandy-Sue's dreams). Despite holding all the male attention, Sandy-Sue is befriended quite easily by every female student of Domino High cuz it's just impossible to hate someone so cool! Not only does she sing! She's a kickass dancer, a fabulous cook, does her own stunts, is on the cusp of a movie career, has mastered three forms of martial arts, is her own manager and accountant, runs several charities, has her own clothing and make-up line, and can speak five different languages fluently. Did I mention she's also a certified genius? And she used to be a model.
- Sandy
It finally hit me today that if he HAD paralyzed himself, even if we had gotten him to the vet in time, I would have had to put him down. And then I think I would have preferred that because it would have been painless. It just fucking kills me every time I think about it (which is pretty much constantly) that he was suffering. He didn't deserve that. My baby was a good little furball. Not very obedient, but I rather liked that about him (when he wasn't being a nuisance).
My mom is still a wreck. It rained today and she asked me if I thought water was going to get to him. Then she asked if it was sick that she wanted to unbury him (she's been asking this every few hours) to make sure he was ok - that he was dry and undisturbed. I wish she would stop cuz every time she goes there I feel my hackles rise and I just want to scream at her that we all miss him but we have to accept that he's gone. She's just making it harder on all of us. I think it hurt her that dad put the old refrigerator in Chewy's corner (there was no where else to put it). It made me slightly uncomfortable but . . . I know he's gone. He had a good life. Longer than he would have had in the wilderness. He was our pampered darling, and yes, it is painful that he's gone but we have to keep going.
Somehow, those words ring hollow.
I called the Animal Care Clinic today. They were the second vet facility I called when Chewy started thrashing and the answering service told me, "We only take established clients." I told her, "Fuck you very much" and hung up. I was too frantic to argue, too scared to fight. I just wanted to find someone nearby to save him. And no one in my town could give me just a chance.
Anyway, like I said, I called Animal Care Clinic and - since I'm not a hothead by nature - I asked to make sure the answering service didn't give me pure bullshit:
Me: I'd like to inquire about your emergency policies.
Lady: I'm not sure what you mean.
Me: Who do you admit? Or when do you page the doctor?
Lady: We take any case.
Me: Any?
Lady: Yes.
So, I told her what happened Saturday and broke down crying while in the office on the phone. I told her I just could not fathom how someone could say something like that to a person who was obviously distressed about her pet's immediate health. The lady agreed and told me that they usually don't treat rabbits (hardly anyone does) but the answering service should have paged a doctor anyway. She took my name and number then said she would tell the doctor and "get this fixed." I told her it was to late to fix it in my case, but if some sick pet is saved cuz I told them about their fucking stupid answering service people, then I think Chewy would be happy.
God, I'm crying again. When does the hurt end?
I'm proud of myself that I didn't cry at his grave today. I made a promise to myself to visit at least once a day to just talk to him as if he had never been taken. I guess I was stupid to think that he would be around when I had my first child.
I want my Sweet pea back.
. . . . . . . .
Now, for a distraction:
Mary-Sue-Meme - Taken from rhapsody_dragon!
1. Go to the Elouai doll maker. ( http://elouai.com/doll-makers/candybar-doll-maker.php
)
2. Make an ordinary doll of yourself and save it.
3. Take that doll and,
leaving a couple things (nose, eyebrows, whatever) the same, Mary Sue yourself.
Make the most blatant Mary Sue you can conceive.
4. Post "Before" and "After"
in your LJ. Bonus points if your Sue has a backstory of some sort.
This would be me if I were about 80 pounds lighter. My hair doesn't have highlights in it and it flips out rather than in, but yeah, that looks pretty close to the original article. The background is rather similar to the bayou I live on . . . minus the duckies, plus massive amounts of Spanish moss and stray boat parts/garbage. Depite the fact that Chewy was not solid white, I felt the need to immortalize him in some small way.
Sandy-Sue is an international pop star who decides to enter into the student exchange program after a undefined hiatus, and wonder of all wonders, she ends up being placed in Tea Gardner's home!!! while Tea gets a send off to New York where she will spend loads of time in Sandy-Sue's penthouse! Meanwhile in Domino, Japan, Sandy-Sue - upon arrival - awes all the men in Tea's life (particularly her best friend, Yugi, who looks suspiciously like an Egyptian Pharoah of Sandy-Sue's dreams). Despite holding all the male attention, Sandy-Sue is befriended quite easily by every female student of Domino High cuz it's just impossible to hate someone so cool! Not only does she sing! She's a kickass dancer, a fabulous cook, does her own stunts, is on the cusp of a movie career, has mastered three forms of martial arts, is her own manager and accountant, runs several charities, has her own clothing and make-up line, and can speak five different languages fluently. Did I mention she's also a certified genius? And she used to be a model.
- Sandy